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RE: second slaves - 11/6/2008 7:21:30 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Davan, why do you think it's all her fault? Why do you think she was given a chance, a choice? It seems obvious she didn't want this from the beginning and he coerced her into doing it. Doesn't the fact that he chose his interests over the health of the marriage, over her needs show that much of the blame was his from the beginning?

I'm a collared sub and if he chose to bring another in knowing that I couldn't deal with it, I wouldn't be friendly towards her, and I would eventually gather my courage and tell him to choose between us. The difference here is that he values our relationship and would never do anything to so strongly destroy it.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 21

RE: second slaves - 11/6/2008 7:26:08 AM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lildorei

I misunderstood what the boards were for. I thought they were for growth and learning and tossing ideas around, but not for condeming someone with a different view or idea.

Hmm, I didn't see anyone condemn you. I saw a handful of people sharing their own thoughts, which may or may not be in contrast to yours.

As for me, I could be a second slave...maybe...but I don't want to. Being "first" slave was difficult enough. Hell, I'm not even sure I'll be a slave at all again, but that remains to be seen. My reasons have to do with knowing myself, knowing how I respond to various conditions and situations, and knowing I don't want to work that hard right now. I've had more than my share of personal growth in the last few years and I don't want to invite another personal struggle so I can grow some more. And that's what it would be for me - a struggle. I believe your OP well intentioned, but some of your phrasing implied that the rest of us are somehow lacking for not opting to be number 2...or 3...or....etc.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to lildorei)

Post #: 22

RE: second slaves - 11/6/2008 7:26:50 AM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

I many cases, where a second sub / slave / whatever is being sought, it is because the dominant is in it for the hunt, the conquest, and not for the relationship. It is my automatic response when I see a girl advertising for a "sister slave" - the guy either got bored with numero uno, or he is a hunter. I think yours is a minority dynamic. It generally takes a quite mature person with lots of time and attention to maintain such a dynamic - I have never considered it for myself, although I have the accoutrements in place, and might consider it now that I have more time on my hands, but only if the primary relationship were more or less flawless. The majority of those seekers are, in my not so humble opinion, opportunists.

Very glad you had a good experience, though, and thank you for sharing. I will again review what I want to do with that dynamic, which I've been looking at for the past year or so. Right now, it is in the "interesting, but a lot of work, and expensive" category.

(in reply to lildorei)

Post #: 23

RE: second slaves - 11/6/2008 7:46:04 AM

Twicehappy2x

Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lildorei

An alternative lifestyle, should we not explore possibilities?

I misunderstood what the boards were for. I thought they were for growth and learning and tossing ideas around, but not for condemning someone with a different view or idea.

The ideas that you sought to encourage others to explore are wonderful ideas. And there are those on the boards who have or will explore them at some point.

But if you do a search more often than not you will see those couples searching for a female sub for the following reasons or under the following conditions;

The Master wants a strange piece.
The Master wants to see two girls in action.
The female sub already in the relationship is willing to have another join the relationship only to please her Master, not her choice/something she is even comfortable with.
The female sub has been told she gets to dominate the second slave and or the second slave gets do all the undesirable jobs for the first slave.
The couple is looking for a live in free housekeeper/babysitter.

Given how often we see all of the above on at least a weekly basis on the boards, is it any wonder the regular posters are just a tad jaded on the subject?

I saw not one poster condemning you or your ideas.

I did see a lot of posters giving their ideas or stating their experiences.

So since most did not agree with you that this is something they are into or wanted to try they were condemning you or refusing to entertain new ideas or grow?

Trust me, being/having a second slave is not a new idea, it is an idea you see a whole lot of on the boards. It is just one a lot of folks are not into, mostly due to the issues we so often see here in regards to it.

If it worked for you that is lovely.

Hmm......ok, i perved your profile.

A few quotes from it;

A slave is a slave is a slave. So many miss out on living and experiencing life. Don't box yourself in by wanting to be the only one in a Master or Mistresses life. Being part of the lifestyle is all about being open to what is different, stepping out of your comfort zone, learning.

Not everybody operates on the " a slave is a slave etc....." There are lots of dominants who carefully listen to their sub/slaves feelings on most subjects, especially on the subject of adding another to the relationship.

Being part of the lifestyle may mean "being open to what is different, stepping out of your comfort zone, learning" to you but that does not mean that is what it is all about to others.

"I made the mistake of posting on the boards.
I think it is called respecting someones views other than your own and maybe agreeing to disagree. I in no way was condemning of others and I would never do such a thing, I may not agree but I would never become a viper and I would never try to impose my views on someone else. "there is no stupid question"? I believe that is also true of ideas and such. So what was so wrong with me tossing out and idea for others to mull over and ya or nay it? Without jumping up and getting all nasty?"

Um....seems to me that a few of these statements are bordering on viperous. Just because you do not come out and say screw you does not mean you can hide that attitude with pretty written words or phony apologies.

Once again thinking, OK, i missed something truly rude or nasty somebody said, i carefully read all the posts. Folks disagreed with you but honestly, not one poster got crappy. So what has you so you so upset here?

_____________________________

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to lildorei)

Post #: 24

RE: second slaves - 11/6/2008 8:40:42 AM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

I don't need to listen to other people's experinces to know poly isn't for me and isn't in ANY way what I'd want or where I am going in life. Nor do I need to listen and view other people's believes to know where i want to go in bdsm.

That comes from inside me , from my OWN experinces and knowing my own mind and emotional needs.

There was a quote here I had made my own signature line for a few days before this one, and it said and What I have learned in the past 2 or so years of doing this and exploreing this, is that other people's experinces don't mean jack shit to me, because we're all diffrent, or something like that.

And take out the jack shit part, cause I feel that's a bit harsh and it's true. Other people's experinces and ways to do their journy will never dictate or direct how I do my journy. Because, they're not me, they may not have the same needs I do, They might not have the same demands I have, ect ect.

And nobody's condemmed you here, they've simply said it's a rather simplistic and idealistic view to believe people are cheating themselves somehow by not being open to coming in as a second to a dynamic.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lildorei

Mull ideas over in our mind, listen to others experiences to better understand the direction we personally want to take within the lifestyle

(in reply to lildorei)

Post #: 25

RE: second slaves - 11/6/2008 9:31:44 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lildorei

I want to thank everyone for there input and views, lots of food for thought. I do want to clarify one issue. I was in no way condeming those who do not choose to be a second slave or those couples who choose not to have a second slave. An alternative lifestyle, should we not explore possibilites? Mull ideas over in our mind, listen to others experiences to better understand the direction we personally want to take within the lifestyle and to better understand what others are going through? I do apologize, I misunderstood what the boards were for. I thought they were for growth and learning and tossing ideas around, but not for condeming someone with a different view or idea.

No one was condeming you as far as I read, but discussing them with you.
When I posted, I did so with a caveat that one should read what is written in response, with a basic pinch of salt - it is very difficult to get over in the written medium any sense of empathy. It is disappointing you eventually found peoples responses offensive and condeming. I hope this does not put you off posting more.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to lildorei)

Post #: 26

RE: second slaves - 11/6/2008 9:42:15 AM

Twicehappy2x

Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline

OK now i get it.

Did a little checking to read your other posts, wondering why everybody's rather respectful answers/statements to your OP got you so upset. Thinking perhaps you had been slammed really hard on another post and were feeling a little sensitive.

Guess what i found? The real reason you made this post. Which apparently has very little to do with encouraging others to grow or sharing your experience.

But has a lot to do with the fact that your Master/husband is currently searching for another slave. Evidently you guys are having as difficult a time doing this as everybody else. And you thought your post would encourage other females to think seriously about being a second slave because you thought it was wonderful.

No wonder you got so upset!

A post by you;

quote:

ORIGINAL: lildorei
greetings to All from lil dorei...i am a native Texan and recently collared and married to MrTrouble...

From your Master's, (MrTrouble)profile;

" I am seeking is 2nd slave/sub, to serve my needs both sexually and domestically."

And here you had me feeling sorry for you thinking you had been feeling picked on when you were honestly trying to make an altruistic post.

< Message edited by Twicehappy2x -- 11/6/2008 9:48:04 AM >

_____________________________

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to lildorei)

Post #: 27

RE: second slaves - 11/6/2008 9:51:29 AM

MasterVirago

Posts: 103
Joined: 10/11/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lildorei

Thank you for the warm welcome and I don't normally take offense to other peoples opinions, to each his own. And as far as the people within the lifestyle being close minded and such, well, I guess I have been blessed by the fact I have not personally encounter any. The local (BDSM) community is a very open and accepting group of individuals.

Then I'd like to live in YOUR bdsm community. Just read some of these post! I have to agree with Darcy on this one. BDSM folks seem to be much more opinionated, judgmental, abrasive, confrontational and aggressive people than most I know!

I love you guys sooooooooo much.

edit: Darcy not Darci

< Message edited by MasterVirago -- 11/6/2008 9:52:37 AM >

(in reply to lildorei)

Post #: 28

RE: second slaves - 11/6/2008 9:55:31 AM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

Des Fip asserted:
Davan, why do you think it's all her fault? Why do you think she was given a chance, a choice? It seems obvious she didn't want this from the beginning and he coerced her into doing it. Doesn't the fact that he chose his interests over the health of the marriage, over her needs show that much of the blame was his from the beginning?
I'm a collared sub and if he chose to bring another in knowing that I couldn't deal with it, I wouldn't be friendly towards her, and I would eventually gather my courage and tell him to choose between us. The difference here is that he values our relationship and would never do anything to so strongly destroy it.

My reply: Read what I said: I did not say it is all her fault. You are ABSOLUTELY wrong about him coercing her. That is not the kind of man he is and no, I am not defending him because he's dishonoured himself and trangressed against our friendship and trust in amostprofound way but YOU ARE IN ERROR.
Additionally, he was actively looking for a year before he met me, with her consent and agreement, and there are other factors that I am aware of that are not mine to 'dish' on but, no, you are not correct. Don't assume. Ask questions.
Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

Post #: 29

RE: second slaves - 11/6/2008 9:57:27 AM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Hell I was all that and more BEFORE I got into bdsm, and I am certaintly all that and more now I've gotten 8 years experince in kink. lol.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterVirago

Then I'd like to live in YOUR bdsm community. Just read some of these post! I have to agree with Darcy on this one. BDSM folks seem to be much more opinionated, judgmental, abrasive, confrontational and aggressive people than most I know!

I love you guys sooooooooo much.

edit: Darcy not Darci

(in reply to MasterVirago)

Post #: 30

RE: second slaves - 11/6/2008 10:01:04 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

Geeze Twice - were you Jessica Fletcher or Miss Marple in another lifetime?

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

Post #: 31

RE: second slaves - 11/6/2008 10:23:51 AM

RainydayNE

Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

But has a lot to do with the fact that your Master/husband is currently searching for another slave. Evidently you guys are having as difficult a time doing this as everybody else. And you thought your post would encourage other females to think seriously about being a second slave because you thought it was wonderful.

No wonder you got so upset!

A post by you;

quote:

ORIGINAL: lildorei
greetings to All from lil dorei...i am a native Texan and recently collared and married to MrTrouble...

From your Master's, (MrTrouble)profile;

" I am seeking is 2nd slave/sub, to serve my needs both sexually and domestically."

And here you had me feeling sorry for you thinking you had been feeling picked on when you were honestly trying to make an altruistic post.

now that just makes this all very funny =p

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

Post #: 32

RE: second slaves - 11/6/2008 11:06:02 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lildorei
greetings to All from lil dorei...i am a native Texan and recently collared and married to MrTroubleFrom your Master's, (MrTrouble)profile;

" I am seeking is 2nd slave/sub, to serve my needs both sexually and domestically."

Personally, i would have an issue being a third, particularly in a marriage situation~

i have actually experienced being a third several times...someone has always been hurt...that is enough "openess" to the idea to know it is not for me.

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

Post #: 33

RE: second slaves - 11/6/2008 11:26:19 AM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

It sounds as if you gave it an honest shake (And, you have a positive reputation as being a wise lady), Dawn Treader, and that makes all the difference in the world. :>
Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 34

RE: second slaves - 11/6/2008 11:27:51 AM

monywildcat

Posts: 452
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline

Welcome to the dark side! I haven't had a chance to read many of the other responses, so I may be redundant here. I am in tune enough to myself that I know that I am not wired for a poly relationship. I would not want to be a second sub/slave/whatever; to enter into such a dynamic or allow this to happen in my own relationship would be setting me up for disaster. Oh, the misery. It's not a matter of not wanting to step out of any comfort zone, it's about knowing who I am, and knowing what will bring me lasting joy and fulfillment. Poly isn't that path for me. For others it works. And I applaud that.

_____________________________

Major Life Change Necessitates Personal Reinvention...

(in reply to lildorei)

Post #: 35

RE: second slaves - 11/6/2008 3:10:14 PM

Twicehappy2x

Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Geeze Twice - were you Jessica Fletcher or Miss Marple in another lifetime?

Lol, just call me Sherlock!

Actually my discovery was accidental, i normally read the profile/prior posts of a new poster on the boards.

_____________________________

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 36

RE: second slaves - 11/6/2008 3:11:56 PM

Twicehappy2x

Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline

This reply is for MRTrouble, lildorei's Master.

Instead of sending me nasty name calling emails on the other side, i invite you to post here.

_____________________________

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

Post #: 37

RE: second slaves - 11/6/2008 5:33:14 PM

Twicehappy2x

Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline

OK, so curiosity killed the cat, but....

I have to ask, am i the only poster who disagreed with the OP who got a cmail from (supposedly) her Master MrTrouble?

Or did some of you who disagreed also get the name calling hate mail demanding to speak with your Master?

If you make a post on a public forum board or keep a public journal, people are going to read them. You have to expect to get other folks opinions, good bad or indifferent. If this is going to be an issue for you then perhaps you should not post these things publicly.

Demanding to speak to other folks owners in order to get apologies or sending obnoxious cmails to the people who disagree with you or your property's post is a fairly uncalled for and in my opinion undomly act.

And i have to say that Scooter is going to tell you the same thing i just did.

< Message edited by Twicehappy2x -- 11/6/2008 5:51:22 PM >

_____________________________

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

Post #: 38

RE: second slaves - 11/6/2008 5:46:32 PM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

I read most of the OPs journal and there was a recurring theme among the entries. The major impression I got is that unless someone is following along with her idea of how all this works then they are doing it wrong. People seeking love shouldn't be here and yes, a lot of mention that she thinks more ought to try being a second because there aren't enough seconds to go around.

OP you've taken a lot of responses totally the wrong way. No one attacked you, in fact a whole lot of posts started with 'welcome to the forums'. Yet when you didn't hear validation of your ideas instead of considering other views you attacked those views. I think you make a mistake in assuming that there is a community here akin to your local one. There are all sorts of people here seeking all sorts of things. Just considering the numbers alone should tell you that not all will agree with you.

As you want in your post... be open to other styles of living. You say that not enough consider *what you see as the perfect way to live* but you don't consider *each has their own way to live*.

Just because someone is looking for love doesn't mean they should leave this site and go to only vanilla ones. That only means that some folks seeking something different than you do.
You also say that you are not nice, that you don't feel honesty, interegrity and trustworthness are important.

Those things are in direct oppostion of others. End point is that as so so many have said 'there is no one true way' and to insist that there is will only cause you grief and lock you into a single mindset.

I hope you read this thread again and realize that until you started shooting from the hip people were although disagreeing they were not being negative.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

Post #: 39

RE: second slaves - 11/6/2008 5:46:39 PM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

OK, so curiosity killed the cat, but....

I have to ask, am i the only poster who disagreed with the OP who got a cmail from (supposedly) her Master MrTrouble?

Or did some of you who disagreed also get the name calling hate mail demanding to speak with your owner?

If you make a post on a public forum board or keep a public journal, people are going to read them. You have to expect to get other folks opinions, good bad or indifferent. If this is going to be an issue for you then perhaps you should not post these things publicly.

Demanding to speak to other folks owners in order to get apologies or sending obnoxious cmails to the people who disagree with you or your property's post is a fairly uncalled for and in my opinion undomly act.

And i have to say that Scooter is going to tell you the same thing i just did.

Just an fyi.... I'm one of her owners.... if you have an issue with her and what she has to say... I would suggest you contact me or my husband ScooterTrash... That's the ethical thing to do anyway.

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

Post #: 40

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