-=VENT-A-THON (The F U thread)=-

-=VENT-A-THON (The F U thread)=- (Full Version)

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ResidentSadist -> -=VENT-A-THON (The F U thread)=- (11/8/2008 3:28:51 AM)
Like the ‘I hate when thread’ only letter style and directed at someone or something (other than our fellow collarme members). I’ll start . . . ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dear Brighthouse, I want to thank for the lame, intermittent and distorted cable service. Your service and the problems with it have provided entertainment beyond what any normal cable service has ever provided before. I feel special that you have given me such a unique new source of entertainment and pleasure. You have improved my social life by introducing me to your friendly service people. You have warped my political perspective, given me time off work and turned every TV program into a comedy. You have even given me practice in diplomacy flirting with your vanilla service tech that discovered the dungeon in my bedroom. Thank you for lightening my workload and giving me several afternoons off. For a month now my I have been missing incoming calls on my cable phone and there hasn’t been much to do since I am not receiving many orders. Thank you for the adding an element of comedy to every TV show. I am a big MaxHeadrom fan and the digital and audio distortion on my TV has every show stuttering like it’s a M-m-maxHeadroom movie. Thank you for giving me a unique political view of the president elect’s speech. The digital distortion unlocked a secret insight of that speech much like finding secret messages in music by playing it backwards. From that speech, I was lead to believe Obama is into BDSM because the stuttering made it sound like he said “yes W/we can”. It was as if H/he was addressing U/us while reading from something written with Gorean or BDSM high protocol It was far more enlightening (and entertaining) for me than anyone can imagine. Thank you for the company. I am a people person and currently live alone. It was nice of you to send your service crew to come and live with me for the past 2 days. As I posted in another thread I do not like living alone and the black chick you sent was really hot. I got to practice some diplomacy when she saw all the whips and leather gear on the walls of the dungeon in my bedroom. She was particularly interested in the big red cage. I told her it was for visiting pets and I keep some friends dogs caged (accipitres’ dogs). The cable chick asked me why the dogs needed a phone & reading light in the cage. She is a real hotty with a pretty face, nice eyes, big sexy lips, a million micro braids in her long hair, huge boobs, a bubble butt and all those other things that make a feminine sister so appealing to a macho guy like me. I was temporarily at a loss for words being embarrassed and turned on by her at the same time. She saw her effect on me and went with it. Next she was looking at the ropes hanging from the cross and flirtatiously asked if the cross was for the dogs when they needed to be punished. Then she reached up and stroked the fur on the bunny rabbit ears. I conjured my best Domly look, took one step closer violating her ‘personal space’ and in deep and smooth vocal tone I looked her in the eye and told her the cross was for punishing other more pleasurable “pets”. She did not move to take back her personal space but while scanning the wall of whips she asked “exactly where in this room is the cable outlet”? Later when she announced everything was fixed and she was finished, I overtly looked her up and down allowing the pleasure I got from viewing her curvy figure show on my face. The sexual tension and excitement in the air was intense. She stayed and talked with me in the living room for 45 minutes after she finished fixing the cable. I walked her to the van and we had another conversation in the parking lot for 10 minutes. After she left, I enjoyed uninterrupted trouble free cable TV service. It was such a treat I had a horror and sci-fi movie marathon. I took full advantage of your many ‘on demand’ movies and had a FearNet fest . . . for 10 hours, until my previous digital distortion resurfaced again. Although the problem isn’t half as bad as it was before, it will once again require repairs. It is in the spirit of your continued failure to provide me with the service I contracted for that inspires me to extend you a warm and hearty “fuck you very much”. My only consolation would be if you sent that girl with enormous bewbage back to repair your lame network. Sincerely, Kalon Eric

KMsAngel -> RE: -=VENT-A-THON (The F U thread)=- (11/8/2008 3:39:03 AM)
fast hijack: quote: I was temporarily at a loss for words being embarrassed and turned on by her at the same time no... way....

MontrealPhoenix -> RE: -=VENT-A-THON (The F U thread)=- (11/8/2008 4:10:03 AM)
Dear Mr. Charest, I just wanted to thank you for calling a Provincial election. As it has been a whole 18 months since the last one, we Quebecers were going through election withdrawal. We realise that you aren't even halfway through your term as Premier so we really appreciate the sacrifice, it makes it worthwhile to put up some $83 million of our own money just so we can have the joy of another election. Although you are claiming the economy as the reason for calling this election, we Quebecers know the truth: you are only thinking of us and our need for constant elections. Calling it for December 8th - right in the middle of Christmas shopping season was a nice touch, it should ensure maxium turnout on voting day. I suspect that not many people have written to thank you - people can be so rude - so i'm writing this on behalf of all Quebecers....THANK YOU Mr. Charest! Yours truly, The people of Quebec

PeterJay -> RE: -=VENT-A-THON (The F U thread)=- (11/8/2008 5:38:00 AM)
Dear UPS Recently I shipped a package and it was damaged in transit. As a result of this the components were lost. The total amount of the items shipped was $545.00 Your customer service agent told me that since I didn't buy the extra insurance my package was only insured up to $100, so now I have a $445.00 loss, plus I still need to replace the original order. Are you in the shipping business or the insurance business? I trust you to deliver my package on time & in the same condition that it left my building. This is not my fault that the package was damaged yet I have to pay for your mistake. I will be calling Fed Ex to open an account next week. They have been wanting my business and this is a good chance for them to win me over.

DesFIP -> RE: -=VENT-A-THON (The F U thread)=- (11/8/2008 9:39:32 AM)
Dear USPS, thank you for hiring handicapped personnel. I refer to the apparently illiterates who work the post office in the very small town where my daughter's college is. Despite the fact that I clearly mark the name of her college, she regularly has to make the trip over to the post office of the only other college in town. They have different names yet your mail carriers cannot tell the difference. However I'm sure the exercise up and down the mountain sides both schools are located on is doing her good.

djaleksandr -> RE: -=VENT-A-THON (The F U thread)=- (11/8/2008 2:47:50 PM)
Dear Bike Shop, Thank you, oh so very much! After three weeks of waiting for the part for my bike that should've come with it when I paid for it, I got the part! While waiting for it, another part on the bike fell off. What a relief, to have less weight on my bike, made for GREAT riding. That rattling sound it makes when I ride is just FANTASTIC for alerting every dog in the sleeping neighborhood when I try to ride. I really love having a chorus of dogs screaming at me while trying to make my way to my destination. Oh, and I really, really appreciate that when you gave me the parts, you neglected to give me the all-important screw in pieces, with the nice square shape I just can't find in your run of the mill hardware store. Oh, and thank you SO much for refusing to give me the pieces when I returned, and saying I have to pay for them, when they should've been given to me in the first place. Fifteen dollars IN ADDITION to what I have already paid, when I should've have had to, sounds JUST peachy! Thanks guys, you really are swell! [>:]

everhope -> RE: -=VENT-A-THON (The F U thread)=- (11/8/2008 4:23:01 PM)
Dear Owner of the my Rental Property , thank you so much for your desire to beautify our lil community here. being woken to the pounding demolition, is such a rare treat and adventure. i have never lived in war zone and i am a better person now for the experience. the added touch of the construction workers serande in Spanish was really special although, it did not soften the blows to the building. having my plants pruned by concrete in the back yard was ever so helpful it was getting a bit jungly. i know when it is all completed that i will be crawling on grateful knees to your office with hundreds more dollars to thank you for your kindness. sincerely, your beloved tenant _______________________ a little customer ha ha one day i was with a friend and after going around and around with a customer service representative and not being successful in resolving the issue my friend leaned in and said very seriously, "kiss me" the CS rep said "excuse me, Sir" my friend said, "i like being kissed when i am getting fucked". i thought i was going to piss myself laughing...lol...still makes me laugh thinking about it and that was over 20 years ago.

faerytattoodgirl -> RE: -=VENT-A-THON (The F U thread)=- (11/8/2008 4:50:40 PM)
to whom it may concern: f u....for not spanking me. f u....for not flogging me. f u....for not pulling my hair. f u....for not fondling my boobies. f u....for ignoring me. f u....for sending me your damned money scams. f u....for not sending me your nudies. f u....for saying i am normal. f u....just because. the end.

KyttynTheMynx -> RE: -=VENT-A-THON (The F U thread)=- (11/8/2008 4:57:40 PM)
To whom it may concern: Thank you very fucking much for sneezing on me while I was in the mall. I do adore having your slobber and germy bits flung in my face at 80 miles per hour after all. Oh, and thanks for not apologizing when you sneezed on me. And thanks for not covering your fricken mouth with its 2.5 toofs barely hanging on for dear life. And thanks for having the goddamn flu you stupid summabitch! Signed, Sick and Pissed Off in Moosecrotch.

VampiresLair -> RE: -=VENT-A-THON (The F U thread)=- (11/8/2008 5:06:58 PM)
To whom it may concern: AS a loyal and devoted retail worker, please let em express my gratitude for your attitude and lack of respect fr the coming months. Thanks to you, I can remain humble, never once thinking that all the promotions in the world will elevate me above the position of your personal servant when you are shopping. I appreciate you carrying things you have no intention of buying around the store and leaving them in random places. I do enjoy a challenge of finding them all! I hve heard you remind your friends that it isnt important to replace things where you got them, since "we are paid to do that". And all this time, I thought I ran the photo department. Thank you for putting me right, I would hate to neglect part of my job. And above al else, thank you for remembering to extend your condolences for our having to work on the holidays. I hate to remind you that if YOU werent shopping I wouldnt have to be working. But that minor technicality should never be discussed. The customer is always right, after all. No. Matter. What. Signed Retail Saint in TN

MarksFantasyGirl -> RE: -=VENT-A-THON (The F U thread)=- (11/8/2008 7:18:17 PM)
Dear Poppy (My stepdad), Thank you for allowing me to be your roadie after every gig our band does. Thank you for allowing me to not only pack up your 2 guitars, amplifier, mic, mic stand, picks, the rest of the P.A. equiptment, and all of my stuff, while you go on a drunken rampage looking for your drunken wife (who was in the car sleeping since the second set), but also Driving your drunken asses home after a VERY long Halloween night.... Thank you for getting an attitude with me today at practice when you couldn't find your precious picks that you "just paid $6 for 5" of... That really put me in my place... Thank you for yelling at me because I should have KNOWN where everything goes... I should have KNOWN that everything should have been picked up and put away the right way... I should have NEVER misplaced your stuff... I should have just left everything where it was... I'm sorry that we got out of the bar at 3am, instead of 4, when the bar closes at 2, because I helped you to pick up your stuff, and load it all into your vehicle... I am also sorry that you had to waste your precious voice yelling at me today infront of the rest of the band. I'm also sorry that you feel the need to tell me that you didn't ASK for my help... I really, truely am, so FUCKING sorry!! I really hope that the long weekend of silence, and me locking myself in my bedroom for the next 2 days makes up for everything... I really have learned my lesson... I will never put your stuff away again.... Please, Please, PLEASE forgive me... Oh, and While you are forgiving me, check your own damn jeans pocket from that night you drunken bastard! I gave them to you when you gave me your fucking keys! Lots of love, ~~Sissy

theobserver -> RE: -=VENT-A-THON (The F U thread)=- (11/8/2008 7:47:05 PM)
Dear MSM, Stop blaming Black citizens in America for the passing of Prop 8.

califsue -> RE: -=VENT-A-THON (The F U thread)=- (11/8/2008 8:02:55 PM)
Dear FedEx, Thank you for the fucking thieves working in your Utah center that stole my new monitor and according to HP ... several more besides mine. Amazing how you can't call back and provide an update other than you are investigating. Especially since everything else somehow made it from your center in Utah.

AcademyForSlaves -> RE: -=VENT-A-THON (The F U thread)=- (11/8/2008 10:35:23 PM)
Dear Bush, Congratulations for being the one and only president who every person on this planet hates. you've taken a great country and completely fucked it up and put it in financial ruin and even managed to spread that economic ruin throughout the rest of the world. you also managed to convince people that Iraq was the bad guy instead of you and you got your people's financial and military support to destroy yet another country and it's civilians for financial gain. Yes John Lennon was right; America is the new Rome. Bush you are indeed the "Burning Bush". you are the real terrorist. God help us all if Obama is only your daddy's puppet.

yourdarkdesire -> RE: -=VENT-A-THON (The F U thread)=- (11/8/2008 11:45:35 PM)
Dear Neighbour of my Father's First I would like to sincerely apologize for my ums ball rolling onto your property. Yes, I realize that you live downhill from Dad, but gravity should know better than to send it your way. I would like to thank your wife for storming over to my father's house (technically trespassing) and berating him for the atrocious behaviour of his grandchildren (god help them for playing basketball on the front driveway). And I would like to thank you, for storming over, calling my ums (5 and 10) unmentionable names and then turning those same words on my father. I believe part of it could be considered defamation of character. As for the %$*&@+ asshole remark - it takes one to know one. Thank you for emotional traumatizing my 5 yr old so that she cried for 45 minutes. Come near them again and I will have you declared a danger to their safety and slap a restraining order on your ugly ass. Touch them and you will die. Haven't seen you since. Maybe you finally had that second heart attack and my worries are over. Until then .................. FUCK YOU

camille65 -> RE: -=VENT-A-THON (The F U thread)=- (11/9/2008 7:48:43 AM)
Dear Neighbor People, Oh my god. WTF is your problem?? Is it really freaking necessary that you sit in the parking lot honking your damn horn for thirty minutes at 4AM? To my downstairs neighbor chick, Yeah honey parties are fun, but I am not so fond of being woken up by your drunken buddies throwing up over the railing of your balconey. Its disgusting and even more so once the Texas sun is up cooking the vomit. This has happened once a week at least, since I've moved in. You and your friends have a problem. Go get help. To all my neighbors with motorcycles and jacked up cars, Oh yes you are cool. So so cool I drool. (Not). Please wait til you exit the parking lot before revving up. I am so tempted to sugar all of your tanks. I wanna go homeeeeeeeeeeee where silence rules, the only sounds are Percy the Peacock and the lowing of cows.

KatyLied -> RE: -=VENT-A-THON (The F U thread)=- (11/9/2008 7:54:42 AM)
Dear Neighbors Tree Shedding Leaves In To My Yard: Please stop immediately. I'm getting tired of raking. Perhaps I should purchase a leaf blower.

LeMis -> RE: -=VENT-A-THON (The F U thread)=- (11/9/2008 7:59:13 AM)
Dear squirrels, Quit harrasing and teasing my poor puppy who is not allowed to chase you away or better yet catch you and put her sadistic qualities to good use.

Gwynvyd -> RE: -=VENT-A-THON (The F U thread)=- (11/9/2008 8:28:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KyttynTheMynx To whom it may concern: Thank you very fucking much for sneezing on me while I was in the mall. I do adore having your slobber and germy bits flung in my face at 80 miles per hour after all. Oh, and thanks for not apologizing when you sneezed on me. And thanks for not covering your fricken mouth with its 2.5 toofs barely hanging on for dear life. And thanks for having the goddamn flu you stupid summabitch! Signed, Sick and Pissed Off in Moosecrotch. um not that you wish to know this.. but the snot and germs fly out at 300 miles per hour. http://mlevit.wordpress.com/2007/07/16/random-fact-2-speed-we-sneeze-at/ Gwyn

GreedyTop -> RE: -=VENT-A-THON (The F U thread)=- (11/9/2008 8:49:11 AM)
Dear Landlord.. Thank you so much for allowing the water filter system go for so long that each time I open a tap I am overwhelmed with the oh-so-charming aroma of rotten eggs! I can't wait to shower so that I may that aroma on my skin and in my hair outside my house to share with the rest of the world! And it has also helped me to cut down on time spent on brushing my teeth, since I dont spend as much time rinsing. I also love that I still have three non-working electrical outlets.. after all, who doesnt like tripping over extension cords and power strips?? So, thanks, man... take your time!!

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