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RE: More About Safwords - 11/17/2008 7:27:24 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: thedavezone

That's a subject for discussion among the various couples - it's something you both have to decide.

As for me personally, what I want is, over time, after getting to know the person well, is to go beyond the safe-words - but that has to be discussed first.

For example, you do something intense, there is pleading and begging, you continue, there is the safe-word, and you go beyond for a certain amount of time - now that is hot. But it MUST always be consensual - this type of thing has to be agreed to in advance, and you have to know the person.

Many a sub has said, "I want you to go to far, but not too TOO far." After I get to know them, and they me, they absolutely LOVE the idea of ignoring the safe-word, knowing I'll go too far, but not too TOO far.

I can really relate to this. I know I am continually pushed and I do have a word I can use but for the very reason I have that word (pin number actually!) is the reason he can push me far beyond what he would be willing to push me without it.
I think it also depends very much on how hard a players you are. If you take extreme then you are possibly stubborn, I know I am. I can be covered in blood and still grin at him and go 'that didn't hurt' but I feel safe doing that because I do have a get out clause if I needed to.
I don't have a safeword for punishment but I can run fast!

For us it works well, for others it wouldn't.

< Message edited by allthatjaz -- 11/17/2008 7:36:38 AM >

(in reply to thedavezone)

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RE: More About Safwords - 11/17/2008 7:46:27 AM

switchtosub

Posts: 28
Joined: 5/11/2008
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quote:

I don't mean to sound harsh, switchtosub, but I really do hope you put some thought into choosing your partners better. Safewords won't help you if the dom isn't interested in listening to them (your first example who didn't care what your limits were) or if you're seizing due to overstimulation with electric play. I'd have thought the dom would have stopped when he realized something was amiss as you seized and that a safe word or gesture wouldn't have been needed?

mc,

Sorry it took me so long to reply - packing and cleaning for Moving Day on Friday (300 miles downstate through the mountains!).

You are absolutely right. I *do* need to be a lot more intelligent about choosing my partners. I've had two Doms now, decades apart, who were abusive. That just has to stop. In his defense, the electrostim that caused me to seize was an accident - his thumb slipped on the control and I heard him cuss right before it hit me. He stopped immediately and was very good about seizure precautions (he's a medical professional). That said, I don't play with him any more. Not for that particular reason, but it was a major contributing factor.

I've resolved to simply walk away permanently from Dom/mes who won't respect hard limits. I have nothing against pushing boundaries - how else do you grow, unless you push yourself to new heights (or depths)? Some kinds of personal growth can't be achieved on your own, which is what makes your Dom/me so essential. There is a difference between a growth opportunity and stupidly dangerous behavior, though.

Given my history, I'm relying on safewords and gestures for the time being.

_____________________________

"I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing astroturf and the designated hitter. And I believe in long, slow, deep, wet, soft kisses that last for three days." ~"Crash" Davis (Kevin Costner) Bull Durham

(in reply to mc1234)

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