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WidowSpiders -> Online Stalking and Harassment (11/10/2008 10:08:09 AM)
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Personal experience and correspondence with other people on this site have revealed a problem with stalking and harassment. Victims are sent insults or threats via email either for no apparent reason or because they turned down a solicitation.
Harassers have found ways to abuse the system and the Collarme site.
Stalkers can evade the "block" button by creating multiple profiles and sending harassing letters under these new aliases.
They can further use these multiple accounts to have the victim's profile kicked, using the automated reporting system.
There are ways to protect yourself. While it is a shame that these methods are necessary, your safety is of first priority.
For some, yes, some of these measures may be too much.
For others of us, particularly women of any orientation and some male submissives, many of these precautions are essential.
Please, please, take the following necessary precautions!
1. Do not open your messages until you have done a search for their profile first. When searching, do not enter their entire name, or they will be notified that you have searched for and viewed them. If the name is "Iownyoucunt", for example, type in "Iownyoucun" at most. Any username containing that string of letters will show up.
2. If their username, profile, or journal entries are misogynistic or angry, do not open the letter and do not communicate! A good Dom/me or sub is calm and compassionate. An angry person will always take their anger out on you eventually.
3. If their profile is newer than at least three months, do not open the letter unless they have a picture and a fully filled out profile.
4. If their profile seems pleasant, complete, well written, and is older than three months, then do a search for other profiles in the same state with the same age. Posers who create multiple accounts will almost invariable change the username and the orientation, but not usually their age! Do not open the letter if it appears that the person has duplicate accounts.
Once you decide to open the letter, they will be notified that you have read it. No matter how submissive or polite you feel, you are not obligated to respond to anything!
A good rule is to only respond to letters that deeply attract you.
Under no circumstances should you respond to the following:
1. Threats or insults. Though it is tempting to retaliate, responding gives them power and a motivation to hurt you further. Ignoring them disempowers them.
2. Form letters. Many people send a cut and paste form letter to absolutely anything that moves. To be better able to identify form letters, add something somewhere in the middle of your profile about how you would want to be addressed or a key phrase you want included. If they fail to include that in the letter, they have either sent you a form letter, or they have so little regard for your interests that they failed to read or care about your needs. Do not respond to people sending form letters. They likely have sent those letters to everyone and will be trying to cultivate as many relationships as possible, all the while lying to you about it.
3.Requests for your phone number or email. Do not email or call people immediately. With your email address, the exact location of your computer can be determined to the square foot! The same is true for your phone number. Do not share these until you are very comfortable with that person.
4.Solicitations for money or other assets.
5.Demands for an instant relationship. Never respond to a person who immediately assumes they have a right to be in a relationship with you.
6.A letter requesting interactions on your hard limit list. That person has just disrespected and disregarded your boundaries an interests. They either did not even take the few minutes required to read your profile or simply don't care. There is nothing you can do to convince them to think of your needs or safety. They want to get what they can from you and will not be growing compassion any time soon.
Also, do not post photos without watermarks on them. Just go into paint and write your username across the middle of the picture. If you do not, people will steal your pictures!
Please be careful. Almost every woman we know (and several men) on this site has been kicked from the site by someone they rejected, stalked, or even raped. Do not become a statistic. Do not empower the offenders.
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