RE: why cant people find each other (Full Version)

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JustDarkness -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/11/2008 2:41:24 AM)

quote:

But by all means get off the computer and meet people for real. Don't try to talk em into meeting you as MANY love their online fantasy world. You want more go find it and have the tenacity to not give up and crawl back into your cave.


Many people are here to just do that. Meet in real.



MasterTslave -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/11/2008 7:36:54 AM)

Don't think anything is "wrong" with people in BDSM lifestyle.  I found my Master and we are very happy...i think it is just like in the vanilla lifestyle...too many hurt people.  People don't always trust and they just go from person to person.  Some just are very picky.  Don't settle for less than what you want, i did the first go round and ended up with a nasty divorce!



baddog123 -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/11/2008 4:29:54 PM)

I'll just hop in me Lear an' be there for tea... lol



azjojoba -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/11/2008 8:51:46 PM)

Most people that use the internet are searching for their ideal fantasy and not a real person.



pompeii -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/17/2008 10:08:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fnordstrum
My guess is that CL == Craigslist.


You are correct! Specifically to to http://www.craigslist.com and select your particular area and then on down to the personals section and then to casual encounters and lastly to the m4w or w4m or mw4w or whatever floats yer' boat. Here is my local CL site for example (see if you can find MY ad I just put in today).  http://sfbay.craigslist.org/search/cas/?query=m4w

Come to think of it, CL should have D4s and s4D section also .... but .... ah ... I think that's what CM personals are for.

Good luck! I get about one email a month on CM so thank God for all the conversations in this section or I'd'of dumped CM long ago as being useless. With these conversations, it's very useful and interesting and enlightening ... it's just not a personals web page that is of much use to a man.

(Note: I'm sure women are absolutely inundated with responses from men wanting to hook up so I do realize YMMV considerably.)



Lordandmaster -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/17/2008 10:15:25 PM)

I'd say that people can't find their partners because they're looking for the wrong people.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrPBK

People can not find their partners because they expect to find their perfect partner.



michaelOfGeorgia -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/17/2008 10:26:29 PM)

the main problem, as it has been mentioned and everyone already knows is, of course, distance. but incompatibility is also a factor.



pompeii -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/17/2008 10:28:12 PM)

quote:


People can not find their partners because they expect to find their perfect partner.



Let's look at statistics (not too scientifically ... just generally).
STEP 1.  A guy puts a profile out on CM and makes himself out to be a king.
STEP 2. He waits for the emails to arrive in droves.
STEP 3. He's still waiting; maybe, just maybe, one or two emails dribble in and then peter out.
STEP 4. If the wait is killing him, he then does a few searches, local of course.
STEP 5. Geez. It seems as if there are scores of ladies willing and able to play locally.
STEP 6. So, he picks one likely woman, reads her profile thoroughly, reads all her forum posts, even searches the Internet for her moniker to find out more about her.
STEP 7. He writes her a lovely tailored missive, replete with ideas of how they can enjoy each others' company.
STEP 8. Repeat Step 2 & 3 sans the responses that dribble in.
STEP 9. Guy getting a bit frustrated does a few more searches, does a bit less research, tailors the selected email just a tad less than before.
STEP 10. Repeat step 8. Maybe add a bite or two but soon they dribble away. Half life is about a week.
STEP 11. Guys is definitely frustrated, searches a bit farther and wider, lowers his standards, does almost no research on each one, sends our a similar missive to all.
STEP 12. Repeat step 10 but with a few more responses due to the sheer volume increasing; again, most peter out after about a week of tete-e-tete.
STEP 13. Things are picking up, so guy searches even further and wider opening up the size/age/weight/etc. limits, doesn't even finish each profile, get's really good with cut-and-paste missives, doesn't even remember what he said, but, sends out scores to many scores of "wanna fuck" emails.
STEP 14. Finally results! Of the fifty or more emails sent out, three or four responded ... and he pursues those three or four of five.
STEP 15. We have a connection! One of those women he meets. She's not perfect, but, she's there, and they play and they have a blast together.

Now all the normal relationship stuff starts at this point but this note is too long to describe THAT interaction!



WinsomeDefiance -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/17/2008 10:35:25 PM)

Wow, being a man must  be exhausting.   Come to me, all ye who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.....or umm...something. 



lally3 -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/18/2008 2:04:22 AM)

kettles on baddog - would you like muffin or crumpet... or just me spread with butter and jam by a warm cosy fire. [:)]

i think its luck alot too...., recently ive been approached by a number of guys who live really close - a couple of months ago i was begining to think i was the only perv in southern england! - was feeling lonely i was - thats not to say we'll be compatible , but some fun might be had along the way.

when i said 'wrong' all i really meant was - what are we doing wrong - but it isnt that simple, as so many people have said.  the world is a huge place and its a frustrating business.



SadysticJester -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/18/2008 6:21:18 AM)

with how things go in "the now" so many people pick apart what they want from a profile and focus on that aspect leaving the rest to come out later on to ruin the experience. people dont want to look closely or to examine a profile beyond what is typed and more often than not they miss the real intent on whats being said and or meant.(above one aspect)..so many we have spoken to have a different meaning for what really is,it doesnt mean there wrong,it does mean that they twist it to fit them,which leaves the rest hanging in the wind-lol,sotospeak...(another aspect)



Honsoku -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/18/2008 10:15:05 AM)

~fr~

This is why:

quote:

what can i say here that is not easier said in conversation?

i am not answering to formletters. i am already tired of comparing notes with other girls on this site and everybody has the same lame come-on from the same players. if you cannot write a personal note, don't waste my time.


This was the sum of a person's profile and it isn't atypical. Notice the inherent contradiction; "I want a unique message, but am unwilling to write a unique profile".

People can't find each other because they either;

1: Don't know what they want.
Quite common.

2: Don't know how to look for what they want.
You see a lot of this. People deciding contact based solely on looks, hostile profiles, having bad filtering processes, etc

3: Mistake what they need for what they want.
Many people are initially attracted to things that are either irrelevant or directly contradictory to what they need in the long term.

4: Are unwilling to put in the effort to find what they want.
See; blank profiles, uninformative profiles, passivity, signing up for a week and leaving, etc.

5: have ridiculously long, contradictory, rare, or impossible lists of what they think they want/need.
"He must be both spontaneous and a planner", "She must have at least a D cup", "He must be over 6"5'" (less than .5% of the population right there), "S/he must be perfectly fit", numerous variants of "be able to read my mind", etc. I remember one reading "He must be a god among men" [8|]

6: Any combination of the above.



Phanes -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/18/2008 11:29:59 AM)

I've sometimes felt as though meeting someone I connect with, held the same odds as -say winning the lottery and getting hit by a bus, on the same day!

Still, it somehow happens...dunno how but it does...



akisha -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/18/2008 12:11:11 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: azjojoba

Most people that use the internet are searching for their ideal fantasy and not a real person.


oh i dunno, I've met alot of really great "REAL" people online. for both friendship and relationships. And OMG yes I met them in person after meeting them online.

My college gf met her perfect match online (nilla site tho as she's not kinky)

I've dated quite a few ppl i met online. I met my former Master, my ex husband and my current Master online.



greeneyedreamer -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/18/2008 12:18:30 PM)

quote:

Yah, and it's worse for us - no BDSM aisle in Borders


Well, there is the special superdooper kink aisle! Grins, at least at MY Borders... lol

Dreamer



IronBear -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/18/2008 2:17:03 PM)

Lets not forget both age and finance too.

There is an age group in which it appears thatg the chances of meeting prospective partners is more likely and over that age the chances dissapear as you get older (something I deal with all the time). Clue for us old farts: Don't set your sights on some lucious young thing. They are great in a fantacy world but in reality they will generally want to be with someone closer to their own age and besides which, sexually, are you sure you will be able to keep up with them? Mind you, I hit the jack pot when I married my wife (Dominant female) who is 30 years younger (half my age) but we were good friends first and grew towards each other. However I still find that there is a time or age when many in the lifestyle appear to think should be put out to pasture and have no further involvement in the BDSM arena. Had we a larger population and greater BDSM numbers, I probably would be inclinde to open a dungeon and have both an "Under 40's Night" and an "Old Farts Night" as well as "Open Nights for all legal ages". At least that would allow folks choices as to where they wanted to play.

Finance is another problem. Full employment is an issue in many areas and whilst it effect negatively a goodly number of blokes here, there are also a number of women who have been ripped off and badly burned by unemployed blokes, so it really is "Buyer beware". It makes things harder to find people to form some type or relationship with..



WinsomeDefiance -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/18/2008 2:17:05 PM)

I've met wonderful people from online, that I am honored to call friends.  People find each other, quite often.

One reason, I've noticed, that some have a hard time finding a partner is because they spread themselves too thin.  They cast their net SOOO wide, that the best catches get away.  The internet is great, I personally love the heck out of it, but I've noticed that some let the thrill of the quantity of people take up all their time, and the quality of what they have to offer, is diminished because of it.  It is good to keep ones options open, but does one really have to build a harem of potentials? 



simpleplan2 -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/18/2008 2:20:04 PM)

Here Here



nhite -> RE: why cant people find each other (11/18/2008 8:10:55 PM)

actually there is....  

quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

"Regular" folk have trouble finding each other


Yah, and it's worse for us - no BDSM aisle in Borders [;)]




AssPlayer -> RE: why cant people find each other (12/4/2008 10:58:19 AM)

It's easy to meet people!
Greet everyone. Smile at everyone who looks at you. Say something you would say to ANYONE (young, old, male, female, straight, gay).
Dress killer! Smell better than everyone else. Be able to talk on a variety of subjects.
Also get into the habit of not introducing yourself. Then anyone who introduces himself or herself really wants to meet you.
Pretend you don't have sex organs until backed into a corner (he or she makes a move).



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