RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=-

RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (Full Version)

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NuevaVida -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/7/2008 8:19:27 AM)
It would take an awful lot for me to live with someone again, be it family, friends, a "partner," whichever. I have been living alone for just over 3 years now, and I love it. Well, technically the love of my life lives with me - a kitty I brought home a few months ago. I love living alone more than I ever thought I would. I could live with a person, particularly one who is dominant over me. But a group of people? That sounds really unappealing to me.

theobserver -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/7/2008 9:23:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissEnchanted ResidentSadist, This is my dream: 'I could even live with other Dominants and their families in a large estate style home or compound.' I like that idea in theory but when I think of it in practice as seen in our modern times it seems to evolve into a cult-like environment, where a lot of non consensual abuses are fostered. That's only my opinion, it's not an absolute.

eri -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/7/2008 10:15:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: theobserver quote: ORIGINAL: MissEnchanted ResidentSadist, This is my dream: 'I could even live with other Dominants and their families in a large estate style home or compound.' I like that idea in theory but when I think of it in practice as seen in our modern times it seems to evolve into a cult-like environment, where a lot of non consensual abuses are fostered. That's only my opinion, it's not an absolute. Power tends to corrupt people. Not all people but really it only takes one really powerful, really corrupt person to do -a lot- of damage. Or to start a nonconsensual cult or whatever. I dislike living alone. I enjoy having a peaceful, calm home environment. I dislike fighting and chaos, which is one nice thing about living alone. There is no fighting or chaos in my home. But I miss the sounds and the scents of other people. I miss conversation about the most mundane things you can imagine. I miss sharing comforts with others. I agree with RS that living alone is not natural, at least not for me.

Sundowner -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/7/2008 11:00:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissEnchanted ResidentSadist, This is my dream: 'I could even live with other Dominants and their families in a large estate style home or compound.' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mine is near the ocean, with large gardens, a swimming pool, 'green' living, and friends would fly in and stay with their slaves and be served by mine. Toy boxes and stations would be scattered through out. I would have my own house where I could be peaceful and private. (chuckles) There would be a 'drama detecter' at the front gate and anyone who set off the alarm would have to leave and come back when they were a tad more centered. [:D] I have Dom/me friends I have discussed this with and we agree a pile of money wouldn't hurt. ME I have something not a million miles away from that dream but it's only for part of the year (I wouldn't enjoy it full time I fear); the "friends fly in" bit is fun (and they fly out too!); and for me it's vital that I can "be peaceful and private" too. So (I haven't thought deeply about this) I suspect I like to have my cake and eat it - to enjoy company but to enjoy quiet privacy too. (And please - where do I buy your brilliant drama detector?)

colouredin -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/7/2008 11:01:24 AM)
Oh SD from the pictures I would happily live there forever

leadership527 -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/7/2008 11:07:09 AM)
*quote:* The Observer said: I like that idea in theory but when I think of it in practice as seen in our modern times it seems to evolve into a cult-like environment, where a lot of non consensual abuses are fostered. This seems a bit thin to me. Fundamentally, if I was worried about this, then I probably shouldn't be turning my wife into my property, no? One of the things that it took me a while to learn in my BDSM journey is that I needed to not worry about what theoretical "bad people" might do. What I needed to worry about is what my wife and I actually are doing. In this case, we are actually building such a "compound" and it is actually full of love and sweetness and light. quote: Eri said: Power tends to corrupt people. Not all people but really it only takes one really powerful, really corrupt person to do -a lot- of damage. Or to start a nonconsensual cult or whatever. And absolute power corrupts absolutely, right? For me, at least, this is one of the biggest draws for WIITID... the fact that the potential for corruption is present, real, and extreme. It is the fact that I am NOT corrupted by the power that I have that gives me the sense of accomplishment. It is a well known fact that it only takes one really bad person to do really bad things... at least until another really good person decides to stop him or her. But what's that got to do with whether or not my friends and I should live next to each other? ~Jeff

Sundowner -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/7/2008 11:25:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: colouredin Oh SD from the pictures I would happily live there forever <grins at coloured> But what if I followed observer's concern of nonconsensual abuse? [;)]

oceanwynds -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/7/2008 11:26:21 AM)
Do you like living alone? Yes, now for 3 years Does your primary partner live elsewhere? Yes, about an hour from me Do you have slaves/subs that do not live with you? Doesn't apply Do you have a “house” and there a specific policy you find effective? Doesn't apply Any other comments or questions? In the 1960's-and early 70's i lived in a commune. When married to my late husband we talked and research at a great length about building a house/community where other pagans and metaphysical people would live. But it just never came together for all of us. I enjoy living on my own now, though it was a struggle at first. I have wondered what I would do if Sir would want me to move in with him down the road. Living by myself has been very nice in many ways, but I believe I would move in with him.

Padriag -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/7/2008 12:05:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: eri Power tends to corrupt people. I disagree... neither power nor money ever corrupted anyone... they merely magnified what was already there. Which is perhaps the more disquieting thought. quote: I dislike living alone. I enjoy having a peaceful, calm home environment. I dislike fighting and chaos, which is one nice thing about living alone. There is no fighting or chaos in my home. But I miss the sounds and the scents of other people. I miss conversation about the most mundane things you can imagine. I miss sharing comforts with others. I agree with RS that living alone is not natural, at least not for me. This however, I very much relate too.

windchymes -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/7/2008 1:48:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rover Heck, as much as I love and enjoy my own biological family, I'd have to seriously consider murder/suicide if we were all to live together as adults. John [:D] This is why we all live in separate states! I've lived alone now (except for a dog) for about 7 years. I used to be unsettled about that and my "plan" was to be with someone again, permanently. But the past two or three years, I've realized that I'm actually very content living alone. If someone ever comes along again, peachy, but it's not part of the "plan".

DavanKael -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/7/2008 1:50:25 PM)
Hi, ResidentSadist---- Beautifully stated and wishes for finding that which you seek. :> I have only read the OP thus far. Here are my replies to your queries: Do you like living alone? **Actually, I have 12 other lives in my home currently (Not counting the uninvited insects who are welcome, just not amidst that count) but they aren't human. I abhorr living as the only human in my home but I've been doing it for 13+months now and having had an ex- who was in the military for part of our marriage, can cope with being by myself in my residence. I like my house. I miss the creature comforts of having a partner, I miss the emotional aspects and physical manifestations there-of (Not just the sex) even more. While I don't mind taking such sentiments 'on the road' (And, I did as part of a recent relationship) as people are more important to me than places. I do like the stability of having my home, knock-on-wood. Does your primary partner live elsewhere? No. Do you have slaves/subs that do not live with you? No. Do you have a “house” and there a specific policy you find effective? When my ex- and I lived here (And when we had others living with us), I 'ruled the roost'. It wasn't a matter ofpreferrence but a matter of necessity as my ex- was not Dominant. With most, I am a gracious hostess. I think about things my visitors may enjoy and I have them available for them. My chosen family may treat my home as their own (And have the keys to prove it). This really does go as far as they could show up and walk out with a TV or whatever and I'd see no problem with it; what's mine is theirs. Were a Dominant I was in a relationship to come to my house (I gave a lot of thought to this across the relationship I was in following my separation up until fairly recently), if he was someone I trusted and held in high esteem, essentially were he someone I considered a partner or more, I'd have no problem with him being the King of my Castle. No problem at all; he could consider it as his own. The person of whom I spoke was welcomed to visit many times and to bring any and all imporant folks in his life along. He chose otherwise. Any other comments or questions? **In my quick scroll-down, I think I caught someone mentioning something of compound living. I am a very big fan of the idea of intentional community. My 'ideal' would manifest in a large piece of land, numerous houses, my partner(s) and I co-habitating, those dear in the other domiciles, those dear to any of us welcome anytime. Lots of animals, small folk just dandy. Rather tribal in some ways. Chosen and extended family. I think it would be beautiful. :> Davan

ShiftedJewel -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/7/2008 1:51:29 PM)
This is something I have thought about so much. A large private place where we can be who we are without worrying about what the neighbors will think.... you know? But the reality is that people will condemn anything they don't fully understand. They will see it as a "cult" or something dangerously close. About an hour from here there was this group that wanted to start their own little "community" and call it "The Village" or something like that. Anyway... from what I understand they were wanting to start a little village where everyone one in it was a craftsman of some sort. Living off the land and all that happy stuff, open to the general public would be shops and things like that. I know I don't have all the facts, but it sounded amazing to me!! But all over the nearest town were signs saying "Stop the Village"!!! *I still can't help but think... WTF???* I'm pretty sure around here something like that would fly, this town is awesome. It isn't that the people that live here are more evolved or educated, I think it's because the people around here are just less interested in what the rest of the world is doing. I don't know... It's a beautiful dream though, isn't it? *Jewel*

theobserver -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/7/2008 1:53:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 *quote:* The Observer said: I like that idea in theory but when I think of it in practice as seen in our modern times it seems to evolve into a cult-like environment, where a lot of non consensual abuses are fostered. This seems a bit thin to me. Fundamentally, if I was worried about this, then I probably shouldn't be turning my wife into my property, no? One of the things that it took me a while to learn in my BDSM journey is that I needed to not worry about what theoretical "bad people" might do. What I needed to worry about is what my wife and I actually are doing. In this case, we are actually building such a "compound" and it is actually full of love and sweetness and light. ~Jeff I was referring to the point of living under one roof in a compound inhabited by extended family, friends and ect. I didn't think I needed to clarify that I was not talking about couples. If I misread what you wrote, I apologize in advance.

DavanKael -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/7/2008 2:02:39 PM)
After reading the rest otheposts in their entirety, I wanted to point out that a 'compound' with multiple domiciles can be legally created with relative ease. Several options of which I am aware: Incorporate and make the property an asset of the corporation Subdivide plots and title as needed for people to feel safe (I surely would want my name on a deed) If the funds are available and the places can be paid off, straight-up, have contracts created with provisions for wills and such (Protecting theprogeny is always important, imo) Possibly creating a land-trust may work but I am unsure of this one As a side-note, too, intentional communities range from everything that a dear, dear right wing beloved of mine would refer to as "dirt worshipping hippies" to upscale urbanites with more fundage than god. The antiquated ideas of hippie communes(Nothing against hippie communes) isn't the only option. Again, to me, it's about being around loved ones/ones dear and everyone working together, being together, being joyous! :> Davan (Unabashed optimist for the potentials of humanity even when she's in a funky mood)

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/7/2008 2:03:52 PM)
quote: Do you like living alone? I am comfortable living alone. I've done so for extended periods, and still find periods of alone-ness (even extended periods of months alone) to be restorative. I do, however, prefer communal living for most of the time. I find that I am a decent hermit, but only for a time, and then I want the family that I have created around me. quote: Does your primary partner live elsewhere? My Darling and I live communally, with our own separate 'private spaces', along with two of our 4 grown children (3 of our offspring lived with us while they were growing up as well). We also have Nest members who live separately from us, though ideally, we would have everyone within the same estate (we had this 8 years ago, but death and economic changes brought us to where we are now, and it's a long road back). quote: Do you have slaves/subs that do not live with you? At the moment, all of the servants we are interviewing will be living off-site... at least for a couple more years. quote: Do you have a “house” and there a specific policy you find effective? Yes, we have a House. We still hold to many of the tenets that our original founder embraced, though it is more that each of us who are part of the house shared these ideas separately, and when we came together, we mutually forged this concept of what we are and how we wish to live. quote: Any other comments or questions? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -=“House” Definition=- Like the term “medieval torture”, it conjures a wide variety of different but correct images. The same is true with my use of the term “house”. The common thread between the many images "house" inspires for my use of term is the structured family or group, whether they all live in the same domicile or not. Usually there is a leader (or leaders) of the group who are the Master(s) or Mistress(es) of the “house”. Just a comment on your concept of 'house'... I find that this is pretty much how we see our House... regardless of where we physically reside, we are part of the same conceptual family. When he was alive, The Bladewing was our Master of the House -- First among equals with the Keepers, and final word to the servants. Now, my Darling and I are the Matriarchs. We choose to manage separately but equally, and have developed a hierarchy of needs that we work out amongst ourselves before laying things out for others to minimize confusion or that sense of not knowing which, of conflicting priorities, one must attend to first. Even if, for some reason, my Darling and I ended up separated, we are still family, as are the members who are already satellites to the main nest. Oh, and Davan... Yes, you're right. We've been involved in IC (intentional community) for any number of years -- everything from an IC built from the ground up, of completely green buildings to friends of ours who have used recycled shipping containers to build their IC.

moonvine -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/7/2008 2:07:15 PM)
Whether or not it goes "against the grain of any human condition," I ADORE living alone, and have since I was 22 or so, with very short and uncomfortable periods of someone else living in my house because they were in financial straits. I have made sacrifices to live alone, such as living in an efficiency apartment when I'd like more space, or buying a townhouse when I'd rather have a single family unit. I cannot imagine living with anyone ever again - sleepovers are fine, preferably at his house - and living with multiple other people is something that would fill me with misery and despair, and something I'd be working to get out of as soon as possible. I do plan on buying a good bit of land somewhere land is still cheap and building a house on it and an animal sanctuary. The other members of my rescue group will be free to build houses there too, but they aren't living in mine! As far as extended family goes, there's a reason I live over 1,000 miles from my family of origin. I have a family of choice, in a non-sexual, non-BDSM fashion, and we don't even live together. So on to your questions: I have no primary partner, so n/a. The last primary partner I had lived about 5 miles away and that was great. I have no slaves or subs. I am not a member of a house, nor do I desire such.

leadership527 -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/7/2008 2:28:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: theobserver I was referring to the point of living under one roof in a compound inhabited by extended family, friends and ect. I didn't think I needed to clarify that I was not talking about couples. If I misread what you wrote, I apologize in advance. Nope, we were on the same page. I am in fact looking moving next april up into exactly such a compound inhabited exactly by such an extended family. Looking at the actual two dominants in question, I would worry about meteor strikes destroying the planet before Jim Jones scenarios. Is it really that weird for my wife and I to move so that we live next to another friend's household? In the end, it's just two families who like each other a great deal deciding to go into a semi-poly sort of relationship.

theobserver -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/7/2008 2:35:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 quote: ORIGINAL: theobserver I was referring to the point of living under one roof in a compound inhabited by extended family, friends and ect. I didn't think I needed to clarify that I was not talking about couples. If I misread what you wrote, I apologize in advance. Nope, we were on the same page. I am in fact looking moving next april up into exactly such a compound inhabited exactly by such an extended family. Looking at the actual two dominants in question, I would worry about meteor strikes destroying the planet before Jim Jones scenarios. Is it really that weird for my wife and I to move so that we live next to another friend's household? In the end, it's just two families who like each other a great deal deciding to go into a semi-poly sort of relationship. Hey to each their own, just not for me. :)

DavanKael -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/7/2008 2:44:24 PM)
Hi, Leadership---- You're talking about the rudiments of exactly what I was speaking of. :> Afterall, when we enoy the presence/company of others, why not hold close while still maintaining whatever distances we need for our own personal welfare (If any)? Davan

littlewonder -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/7/2008 3:23:25 PM)
Currently it's just me and my child, has been that way for many many years. I prefer though to live with my significant other and our immediate family if there is that. I even more prefer to one day remarry and live together as a family. I have absolutely no interest though in having any kind of poly type of situation or having the rest of my family living with me.

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