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RE: why cant people find each other - 11/3/2008 9:06:19 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		As someone who goes to public bdsm parties and such, who has met any number of people from CM and has been doing this silly stuff for a very long time, chemistry between couples, the magic sort that just seems, well magic is a rare thing.  I have seen lots of couples, lots of relationships but most don't have the sort of magic where you see their face light up when their partner enters the room, or the lilt in their voice as they describe some shared moment, or other shared chemistry. 

So you have lots of people here looking and you will always have that, some because they are clueless nitwits, some perhaps because they live in small community, others because they are unlucky or even unready.

(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/3/2008 9:57:41 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Pooh, Michael, you agreed that the magic is a rare thing.  I was pretending for a few minutes that I was just being jaded rather than correct, as I know my previous assertion and now yours to be.  < sigh > 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/3/2008 10:13:45 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Oh, but being rare means it is possible, that it exists.  One of the things I love about CM is how many people here have that sort of magic.  Merc and his 2X21 year old HOTTIE are certainly one, KOM is three, Leadership and Carol, my friends Rick and tina, and Cuffkinks and hejira although in that case that is BSB's opinion as I haven't met them.  There are lots and lots of other ones on here as well.   Hell, despite the break between BSB and I, we STILL have that sort magic with each other.  So, yeah it is rare, but IS out there.  It does happen so don't lose hope. 

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/3/2008 10:51:11 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

i dont know if vanilla sites are any more successful, ive never gone on one. 


Going from what my non-D/s friends have said (they use match.com, eHarmony, etc.), I would say no, they're not more successful.

It was said before but I'll repeat it. You're trying to match two (or more) unique personalities, each with its set of baggage, issues, preferences, history, hopes for the future, etc. Chemistry is a huge factor. You can take two people and have a perfect match on paper, but put them together and it's oil and water.

It exists, though, that chemistry. It's all the more special when you find it.

And Aquatic Sub, I'll also add that I just LOVE the new photo!!!

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Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/4/2008 12:19:23 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		-fr (I only read page one)

Your OP seems a bit off base and is akin to someone standing in an airport wondering why no one was at home.  When you survey singles dating sites, you should expect to find that a majority of the members are singles seeking.  It is a very biased sample of the BDSM community and does not support your presumption that there are anymore “singles in this lifestyle” than any other lifestyle and we have something “wrong with us”.

Many people enjoy being single whether they are in or out of the BDSM lifestyle and they haunt singles sites to help enrich their dating experiences.  Most of my friends in the lifestyle (or out) have partners.  I gravitate to like-minded people so I get along best with the partnered TPE crowd.  Since the age of 15 I have had 38 years of lifestyle relationships.  Collectively I have been single for less than 10% of that time.  I think the amount of single people in the lifestyle is proportinate, whether it is that they are single by choice because they like it or they are seeking LTR partners.


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(in reply to StayOfExecution)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/4/2008 12:35:46 AM   
WannaSPOON


Posts: 47
Joined: 12/26/2006
Status: offline 		POLO

Edit: I was surprised no one took that chance to say polo. Anyway, now that I've read and can reply I will say that I'm only half-looking right now. I try to find people with whom I can talk and connect, but the timing is pretty terrible for me right now. I'm on that cusp between college and real life and I am trying to figure out what to do with said life. I don't really know where I want to live, what I want to do nor with whom -- if anyone -- I want to do those things. There are people out there for me, I know that, I am starting to realize more every day just how unprepared I am for being with those people and I think that is contributing to why I haven't find them and they me.

I just have to keep making myself happy and enjoy things as they come.

< Message edited by WannaSPOON -- 11/4/2008 1:10:36 AM >

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/4/2008 12:54:27 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Lally, you are on a dating site, albeit a BDSM one.  The reason that people are single in the majority here is because it is a dating site.  There is no big conspiracy about it.  People aren't any more insecure or clueless than they are away from a dating site.
 
If you look at the forum side, the majority are in a relationship - whether poly or not.  So yes people do find each other.
 
the.dark.

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(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/4/2008 1:36:22 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		LMAO at 'standing in an airport wondering why no one was at home'.
 
What a turn of phrase,  he he.
 
*Smiles*
 
candystripper 

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/4/2008 1:41:13 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
And Aquatic Sub, I'll also add that I just LOVE the new photo!!!


Thank you!

Btw, who do you know who got approved for eHarmony? I tried after reading an article for a women's magazine on dating sides that said the author was rejected. I was too. Something about being unstable.

Edited because I shouldn't be typing this late at night...

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 11/4/2008 1:47:19 AM >

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(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/4/2008 2:36:53 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		Well, looking for 'more or less the same thing' doesn't mean 'looking for YOU'.

If I had an ad, and M had an ad, we'd have skipped right over each other. Nothing written in a profile or advert could have prepared either of us for what we got.

agirl



(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/4/2008 3:00:41 AM   
dreamysubmale


Posts: 204
Joined: 4/7/2007
Status: offline 		Maybe we place too much emphasis on whether our kinks, fetishes, fantasies are compatible and forget to look past them and see the real person?

Maybe we concentrate too much on contacting potential partners only instead of opening ourselves up for all kinds of acquaintances and potential friendships.

Who know… my humble opinion anyways.


Please excuse me if there is any bad grammar. English is my second language.

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/4/2008 3:21:13 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		If you're viewing someone as a 'potential' something, you have an agenda and that often limits you getting to know them as a whole.

Everyone, of course, is more than the sum of their interest in D/s or bdsm and no matter how much your 'kinks or interests' align, you still are faced with a man or a woman.

agirl



(in reply to dreamysubmale)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/4/2008 5:18:13 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		speaking only for me and not the majority of  "us"

i can be picky and selective when i was looking.  i'm not going to settle for quantity ...i want quality. when searching, friendship, compatiblity, and trust as well as chemistry and similar interests had to be well established if there's going to be a relationship. yes, i've had my share of frogs and made hasty mistakes in the process which ended badly however i didn't give up.

it worked when Daddy found me two years ago

it worked when my pet and i rekindled our relationship this year.

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(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/4/2008 6:27:46 AM   
MasterRobert1


Posts: 225
Joined: 7/18/2005
Status: offline 		As important as chemistry and connecting are in vanilla relationships, it is even more important in a D/s BDSM relationship. Not only do you have the normal connections to establish (do I like his/her looks, do we have things in common and to talk about, et cetera) but there also has to be that kinky connection too. It's like passing through the eyes of two needles. It is simply more difficult for Doms and subs to hook up because there are so many things that have to line up properly, so many gears that have to mess. BDSM and D/s are very complicated machinery, and nothing is going to change that.

(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/4/2008 6:28:49 AM   
StevenTeal


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/10/2008
Status: offline 		I find that alot of responses lately, are from people who dont really want to hook up, but they do want you to go to a pay-for-use site and sign up. They use the excuse that they are interested in you, but you need to go to another website that they specify, in order to connect up to them. So, what is wrong with talking here, or in the email that they sent to you in the first place? DO some people really want to connect, or are they really just spamming?

Beats me, I know most people on this site are really looking, but, I am finding it hard to connect up too. Sure, I have my standards, and am finding it hard to find the right person. But, like some of yousaid, maybe alot of the 'seekers' have already found someone?


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make it hurt so good...

(in reply to StayOfExecution)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/4/2008 7:28:36 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

Btw, who do you know who got approved for eHarmony? I tried after reading an article for a women's magazine on dating sides that said the author was rejected. I was too. Something about being unstable.



A male friend in Texas got "in", after, in my opinion, an exhausting and extensive application (which he solicited my help in filling out), and a female co-worker used the site, years ago. Most I know use match, but have had little success. A lot of "one-date-wonders" as we call them, but not much more than that.

Oh and you think people are rude and picky here?? Two very good looking female friends both have countless stories of walking into a restaurant, seeing their date, seeing an obviously disappointed look on their date's face, and hearing, "Oh you weren't what I was expecting at ALL." (Even after a photo exchange). It is the experience of these friends that most are looking for casual dates and/or fuck-buddies.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/4/2008 7:41:04 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael
Pooh, Michael, you agreed that the magic is a rare thing.  I was pretending for a few minutes that I was just being jaded rather than correct, as I know my previous assertion and now yours to be.  < sigh > 


Just for the record (and also because I love the rare opportunities to disagree with Michael), I disagree.  My own opinion is that we go through our lives meeting people constantly that might've been "the one" (OK, now I need to take a shower for typing that phrase).  I don't think the question is so much whether or not we meet such people, but whether or not we notice that it happened.  I mean seriously, today I'll probably spend the entire day in my house and maybe just take a walk or two outside for some sunshine and I bet I'll meet 10 women today.  On a more extroverted day, that number might well go up to 50.  Let's just average that out to somewhere around 10,000 women a year that I am meeting.  But how many of them did I actually notice?  And, perhaps even more importantly, am I in the life condition that would be attractive to the woman that I am hoping to attract?



_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/4/2008 7:46:06 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

am I in the life condition that would be attractive to the woman that I am hoping to attract?


OOH, such a brutal and honest mirror is that!

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/4/2008 10:43:10 AM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		I agree totally, Michael, that there is hope.  I also agree that it is rare and, as I asserted, ought be cherished more than it oft-times is. 
Leadership, hmmmmm, perhaps we are talking about different things.  I mean magic, true magic between people.  Rare connection.  While I agree that there are a lot of potential fits for folks out there, I think the number with which there is true magic is lesser. 
Still an optimist, though. 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/4/2008 10:48:02 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		~~adding to Leadership's post....

And how often do we think we have found someone, but the other person does not feel the same way?  Far too often, if you're me!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 60
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