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RE: MASTERS KEEPS TABS ON SLAVE? - 11/8/2008 10:36:33 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

Unlike most here, it would not bother me to be checked up on because I try to live my entire life in a way that would be pleasing to my Master.  I know that the only reports that would ever go back would be positive. 

It would bother me, but not for the reason that you're assuming it would. I'm a very independent, self sufficient person. My view is that I'm perfectly capable of doing what needs to be done without someone checking up on me. I would view the intrusion as a waste of time and an impediment to getting those things done. It's, in my view, ineffecient and takes me away from what I'm supposed to be doing.

For me has nothing to do with trust or behavior, but rather efficiency. The lack of effeciency would aggravate me.

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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: MASTERS KEEPS TABS ON SLAVE? - 11/8/2008 2:46:23 PM   
babygirlkitten


Posts: 66
Joined: 10/25/2008
From: Manhattan
Status: offline 		Daddy and I live apart when I'm at school (so, about 3/4 of the year), and he never has anyone else check up on me. I would feel very strange, as others have stated, if he sent someone to check up on me. That would definitely be indicitive of a trust issue, and if he didn't trust me enough to follow his rules, he obviously didn't trust me enough to wear his collar.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: MASTERS KEEPS TABS ON SLAVE? - 11/8/2008 4:17:21 PM   
SadysticJester


Posts: 122
Joined: 6/24/2008
Status: offline 		no i would never have someone check to see if she was where she said she was,,,relationships are built on trust and communication...i would ask a friend to keep an eye on her if she was attending an event or function where i couldnt be strictly for her safety though.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: MASTERS KEEPS TABS ON SLAVE? - 11/9/2008 8:31:52 AM   
masterlink65


Posts: 683
Joined: 11/3/2007
Status: offline 		i do not check in on my slaves. i have access to email etc. but i would like to think that as a slave, said slave would be subject to any search and seizure its master may consider to be necessary.

(in reply to Ariella10)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: MASTERS KEEPS TABS ON SLAVE? - 11/9/2008 4:56:01 PM   
mstrj69


Posts: 295
Joined: 5/27/2004
Status: offline 		I would not have someone check up on my slave to see to it that she was doing as I wished.  I agree however with SadysticJester that I might have someone check if I had not heard from them or had any other reason to believe they might be hurt.  Other than that, trust is easier.

(in reply to masterlink65)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: MASTERS KEEPS TABS ON SLAVE? - 11/10/2008 8:33:46 AM   
SirDominic


Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		Using fast reply. M/s relationships come in all the forms possible, as we all well know. Some Masters see reading their slave's email as being proactive, some slaves see it as being protected. Some Masters desire a much greater level of control, and many slaves enjoy that as well. It can smack of insecurity on the Master's part, but I don't think it automatically does.

Personally, I don't do control purely for the sake of control. I trust my slave completely (a running theme in this thread), and she trusts me implicitly. Control for me is so much deeper than giving orders, or making arbitrary rules. It is more an attitude, a way of approaching life. My slave has tremendous leeway in living her life outside of my control; it does not affect how either of us view our places in the relationship.

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: MASTERS KEEPS TABS ON SLAVE? - 11/10/2008 10:35:15 AM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		This is the sort of topic where I will go against the grain compared to many responses.

The Dom wanting to check up on his sub is no more baring a hidden mistrust by choosing to have her checked up on than the sub is for presuming that the Dom's decision to do so indicates something negative (which means her default reaction to a decision by her Dom is one of suspicion rather than trust).

One would hope that the likelihood of being subjected to (as the sub) check-ups at the Dom's discretion has been a topic discussed beforehand. However, I still don't feel comfortable with knee-jerk reactions from subs who immediately question the integrity and intent of a Dom's decision. It does not speak well of their confidence in the relationship and in the decision-making abilities of their Dom...even if it comes down to allowing a Dom to make a decision that may be motivated by an insecurity, but to which they trust the Dom will address if He feels he's made a choice in error.

I may not be perfect with every decision I make, but I expect my sub/slave to trust me, first, to make decisions I've thought through well (thereby following them properly) and, second, to trust that I care/understand enough about the relationship and her emotions that, if I do make an error in judgment, I will be the first one to own up to it.

Otherwise the sub/slave is just using rebellion and defensiveness as a way to keep the Dom in check. If both parties are in to 'top from the bottom' relationships, though...

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 11/10/2008 10:53:23 AM >

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(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: MASTERS KEEPS TABS ON SLAVE? - 11/10/2008 11:23:27 AM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		As many many others have said .,.. I would find the idea or practice of being checked up on because of a lack of trust to be both upsetting and insulting. For me, a lack of trust creates a distance between two people, and when the lack of trust is about doing what you should be doing, no amount of checking up will satisfy the Owner that the slave is doing as she should.
Howver, Nueva said that she might find the idea of being watched sexy ... as would I .. If it was the "being watched" bit that was a turn on for my Owner rather than a "check the stupid lying slut is doing as she says".

I was fairly micromanaged when I was DV .. but it was a way of us both (I hope it wasn't just for me) to feel a connection even though we were so far apart. Thing was it was me that did all the managing, I was given a framework to work within, and was trusted to be getting on with it. I wasn't calling him every three seconds to ask if I could blink, but pretty much everything was regulated in some way, he trusted me to be getting on with it. I can only think of a couple of times when he checked up on things, and i think that was mroe for my benefit than his.

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(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: MASTERS KEEPS TABS ON SLAVE? - 11/10/2008 7:52:37 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

Howver, Nueva said that she might find the idea of being watched sexy ... as would I .. If it was the "being watched" bit that was a turn on for my Owner rather than a "check the stupid lying slut is doing as she says".


Agreed (the bolded part). That's what I was referring to when I said that.


quote:

Thing was it was me that did all the managing, I was given a framework to work within, and was trusted to be getting on with it. I wasn't calling him every three seconds to ask if I could blink, but pretty much everything was regulated in some way, he trusted me to be getting on with it.


I like the way you put that, softness. That was my experience as well, but hadn't though of it that way.

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: MASTERS KEEPS TABS ON SLAVE? - 11/16/2008 9:36:32 AM   
Diabloisit


Posts: 1
Joined: 3/30/2008
Status: offline 		If a Master has to check on His slave, then it is time to part end of story, no trust then there is nothing.

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: MASTERS KEEPS TABS ON SLAVE? - 11/16/2008 1:44:26 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I've never been checked up on


Oh gosh, that reminds me - this is totally off topic - coming home to the missus after a long trip abroad, long being 28 hours in the seat. I'll never forget - it was a British Airways flight, the purser was queer as a coot, and I was sitting in an exit row, next to a jump seat, one he occupied whenever there was a landing or he took a break or there was turbulence. He was also perfumed to the gills, and this got worse as the flight progressed.

Something I had never anticipated, his perfume was so overwhelming that I ended up reeking of it. And you can probably imagine my wife's face when she sniffed me, asked me who I had been with, and then would not believe the above story. She never did, for as long as we were married, how could I demonstrate like this, fine if you play, but you don't have to come home stinking of her (she wouldn't believe it was a guy's perfume, either) etc., etc.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: MASTERS KEEPS TABS ON SLAVE? - 11/16/2008 2:44:42 PM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

In the end, you won't find any meaningful answers here. His answer (and motivation) is the only one that counts. And then you can decide whether that kind of dynamic works for you as well.

John


Have to agree here, his answers are the only ones that count!

Dreamer

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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: MASTERS KEEPS TABS ON SLAVE? - 11/18/2008 10:05:52 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		It all simply comes down to what the Master and slave agreed to when forming their relationship, the why's no longer have any validity..it simply is...Tempting

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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: MASTERS KEEPS TABS ON SLAVE? - 11/19/2008 6:07:15 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Tempting, if that were true then relationships would never end.

The why does matter to people. Knowing he wants you not to be sitting at home alone and missing him and therefore arranges for you to go out to dinner with a friend would give you a warm and fuzzy feeling that would deepen love and the relationship.

Knowing that he thought you were a lying cheating bitch who needed to be followed without your knowledge would kill love and the relationship.

For me, I'm an extreme introvert. Knowing that strange people might be popping in at all hours would make it impossible for me to relax and recharge because I'd be afraid I'd be losing my alone time.

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(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: MASTERS KEEPS TABS ON SLAVE? - 11/19/2008 11:54:29 AM   
AlexandraLynch


Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline 		I like to know what is going on in the lives of my guys. When my husband returns from work, I ask him how it went, did anything interesting or funny happen, etc. It's not that I think he ditched work and spent the time at a strip club or something (and if he did, why wasn't I invited, damn it?!) but rather that it connects us. I like to know what is going on in my boy's life, too, and for similar reasons.

Given that I don't trust myself behind the wheel until the random attacks of vertigo issue is solved, everyone in my life knows right where I am anyway. (grin)

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: MASTERS KEEPS TABS ON SLAVE? - 11/19/2008 9:14:12 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		While I do agree with you Desfip, common sense says the why would of been or should of been explained with the agreement in the beginning.And do not forget in many cases, for some slaves knowing the why is exterraneous information and for their Masters as well..Essentially they(Master) say, and it is so..let me reiterate, in some M/s cases not all..it does often times comes down to the basics of each couples dynamics, and how they go about their lives..But with my albeit limited understanding of M/slave dynamics..there is little negotiation beyond hard limits and even at times not even that....Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: MASTERS KEEPS TABS ON SLAVE? - 11/19/2008 9:25:48 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline 		I wouldn't send another to do my job. If that's what he chooses to do, it's on him.
Some females enjoy the feeling they get from having someone looking over their shoulders all the time. When they are watched after so closely they feel protected, of high value and loved. Some don't like it and feel like their space is being invaded and they aren't trusted. That may be the case.


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(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: MASTERS KEEPS TABS ON SLAVE? - 11/19/2008 9:49:11 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
The man I am spending time with now has no interest whatsoever in knowing my every move and I'm doing just fine with that. Then again, he is not my master, my owner, or even "my dom". But he is so laid back I think doing such a thing would torment him more than it would me.

  That's exactly how Master is.  I've always talked about how laid back and go-with-the-flow He is.  He has always been absolutely honest with me about that and about how low-protocol He is and always will be.  He doesn't like rules and regulations in general so He's sure not going to make His "job" harder by making up a bunch to enforce.  It would definitely torment Him more than it would me...............luci

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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: MASTERS KEEPS TABS ON SLAVE? - 11/19/2008 9:50:43 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

I trust mine to not send me to jail.  I therefor also trust her on lesser issues such as whether she obeyed some command or not.

Beautiful summation of the big picture, leadership.  Ditto and amen.................luci

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To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: MASTERS KEEPS TABS ON SLAVE? - 11/20/2008 2:47:04 AM   
tweedydaddy


Posts: 673
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		Having a good, solid, dependable friend of a dominant nature look in on your subbie when you are not there is the best and most efficient manner I can possibly imagine of losing both the subbie and the good solid reliable friend.
Are you MAD? It would be like having my Dobermanns check if the roast is cool enough to carve!

(in reply to Ariella10)
Profile   Post #: 60
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