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CaringandReal -> RE: Please Help Me...I'm terrified (12/2/2008 8:37:57 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: exile509
quote:
In fact, he's very very very very very angry with me. He says that I disobeyed him by talking with the boy in the first place. Says I should have just blocked him. (boundaries issue.) Says I shouldn't have apologized for hurting the boy's feelings. Says I shouldn't have made it seem as if my Master and I were divided on the issue of me cutting off contact (even though we had been) because it makes my Master look badly. And that I should have stood up for him when the boy was bitching about him.
i've been here, i know how this feels as a master. i had my slave pull something like this with me at a club in front of a room full of people. it's an outright insult and you should be punished.
with that said, there is a line between the lifestyle and the real world, and that line shouldn't be crossed. if he wants to punish you, then it should be done in a way that you won't have to suffer publicly. in other words, if he decideds that you're going to wear the largest butt plug in your collection to work then thats fine, no one will know but you. on the other hand, if he sends you to work without a top on it's just wrong.
as i'm sure many people are already telling you, being a good master is a door that swings both ways. yes, you need be strict and that often means punishment, but you must also have your slaves best interest in mind at all times. knowing what will fuck up a slave's head is easy, any asshole can do it, a loving dom knows when not to cross that line. an example of this was with my old slave, she had major self image issues to the point that she rarely looked in the mirror. i knew tying her up naked infront of a mirror to punish her would mentaly criple her. a strong punishment, and one i knew to never envoke.
you say you have boundry issues, what are your boundries with your current master?
I'm glad you posted this. I was thinking similarly, but saw the overall thread dynamic and was too chicken to write my thoughts. I'll add a couple of things.
I agree with you that it's an owner's right to punish a slave when she does something that displeases him. And also that it's a responsibility as much as a right. But I take it further: I also think that the punishment doesn't have to fall any sort of rules or standards that an outside group or community states are true and right: the only rules a master need follow are his own, and only then if he's interested in following his own rules! :) Before a submissive gets involved in slavery, particularly with someone hardcore, it's usually a good idea to understand this concept thoroughly. Punishment can be arbitrary or unfair or a result of a sadistic impulse. It can also be the result of your master making a mistake. So what? He wants to punish you. You're his slave. You endure it. You can talk about it later with him if he allows you to. Even if the punishment stems from none of these things, even if it's proper, right and just, it won't always seem fair or right from your perspective. It might even be terrifying and make you think (at the time) that he is an awful person. But you know, that's kind of the point. You give up control (or many of us do) not to be offered some sort of perfectly fair deal and nonstop goodies and treats and the like, but to feel the intensity of lacking control, perhaps for the rest of your life, the intensity of ineqality, of being owned property without even any say in how you are treated, unless he allows it. If you want fairness and treats, or rather, if you EXPECT fairness and treats, you're much better off staying in a less extreme sort of dominant-submissive relationship, one in which all of your rights and power are not totally stripped away and where you can take nothing for granted.
I take slavery pretty seriously. In my experience, it's often very hard, in the ways the thread starter has described and also in many other ways, and not something ever to be undertaken lightly, without careful consideration of the cons as well as the pros. I realize one cannot know what the cons and pros of slavery are, necessarily, without diving in and experiencing them. I also realize that many submissives (I'm certainly not excluded) bring emotional difficulties to the table that, at times, make this type of life even harder. When you have a little experience with slavery (and I think the only way you fully learn what it's like is to have a live-in experience, because until then, when you're remote, the control stays incomplete due to the logistics of the situation) you can figure out if it is something you can or cannot live without. If you decide you can live without it, I strongly recommend staying clear of it, or, at very least steering clear of strong dominants. I'm not saying stay away from bdsm or submission, just stay away from slavery.
When you're emotionally vulnerable and open to begin with (I guess that's the traditional way of describing boundary issues :) ) and you place absolutely everything into someone else's hands, there will be times, perhaps many times, when you feel hurt beyond belief, terrified, deeply insecure, confused, outraged that he's doing certain things to you, lost and bereft, and lots of other unpleasant things. (shrug) This stuff happens when you aren't in control or controlling from the bottom (and, if you really love being a slave, the resassurance that you aren't in control that these unpleasant things bring to you far outweighs having to endure the momentary awfulness), and part of being a sucessful slave (obedient, devoted, and generally content with this sort of life), I think, is learning how to handle them. To bear them. To endure them. And to preservere, knowing that what you get out of the relationship (that blessed loss of control and joy in obedience and service) far outweighs the bad experiences.
A sign that you can't or don't want to bear the slings and arrows of slavery might be if you frequently turn them into OMG crises rather than just accepting them as par for the course when being very controlled or when you look for ways to escape them or to justify your escaping them. Nothing's wrong with that, unless you don't heed or learn from what your behavior is telling you. When I ignore what my behavior tells me is the truth, things quickly get "seven years bad luck" bad, probably because I am going against what is right and natural for myself.
You may need to become a slave to learn if this is a right way for you to live or not, but once you've figured that out, I think it's insane to continue being a slave unless you absolutely, 100% cannot bear to live any other way. The difficulties, especially if your dominant is very severe and you are quite willful and and unable to give up the idea that things should be "fair" according to your own standards, are often far too much to endure and also retain some semblence of happiness. You can start to hate him, start to sneak around behind his back, do things against his will, and make a travesty out of the power exchange (not to mention if he's on his game he'll know what you are doing, and in order to bring you to heel will make your life a living hell). But if being a slave meets your deepest needs in a way that nothing else life offers does, then nothing you're faced with, however horrible at the time, will be too much. It'll seem a small price to pay, in fact, for the opportunity to be exactly where you belong.
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