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SusanofO -> RE: Fork in the River (12/22/2005 9:34:33 PM)
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I am so glad you wrote that. It is a hopeful comment and I think it says people who may misinterpret eachother just don't know eachother yet and says a lot about taking time for trust-building between participants in groups and-or discussion sites.
General complimentary comments:
I think giving people the benefit of the doubt helps (for me) if I at first might not understand what they stated. Of course anyone can have a bad day here and there too, which might be the cause of jumping to a conclusion if in doubt. Of course people have a right to disagree and state their own opinions. I really think putting oneself in another's shoes helps (anyone experiementing with bdsm has an imagination to an extent at least right? So if don't know somebody can imagine what they may have meant in a thread topic discussion, and consider it might be more than one thing?
I appreciate the comment about subs. I guess if that happens to me, I just respond directly sometimes with a second try at explaining to that person, in terms that I consider the best I can do, being clear about what I was trying to say if I think I hurt somebody's feelings (because that is my major concern). I might not always be concise, but clear I certainly hope to be. Hoping to let whoever know, at the same time, that I like to think I can be pretty bright and-or observant. Thinking that isn't the same thing as being conceited. It's called having a bit of self-esteem, no? I can also stick my foot in my mouth or feel self-conscious without meaning to (usually as a result of tiredness).
Maybe this should be another thread, but I'll just say this one time, and is not a big deal, just an observation (and perhaps old news to those who focus on it). Sometimes I think just coming out and saying, if I sense a situation is getting heated: It's not a contest (is it)? About whose opinion is "best"? I have never actually done that, because I think it may exacerbate (not help solve) any problem, and sometimes I think people figure (maybe for good reason) why bother? People here on this site have been plenty generous with information. If I don't get it I just check something else out (a lot of threads are inter-related; least I think so - and there's always the internet as a resarch tool, too).
I abhor fighting as in yelling and-or screaming and think I am going to put it on my Dislikes list or make it a hard limit. It takes so much energy I can use for other stuff. I know it works for some and am not judging it. Some peope don't like people who hate it, too and may think they are cowards. Maybe. If so, coddle us (hehe, just kdding (ha!) but really...). That certainly hasn't happened on this thread but I've seen it happen elsewhere. And somebody may be even able to salvage the situation, too. That's the sad part. Ah well...Walk on...yet
I do not have an appreciation of seeing other people mis-interpet eachother. Sometimes I think I see that - and sometimes I think I can almost see it coming - and I cringe because I know they could probably maybe even like eachother if someone would intervene gently thus letting them save face and-or if they'd think twice (I have caught myself doing that occasionally. And also jumping to a conclusion or two. Trying to salvage a spiraling downhill situation (again, not on this thread) but on a completely un-related blog I write into sometimes). It may be a waste of time (yet part of me is calling saying its not). I may be seeing things that are not there, but sometimes I don't think so. In any case, I can deal. It hurts to watch (and not in a good way, hehe. And again I haven't seen it here). I read a lot of message boards and it may just be run-of-the-mill. And yet...and yet...
Yes, subs-slaves are Not idiots-on-assumption. Most Doms I've seen aren't either, and if all the Doms had paddled together maybe they could have all been "look-outs" for stuff that might go wrong on the river. That's their job, that's what you're saying. I hear it. And if they listened to their sub-slaves. No reason to pollute a river just because some people may be aren't perceived as doing that, but might it not help if they could try. Have to put ego aside to be able to do that (which kinda conflicts with being seen as "Domly" for some I spose, and can also maybe be difficult - this can go for subs-slaves too). But maybe worth a shot for a "higher good" as in making things pleasant for everybody so people can learn better, maybe. Maybe this isn't what you meant. In any case, I thought it maybe was. And hadn't thought about it much at all, before I saw your post. I am glad I did. - Susan
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