RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (Full Version)

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CallaFirestormBW -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/7/2008 3:37:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: eri

Power tends to corrupt people. Not all people but really it only takes one really powerful, really corrupt person to do -a lot- of damage. Or to start a nonconsensual cult or whatever.



Power can corrupt, but it strikes me that we've become an exceptionally skittish race. With the advent of television, where every exceptional case of inappropriate behavior is splashed in front of our eyes in lurid color to evoke the fear that leaves us safe in front of our televisions, afraid to step out of our doors or open our homes, and where we have come to depend on commentators to tell us what to fear, and stylized wrestling dramas and the antics of our century's fools--actors and actresses who pose, preen, and pratfall for our cameras and columnists--to let us taste our battles in carefully cultivated environments structured to lead us to praising the 'right' things and shunning the 'baaaad' things, as preached by the Church of The Almighty Mediocre... we've become seekers of grey and colorless places -- of 'safe' environments, where there is no risk of harm -- of 'respectful equality', where there is no chance of failure, because there is no real need to extend oneself beyond ones' capacity.

For myself, I will take adventure, even though there may be danger. I will take color, even when it clashes resoundingly with the decor. I will take the risk of failure, so that I may push myself again and again to strive to become more than I am.



theobserver -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/7/2008 3:56:37 PM)

This is making me think twice about Polyamory. At least in the context it is being presented under this thread. I thought that you could be in a polyamous relationship without all living under one roof. For me, I think that once it goes beyond three people in a relationship, living under one roof can be a bit sketchy.



CallaFirestormBW -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/7/2008 4:00:24 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: theobserver

This is making me think twice about Polyamory. At least in the context it is being presented under this thread. I thought that you could be in a polyamous relationship without all living under one roof. For me, I think that once it goes beyond three people in a relationship, living under one roof can be a bit sketchy.

Many poly groups -do- live separately (and even for us, there are a number of family members who live at a distance). Living together isn't a factor in polyamory, it is merely a preference for some.



DavanKael -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/7/2008 4:29:24 PM)

Seconding what CallaFirestorm said:  polyamory can take sooooooo many forms.  To The Observer, do some research on the vastness of poly-.  Just as with most things, there's a continuum.  Cohabitation isn't a prerequisite to poly-.  The term polyamory translates to many loves.  To some this is a loose network, to others it is a tightly fidelitous group, and there are tons of permutations in between and potentials forintermingling other alt-lifestyles within it (Likebdsm and poly or poly and swinging, etc.).  There's no new thing under the sun and rarely only one way to do things.  Boxes suck!  :> 
  Davan



everhope -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/7/2008 6:18:44 PM)

a lovely thread Sir.
 
i thrive in a living enviorment where i am part of a greater whole. i started communally living with people when i was 18 and continued until my early thirties. i have lived in the same home and also lived in separate dwellings on a  shared parcel of land. the deed to the property stated that we were tenants in common and we each had equal shares of the 80 acres. oh and then there was a year living in a school bus on 2 acres of redwoods scattered with 16 school busses that our edcentric landlord collected and rented out. we called ourselves the Bus people....fond fond memories. 
so it seemed natural for me to gravitate to D/s family type situations when i found all this. i consider myself a loving generous soul who shares well. it would be lovely to someday belong to another D/s family. one can always hope.
 
may we all find our bliss.   



Jeptha -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/7/2008 8:06:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: everhope

... i have lived in the same home and also lived in separate dwellings on a shared parcel of land. the deed to the property stated that we were tenants in common and we each had equal shares of the 80 acres....
I've always loved living alone.
But I have imagined trying to do something like everhope mentions; having a large parcel of land that friends or family can use for camping or building small summer houses.

It used to be, back when real estate was only a fraction of what it is now, that even modest middle-income families might own a vacation cottage on or near a lake or in the mountains.

My image was of a big chunk of raw land that could be subdivided for individual use, while retaining some areas that could be used collectively, perhaps for gardens, orchards or workshops, etc.

I've always loved living alone, but I like the idea of having a common area to meet for coffee and to hang out in.



WinsomeDefiance -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/7/2008 8:13:05 PM)

The one thing I miss, from my poly adventures, is the warmth of a family environment where there were always people around to connect with.  When it works, it is phenomenal, when it doesn't, it is devestating. 

I've found that I'm a person who needs a certain level of solitude and personal space, but being the type of person I am, it is very easy to find myself alienated from people because I've drifted too far into my own little peaceful world of self.  It can be a challenge to find that balance, of family and connection, while nurturing that need for solitude.




GreedyTop -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/7/2008 8:18:45 PM)

I find that I actually prefer living alone. I'd go batshit crazy with a bunch of people around all the time.  I could deal with ONE person sharing space with me, but it'd have to be someone pretty damned special, someone who could learn when to leave me ALONE (as in don't crowd my personal space, man....).  Even in a compound type setting, I'd not be comfy.



Alighierisquest -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/7/2008 8:37:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

Power can corrupt, but it strikes me that we've become an exceptionally skittish race. With the advent of television, where every exceptional case of inappropriate behavior is splashed in front of our eyes in lurid color to evoke the fear that leaves us safe in front of our televisions, afraid to step out of our doors or open our homes, and where we have come to depend on commentators to tell us what to fear, and stylized wrestling dramas and the antics of our century's fools--actors and actresses who pose, preen, and pratfall for our cameras and columnists--to let us taste our battles in carefully cultivated environments structured to lead us to praising the 'right' things and shunning the 'baaaad' things, as preached by the Church of The Almighty Mediocre... we've become seekers of grey and colorless places -- of 'safe' environments, where there is no risk of harm -- of 'respectful equality', where there is no chance of failure, because there is no real need to extend oneself beyond ones' capacity.

For myself, I will take adventure, even though there may be danger. I will take color, even when it clashes resoundingly with the decor. I will take the risk of failure, so that I may push myself again and again to strive to become more than I am.


*claps* Nice prose.  [:)]



YourhandMyAss -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/7/2008 9:13:25 PM)

You would of HATED the tiny trailer I lived in for 2 months with daddy and two dogs. It was so small, that he had to sleep on the floor and me on the bed since it was a single and both us wouldn't fit, and then when I had to get up and go pee, he had to wake up and get off the floor so I could either get to the tiny lil toilet with out stepping on him, or get out the door with out stepping on him. And to make this worse, his dog had the worst habbit of trying to bolt out the door when ever you opend it and would run from you, so someone had to be holding onto her, before the door could be opend, otherwise she'd get loose. And at the trailer park loose dogs were a no no and you'd get in trouble.
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

I find that I actually prefer living alone. I'd go batshit crazy with a bunch of people around all the time.  I could deal with ONE person sharing space with me, but it'd have to be someone pretty damned special, someone who could learn when to leave me ALONE (as in don't crowd my personal space, man....).  Even in a compound type setting, I'd not be comfy.



DelilahDeb -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/7/2008 9:18:50 PM)

OP:
quote:

Do you like living alone?
Does your primary partner live elsewhere?
Do you have slaves/subs that do not live with you?
Do you have a “house” and there a specific policy you find effective?
Any other comments or questions?


On the whole, i find it easier, as I am now, to live alone. I would not have said so at the end of the last millenium.
A stroke-caused disabiility makes it difficult for me to communicate successfully for extended periods of time, like days in a row. A few hours a day is fine (as long as I am sufficiently rested): the inevitable and necessary vanilla, mundane, pragmatic, and everyday communication involved in living alongside anyone else simply drains me of enough physical energy that I have little left to play, socialize, keep my commitments, or keep my house in order.

At present, I have no "primary partner" as such. One of my regular subs is a secondary partner, as I am to him.

Yes, I have subs who do not live with me. One service sub assists me with garden management and exterior small repairs. An occasional out-of-town traveler is my sub during the weeks he is here. And my secondary partner and I have a standing play date post-munch…and he handles the occasional significant project for me (this winter, he's felling a tree for me).

I have a "house," yes, and I host a monthly community play party that circulates among private homes. And I very much enjoy having a couple of choices of places to play (there's the converted-garage dungeon, the eyebolt-framed alcove in the living room, and the massage table and recliner in the spare bedroom. I'm not hubris-full enough to imagine that I will go pro, but I do enjoy the many interactions that enrich my life: munch, occasional parties, play dates, kinky gatherings. Now if only the twp kinky campouts were not timed within a couple of weeks of each other…it would be a lot easier if Leatherwoods was more than a dozen days before the start of Paradise unbound. (Lessee, KinkFest in March, move Leatherwoods at least back to mid-July, then Paradise at end of August, and it's only two weeks from then until Folsom Fair in S.F. That would make a nice kinky calendar for us PacNorwesters.)

Lady Delilah Deb



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/7/2008 10:49:11 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist
Do you like living alone?

In every occasion I have had it, I loved it.
quote:


Does your primary partner live elsewhere?

No, we live together.  But we maintain separate bedrooms.
quote:


Do you have a “house” and there a specific policy you find effective?

A lot of heteros create a group of loosely connected friends and create some mythical/fantasy/tough sounding kinky name to call themselves.  The members tend to not last more than six months.  I don't put much stock in those.



accipitres -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/8/2008 7:26:02 AM)

I've been giving this a lot of thought recently, and am, frankly, confused.  Maybe answering your post will help me clarify in my own mind.

1) I do not like living alone; I miss having someone to share my life with on an intimate level.
2) I know several submissive women that I would gladly live with
3) I am pretty sure I could not live with a male dominant

As a "submissive" heterosexual female, that doesn't seem to make much sense. 

But ....

With a submissive female, I can say "I am working on a deadline, please do not disturb me."  or "I spent the entire day being charming to strangers.  I need some quiet time."

With a submissive female, I don't expect to be picking up someone elses dirty socks, doing all the housework, taking care of all the chores.

I spent over a decade training for my career. I work 60 hours a week.  I do not want to be, nor am I capable of being "on call" 24/7.  The thought exhausts me.  The reality would make me nuts.

So, the obvious answer is "find a dominant who does not expect me to drop everything to fetch him a glass of water, or to leave work, make him dinner, and head back to work afterward."

But, it seems to go with the territory  ... both of being dominant and male.  In the general US population, women still do 70% of the household chores.  And a dominant who will only be dominant when I am off work seems a contradiction in terms. 

So where does that leave me?  Get another dog?  Sigh.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/8/2008 8:29:37 AM)

I always say- who cares what most people do or what most people are like?  It only matters what the ONE you're interested in getting into that situation is like.

Just because a master CAN do something doesn't mean he WILL.  The good masters understand the concept of "priorities" and "ultimate fulfillment."  Your main issue is one of compatibility.

For someone like me, I chose a path in life specifically so that I would NOT work overtime, would NOT be needed to travel far, would NOT be overly stressful.  This means less material gain, it means less "kudos" to put on the career wall.  But it means I have what I want- time and energy to live and enjoy my life as I like it.

All about priorities and compatibility.



missturbation -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/8/2008 9:54:30 AM)

In general i love living alone, admittedly my um still lives with me and her b/f but i dont seemuch of either of them. By living alone though i mean without a dominant. I'm not ready to do 24/7 and all that goes with it, but hope that one day i will be.
Right now though some days i don't feel like shaving my legs, kneeling, brushing my hair. I like to cut my toe nails in bed, eat in bed, read IN my bed before i go to sleep, sleep with the light on, watch late night tv, pick my nose, scratch my ass, masturbate alone furiously.
I'd miss those things lol if i was to live with someone.



everhope -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/8/2008 10:34:34 AM)

currently, i don't live alone. i have a townhouse mate. we are both submissives and involved to some degree with the local community. we do have "house" rules that we made together to assure each others privacy and make the running of our home smooth. we also have money agreeements..i pay the gas bill ...she buys ice and paper products...it works for us. we both are respectful of each others space and our work schedules are such that we both have alone time at home. we appreciate each other and know how blessed we were to have found such compatibility when we both were looking for someone to share expensives with.
 
having such a compatible living situation does not change that i would like to be owned living 24/7 with a Master
i will continue to remain hopeful that this could be in my future.
 
may we all find our bliss. 
 



agirl -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/8/2008 12:56:19 PM)

I live alone, if that means living without M on a day to day basis but I do live with two skinny, leggy male sprogs.

I'm not sure if I 'like' living alone so much as have 'got used' to it. I certainly appreciate the positive aspects of it. I can't say that I prefer it, these days. I sincerely don't know for certain, whereas a few years ago I could have said with absolute certainty that I was content living alone because at that time, I was, without question.

I like the 'idea' of all sorts of other ways of living but also know that the reality doesn't taste quite the same. It's easy to weave a fantasy around an 'idea' and project all sorts of wonderful outcomes.

We have a 'house', insomuch as M heads my life and I, in turn, am the one that has the yea or nay with the sprogs, being in the hands-on position.

agirl





stella41b -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/8/2008 10:33:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Do you like living alone?



Unless it's someone who's really close to me I prefer living alone. Theatre is my passion, my life and my work plus I do voluntary and charity work so I vary between periods where I'm constantly among people and other times when I am completely isolated. I like my privacy, I like an asylum and as it's coming up for two years since I have somewhere to live after being homeless I quite enjoy living alone and am in no hurry to change this.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Does your primary partner live elsewhere?



I don't have a primary partner.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Do you have slaves/subs that do not live with you?



I have friends that do not live with me plus one or two distant relatives who I regard as family. The rest of my family have cut me off.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Do you have a “house” and there a specific policy you find effective?



I don't have a 'house' and my 'home' is something I can comfortably fit into a large suitcase and large cardboard box. I quit amassing things or getting too attached to a home or material possessions when I had to leave Poland three years ago. Therefore my own specific policy is minimalist which suits both my Bohemian nature and transient way of living.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Any other comments or questions?



I've spent time in a BDSM household and while I love the people to bits and enjoyed the experience it's not really my thing. Unless someone is close to me - and even then I need my own personal space - I would much prefer to have some sort of distance. I've spent time in communal living but I had a really traumatic time living in a hostel for the homeless and this has put me off communal living altogether.



hermione83 -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/8/2008 11:30:33 PM)

I don't have a partner, and live alone. Maybe one day soon I'll be taking the big leap and getting some furry pets. (the non-human sort). I greatly dislike being around people, and would never let my family or friends know about my submissive side. I'm not into poly relationships - and never want kids. The poly thing has many many reasons, but part of the not wanting kids thing is that I just don't like having anyone in my home that isn't immediate type family. Even then, I'm uncomfortable with it. I spent most of my time alone in the mountains as a child, reading. However, I don't like living alone. It's the only thing I can handle, apart from a marriage type relationship living together. I lived with my ex-fiance, and I really liked it. I don't even like hotels. Too many people in proximity, you know. I'd send everyone off to some other solar system, and frolic with the dolphins and be Adam and Eve with my Master.. well, not Eve, because I'd gladly be the end of the human race on earth, so whatever name means that, hehe. :o)



scarlethiney -> RE: -=Home vs “house”, living alone, BDSM void?=- (11/9/2008 12:38:17 AM)

Master and I live alone. We considered the poly household for a couple of years but it never worked out. Too much drama.
I am a private person and very much enjoy being alone.  I need peacefulness. 
Nothing restores me quite like the beach.
Master is my total opposite in many respects. He would love being surrounded by people 24/7, loves noise and is a party a minute.
I use to live in your area (Ormond Beach) RS many, many years ago and have spent  a lot of years on the NC coast. My ideal would be a D/s friendly B & B on the ocean or in the mountains as long as there is some water feature. We plan on having weeks that would only incorporate D/s and weeks that are strickly vanilla.  I love to cook. Live to pamper.  I enjoy having guests/company and love it just as much when they leave.

Before I met my husband/Master I lived alone for 3yrs. Those years were a great source of discovery for me but I would not want to live alone again.
Master and I do have aspects of a D/s lifestyle that we live daily on one level or another but it isn't 24/7. I do wish we  had more time to devote to the lifestyle.

I am curious how others with grown or teenage children balance their D/s needs and the vanilla world of  family not in the lifestyle?  We have a grown son who has no clue about our lifestyle and so I imagine it would take some juggling to actually have a life and or job that incorporated both worlds.
Great post thanks!

scarlet




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