Are BDSMers a more civil group of people?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Are BDSMers a more civil group of people?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Are BDSMers a more civil group of people?

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/11/2008 8:14:37 PM

Eliana

Posts: 9
Joined: 11/3/2008
Status: offline

In the last several years I have been online I’ve cruised my way around vanilla and BDSM chat rooms, message boards, groups etc and one thing continues to strike me - how CIVIL and polite BDSM people generally are.

Now I KNOW we have “that group” (rolls my eyes) of the “on your knees bitch, I am god er I mean a Dominant” brigade whom I basically consider a ridiculous joke - they’d be funny if they weren’t so darned annoying - but take them out of the equation and I think we have left a group of people who are generally very respectful towards each other, well mannered and often very empathetic.

In some of the vanilla online arenas - especially politics and religion - I often find many of them are unbelievably rude, harsh and unkind. In BDSM I think there is a lot more civility.

So what do you think? Can we take some pride in being a generally nicer group of people than “nillas””? Do we deserve a pat on the back or is your experience different?

Post #: 1

RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/11/2008 8:17:55 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

Lol

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to Eliana)

Post #: 2

RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/11/2008 8:18:19 PM

VampiresLair

Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline

My experience is we are the same group of people. Bring up religion here and you stand the same chances of being completely lambasted as you do in a 'nilla forum. Same with politics, it just takes a search to see how passionate and mean people get about that one.
The level of compassion some of us show is the same as we do to the 'nilla when we are involved in discussion with them. There is no less venom here, maybe you just havent seen it yet. Try reading some of the posts that people make about cheating, about abuse and about limits. You will see just how vicious some of us can get.

DV

_____________________________

Separately we are DiurnalVampire and DVsFox

10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

10/13/10 3 year anniversary of his becoming my Fox

Talk impolitely to me, baby - Thanks sunshinemiss

(in reply to Eliana)

Post #: 3

RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/11/2008 8:18:19 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

*wiping tears from my eyes*

Sorry, it's not you, it's the question. Take a look at the first line of my profile.

Just today I was told in an egroup that I was "too rigid to understand" the burning fire of desire in submissives, and laughed to about it.

Kinky people are NO less civil than any other group.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 11/11/2008 8:19:24 PM >

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 4

RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/11/2008 8:20:59 PM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

Hi Eliana, and welcome to the boards. I hate that you will probably get disabused of your beliefs, but its kinda like losing your virginity. It should only hurt for a little while.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 5

RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/11/2008 8:37:22 PM

PurpleSockx

Posts: 63
Joined: 11/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Eliana

In the last several years I have been online I’ve cruised my way around vanilla and BDSM chat rooms, message boards, groups etc and one thing continues to strike me - how CIVIL and polite BDSM people generally are.

Now I KNOW we have “that group” (rolls my eyes) of the “on your knees bitch, I am god er I mean a Dominant” brigade whom I basically consider a ridiculous joke - they’d be funny if they weren’t so darned annoying - but take them out of the equation and I think we have left a group of people who are generally very respectful towards each other, well mannered and often very empathetic.

In some of the vanilla online arenas - especially politics and religion - I often find many of them are unbelievably rude, harsh and unkind. In BDSM I think there is a lot more civility.

So what do you think? Can we take some pride in being a generally nicer group of people than “nillas””? Do we deserve a pat on the back or is your experience different?

From my past experience, nope. I hate to say it as I wish it wasn't the case but there are just as many "meanies" in BDSM than in "vanilla"...

For one, I hate that term... "vanilla"... It is too many often, in my opinion, used to refer to non-BDSMers in a deragotoray manner as if they were not as open-minded or boring or something... Being in the lifestyle or not is a matter of preference and that's it. They are not as different as they seem to be :)

And within BDSM, you will find many great people. You will find also some very judgmental, closed-minded ones who will like to tell you that their views are the only truth.

No matter what the preferences/lifestyle are, there are great and not-so-great people. Takes all kind of people to make a whole complete I guess :)

(in reply to Eliana)

Post #: 6

RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/11/2008 8:37:22 PM

CruelDesires

Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

Use lots of lube. It helps. Seriously.

C-D

_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Post #: 7

RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/11/2008 8:40:09 PM

MissSCD

Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline

"

SCD

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

Lol

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 8

RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/11/2008 8:40:37 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

nice pair of rose coloured glasses you have on there.

editted to add..... I think we often see what we want to see. Why we want to see something in a particular way can be for alot of reasons. However, many times we like to look at the groups we associate or identify with in a more positive light than other groups that we don't associate or identify with for the simple reason... it makes us feel better about ourselves. I also believe that individuals that have a low opinion of themselves can often secretly have those same opinions of the people they associate or identify with. It's not often that we will associate or identify with groups that we see as lesser or even greater. Both situations tend to make us uncomfortable in one way or another.

Now.. this all leads to the question... is the way we see it reality? I beginning to think that if your perception is X... then that is indeed our reality and that reality will not change unless something changes our perception. It's clear from most of the posts here that many have a different perception of the lifestyle group than you do. Just because they have a different perception.. does that make yours wrong... or maybe it just means that it is just different. Maybe holding on to that perception allows you to enjoy your world much better than if you where to attempt adapt your preception to the crowd. Maybe your preceptioin of people in general affects how you treat others and affects how they treat you. Which only reaffirms your current preception. As the line goes.. we reap the seeds we sow. Maybe some of us should plant a few different seeds than the ones we have in the past so we can harvest a different crop.

yes indeed.. nice pair of glasses you have on.

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 11/11/2008 8:56:45 PM >

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Eliana)

Post #: 9

RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/11/2008 8:41:40 PM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline

You obviously haven't been on this site for very long. Give it time; you will see that the people on this site are no different than the people on any other public message board. There are those who will disagree with what someone else says, without belittling them or otherwise condemning them for daring to state something that is different from their point of view. But, there are plenty who will do just that. The pomposity of some of the people on this site is amazing, amusing, and, at times, sickening. Being on a site that is geared to those who are interested and involved in alternative lifestyles and kink doesn't exempt rude or uncivil behavior from rearing its ugly head.

joy
Owned servant of Master David

_____________________________

Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. ~Dr. Howard Thurman

(in reply to Eliana)

Post #: 10

RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/11/2008 8:49:24 PM

Usako

Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

Down with those evil vanilla people! Long live BDSM! Kill the outsiders! BDSM PRIDE!

Sorry, BDSMers are in no way more civil than anyone else. As long as the base of the group in question are human beings then it won't take much for things to turn badly. One thing I've seen more of while exploring this lifestyle is actual loss of social graces. I have never been on any other website, sex related or not, where I actually need more than two hands to count the number of "do u lyke strapon" e-mails I get.

(in reply to slavegirljoy)

Post #: 11

RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/11/2008 8:53:19 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

Gosh hon, you're in for a really bumpy ride. You do realize that at least half of the people who are here really LIKE to hurt people? No, as a matter of fact I'd have to say that you are probably even a bit more likely to be tossed to the lions for shredding here. You do have thick skin though right????

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Eliana)

Post #: 12

RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/11/2008 9:02:47 PM

Sekhemet

Posts: 127
Joined: 7/10/2004
From: Canada
Status: offline

you have SO got to be kidding Me ... there is no way IN hell this person is "sane" are they, I mean the boards HERE show how rude, harsh, vulgar, unkind and plain immature ANY community can be ... and you see this is a perfect example as to why SSC is moronic and RACK makes sense, because a comment like this PROVES this person is nuts ... and it is THAT easy to begin a debate which goes on for months; gets dirty and personal and has no point.

The D/s community is an utter mess and has always been an abyss of chaotic proportions - for any multitude of reasons ranging from dominant personalities, to education levels within the scene, to scene drive and direction, to jealousy, to stubbornness, to style, to plain ego, to sadism and bullying.
It would appear as though you've a lot of learning before you young padawan - walk lightly.
XxoxX

_____________________________

http://www.sinpages.com
Where fetish and desire are explored

(in reply to Eliana)

Post #: 13

RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/11/2008 9:11:42 PM

theobserver

Posts: 456
Joined: 8/18/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Eliana

In the last several years I have been online I’ve cruised my way around vanilla and BDSM chat rooms, message boards, groups etc and one thing continues to strike me - how CIVIL and polite BDSM people generally are.

Now I KNOW we have “that group” (rolls my eyes) of the “on your knees bitch, I am god er I mean a Dominant” brigade whom I basically consider a ridiculous joke - they’d be funny if they weren’t so darned annoying - but take them out of the equation and I think we have left a group of people who are generally very respectful towards each other, well mannered and often very empathetic.

In some of the vanilla online arenas - especially politics and religion - I often find many of them are unbelievably rude, harsh and unkind. In BDSM I think there is a lot more civility.

So what do you think? Can we take some pride in being a generally nicer group of people than “nillas””? Do we deserve a pat on the back or is your experience different?

I don't know what to say to this but ... welcome?

_____________________________

It is left up to the reader to decipher & determine this post's validity.

(in reply to Eliana)

Post #: 14

RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/11/2008 9:12:11 PM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline

On edit: I took my post down because KoM already made the same point. I really need to read a whole thread before posting.

:)

< Message edited by marie2 -- 11/11/2008 9:22:15 PM >

(in reply to Eliana)

Post #: 15

RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/11/2008 10:12:10 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

Lol

What he said.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 16

RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/11/2008 11:25:43 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

Dear Eliana,
When I first entered the lifestyle, it was with a select and narrow group of the BDSM crowd that were community oriented and politically active. These few TPE lifestlyers held high regard for manners and protocol so they appeared more civil than most. If I were to have judged the BDSM community as a whole by my limited exposure to them, I would have felt as you do.

Over the years as my interests and exposure grew, it has been my experience that most communities, be they vanilla, BDSM, wealthy, poor, kink, fetish or gay are more or less equal in behavior.

I don’t know whether to be happy your experience with the BDSM community has been extremely civil or sad that your contact with the vanilla community has been proportionately more uncivil. Perhaps you have been more selective about your BDSM community contacts or there is some special circumstance that has given you a biased exposure.

Either way, the ribbing and jibs you will undoubtedly receive in this thread will pretty much speak for itself about the civility in this online community at least. After all, it is very hard not to notice the rose colored glasses you wore while writing the OP. Welcome to the boards.

Best Wishes,
Kalon Eric

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 17

RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/11/2008 11:38:42 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Eliana

In the last several years I have been online I’ve cruised my way around vanilla and BDSM chat rooms, message boards, groups etc and one thing continues to strike me - how CIVIL and polite BDSM people generally are.

Now I KNOW we have “that group” (rolls my eyes) of the “on your knees bitch, I am god er I mean a Dominant” brigade whom I basically consider a ridiculous joke - they’d be funny if they weren’t so darned annoying - but take them out of the equation and I think we have left a group of people who are generally very respectful towards each other, well mannered and often very empathetic.

In some of the vanilla online arenas - especially politics and religion - I often find many of them are unbelievably rude, harsh and unkind. In BDSM I think there is a lot more civility.

So what do you think? Can we take some pride in being a generally nicer group of people than “nillas””? Do we deserve a pat on the back or is your experience different?

I do not think, but I know and totally believe this to be a false statement. No 'we' cannot. No 'we' should not.
People who participate in BDSM activities are from everyday life. BDSM does not make them any more polite, nicer, or better. Pride is cool when it is well placed and yet, humility in realising that you are human like everyone else and subject to making the same errors just as everyone else is far more is far cooler.

the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 11/11/2008 11:39:08 PM >

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Eliana)

Post #: 18

RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/12/2008 12:26:59 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

I would say, and i dont mean to step on any toes that actually this site can be a whole lot less civil. THi group and BDSM sites generally tend to be highly critical and judgemental.

The thing is get any group together by a common interest you will still have lots of differances, especially when its what is refered to by some as a lifestyle choice.

Welcome to the boards, dont be scared away.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to Eliana)

Post #: 19

RE: Are BDSMers a more civil group of people? - 11/12/2008 1:48:49 AM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

Eliana, I think it is unwise to generalize about peeps based on what message board, etc. you're on. One of my friends is way into spirituality -- if you haven't yet settled on a message board for the subject, or peeps have been rude to you, I'll ask him what site he's on if'n you wish.

This is an INTERNET web site. Some peeps, like .dark. and IronBear, whom I never would have met had it not been for CM and BDSM, have taught me a great deal. IronBear & I have been on other sites together and I KNOW he is who he claims to be. Same wih .dark.

When 'speaking' to someone on CM or any other site, if'n you are tempted to take what is said to you to heart, *pause and reflect*. Do you know the poster? If not, have you seen them write other pieces on the board which you admired? MasterFire posted not long ago here and I was taken aback by something she said. So I posted a reply, asking for clarification, and she was kind enough to do so.

Just like any other INTERNET site, a D/s site is not a safe place, just by dint of being full of kinksters. There have been sites I have left altogether...I liked some peeps's writings, but far too many were *strange rangers*. Ever been to silent-screams.com?

Don't check your common sense at the door. There is no 'D/ Rulebook' we all agree on. I like who I like, period. I don't judge anyone for what their power dynamic or 'kink' may be -- but a f**ktard into D/s is stll a f**ktard. Kinksters are no better -- or worse -- than vanilla peeps. Take peeps one at a time, and use your good judgment about whom to trust.

Peace out.

candystripper

P.S. You can certainly trust anything IronBear or .dark. have to say, LMAO. But until you get to know me, how do you know you can trust me?

< Message edited by candystripper -- 11/12/2008 1:49:44 AM >

(in reply to Eliana)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Are BDSMers a more civil group of people?

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.156