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RE: why cant people find each other - 11/5/2008 6:57:28 PM   
Jeptha


Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

quote:

ORIGINAL: tornaway

I'm wondering why you would interpret what you see as meaning there is something wrong with anyone ? As was pointed out , you're reading the "seeking" profiles - so of course those will be the ones that haven't found their one ( or more ) yet !

How 'bout reading through the "Positive experiences" section on this message board to help balance your findings ???? Duh.


how about reading through more of the thread before writing irrelevance - might balance your findings.

this is about those that dont find whilst seeking for a multitude of reasons and the point of posing a question is to have your conundrum answered, and it has been, very eloquently because on the whole there are some incredibly intelligent people on here who take the trouble to respond intelligently. there are exceptions, you being one of them.
In addition, many peeps mention outright how frustrating their search is in their ad, or say "trying this again" in a somewhat pessimistic manner. (Hmmm, maybe there's part of what might make things difficult..)

It seems kind of hard, because you have to deal with strangeness and exercise judgment and discernment, which can be a bit like work. And the success ratio isn't all that high; something ventured does not necessarily equal something gained (except experience.) So, delayed rewards; and add to that that you might have to deal with rejection - or feeling ignored. It takes patience.

So - I don't think it's that hard, as much as it just takes patience and perseverance.


< Message edited by Jeptha -- 11/5/2008 6:59:22 PM >

(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 101
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/9/2008 8:19:33 PM   
sultryone


Posts: 46
Joined: 10/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

(sighs) I dunno. I keep swimming around in the 'pool' screaming Marco!  but I haven't heard anyone respond with POLO!  yet.


Haha!  That made me laugh!  So true though, finding the right one feels like finding a needle in the haystack...

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)
Profile   Post #: 102
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/9/2008 8:55:25 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		Even though I've been on CM for a year, I've made very little effort to connect with men.  I've had my profile hidden for weeks at a time because I couldn't be bothered to look, and my profile clearly states that I won't be looking until after the new year.  Frankly, I'd be more surprised if I had met someone.

(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/9/2008 11:05:30 PM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		I find it actually *is* a lot like work and many times in my life I just don't have time to be bothered looking.  Now happens to be a time that I do have time.  

(in reply to Jeptha)
Profile   Post #: 104
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/10/2008 12:36:40 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline 		Sometimes I think lifestyle people are just to difficult to be with :P..
I never met ..mm...some one average on here...they were always "special" in some kind of way. Either their situation..or their personality.
Special..beeing interesting and good though..but also making it harder for the relation that was evolving.

(in reply to moonvine)
Profile   Post #: 105
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/10/2008 1:38:43 AM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		Another reason is it seems no one wants to be the first to email.  Dominants seem to think it is the submissives place to email them first and submissives seem to think it is the dominants place to email them first.  (This of course being a generality and as with all generalities exceptions will occur).

(in reply to JustDarkness)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/10/2008 2:01:36 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline 		That is true also. A long while back..it was ä online rule (kinda thingy) for a s never to contact the D.
Guess it changed now, but still many wait to be found.

(in reply to moonvine)
Profile   Post #: 107
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/10/2008 2:14:17 AM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		I don't pay much attention to "online rules."  I contact who I want to....but I have found that I have better luck when the D-type contacts me first.  Of course I could wait forever for that to happen:)

(in reply to JustDarkness)
Profile   Post #: 108
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/10/2008 2:28:09 AM   
lally3


Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		it can get soul destroying too - when you do end up finding yourself in contact with someone, knowing full well, that in truth they are far to far away and in the long term and even in the short term it just wont work.

i forget how huge america is - that if i was in the east and if they were in the west it would be impossible, but even here in england, someone even 100 miles away is a pain. 

i agree with JD that there are loads of really special people on here and on other sites - part of why i asked this question - maybe its just luck, geography and opportunity that decides things in the end.

_____________________________

even doves have pride (Prince)

(in reply to moonvine)
Profile   Post #: 109
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/10/2008 2:29:59 AM   
MstrPBK


Posts: 573
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline 		Personal Biased Stupid Opinion here:

People can not find their partners because they expect to find their perfect partner. What they ought to be doing is remembering what they want as a perfect partner and looking for 2 steps below that.

Even I have courageously high standards. The pie in the sky list for me looks like:

  • that they be non-smokers, non-drinkers, non-drug-users ...
  • that they be non-whites (preferably black) ...
  • that they be skilled; or be willing to be skilled; in computer programming...
  • that they be trained in disability awareness (see my profile's journal entries) ...

Having set those expectations ... I realize I probably will not get one person who has all of that ...

MstrPBK
ST. Paul, MN

(in reply to moonvine)
Profile   Post #: 110
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/10/2008 2:35:36 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: moonvine

I don't pay much attention to "online rules."  I contact who I want to....but I have found that I have better luck when the D-type contacts me first.  Of course I could wait forever for that to happen:)


me too. I often mention it in my profile too...that every one can contact me...for what ever reason.

(in reply to moonvine)
Profile   Post #: 111
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/10/2008 2:39:11 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3
maybe its just luck, geography and opportunity that decides things in the end.


i think so too. Sometimes I forget that..and look forcefully. Then I get pissed..lol..to learn...that the right time/one will come (hopefully)

(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 112
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/10/2008 3:17:24 AM   
pompeii


Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline 		I've not had as much success with CM as with CL and I'm not sure why as CM is so very nicely focused on the folks that enjoy similar proclivities. Yet, CL seems, by far, to be much more productive, notwithstanding the fact that CL ads last nary a week. In fact, of the three or so folks conversed with on CM, I've only met a single one whereas on CL, I've met ten times that in the same amount of time. Sigh. It is what it is. If it weren't for the discussion groups, I'da' left CM long ago. Sigh.

Pompeii

(in reply to JustDarkness)
Profile   Post #: 113
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/10/2008 4:57:44 AM   
lally3


Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		whats CL - havent heard of that one before

_____________________________

even doves have pride (Prince)

(in reply to pompeii)
Profile   Post #: 114
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/10/2008 10:18:46 AM   
Fnordstrum


Posts: 164
Joined: 2/14/2006
Status: offline 		My guess is that CL == Craigslist.

Fnord.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

_____________________________

Power = Work / Time
Knowledge is Power and Time is Money, so
Knowledge = Work / Money, and Money = Work / Knowledge
Therefore, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity (regardless of work done), and vice versa.

(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 115
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/10/2008 10:57:17 AM   
littleoneis20


Posts: 7
Joined: 3/13/2008
Status: offline 		Maybe i am just to picky, or maybe we look for what we cant find.

(in reply to StayOfExecution)
Profile   Post #: 116
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/10/2008 11:03:52 AM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		yep craigslist

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 117
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/10/2008 9:15:30 PM   
Midnght


Posts: 98
Joined: 4/24/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		I'm going to put this very simply.
Internet dating is damn near impossible.
Notice I didn't say it was, just damn near.

There's far to many people who are looking and who are being sought and the wishes of both tend to not coincide.
Also those being sought are being hounded by jerks, asswholes, one night standers etc etc till they simply give up and stop all together.
You want to meet like minded folk like this go find the local scene and I don't mean the bar.
Get out there hang out at the local dungeon if you seem like a scary stalker, talk to people get to know them.
Do all the things you did when you were in school to meet friends.
Develop relations from there.
Then see if one of those friends is willing to play or let you play with their partner so you can show your stuff.

Don't be a know it all either take advice and criticism or better yet ask for some guidance in whatever you do.

There's these dynamics out there and they go in a lot of ways but the basic ones boil down like this.

The uninitiated want to play as subs they need guidance and those who know are either unwilling to deal with teaching or considered to ugly fat what have you.
Those new doms think they know it all tend to hurt some one and never get played with again develop bad reps because they won't take advice.

Word gets around about how you are good or bad. If you find yourself with out playmates ask yourself why? Ask others why. You might need to correct some problems you didn't think you had.

You want a full time relationship then work on it like everyone else has to. Or get a mail order bride. Cause normally in life it's not just a quick hope to moving in at first glance unless you paid for them like cattle.

But by all means get off the computer and meet people for real. Don't try to talk em into meeting you as MANY love their online fantasy world. You want more go find it and have the tenacity to not give up and crawl back into your cave.

P.S. if anyone feels the need to defend themselves from this post consider why you feel how you do. Because this is not meant at any person this a general post on a general issue. You're own personal life if you go out or not is ultimately on your head to deal with.
M


< Message edited by Midnght -- 11/10/2008 9:18:23 PM >

_____________________________

New opinions are always suspected, and usually opposed, without any other reason but because they are not common. — John Locke, English empiricist philosopher (1632-1704)

I'll lift you up like the sweetest angel, then tear you down like a whore.

(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 118
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/10/2008 9:41:20 PM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		I have no desire to "play" publicly with "friends" or strangers, ever - or anyone else, for that matter.  I like to keep my private life private.  I have met people for real here on CM.  One was not a match, one I had a short term relationship with, and one we are in negotiations.  So yes, I do meet people off the computer, just not in the way you suggest.  And it does take work, I wish it did not!

I would imagine there are those who still live in BFE where there is no local dungeon, as well. 



(in reply to Midnght)
Profile   Post #: 119
RE: why cant people find each other - 11/10/2008 10:31:37 PM   
Midnght


Posts: 98
Joined: 4/24/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		BFE is the best to build one. };>) Like field of dreams y aknow.
If you build it they will come.


_____________________________

New opinions are always suspected, and usually opposed, without any other reason but because they are not common. — John Locke, English empiricist philosopher (1632-1704)

I'll lift you up like the sweetest angel, then tear you down like a whore.

(in reply to moonvine)
Profile   Post #: 120
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