RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/11/2008 10:55:51 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

OK OK I stand corrected.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/11/2008 11:02:30 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

Do you want to roll a saving d20?

(couldn't resist)

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/12/2008 2:46:31 AM

Evility

Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz
Has anyone else had a bad experience like this? and would it put you off the club?

Yes and yes.

(in reply to allthatjaz)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/12/2008 3:13:09 AM

GrizzlyBear

Posts: 278
Joined: 3/26/2004
From: Missoula Montana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
...I also don't see a problem with being put on the floor beside things for a minute. That's usually where I go after a scene while the clean-up is being taken place. Unless the floor is unusually cold and then I lay on my clothes. Still, I can see situations where it would best to remove the person and put them on a couch before cleaning up.

Is why the well equipped top keeps a blanket in the toybag, since some bottoms do tend to end up on the floor after a scene, even if there is a chair or couch handy. But certainly a handy chair is a good thing in most cases, and if there wasn't one nearby and I felt I needed one by the end, I would go find one before I started.

Clubs I have played in, the DMs are the ones likely to be showing up with the handy blanket draped chair, just as the bottom is taken down from the cross. I have never seen one more concerned about the cleanup and turnover on the equipment, than the well being of the players who just finished. If the only place to play was one where the DMs routinely threw their weight around, I would find a way to get into a position of responsibility where I could change things. If it wasn't the only place, I would vote with my feet, and go elsewhere. Who needs to put up with that, if they don't have to?

_____________________________

GrizzlyBear

"Come to the edge," he said.
They said, "We are afraid."
"Come to the edge," he said.
They came. He pushed them. And they flew.
~Guillaume Apollinaire

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/12/2008 11:35:53 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

People keep saying about on the floor but I have never yet come across this. I have worked and promoted BDSM/Fet clubs and I would not want subs on the floor for the simple reason that they could well trip people over. Often equipment is trying for space as it is. You have to uniform the furniture so one can strike a good blow without hitting half a dozen people behind you or someone over the next bench. Perhaps in the US you have very large buildings but the clubs in the UK tend to lack space once all the dungeon gear goes in. Extra floor space is not usually an option.

Besides that my one good memory of the scene on Sunday night was being lifted up and carried in his strong arms. He wrapped me up in his jacket and was gone but for a moment.. I really don't think thats such a big deal. He did nothing wrong in my opinion and I won't listen to anyone who tries to tell me otherwise.

because here is a guy that would protect my life with every breath in his body.... even if he does half kill me first!

(in reply to GrizzlyBear)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/12/2008 11:40:08 AM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

To me, this seems less an issue about club protocol than it does an affirmation of the "Peter Principle" (everyone will rise to the level of their incompetence). In any organization, BDSM clubs included, certain folks will have achieved that level.

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to allthatjaz)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/12/2008 1:02:33 PM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

I've always had very good experiences with the actual DM's, who I've noticed tend to remain inconspicuous until needed. My problem is always the nosy asshole in the corner.

_____________________________

HBIC

(in reply to Rover)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/12/2008 1:09:54 PM

JustStephen

Posts: 61
Joined: 4/15/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

I would think that the -human being- is always more important than the inanimate equipment used. I think your Sir did right by you and that is what counts.

Cheers Otter x

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/12/2008 1:57:11 PM

daviduk1

Posts: 4
Joined: 10/2/2008
Status: offline

Firstly I have to say I know the two people in question and I cannot overstate the safety and care they both show whilst playing. Both are top notch in my books and would never do anything to harm anyone or create problems in a club.
Secondly, I am the one that was "told off" by a DM in a country club, which is a little bizarre considering I am a DM in some of Londons bigger clubs. Plus I happen to enjoy what I do......wonders if sadists should keep a sombre face when whipping / flogging , using a knife etc etc
The reality is that some DM's are power crazy and some do a splendid job.

(in reply to allthatjaz)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/12/2008 2:03:56 PM

CruelDesires

Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

Power of any type can have the tendency to corrupt. Give power to an idiot and it gets worse. *shrugs*

C-D

_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to daviduk1)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/12/2008 2:07:30 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

On Sunday night in a club I took extreme beating and as I was untied from the equipment, my legs buckled from under me. Steve picked me up and carried me out of the dungeon, saying loudly 'back in a minute. He took me into the bar where he wrapped me in his jacket and went back to wipe down the equipment.
When he got back into the dungeon Miss High and Mighty was sitting on the very piece we had used. 'I was just coming to wipe that down Stephen said'. 'Already done' she said haughtily but then went into a tirade of how that wasn't good enough and we should read the club rules. At this point another man intervened to inform her that Stephen was just taking care of his girl, at which she replied 'I don't care about the bloody girl, rules are rules and he should of put her on the floor for a minute'.

Whilst I like to have dungeon monitors in a club, I can't help but feel 'the power' goes to the head of many. To me a DM is there to guard a scene, look out for abuse, drunks or substance users, make sure people are not sitting on wanted equipment and otherwise remain invisible. I was talking to a friend of mine today who was telling me that he was scening in a club and started laughing because he was simply enjoying the moment. A DM came over and told him 'sorry Sir but no laughing allowed'. Has anyone else had a bad experience like this? and would it put you off the club?

It would not put me off, it has put me off BIG TIME! If you would be so kind as to PM me the club, if I frequented it I won't anymore, if I haven't then no great loss. If "the bloody girl" can lay on the floor, they can do without me, because for me a play partner and his well being certainly comes before cleaning equipment, and don't get me wrong, I am much more of a safety nut than some people like!

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to allthatjaz)

Profile

Post #: 31

RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/12/2008 2:09:27 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daviduk1

.wonders if sadists should keep a sombre face when whipping / flogging , using a knife etc etc

Errr, I grin like an idiot if I get to do something I love, my guide book mentions that I have to appear like an evil tempered, mean, man hating bitch, so I just threw it away!

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to daviduk1)

Profile

Post #: 32

RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/13/2008 2:25:15 AM

masterforRT

Posts: 176
Joined: 5/16/2008
Status: offline

As an old friend of mine says: "Everyone has at least one asshole"

Just as there are anal retentive people in real life, so there are anal retentive assholes in BDSM.

They're easy to spot- they're the ones running around quoting the rulebook!

Give then their two seconds to rant, then go your way....in other words, ignore them!

< Message edited by masterforRT -- 11/13/2008 2:26:00 AM >

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Profile

Post #: 33

RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/13/2008 11:09:16 AM

Jeptha

Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: solia
I think the problem is the delivery of the DM's response. It sounds like she could have been a bit more tactful....
....
Whether volunteer or paid, it comes down to simple customer service. DM's have many important duties to ensure the safety of players. DM's also have the added job of being advertisement for their club. They represent the entire club: owners, regulars, guests and the reputation of the club.

I think a letter outlining your experience to the club owner is a good idea. DM's are human and sometimes need a little reminder training themselves.

I've never played in public (well - at least not in a club), but, from a strictly managerial standpoint I do like the advice of giving them (the dm and/or the owners) feedback, outlining your experience as tactfully as you can, so that they can think about ways to improve their perfomance if they wish.

(in reply to solia)

Profile

Post #: 34

RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/13/2008 11:47:11 AM

pinkwind

Posts: 367
Joined: 1/9/2005
Status: offline

Over zealous monitoring seems to be a problem, there are threads regularly where people are sanctioned for minor infractions when the DM in question hasn't been doing their basic job properly.

In circumstances when a person has had a bad experience i would always council writing to the event organisers to appraise them of the problem, and offering advice on how the incident could be avoided in future.

Speaking personally, there is no way that i could lie on a floor, even a warm one, my mobility problems would rule that out. i would have thought that in most public dungeons there would have been provision for at least a chair to be brought near the equipment, and maybe in future if you play on a piece where there isn't seating provision you or yours ask for some sort of seating before you begin to play.

The more folks ask for what they need to have a happy and safe experience in such places the more likely it is that such equipment will be provided as a matter of course.

(in reply to allthatjaz)

Profile

Post #: 35

RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/13/2008 11:58:05 AM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkwind

Over zealous monitoring seems to be a problem, there are threads regularly where people are sanctioned for minor infractions when the DM in question hasn't been doing their basic job properly.

In circumstances when a person has had a bad experience i would always council writing to the event organisers to appraise them of the problem, and offering advice on how the incident could be avoided in future.

Speaking personally, there is no way that i could lie on a floor, even a warm one, my mobility problems would rule that out. i would have thought that in most public dungeons there would have been provision for at least a chair to be brought near the equipment, and maybe in future if you play on a piece where there isn't seating provision you or yours ask for some sort of seating before you begin to play.

The more folks ask for what they need to have a happy and safe experience in such places the more likely it is that such equipment will be provided as a matter of course.

Candystripper getting some heat so it's time to switch?

(in reply to pinkwind)

Profile

Post #: 36

RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/13/2008 12:30:00 PM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: masterforRT

As an old friend of mine says: "Everyone has at least one asshole"

Just as there are anal retentive people in real life, so there are anal retentive assholes in BDSM.

They're easy to spot- they're the ones running around quoting the rulebook!

Exactly. Like the One Twue Way folk who proclaim things like "IMHO, there is no such thing as a switch. There are just Dominants and submissives."

~stef

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to masterforRT)

Profile

Post #: 37

RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/15/2008 12:18:15 AM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

When We ran parties, We made sure there were seats in the play area precisely for "subby grounding" time. The DMs did have to shoo onlookers from them at times, though most would vacate the seat as soon as they saw a D and s making their way over. We had spare blankets if the D didn't have one for the sub, though in Our workshop for subs, We suggested they have their own as the #1 item in their toybag! The play area was carpeted and the space was large so the floor was an OK alternative if the sub couldn't be moved or lifted to a seat (scooping me up in His arms just isn't an option for Master LOL!). However, obviously the D would try to locate the s on a piece of floor that was as unobtrusive as possible if that was what was necessary. We had a double mattress on the floor in one area so those wanting to do floor work (eg hogties) could do so in more comfort, and moving the sub over to that would have been fine if it wasn't being used. The only food or drink allowed into the play area was water for subs. As host, I would have been appalled if one of the DMs (or indeed, any of the attendees, D or s) showed more concern for the furniture than for the person. The next players have the choice of waiting, cleaning things themselves (sterilising fluids, paper towels and bins were near every set of equipment) or asking a DM to do so if they are unsure of what to do. I would say Miss High and Mighty was one of those who is corrupted by a little bit of power and out of line for that. And it might be a good idea to politely express concern to the party hosts.

Re laughing ... I would see a difference between someone laughing loudly aside from a scene eg at a joke, or in conversation with someone whilst still being in the play area, and someone laughing loudly in scene. The former I would steer politely to the social areas (supper table, kitchen, outdoor area) so they didn't disturb players. I could hardly get stroppy with the latter type ... as my sub side always goes through giggle space on the way to subspace!

There were occasions when a D had just about emptied their entire toy bag and really wanted to clear up themselves and put everything away properly. In that case, as host/DM I have been asked (or have offered) to sit with their subby and make sure they are OK while the D clears up and then returns. I always regarded that as a privilege, not a burden. Really, running a party isn't rocket science ... but it does require a healthy dose of common sense and the ability to assess a situation and help in the best way possible!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to stef)

Profile

Post #: 38

RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/15/2008 12:34:59 AM

UmbraDomina

Posts: 491
Joined: 7/22/2008
From: SE Michigan
Status: offline

when I go to a club that I know does not have chairs or tables in the play area, I bring them for myself. I bring a folding camp chair, and a rolled camp table ( both from the sporting section at walmart) The table is great it's a light metal made of slats that rolls up, so it takes no more effort to carry then a camp chair, comes with a over the shoulder strap for easy carry. Those two things allow me to have space to put down my toys with out placing them on the floor, as well as a place to put my beloved slave that is not on the floor. Most clubs I have gone to have at least chairs for the subs to sit in afterwards.
I also bring my own cleaning stuff, I always have a spray bottle of 91 % alcohol to sterlize equipment before and after playing. I always clean it before hand since you never know if the person before you took care of it.

_____________________________

Alexandra ~

~~ And I will show you something different from either your shadow at morning striding behind you Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you; I will show you fear in a handful of dust..... T.S. Elliot ~~

(in reply to MaamJay)

Profile

Post #: 39

RE: How far to take protocol/rules within a BDSM club - 11/15/2008 7:40:08 PM

pinkwind

Posts: 367
Joined: 1/9/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RealSub58

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkwind

Over zealous monitoring seems to be a problem, there are threads regularly where people are sanctioned for minor infractions when the DM in question hasn't been doing their basic job properly.

In circumstances when a person has had a bad experience i would always council writing to the event organisers to appraise them of the problem, and offering advice on how the incident could be avoided in future.

Speaking personally, there is no way that i could lie on a floor, even a warm one, my mobility problems would rule that out. i would have thought that in most public dungeons there would have been provision for at least a chair to be brought near the equipment, and maybe in future if you play on a piece where there isn't seating provision you or yours ask for some sort of seating before you begin to play.

The more folks ask for what they need to have a happy and safe experience in such places the more likely it is that such equipment will be provided as a matter of course.

Candystripper getting some heat so it's time to switch?