Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/11/2008 7:41:38 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

On Sunday night in a club I took extreme beating and as I was untied from the equipment, my legs buckled from under me. Steve picked me up and carried me out of the dungeon, saying loudly 'back in a minute. He took me into the bar where he wrapped me in his jacket and went back to wipe down the equipment.
When he got back into the dungeon Miss High and Mighty was sitting on the very piece we had used. 'I was just coming to wipe that down Stephen said'. 'Already done' she said haughtily but then went into a tirade of how that wasn't good enough and we should read the club rules. At this point another man intervened to inform her that Stephen was just taking care of his girl, at which she replied 'I don't care about the bloody girl, rules are rules and he should of put her on the floor for a minute'.

Whilst I like to have dungeon monitors in a club, I can't help but feel 'the power' goes to the head of many. To me a DM is there to guard a scene, look out for abuse, drunks or substance users, make sure people are not sitting on wanted equipment and otherwise remain invisible. I was talking to a friend of mine today who was telling me that he was scening in a club and started laughing because he was simply enjoying the moment. A DM came over and told him 'sorry Sir but no laughing allowed'. Has anyone else had a bad experience like this? and would it put you off the club?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/11/2008 7:55:05 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If they want the equipment cleaned first thing, they need to put a bench in the same room for the sub to lie on. They've set it up that either you break a rule or you mistreat a person. Expecting someone to be thrown on the ground like garbage is just wrong.

As far as no laughing? That's plain weird, lots of subs start giggling during endorphin play.

Either way, I think I'd tell the club president what the problem was, suggest a solution, and say I wasn't coming back until they didn't set it up so whatever you do, you've done something wrong.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/11/2008 8:12:14 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		There are many times that after play Alandra or I are unable to walk or stand.  He does not leave us unattended in those moments.  He wraps us up in our cloaks or blankets and will put us on the floor while he cleans up the area/toys.  Usually, by the time he is done cleaning and packing things up, we are able to walk on our own.  (As a note, the cleaning and packing is helped since there are three of us)

It depends on your perception... I would prefer that he lay me on the floor so that he is nearby if something happens, than to carry me into another room and leave me alone so he can clean up the area.  He doesn't usually leave our sides until we are able to physically manage on our own.  If he has to leave us, he makes sure that the other is there in his stead.

If it is a busy club and stations are at a premium, I can understand the need to clean it up right away.  If the rules of the club are that you clean the station before walking away from the play space then those are the rules.  The DM is there to enforce the rules of the club. 

We have played in many places across Canada and the US and we have not run into someone with that attitude.  More likely if a DM sees that the bottom needs to be taken care of and the station is needed for someone else, they step in to help get things cleaned. 

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/11/2008 8:46:27 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		We normally club in London but this club was out in the sticks and not one we have been to before or go to again.
S did leave me with someone and that was one of the reasons he carried me out. They had no bench or chair for me to sit on and the floor was concrete and damp because it was under an old railway arch.
The club was not busy and hardly anyone was using the equipment, so its not like we left people waiting.

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/11/2008 8:57:12 AM   
CruelDesires


Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		Part of setting up a scene "to me" is to make sure that there is an area close by that I can park the submissive/bottom after the scene is over while I clean up after ourselves. I want them close by and within my direct line of sight as well as within my hearing so if there is an "issue" I am nearby to make sure things do not go awry. Issues they may personally have or from some numbskull who may think it is a great time to go up to them when they are in space or coming down from endorphin space and try to interact with them. If the play area does not have a chair or some other form of sitting furniture close at hand, I take steps to find one before the scene starts. I also make sure there is something warm to wrap up the submissive/bottom in after the play is over as well as a bottle or glass of cold water to sip on. For them AND me. lol .

Leaving my "toys" behind while being in another area is not something I normally do in public. While stepping away from a disheveled play area might be considered in poor taste by some, there really is no rule or protocol that I know of specifically against it as long as it is not done for any length of time. How long was he away from the equipment? I know that you stated that it was only long enough to wrap you in a jacket, but I was wondering how long it may have actually been as your perceptions might have been skewed especially since you had been the recipient of a long and extreme beating. Also since you said that the female dominant in question had already cleaned up the equipment prior to her wanting to use it. Which to me is really NO big deal as I always clean up equipment both before AND after I use it as I do not know how well the person cleaned it who had used it just prior.

As to the laughing question.. If someone was being loud and obnoxious and interrupting others when they were sceneing with loud boisterous voices, I would by all means ask them nicely to please quiet down. That is just common courtesy. Now on the other hand... if someone was laughing or screaming in a scene during some type of play, I would not even think of interrupting them. Those types of instances and rules are usually covered within the dungeon release/rule forms that everyone is required to read and sign when I have an event.

YMMV

C-D




_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/11/2008 9:00:56 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		I haven't had it happen personally, but I have seen the over reaction of monitors on others.  Yes, it goes to some peoples heads.  If it happened to me, I would be put off.  Depending on the occurance, I would contact the organiser and make an offical complaint if it was someone else volunteering.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/11/2008 11:26:05 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		CD he did not leave his toys behind. His tool was his hands, mouth (verbal) and one tool.
We should of been allowed to sit on the equipment we had just used but apparently thats not allowed!
Most clubs don't have much seating area in a dungeon but they do allow the sub to sit and recover on whats just been used, unless its a cross or suspension, which normally do have a chair next to them.
The other thing that was really bad and what this DM should of been concentrating on more is the a gallery for people to come and watch. The gallery filled up with spectators but some were talking and laughing loudly to each other. This should of been a quiet area.

PS. I don't drink water, only wine and they didn't allow chardonnay in the dungeon

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/11/2008 12:33:40 PM   
CruelDesires


Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		When I made the "toys" comment, i was referring to you.

C-D

_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/11/2008 12:44:56 PM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		Yannow, you can only do what you can do...i am offended along with you that that even happened. i would absolutely file a complaint. The infighting and drama really drives more people away from public gatherings and playparties and dungeons than any privacy issues...its sad.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/11/2008 1:16:43 PM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		Ya calling me a toy CD? !

Thanks Persephonee I have written to the promoters. I'm not blaming them but think they need to have a serious word with Miss Trunchbull

(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/11/2008 3:03:03 PM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		C-D was totally calling you a toy....aint it hot??
And go get em girl...obviously Mistress Idiocy needs some OTK

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/11/2008 3:09:12 PM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		I would think that the -human being- is always more important than the inanimate equipment used.  I think your Sir did right by you and that is what counts.  

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/11/2008 4:01:00 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I've actually only had wonderful experiences with DMs- ones who went out of their way to shoo talkers from the play area, make sure we had water and what we needed and all that good stuff, you know, ones who FACILITATE good play.  But I know plenty of others have had negative experiences.

Some people just get anxious and over react.  Although I have to say that putting the girl on the floor isn't going to be the end of the world- that's a sacrifice you make to play in public.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to OttersSwim)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/11/2008 4:19:14 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Like cops, DMs are a sort of necessary evil.  Bring a hot woman in with you and play and it is amazing how much attention some will give you.  Other's can't be bothered unless you are a VIP and when you try and get their attention, they sure as hell are not going to walk over to you, they are FAR too important for that. 

I have found that those who have the least business doing it are the first to volunteer.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/11/2008 5:59:15 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		Kind of a silly thing. I bet those guys say they are DM's as if everyone else is Grasshopper.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/11/2008 9:02:54 PM   
solia


Posts: 115
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline 		I don't think the problem here really has all that much to do with where he chose to lay you.  Obviously, he took care of you. Job well done and a million others will have a million different ways to do it.  They weren't in that particular club with those particular conditions at that particular time.  It's all subjective guessing.

I think the problem is the delivery of the DM's response.  It sounds like she could have been a bit more tactful, reviewed the rules for that club with him and given an 'I understand that you are new here, just don't do it again' mention in a low voice.   'And gee, by the by, I went ahead and cleaned up the area because I noticed that you were taking care of your girl.'   A friendlier, more helpful response would have left a better lasting impression, brought you back to that club and possibly created a few more invites.  Instead, your entire experience there and any future experience ~ there or at any other club ~ is now tainted with a concern that this would happen again.  Sad.

Whether volunteer or paid, it comes down to simple customer service. DM's have many important duties to ensure the safety of players.  DM's also have the added job of being advertisement for their club.  They represent the entire club: owners, regulars, guests and the reputation of the club. 

I think a letter outlining your experience to the club owner is a good idea.  DM's are human and sometimes need a little reminder training themselves. 

Best of luck to you.
Solia

(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/11/2008 10:31:30 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		Those both strike me as positively insane and something I've never encountered in clubs. I laugh frequently, giggle and babble during scenes and those around me have *always* been allowed to put me somewhere safe and out of the way before cleaning up without any problems.

Edited to add: I also don't see a problem with being put on the floor beside things for a minute. That's usually where I go after a scene while the clean-up is being taken place. Unless the floor is unusually cold and then I lay on my clothes. Still, I can see situations where it would best to remove the person and put them on a couch before cleaning up.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 11/11/2008 10:35:23 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/11/2008 10:44:33 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Isn't Dungeon Master something out of Dungeons & Dragons?  When people in the BDSM world take themselves and their protocols too seriously, it's quite laughable.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/11/2008 10:50:30 PM   
RainydayNE


Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline 		she said dungeon "monitor"

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/11/2008 10:53:00 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Isn't Dungeon Master something out of Dungeons & Dragons?  When people in the BDSM world take themselves and their protocols too seriously, it's quite laughable.


She did say moniter but the DM and DM thing does amuse me.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094