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WhiplashSmile2 -> RE: Please Help Me...I'm terrified (11/10/2008 5:18:42 AM)
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HisNani,
I'm not going to pretend for a minute, that I know everything involved with your situation. Does sound like you have a lot of stress and responsbility for other people in your life at the moment. However, these things have very little to do with what your DOM has threaten you with as punishment. OK, he's never layed a hand on you so far (at least yet!). However verbally, he has come off with the threat of a punishment. The kind of punishment that has stuck a chord of terror inside of you. I assume he's well aware of your PTSD issues (am I correct?).
I'm sitting here thinking to myself, what kind of DOM threatens to shave his submissives hair off? I'm sitting here thinking to myself about how I myself have made joking non-serious light hearted threats at times. Hell, I'll make joking threats even with friends at times. All in fun with a sense of humor. Now, I have by accident discovered hidden insecurities or issues with people in joking around (unexpected mental landmines). However, my jokes are bit like such, "I shave your head bald and turn you into a Chia Pet, how do you like me now? hahaha"
I would never seriously threaten to shave somebody bald though. I even joke around about spanking ass somebodys ass senseless until they can't sit down and other mean things. (all joking). OK, so I have a little bit of a twisted sense of humor that is dark. However, joking around and actually doing it, are two different things in my book.
Limits and boundaries, everybody has them. Including us DOMs. I'm sitting here thinking to myself about the fact, I'd never threaten somebody with serious punishment by telling them I was going to beat them and shave off their hair. I would hope my partner would know NOT to TAKE my seriously, if I ever made such as threat. (Bad Joke at the wrong time). I am prone to being a little sarcastic and my timing is not always the best when I'm being sarcastic. However, anybody who actually knows me, knows that I'm a bit of a Teddy bear.
Perhaps your DOMs threats were just sarcastic threats he made to you? (I don't know). This is perhaps something you need to talk with him about. My sarcastic nature was a little problematic when I was younger. Where I myself needed to work at the times when NOT to be sarcastic.
If he his serious about Beating you, and Cutting off your hair! I think you have some major issues on your hands. Do you want to be in a D/s relationship where these forms or levels of punishment exist? Is this something you yourself can or can not live with in a relationship? You need to ask yourself if you are willing to take responsibility for what happens to you, if you stay in a relationship like this. Sure, the DOM might be a big bad mean asshole, but it's your choice to stay in the relationship or pack it in.
Some submissives/slaves are into being Beat as punishment, having their Hair cut off and many other forms of negative/humilating/painful and extreme forms of punishment. You have to ask yourself if you are one of those kinds of submissives or not. If you are, you have to be aware that your mental health is going to being going down the drain for this guy. This is the kind of things you need to think about.
Think about what it would be like literally being brought down to very low mental health levels. Having your self esteem lowered to new record lows, being humilated, degraded and literally broken down mentally. These things will carry long lasting effects in your life for years to come. Might require a lot of therapy afterwards should the relationship end.
Sure, your Dominant partner is somewhat responsible for your mental health through his actions, but you are responsibile for your own mental health as well. You are terrified right now at the thoughts of this happening to you! What kind of effects is this having on your mental state of mind? Is this a Good thing or a Bad thing for you right now? (I think you already know the answer).
Mental abuse is the most damaging of all. Mental abuse tends to run hand and hand when you are physically abused. However, not always the case. Mental abuse on it's own without the physical is a little hard to discern. Sure, he's never laid a hand on you. However, have you looked at what it's like to be mentally beaten up?
Most physical abuse or wounds from it heal, the mental stuff hangs around for what seems to be forever, and it effects you in ways you don't think about.
If you are a mental masochist that is totally uneffected by mental abuse, (Does not sound like you are), you could probally deal with a relationship with mental abuse as the dynamic. Then again, how does one mentally hurt a mental masochist? The answer is you can't really, very difficult.
Many people don't understand the aspects of mental S&M. There are always fine lines between Abuse and What it is we all do in this lifestyle. It depends upon personal boundaries and limits of each person combined in a relationship. One of the foundations of Respect, and requires trust. Trust that one is not going to truely cause any real harm or hurt. To know this, one has to know their partners boundaries and limits.
It appears that one of your boundaries has been crossed, and now you are terrified by the thoughts of it happening. I don't know what else I can write about that might be of help to you right now.
Good luck.
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