Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: why cant people find each other


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: why cant people find each other Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/3/2008 5:55:04 PM   
Lilith13


Posts: 20
Joined: 11/2/2008
From: Takoma Park, Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

no BDSM aisle in Borders

Oddly enough, there is in mine! It's a short aisle, more of a nook really--which is even better.

Here's how it happened: the store is irregularly shaped and the Sexuality section is in a series of little nooks in an odd corner. BDSM takes up one of those nooks. It's delightful.



P.S. For me the tool section in a hardware store makes more of a BDSM aisle. Ooooh.

< Message edited by Lilith13 -- 11/3/2008 5:57:04 PM >

_____________________________

Feels so good, it must be wrong.

(in reply to antipode)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/3/2008 5:55:07 PM   
MasterVirago


Posts: 103
Joined: 10/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: simpleplan2

Nothing wrong with us.  "Regular" folk have trouble finding each other.  Add kink in the mix and it makes the "pool" that much smaller.  I happen to think it's more because we live in a disposable society.  Few want to take the time and trouble to make a relationship work.  It seems many just move on when the going gets touch.


Man oh man, add 'Black' and 'lesbian' and the pool gets even smaller.

(in reply to simpleplan2)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/3/2008 5:56:59 PM   
impishlilhellcat


Posts: 4379
Joined: 3/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

hi,

ive been wondering this for a while - i was browsing through the many people seeking partners on fet life, alt. bondage, here - so many people looking for people.  interests arent that far apart, distance may have a bearing, compatibility of course, sexual attraction is important too.  but why is it that so many people are looking and still looking when there are so many people out there looking for more or less the same thing.

on the whole we are all regular folk, with regular lives, looking for someone to connect with.  so why, when there are so many singles in this lifestyle, that so few seem to find what they are looking for.

whats wrong with us? seriously - i just dont understand it.


Some people have been through a lot and are scared to move onto something new. Some are cautious, some like playing the field, and some are just really picky/ choosey. You want what you want. If you plan on having a long term relationship with someone wouldn't you rather be happy than wanting, wishing, or trying to change someone into something you want rather than just waiting it out for that person that already fits the mold?

_____________________________

Anyone who says they have only one life to live must not know how to read a book - Unknown

(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/3/2008 5:59:13 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		If you can't find someone and it's a problem to you, I suggest you look inward. As the original poster said, there are many similar folks out there.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to impishlilhellcat)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/3/2008 5:59:53 PM   
lilmisssubmiss


Posts: 284
Joined: 9/29/2008
Status: offline 		Eh...ummm probably for the same reason why everyone you meet in real life you don't date. Sure people might be looking for the same interests...but seriously when it comes down to it to find the right person who you get along together great with who is dating matrial somtimes that isn't exactly easy to find just because someone is looking for the same thing as you doesn't mean you two actually fit well together.
IDK common sense really.

(in reply to Fnordstrum)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/3/2008 6:00:52 PM   
leakylee


Posts: 747
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline 		i dont see much 'wrong' with us. it is just like any other situation. philos, kinks, fetishes, fantasies, morals, prefernces and needs in dynamics, motivations, it all plays a part. i find that the more open i become in those areas the smaller my pool becomes. throw in distance, relocation ablity, public vs private, it all combines to say who you are, and who you end up being compatible with. age-range, preconcived notions, standards, and expections, can take a pond to a dern mud puddle. oh and lets not forget finding someone with luggage to match your baggage.

it can all add up to muddle your brain. i opt to enjoy life, not sweat it. it will happen sooner or later. til then, take the opprotunites life throws out, to live and learn.

smooches
lee

_____________________________

I am so not right, that I left..

(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/3/2008 6:15:01 PM   
ThatDaveGuy69


Posts: 978
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		simplan:
A Freudian slip?

"when the going gets touch"

For me, when the going gets touch, that's the best part!  :D

~Dave


_____________________________

He said I'd blown a seal. I said fix the damn thing and leave my private life out of this!
What happens in the event horizon STAYS in the Event Horizon!
I have zero tolerance for Zero Tolerance

(in reply to StayOfExecution)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/3/2008 6:27:04 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		I think it really depends on what you're looking for and if you're the 'settling' sort. 
Magic between people relationally speaking isn't a common place thing, imo.  People ought cherish it more than they often seem to. 
But, there is magic!  :>
Davan

< Message edited by DavanKael -- 11/3/2008 6:43:16 PM >

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to StayOfExecution)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/3/2008 6:32:06 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

whats wrong with us? seriously - i just dont understand it.

For the most part, and in a word... insecurity.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/3/2008 6:48:48 PM   
theobserver


Posts: 456
Joined: 8/18/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Fnordstrum


quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

hi,

ive been wondering this for a while - i was browsing through the many people seeking partners on fet life, alt. bondage, here - so many people looking for people. interests arent that far apart, distance may have a bearing, compatibility of course, sexual attraction is important too. but why is it that so many people are looking and still looking when there are so many people out there looking for more or less the same thing.

on the whole we are all regular folk, with regular lives, looking for someone to connect with. so why, when there are so many singles in this lifestyle, that so few seem to find what they are looking for.

whats wrong with us? seriously - i just dont understand it.



For me personally, distance is the main issue I come across... for some reason it seems nobody I talk to online, on any site and for any reason, happens to live close to me. (This is made a lot worse by the fact that I don't drive, don't have much of an interest in the whole driving / getting a car / etc thing)... But there are people I've talked to that seem pretty cool, etc, but live on the other side of the country (far enough so that even if I did drive it'd be kind of far)

Why it is that I have a much easier time finding people far away than close.. Well I could hypothesize, but, really I don't know.

And as far as people in general, even if people on the surface seem to share similar interests / etc, people in general are probably more picky, picky about things that might not be mentioned in their profiles/etc... and of course even if a ton of people share the same interests, it's possible none of them are physically attracted to each other.

Fnord.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤


I'll cosign to this!

(in reply to Fnordstrum)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/3/2008 7:07:28 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

(sighs) I dunno. I keep swimming around in the 'pool' screaming Marco!  but I haven't heard anyone respond with POLO!  yet.


you see, youre a perfect example of wtf - so pretty and that winsome look - shrugs.

it shouldnt have to be so hard with so many out there - i just think something isnt working is all.


That's very sweet of you to say, thank you for the compliment.  In all fairness, to your post, I can't say that I've been seriously or actively looking.  Even when I have, it hasn't really been that long, just seems like it because I'm a want it yesterday kinda gal. 

(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/3/2008 7:33:14 PM   
mc1234


Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3
it is the chemistry thing, always - i spose in a club you see how a person is before you even get to talk to them, by then youve already established an attraction, body language, clothes, attitude tell you if youre going to like them.


I think you're absolutely right - in person meeting takes the guessing game out of a lot of it. 

quote:

i agree that its better to be happy and on your own than with the wrong person and these things cant be rushed.  just seems to me there are alot of people holding out for the holy grail and maybe restricting their options in the process.


I'm definitely selective, and just now after a few years, coming to an understanding of what it is I need out of a D/s relationship.  Perhaps that's part of it too - there's the mystical 'One' being sought, yet some people don't even know what their 'One' would be like, setting them back into the dating pool time and again because things just don't work out.  It's difficult at times.  But I do think a similar thing happens in vanilla dating with everyone searching for the ideal, but ignoring the really good thing just around the bend to get there. 

(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/3/2008 7:33:41 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		Just because someone has the same kinks and the correct sexual attraction doesn't mean anything. In fact I regard it as really meaning nothing. They could want kids, not want kids, already have kids, want something short-term, long-term - so many hundreds of factors and there is just plain 'ol attraction.

And BDSM isn't the only place where people are "having trouble". Good old fashioned paid matchmakers are starting to make a comeback. I once read a very interesting article that suggested that, because people are more spread out, the old social networks through which people were introduced to suitable people by others who knew them well are dying out and that is part of the problem. Internet dating sites wouldn't be buying primetime ads on TV if there weren't hundreds of thousands of "vanilla" people trying to find true love.

I don't think we have a disposable society though. I think we have a society where people don't put up a facade of happiness for the comfort of others while having a secret something on the side.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/3/2008 7:44:53 PM   
worshippingyou


Posts: 13
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		In addition to the other great points made here, I couldn't help noticing the enormous surplus of sub males and the scaricty of dominant women.  I reckon that's got something to do with the frustration here.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/3/2008 7:51:40 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I assure you, there are many dominant women out here!  There is not a surplus of "sub" males, there is a surplus of fetish seeking self serving men who are blocking the view of the decent male submissives who deserve our attention.

I am picky, and I want what I NEED.  At this point in my life, I am not going to settle for less.  If I come out of the game with friends only, it will still be worth it.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to worshippingyou)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/3/2008 7:53:39 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Holy smoke, Aqua!  That pic is fan-tas-tic!

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/3/2008 7:54:27 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I assure you, there are many dominant women out here!  There is not a surplus of "sub" males, there is a surplus of fetish seeking self serving men who are blocking the view of the decent male submissives who deserve our attention.

I am picky, and I want what I NEED.  At this point in my life, I am not going to settle for less.  If I come out of the game with friends only, it will still be worth it.


Damn right!  You go Ladybug! 

WinD
Self-proclaimed Head Cheerleader of the Lady(bug)Habiscus Fan Club

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/3/2008 8:05:46 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Holy smoke, Aqua!  That pic is fan-tas-tic!


Awww *blushes* Thank you. Pun intended even?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/3/2008 8:08:30 PM   
worshippingyou


Posts: 13
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I assure you, there are many dominant women out here!  There is not a surplus of "sub" males, there is a surplus of fetish seeking self serving men who are blocking the view of the decent male submissives who deserve our attention.

I am picky, and I want what I NEED.  At this point in my life, I am not going to settle for less.  If I come out of the game with friends only, it will still be worth it.


Damn right!  You go Ladybug! 

WinD
Self-proclaimed Head Cheerleader of the Lady(bug)Habiscus Fan Club


I think I can see your point...  nearly every Domme profile on this site complains of the deluge of chat invites and one-liner emails from sub men.  Shame.

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/3/2008 8:11:13 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I assure you, there are many dominant women out here!  There is not a surplus of "sub" males, there is a surplus of fetish seeking self serving men who are blocking the view of the decent male submissives who deserve our attention.

I am picky, and I want what I NEED.  At this point in my life, I am not going to settle for less.  If I come out of the game with friends only, it will still be worth it.


Damn right!  You go Ladybug! 

WinD
Self-proclaimed Head Cheerleader of the Lady(bug)Habiscus Fan Club


w0000000000000t!!  I got a cheerleader!!! 

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: why cant people find each other Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078