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RE: why cant people find each other - 12/4/2008 12:41:30 PM   
kidwithknife


Posts: 193
Joined: 9/9/2008
Status: offline 		It's not that complicated to explain for myself, as far as I'm concerned.

I dislike a large percentage of humanity.

Therefore, the number of people I am compatible with just as friends is pretty small.

And the number of people I could actually have a relationship with is statistically insignificant.

(in reply to AssPlayer)
Profile   Post #: 141
RE: why cant people find each other - 12/4/2008 9:58:12 PM   
Aszhrae


Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline 		In a word, people are looking for their ""perfect"" dominant, or their ""perfect"" sub/slave.
It is the same with the singles ad. Then of course there are the absolutes: absolute this or absolute that, you must be this or you must be that.


(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 142
RE: why cant people find each other - 12/4/2008 10:09:54 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		I have not read any of the replies so what I say is probably something that has already been said.

There is nothing wrong with us other than the fact that many....not all...but many don't really understand what it is that THEY THEMSELVES are really looking for. They see whips, chains, girls/boys kneeling naked 24/7/365...they see sex 24/7/365...they see 'perfection' . Seeking perfection is unrealistic and in the long run, makes for one very lonely and frustrating life.

What they are missing is that instead of looking for perfection; they should instead be looking for that one person or persons who are 'perfect' for them in all ways.

Compatibility wise, emotional wise, mentally wise, healthy wise, goal wise....when you find  someone who closely matches you in these areas, then you are one step closer to finding that one person who fits YOU.

Just my thoughts on the issue.

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 143
RE: why cant people find each other - 12/4/2008 10:15:49 PM   
NazjamRa


Posts: 37
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I think it's because like anything else in life we are searching to hard to find someone that we connect with on so many levels that we feel no on will ever be good enough.

(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 144
RE: why cant people find each other - 12/5/2008 12:22:41 AM   
Aszhrae


Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline 		That certainly seems to be the theme NazjamRa.

Look through the boards and read the posts. What is the most common theme?
Predominantly every post has physical gratification as the main subject or instant gratification.
Does anyone actually bring up total belonging to someone? Not just collaring either.
Girl has yet to find any domme posting in the forum that wants and expects more than the physical of their sub/slave.
Maybe for a few its about wanting something more, something substantial, something lasting. A dominant of which the sub/slave can be dedicated.
It really is disheartening for some and eventually they lose interest.
Then of course there are those that have already that are critical of those that are wanting or even begging for dominant. Eventually they come to lose interest. Those that have do not really care because they already have what others want.
Some are new and interested in the lifestyle, but some dominants set the bar so high that new sub/slave to the lifestyle can not hope to get a dominant.
Then of course there is the discerning view based on age. Most dominants want a young person, 20s and early 30s, mostly young though.
Of course, as IrishMist puts it, you have dominants that want a sub/slave, nude and on their knees 24/7/365 days of the year.
Now girl is sure that a sub/slave should have a certain amount of independence, so when dominant leaves and when they return, all tasks requested are completed, But there is also the dependence.Certainly if you are a sub/slave that there should be some amount of dependence.
Then look at the other source. Information and opinion, so many differing views, criticisms, if you are new to the lifestyle, confusion.
Do people make it any easier for others to find other people that might be interested in them? Not that girl has found.
If there are those here that have been her long enough to be 'Condemned' girl would think they would be more helpful in helping others making connections. Girl has read that the forum is a community, is it now?
Has any offered to introduce anyone new to dominant that they know of that is looking? Not that girl is aware.
Just found that so many have advice, criticism and are certainly quick to point out an individuals flaws.
If girl was twenty years younger, new to the lifestyle and in the forum, with some of the crap girl has read, girl would say 'bye-bye'. But girl is not new, but very much new here to CM, girl must admit, those that have dominants already are not this girls friends or allies in the search for a domme.

Advice is constant, but girl has yet to read two people rub two sticks together and create a fire. Just a whole lot of smoke.

(in reply to NazjamRa)
Profile   Post #: 145
RE: why cant people find each other - 12/5/2008 1:12:54 AM   
FullfigRIMAAM1


Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Man oh man, add 'Black' and 'lesbian' and the pool gets even smaller
Wow, I must be suffering from a case of "the grass is always greener", because I know several women I could be with were I sexually wired that way.   M

_____________________________

The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence Erich Fromm

(in reply to MasterVirago)
Profile   Post #: 146
RE: why cant people find each other - 12/5/2008 3:17:29 PM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		I don't think there is a "most common theme."  Heck, things run the gamut from word and song games to how best to deal with a poly relationship to Gorean issues to health and safety to the economy to anything else under the sun.

Yes, this is definitely a community.  I have lately been suffering a major depressive episode and have all kinds of people I can call now and talk to.

But it isn't their job to find me a dominant.  Now sure if one of them knew of a dominant within 250 miles of me that they thought we might hit it off....it would be nice if they said something...but it isn't their job and I don't expect them to do it for me. 

(in reply to Aszhrae)
Profile   Post #: 147
RE: why cant people find each other - 12/5/2008 3:40:07 PM   
TazDevil


Posts: 155
Joined: 2/24/2005
Status: offline 		my #1 is MONEY, I dont have it, I cant get it, sub seem to think Dom's have noting but money, and I dont, best I can hop for is a good looking sub I can make porn with... for the MONEY!

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 148
RE: why cant people find each other - 12/5/2008 7:25:29 PM   
Aszhrae


Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline 		Girl can relate moonvine.
Not going to go into great detail, but a friend, a girl with a mistress, both actually suggested girl come here. How many others that are new were suggested to come here also.
They come because they want explanation, connection with those of like mind.
However, they may get some assistance, they might be rewarded with a few contacts, but for some that is all they get.
Others, more naive, malleable are treated as though they have become the newest addition to the meat market and are treated as such. They may not be kijara but they are most interestingly treated in much the same way as if they were just thrusted into a Gorean novel.
They say submissive and some think,'Oh Goodie, a new sextoy or new pet' when all they really are is a submissive. Same with those wanting to become a slave. Either way, its about sex, always seems to be about sex.
If girl wanted sex, she would hire an escort.
Its about wanting to serve.
People come here to be helped with finding someone to serve. What happens, they get judged. Really nice community, very elitist of some, but certainly not all. Some actually get it. Some become discouraged and go elsewhere.
Those that have more interest in the flesh than the whole individual begging to become a full submissive or full slave to serve a dominant. They become shattered and there is absolutely no one to pick up the pieces because quite frankly there are not enough in the community that give a damn.
All that seems to matter is gratification of the flesh.

Why can't people find each other?
Look how some reply to the posts. Do they really care about the newbie that is interested in the lifestyle? Do they even care about those that have been in it for a while? Do they even care at all?
Then of course, there are those that are just to damn lazy to train or re-train. Too selective. They have a criteria that must be adhered to, like they are buying a car or a house. Then of course there are the horror stories of abuse or the stories of how a sub/slave has met the greatest dominant in the world but within six months its over, discarded just like last weeks trash. Would you want to stay here and try to find a dominant? Of course, because you're hopeful, you are choosing a lifestyle that isn't for everybody. Only a select few. But there are those that do not give a care or rat's ass who they hurt. They feel they have an obligation to be judge, jury and executioner.
People will always be judgmental about other people, but what bothers me about some dominants, they pick at another individuals flaws in main forum. They do not offer any help by private mail or even through messenger. They do not even offer to take such person under their wing and teach them to be damn good submissive or slave. No, but they will certainly post, make the person feel like crap. If that person quits, oh well, they just turn to someone else and do the exact same thing again.
Why people can't find each other? Because, they become lost.

(in reply to moonvine)
Profile   Post #: 149
RE: why cant people find each other - 12/5/2008 7:50:28 PM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		Well, but I'm not really on the boards to find someone..that's what the other side is for. ....I think we are just looking for very different things...

(in reply to Aszhrae)
Profile   Post #: 150
RE: why cant people find each other - 12/5/2008 7:53:48 PM   
AcademyForSlaves


Posts: 712
Joined: 2/24/2006
Status: offline 		Hi.

It's not only happening in bdsm but in every lifestyle. Arranged marriages are no more, divorce is getting easier, women can get their own career and home, and people are becoming more selfish and selective. It's an era of easy independance but they soon realize how lonely they've become when the internet bores them and xmas holidays come around. People need love and friendship. Period. So put down your list of wants and must haves and take a chance with someone you didn't consider before. There's a saying about how if you keep doing the same thing and still don't get what you want then it's time to change the way you do things.

Hope this helps.

_____________________________

Academy Mistresses
http://www.academyforslaves.com/home.html

(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 151
RE: why cant people find each other - 12/5/2008 8:21:06 PM   
Aszhrae


Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline 		girl would agree with you Academy,



(in reply to AcademyForSlaves)
Profile   Post #: 152
RE: why cant people find each other - 12/12/2008 1:08:52 AM   
lally3


Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		ive come up with a new one:

that we get so used to looking we cant get out of the habit - each time someone interesting comes along, someone else interesting comes along and off you go again.....,

what will stop that i wonder, when noone is absolutely 'perfect' and to some degree or another a bit of 'settling' has to occur because of that and noone wants to settle and in the end 'searching' gets to be a bit of habit.

_____________________________

even doves have pride (Prince)

(in reply to Aszhrae)
Profile   Post #: 153
RE: why cant people find each other - 12/12/2008 1:11:23 AM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		Not for me!  Once I finally find someone I don't even notice other men at all.

(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 154
RE: why cant people find each other - 12/12/2008 6:56:13 AM   
lally3


Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		i used to be like that - im fast begining to think i have committment issues - which comes as a bit of a surprise to me, i never used to have them.

i want the whole 'hairy horny man grabbing handfulls of me' but i cant seem to stand still long enough to let them... oh well, probably just a phase ill grow out of...., i hope!

_____________________________

even doves have pride (Prince)

(in reply to moonvine)
Profile   Post #: 155
RE: why cant people find each other - 12/12/2008 7:48:15 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: moonvine

Not for me!  Once I finally find someone I don't even notice other men at all.


That's me!  I am blissfully happy just getting to know Him better and better.  Life is goooood.

(in reply to moonvine)
Profile   Post #: 156
RE: why cant people find each other - 12/12/2008 8:10:26 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Once I finally find someone I don't even notice other men at all.


Don't you find that limiting?  I always notice interesting people, whether I am involved with another or single.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to moonvine)
Profile   Post #: 157
RE: why cant people find each other - 12/12/2008 10:24:56 AM   
Jeptha


Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

ive come up with a new one:

that we get so used to looking we cant get out of the habit - each time someone interesting comes along, someone else interesting comes along and off you go again.....

I wonder if that is more of a problem for women; I say that because I've been reading some of the journals of the random profiles that pop up when I log onto this site, and local women get a dozen or so messages a day when they first sign up. The pace probably slows down a bit after a while.

Still, it's hard for me to imagine getting that much attention and not wanting to soak it in a little (at least where some of the better writers are concerned).

(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 158
RE: why cant people find each other - 12/12/2008 2:40:52 PM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

Once I finally find someone I don't even notice other men at all.


Don't you find that limiting?  I always notice interesting people, whether I am involved with another or single.



I guess it depends on what you mean by notice.

I have a local chat friend who is married, and I don't "notice" him in a sexual way because he's married and they are in a closed relationship.  But I notice he is interesting to talk to, kind, a good friend, etc. 

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 159
RE: why cant people find each other - 12/13/2008 8:44:16 PM   
AcademyForSlaves


Posts: 712
Joined: 2/24/2006
Status: offline 		Hi.

I agree with Lally that some people ditch people when someone new comes along who they think will be better. I know of an Aries guy that does that. he always wants the "best" person and goes from one woman to another hoping to find the "best" one. In the end he always ends up alone. This is fine when your young but he's no spring chicken. he could end up a lonely old man in no time. It's so sad. Don't they ever learn?

Hoping everyone finds who they're looking for.

Happy Holidays!!

_____________________________

Academy Mistresses
http://www.academyforslaves.com/home.html

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 160
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