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RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 2:37:35 PM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		i agree with you Mistress Firestorm, a good servant no matter what his/her problems should never be a burden on his /her Owners. he/she should give fully of himself/herself without any expectation of reward. Servants should give because that is what is expected and what is respectful. it comes down to attitude you dont let your depresssion overwhelm. i view life positively and dont allow my problems overwhelm me or get in the way of what im doing which at the moment is a postgrad diploma in IT
kevin

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 2:43:01 PM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		im afraid Camille i ll have to call a halt here. College calls in the morning and sleep calls definitely. So sincere apologies for using as the spokesperson for the group but it has been a very informative and i am very impressed with the response
Thank you all very much
good night
happy posting
kevin

(in reply to camille65)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 2:44:03 PM   
MarcEsadrian


Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for you?


Dull or brilliant, it depends upon what they use that capacity for. I do, however, hold the dominant party to a higher standard where intelligence is concerned.

If you mean mental problems, this all depends, of course. I tend to believe a good portion of such things are a result of environment and upbringing, not always biological realities in the person, and are often reversible. One might say some mental "problems" are actually beneficial in a D/s context. For instance, a dependant personality disorder translates well to the structure of consensual slavery, I believe. Mild narcissism tends to only be fed all the more in a sadistic beauty.

I believe robust examples of cognitive dissonance, sociopathic or bipolar disorders don't mix well with D/s, however. Those exhibiting such qualities should be avoided—in my opinion, of course.


< Message edited by MarcEsadrian -- 11/3/2008 3:22:59 PM >

(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 2:45:47 PM   
teensub


Posts: 135
Joined: 7/18/2007
Status: offline 		Why is it you don't think they mix well? Why do you think they should be avoided?

Just curious that is all

< Message edited by teensub -- 11/3/2008 2:48:48 PM >

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RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 2:56:01 PM   
MarcEsadrian


Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: teensub

Why is it you don't think they mix well? Why do you think they should be avoided?

Just curious that is all


Hi Teen,

I don't think they work well with the structure often necessary in D/s, much less slavery. I would never wish upon a submissive person a Keeper who exhibited the aforementioned tendencies, nor would I expect a Keeper to tolerate them in a servant.

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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 2:58:34 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Yes, current or past history of mental health problems would be a deal breaker for me, since I've had two partners who were mentally  screwed up, and one who was screwed up but wasn't medically diagnosed , and I have absolutely no desire ever to deal with any more mental problems in the future.


quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery
i would like to get more feedback on this. Ladies/Dommes/Doms, if you knew a potential servant had in the past or has now mental health problems would you refuse to recruit that person on the basis that he/she had mental health difficulties alone,

(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 3:17:24 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Neither mental or physical incapacity/disability is a deal breaker. The deal will depend on many issues some of which may be effected by incapacities and can usually be worked around if every thing else is acceptable to both parties. Like my Father before me, I take a long time to hige some one (or collar in this case) and even longer before I chose to release or fire them unless they request it. In effect once I accept responsibility for a person it is my duty to do all I can to make things work. If I hire or collar the wrong person the fault is mine and mine alone .

Having said that. there are some mental issues I will not touch either becaus the person requires too much nursing or atgtention, the cost financial is too great, or the personal is way to disruptive. naturally I will not consider a serial killer..


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(in reply to lobodomslavery)
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RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 3:19:48 PM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		"Mental incapacity' suggests to me something like being unconcious or comatous.  Depression is like anything else.  People are not perfect.  We all have our own Intolerables List, by whatever name we may call it.
 
I need intelligence in a partner.  Emotional intelligence, among other flavors.  Let's say I meet a Dom with Down's Syndrome. Could I submit to him?  Accept his collar? 
 
I am not sure.  Frankly, I don't know all that much about the syndrome, especially in adults.  So i suspend judgment.
 
By contrast, I truely despise the personality trait of 'being cheap'.  If we go out for coffee and he stiffs the waitress on her tip -- nope -- don't want to see him again.  That one I don't have to ponder.
 
Will a cheapskate Dom get the brush off by every other submissive?  I don't know, nor care much.  But I'd guess the answer is no.  
 
Anyone who tells you depression will make every Domme out there reject you is full of sh*t.  Dommes, like any other flavor of human, are not in lock-step. 
 
My advice is focus on what you want/need in a Domme; let the women you meet worry about what they may want/need in a submissive.

candystripper 

< Message edited by candystripper -- 11/3/2008 3:24:11 PM >

(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 3:43:37 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		Hi lobodomslavery,

I may be off base here, but I get the feeling you are looking for reassurance here, that you have a hope for fnding someone who will accept you, and not reject you.  (You may have shared that already, I haven't read the full thread, so I'm sorry if I'm way off base or redunant here).  I may be projecting, but when I found out I had a chronic disease that impacted my life, I became depressed, and felt as if I had nothing to offer anyone but problems and trouble.  I withdrew myself 'from the market' so to speak, because it was safer to want nothing than it was to risk being rejected.  I didn't want to be seen as weak or incapable etc...  Those thoughts were a slippery slope that was a struggle to overcome.  Actually, Camille sharing here on the boards, was something that helped me a great deal, so I do believe that the members of this forum have wisdom to offer you.  Just take what you can use, and leave the rest - don't become discouraged if someone says they can't commit to someone with depression, because that simply means THEY can't, not that no one can or even that most can't. 

Best wishes in your search and warm thoughts,

WinD


(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 3:59:52 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		As a person and as a clinician, I'm rather irked by the conceptualization of depression as a 'mental incapacity'.  A person would have to be severely depressed to thepoint ofnot being at all functional, to being actively suicidal, and/or be having psychosis as a result of hte depressive episode for me to begin to even think in that direction.  Now, the Axis 2 disorders (Mental retardation andpersonality disorders, if I am remembering my DSM correctly) would strike me as more accurately described in such a way but I'd still call it negativistic. 
I wouldn't rule out a potential partner on either or no side of the kneel inherently related to them having a mental health issue, as I'd hope they wouldn't me; if they can't accept me for who I am, they are not for me nor I them.  What they've done with it is super-important.  If they're wallowing in their misery, that could be a deal-breaker potentially.  If they're actively working on their issues, that is key. 
There is no 'perfect' and white picket fences worry the Hell out of me. 
  Davan

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RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 4:07:34 PM   
FetishRose


Posts: 212
Joined: 8/7/2008
Status: offline 		I think it depends on the mental incapacitation that the potential submissive has, and how they react and deal with it.  Someone who routinely self-mutilates out of pain or anger would be completely different, at least in my mind, from someone who has been in recovery from an eating disorder for a few years.

(in reply to Monkeyontuesday)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 4:21:41 PM   
hereyesruponyou


Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline 		I am one who sees mental incapacity in the more defined sense of diminished capacity. While depression and other mental health issues may lead to this in some few cases, i don't think it is assumed in any way. I think mental health issues as well as personality, character, physical characteristics, interests, etc are very individualized and there will always be people who are interested or ok with some things and not others. It's not a good/bad thing as you seem to want people to say. It's opinion.

My question to you or someone else in your position is do you want to be with someone who was not able to value you for who you are for any reason?

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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 5:15:36 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I see a mental incapacity much different than I do a mental illness.  A mental illness is something I would classify as such things as depression, anxiety, or personality disorders.  A mental incapacity would be something causing a barrier to cognitive thought, which could impair the ability to give informed consent.  If someone displayed that trait, I have every right to say that I would not accept that situation.






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(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 5:21:32 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

completely separate but sadly others do not discern the difference


Well, if you explain it and they don't listen tell 'em to piss off. I always like it when people ensure I know they're idiots, saves oodles of time.

You can do communicative things to lessen the impact, though. You can avoid using the word "suffer". Use "up" words, not "down" words. "I have depression". And you can guild the lily a little bit, say you have PTSD instead of depression, you wouldn't believe the number of acronymic synonyms. Jargon them to death

(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 5:27:39 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

Good evening folks. This arises out of a point a Domme made in relation to the last thread. She knows about my history of depression which i am presently almost fully recovered from.  However be that as it may She, stated that She would never recruit a slave or sub who had mental incapacities. i would like to get more feedback on this. Ladies/Dommes/Doms, if you knew a potential servant had in the past or has now mental health problems would you refuse to recruit that person on the basis that he/she had mental health difficulties alone, in my case it is irrelevant as She lives 6,000 miles from me, geographical distance alone excludes me and i accept that, but if a servant lived in your area would you refuse to recruit him/her as Your slave/sub based on this alone even if he/she was almost fully recovered from this. Do you share the view that a slave/sub who has or had in the past mental capacities but is now on the road to recovery is nonetheless mind wise permanently scarred, are they incapable of giving consent.  And subs/slaves of both genders would you refuse to serve a Mistress if you found out that She had in the past or has now mental health difficulties. Just thought id throw this out to the group. Finally Dommes/Dom if you recruited a servant and discovered down the line that he/she had developed depression or became depressed in service, would this be just cause for dismissal and subs slaves male/female would you leave a Mistress if you discovered She had mental health problems.


Your diatribe was somewhat extensive...I prefer to go with your header.

No...mental "incapacity" in a person is not a deal breaker for me.

Because, your definition is not likely to be mine.

You're 30.

I'm 50.

Not that I would take...or encourage others to take someone into their life, that was incapacitated.

But...your definition is not mine.

I'm certain mine isn't yours.

Unless we're both talking PhD to PhD...I'll have to assume that you deem someone incapacitated as someone who doesn't meet your taste of reality.

Most of what I prefer in this life...is vastly different from my family's.  They raised me well.  I would very much prefer to believe they're sane.

Most of my relationship choices have been, no doubt, determined (by them...my family) as being less (sane).

I'm quite happy with my choices.  Even as they haven't worked out as well as I'd prefer.

I've learned a lot from those choices.  More than I'd have learned from having chosen "safely".






(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 6:12:25 PM   
leakylee


Posts: 747
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline 		i havent read the responses.

being bi-polar i personally feel that it is up to each person to choose independently. some people are not comfortable with what they are view as 'mental defiencies'. of course in my opinion, it is up the individual to do what is neccesary to maintain thier mental health to the best of thier ablity. the other factor to throw into this, is just like any another health issue, someone involved, intimately, becomes part of the bigger picture, part of the support network. they can be benefitual or determiental. again, i feel that is up to the individual to determine for thier own health, but it also is something that a partner should be free to take on. it is thier choice.

being that you are proactive in your own interest is wonderful. i would gladly welcome tha into my life. i am a bit biased though. a bi-polar dominant scares me. dual and likened conditions, i dont know about the mix. a bit of conflicting issues, alot would greatly depend on the person.

smooches
lee

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RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 6:29:45 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Davan, I tend to be in agreement with you. One of the reasons I stay away from a clinical responced is due to there being a likelyhood of either people with psych training or experience wanting to enter into a clinical debate or those who haven't a clue wanting to misinterperate. I tend to find that working my experience lifestyle wise allows me to give possibly better replies.. 

< Message edited by IronBear -- 11/3/2008 6:30:11 PM >

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Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 6:32:56 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		kevin, I would consider someone with a history of depression to be likely higher maintenance than someone without that history.  Not exactly a deal breaker.



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RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 7:00:23 PM   
Celene


Posts: 158
Joined: 12/28/2007
Status: offline 		Like many have already stated mental illness or health and mental capability or incapacity seem to be very different things.
What remains (always) a deal breaker is whether or not there was full disclosure. I don't want someone blurting out that they are a sub and they are 'sick', but I expect to be able to talk and learn of the 'disorders' in their life in a relatively short period of time.
Lying by omission is a big no-no. And definitely a deal breaker.
Of course some truths may set you free faster than others.

edit: when did I become "curious"er?

< Message edited by Celene -- 11/3/2008 7:02:51 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 7:12:01 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		When I read "Mental Incapacity" I immediately thought of a person who actually suffered from mental retardation, or was otherwise handicapped...

Depression would not be a problem for me, as long as they did not use it as a crutch for dramawhoring. That, unfortunately, seems to be a theme among people I meet. (Eeee, I'm depressed, I'm going to go pout in the corner with my phone instead of  doing the job I was hired to do!)


< Message edited by Lynnxz -- 11/3/2008 7:28:02 PM >

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