RE: smarts and domliness/subliness (Full Version)

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akisha -> RE: smarts and domliness/subliness (11/7/2008 10:11:59 AM)

~FR~

My ex husband was very intelligent, we averaged about the same IQ and he learned quickly. He went into a technical field of work, etc.  He was also one of the dullest men in the world to listen to after about the first 6 months of knowing him. It took him absolutely forever to get the the point when he was talking about something. He talked down to everyone, assuming they could not understand what he was talking about unless he broke it down into idiot proof parts. It got to a point where you just quit listening.

My Master is a terrible speller *g*, didn't finish highschool and sometimes finds the oddest things funny. And I love him to bits *S* [:)]

But he is also very intelligent. He likes to read about things and learn new things. He loves to sit with me and discuss politics and such and he is never to embarrassed to ask for further information if he doesn't understand something.
He may not be as traditionally well educated or as well read as I am, but he is FAR from being below my intellectual equal. There are things he understands that totally baffle me.

There are soo many more important things in a relationship then making sure your potential Dom has a higher IQ then you. Being smarter does not mean he's going to be a better partner or better Dominant. By not looking at the person as a whole being is extremely limiting.

Sometimes life experience is way more important then suppossed instutional learning.

Common interests and compatability are more important in my books



JustDarkness -> RE: smarts and domliness/subliness (11/7/2008 10:16:02 AM)

Mostly you lear to know eachother while beeing in a relation. I personally never found some one stupid. All peope have something that is special....that makes them smart in one way or an other.



moonvine -> RE: smarts and domliness/subliness (11/7/2008 12:26:37 PM)

Ha!  I love living alone soooo much, I could never see myself living with another person, and I've never even been married.  They could, however, live next door, that would be very convenient. 



JustDarkness -> RE: smarts and domliness/subliness (11/7/2008 12:38:00 PM)

lol..that was funny....



colouredin -> RE: smarts and domliness/subliness (11/7/2008 12:47:36 PM)

FR

Im going to sound totally arrogant here but I tend to be smarter than my partners, its not my fault i am just actualy quite bright and if i was to limit those that i get ivolved with as those brighter than me it it would reduce the pool quite a lot. Mind you i guess it does depend largely on how you define smarts. I have no 'street' smarts so in that regard all of my friends, ex's most people I know are smarter than me.



Gleegal67 -> RE: smarts and domliness/subliness (11/7/2008 1:08:25 PM)

[/quote]
Some people have high sexual/sensual quotients.  To me, a female that is not savvy at academics but knows how to connect with her man and express her passions in way he can feel the heat is “pussy smart”. 
[/quote]

ROFL...I am soooo going to hijack your terminology...I absolutely LOVE IT!  Thank you!

Back to our regular scheduled programming...

As a kind of selective nympho type gal, my preference for a partner has always been intellectual discourse as a must have, along with a clever sense of humor.  My mind stimulated just gets me physically hot as Hades!  I named a Dominant, Big Word Jim, because he knows how to use the big words...just right in a sentence or statement...I melt every single time!

Although, there is something to be said for when that lovely reaction of chemistry kicks in...intellect be damned!  I want to dive and wallow in it for as long as that chemical reaction is going on!  Does one need more conversation beyond..."Oh Yes! Yes! Yes!!!  Right there!  More please!!  Please more!! AHHhhhhhhhhh!!!"

My suggestion, like so many others...don't compromise on what is important to you...because there are others that have similar requirements in a partner. :)



Gleegal67 -> RE: smarts and domliness/subliness (11/7/2008 1:10:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: moonvine

Ha!  I love living alone soooo much, I could never see myself living with another person, and I've never even been married.  They could, however, live next door, that would be very convenient. 


[sm=applause.gif]   I feel exactly the same!  Cheers to you!! 



oceanwynds -> RE: smarts and domliness/subliness (11/7/2008 1:10:56 PM)

I think people lower their standards because they fear being alone more then anything. Better to have someone then no one mentality. That type of thinking has no place for me in life, but to each their own.



CallaFirestormBW -> RE: smarts and domliness/subliness (11/7/2008 1:44:15 PM)

In terms of choosing a servant for the household, intellect is a bonus, but not a requirement... however, if the individual plans on becoming part of the household as a permanent member, we've found that those who are intellectually well matched with us, and who share our rather perverse and complex sense of humor tend to have more of an interest in that than those who are not so intellectually compatible, which makes sense, really.

Our situation is a little different than some others, in that our servants' relationship with us is separate from any romantic or familial bond that develops, so not every servant is evaluated in terms of whether or not xhe'd make a good romantic/familial companion. Because of that, and because we're not looking for lifemates, intellectual compatibility can be fulfilled in other areas -- we don't need to require that from our servants.



LadyPact -> RE: smarts and domliness/subliness (11/7/2008 2:49:31 PM)

Forgive Me for being rude, but yes, the original did sound a bit obnoxious, if not downright egotistical.  There's nothing wrong with saying that you have certain preferences, but I would think that for someone who wrote the post with her own high standards of others in the concept, that it would have been written with a bit of a dash of people skills in mind. 

With that said, I wouldn't suggest that you settle in an area that you feel is something necessary for you to have a successful D/s relationship.  Your value on a certain type of intelligence and extensive education is obviously very important to you, there's no need for you to remove it as a requirement.  If that's what you feel you need for a Dominant to control you, it could very well be the case.  That includes the factor of your own predisposition of believing so.

Personally, I have to agree with what Michael said quite a few posts ago.   I see what a person has to offer as coming from within themselves on a variety of traits, rather than a number of degrees they can hang upon their walls.  There is so much more to consider.  Life experience, personality, compasion, and everything else that makes them who they are.

I've said this often.  I would have to say that the majority of submissives who have been in My life were probably of a greater intellect than I in at least some areas.  Yet, they still wanted Me as a Dominant.  I guess that means I have something that might be a little more valuable than something I can hang on a wall. 



SuchAGirl -> RE: smarts and domliness/subliness (11/7/2008 3:30:27 PM)

I would never condone lowering one's standards - especially on this topic. I can't see respecting my partner or myself if I did.

- Lady J



LydiaSciKitten -> RE: smarts and domliness/subliness (11/7/2008 5:05:26 PM)

Not meaning to sound conceited, and please don't you point out to me once again that education does not make one intelligent, because it's something I am well aware of, but I have grown up in a house of intellectual albeit disturbed individuals, and I am studying in the best university in Europe for the subject of my choice.
I have had many play partners, that were very much behind me intellectually. The result was that I accidently and unavoidably ended up 'topping from the bottom'. I could see what turned them on and off, what they were trying to do, and what they were affected or not affected by, and therefore found myself controlling the game. I did not like it, but it happened. Therefore, I was unable to feel emotionally attracted to these partners. Furthermore, I had the need to discuss topics such as the dangers of masochism, the elegance of decay and the nature of power with them, and they could obviously not keep up.
And then I met someone who was both a naturally and unforcefully Dominant personality, exceptionally smart and socially charismatic. Having studies psychology and neuroscience He was also quite apt in manipulation, and both very perceptive and witty. And it was more our talks and arguments that pushed the relationship forward than the sexual aspect of D/s. I must admit I have now been officially smitten for nearly a year.
Therefore, my conclusion is that one can have some casual play with anyone, and even a less serious relationship does not require intellectual domination. But, in my opinion, anything nearing love or TPE in D/s can be fully enjoyed only if the submissive can feel the joy of being intellectually Dominated as well as the rest. Or else the use of the submissive by the Dominant will include actual mental manipulation, but a cheap copy of it, and to me the ability to, up to a point, mentally control is essential for a true relationship.



moonvine -> RE: smarts and domliness/subliness (11/7/2008 5:17:14 PM)

People always say that....but I'm being quite serious when I say that...[;)]



Barelily -> RE: smarts and domliness/subliness (11/7/2008 5:26:47 PM)

quote:

Sooooo... what is "pussy smart"?

I was going to ask this myself lol

quote:

SQ vs IQ

Some people have high sexual/sensual quotients.  To me, a female that is not savvy at academics but knows how to connect with her man and express her passions in way he can feel the heat is “pussy smart”. 

Theres a much shorter word for that [;)]



I'd have to say I need a Dom thats on par or above in intelligence. I'm turned on by intelligence but I don't like snobs. If someone doesn't understand something, explain it, thats part of guiding. "Life" intelligence is much more appealing in a man then pure academic, but being able to discuss books, current affairs and so on is a must for me.

I don't care how smart you are, once you come home after work and you want dinner and sex your just like any other man.


Disclaimer: This post was made in response to the post made by ResidentSadist and is based on my opinion and experiences only.



AquaticSub -> RE: smarts and domliness/subliness (11/7/2008 5:32:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LydiaSciKitten

Therefore, my conclusion is that one can have some casual play with anyone, and even a less serious relationship does not require intellectual domination. But, in my opinion, anything nearing love or TPE in D/s can be fully enjoyed only if the submissive can feel the joy of being intellectually Dominated as well as the rest. Or else the use of the submissive by the Dominant will include actual mental manipulation, but a cheap copy of it, and to me the ability to, up to a point, mentally control is essential for a true relationship.


Actually... your education should tell you that given the extremely small sample you are working with, your conclusion should be that YOU are unable to have a TPE without being mentally overpowered by your dominant. To make a broader statement you need a larger sample.

I personally have no need for being mentally overpowered. Possibly because it's never happened and possibly because I'd much rather have a mental give and take. I don't need someone to be smarter than me to obey them, I just don't feel "Haha, I'm smarter I'm going to run circles around you because I can."



StrtbkNamdDesire -> RE: smarts and domliness/subliness (11/7/2008 7:10:52 PM)

For myself, i wouldn't be able to properly respect a Dom if He/She were not wise. Here i make a differentiation between booksmarts, intellectual CAPAcity, and true wisdom that has been acquired not only by education but by life experience. If someone is simply into showing off their academic achievement at every turn, i am not interested. Intellectual capacity is important, but it's only valuable if someone has taken steps to fulfill their desire for knowledge (remaining active in some type of learning process), rather than just possessing a high IQ. i believe that real WISdom is a mix of intelligence, life experience, and some education- though one certainly does not need a doctorate degree to be wise. Although i only choose partners who i consider my intellectual equals, i find it even more attractive if they possess wisdom on top of mere capacity. In addition, i would hope that any Dom i chose would not only appreciate but require some type of intelligence/wisdom on the part of His/Her sub. i think psychological manipulation is MUCH more exciting when people are intellectual equals and respect each others' brains as well as bodies.



ResidentSadist -> RE: smarts and domliness/subliness (11/7/2008 7:32:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Barelily

quote:

Sooooo... what is "pussy smart"?

I was going to ask this myself lol

quote:

SQ vs IQ

Some people have high sexual/sensual quotients.  To me, a female that is not savvy at academics but knows how to connect with her man and express her passions in way he can feel the heat is “pussy smart”. 

Theres a much shorter word for that



I'd have to say I need a Dom thats on par or above in intelligence. I'm turned on by intelligence but I don't like snobs. If someone doesn't understand something, explain it, thats part of guiding. "Life" intelligence is much more appealing in a man then pure academic, but being able to discuss books, current affairs and so on is a must for me.

I don't care how smart you are, once you come home after work and you want dinner and sex your just like any other man.


Disclaimer: This post was made in response to the post made by ResidentSadist and is based on my opinion and experiences only.

Dear lily,
I agree, there are different types of intellect.  Although brains will always be the sexiest flesh to me too, they don’t have to be PHD and they just don’t have to be my equal. A nice average girl with some “life intelligence” would suit me fine. 

I’m sort of a brainy guy and IQ tests say I’m a bit smarter than the average bear.  Take that single digit grouping and then filter out another 90% of them that aren’t in the lifestyle and chuck yet another 99% of those that I would not be attracted to and I wonder if I would still be a virgin at 53? 

Fortunately = > was a never requirement in my book.  Despite the odds, I have partnered with a few equals and one that had a higher IQ than my own (1 point higher – LOL).  An IQ of 161 seemed no more compatible then an IQ of 145 or 130.  Although my experience is not large enough to make a sample from, perhaps it’s not just me.  Maybe it is different for most Domly types than submissives? 

Best Wishes,
Kalon Eric



tactileartist -> RE: smarts and domliness/subliness (11/7/2008 9:33:28 PM)

My 2 cents' worth because I haven't managed to shove my foot far enough down my throat today on other forums.

I need someone who can equal or surpass me in intelligence.  I am utterly unconcerned with education if the mind is curious, lively, and playful.  Intelligence, interest, liveliness, the ability to pull me up short when I need it, and - this one is absolute - enough personal comfort with their intelligence to not be personally threatened by MY intelligence.  I don't need someone who's well educated - I need someone willing to be curious and explore with me. Someone with enough interests in common that we can geek out together, and enough independent interests to be their own person.  Someone with enough personal integrity to be able to debate or argue with me, someone with enough of a common world view with me that we're not ALWAYS arguing.

... I need someone who not only calls me on my bullshit, but accepts it with good grace when I call him on his.

Thank Gods we found each other.  It's awesome.  We're both better people together.



NihilusZero -> RE: smarts and domliness/subliness (11/7/2008 10:36:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sravaka

Namely, I've imagined that being with a dominant who is my intellectual equal-or-superior is a need.  Surely a dominant needs to be a step or so ahead of his submissive if it's going to work?  And surely it's reasonable to expect equal & opposite intellectual stimulation from one's partner, whether bdsm-inclined or vanilla?

I agree with this fully.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sravaka

But there are other things too.  Some I've been looking for all along.  Relationship intelligence, sexual intelligence-- here I'm easily equalled if not exceeded.  Psychological acuity-- little to do with book smarts, generally.   Life experience, whether practical or personal or random-- necessary in addition to book smarts, and often even more important.  Intellectual openness, curiosity, engagement-- these probably remain non-negotiable.  Intellectual ambition-- maybe he doesn't need it for himself, but I think he needs to understand and support mine (still debating on that one).  Values-related intellect-- ability to justify religious, political, ethical beliefs in some sort of rational manner.  And so on.   My theory is that adding things like these to the equation can add up to intellectual parity or superiority, even if education, raw intelligence, etc., remain somehow unequal.

I think a lot of this is coming down to the capacity for critical thinking, honest introspection and at least a moderate grasp of human psychology , as it applies to him and others.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sravaka

Dominants--  I know many of you are looking for or with women who are close to you intellectually, but could you deal with a gap which left her in various respects ahead of you? and if so, in what respects?  Where are the limits of what you'd find plausible?

I feel rather comfortable in my level of self-awareness and acuity. Then again, ?I'm sure most everyone would say such a thing...

I wonder if the mentor in me might find it more difficult with someone who might have a lesser expanse of horizons to be brought to under my wing...but, as you stated, there are so many variables which can be considered, in one form or another, relevant to 'intellect' as it pertains to the dynamic of a D/s relationship.



NorthernGent -> RE: smarts and domliness/subliness (11/7/2008 11:11:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: moonvine

Ha!  I love living alone soooo much, I could never see myself living with another person, and I've never even been married.  They could, however, live next door, that would be very convenient. 



'Funny how people see the world. To me, there's no use in working your knackers off when there's no one to share it with. Living alone has its benefits, of course, but they are vastly outweighed by the benefits of a committed relationship. Perhaps the difference in outlook is a matter of whether or not a person has had a few too many kickings. The trick for me is to find someone who shares my interests, and, yes, she has to have a certain amount of intelligence because I thrive on debate; reading books is not enough for me.



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