Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: One Night Stands


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: One Night Stands Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: One Night Stands - 11/13/2008 8:08:54 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Hi, Aslanemperor----
I believe I understand your feelings.  To me, at the very least, sex is an expression of caring among friends, at most, it is the greatest sacrament.  You feel used and rather unclean as a result of what happened, yes? 
It is horrible when someone that you trust transgresses against that bond, particularly in a matter so sacred. 
I am so sorry that this happened. 
You have my sympathies, 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: One Night Stands - 11/13/2008 8:27:02 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
You seem kind of clingy and insecure based on this thread alone and your defensiveness when some people indicated you might not have been "all that" in bed.  If she is the kind of woman to just bed a guy and take it casually, she's possibly a woman that doesn't like clingy or insecure guys.  She's just not that into you.  Don't sleep with women if it makes you needy.  Women don't like that.

Akasha


_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to Aslanemperor)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: One Night Stands - 11/13/2008 8:33:05 PM   
monywildcat


Posts: 452
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline 		It is not mandatory for a woman to want to be in a relationship with a guy, or even like the guy, in order to have some hot wild animal sex complete with shivering orgasms and copious outpouring of fluids.  This may have been simply that the initial connection that happened while online didn't translate into real life.  That happens.  No one is to blame.  I am sorry to hear this, since seeing that you are not one to have hot wild animal sex with anyone without having that emotional connection.  A lesson has been learned here.  Many of us have learned it as well. 

On the other hand, she may have been kidnapped by aliens.  Or a freak tornado swept through her neighborhood, leveled her house alone, and whisked her into Oz.  She is battling the Wicked Witch as we speak. 

_____________________________

Major Life Change Necessitates Personal Reinvention...

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: One Night Stands - 11/13/2008 8:36:00 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Okay, now after reading your last couple of journal entries, I'm more confused than ever. 

9 days ago you were still looking for that "special one".

Just over a month ago was your "in person interview" with a chick that was still in love with her dom and was still with him. 

The day before that, you had 3 different women in mind.

I'm having a hard time meshing the idea of meeting someone as an "interview"... and your view that sex is just this side of a lifetime commitment.


Perhaps your selection method needs some tweaking.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to Aslanemperor)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: One Night Stands - 11/13/2008 8:36:53 PM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline 		Greetings Dana,
 
Not all of us that have "one night stands" take sex "lightly".  For me, there is a relationship with that person, even if it is only for several hours.  And yes, i do see sex as sacred...but for me it is sacredness in the bonding of two energies expressing passion - i attach no societal or religous trappings/emotional expectations to it.
 
i am sorry you feel "dirty" from your experience simply because she has avoided contact. Perhaps re-examining your own feelings and expectations in regards to sex may help you avoid these feelings/situations in the future...

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to Aslanemperor)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: One Night Stands - 11/13/2008 8:44:10 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I consider sex the equivalent of a major expression of positive emotion towards the person you're with.


See an analyst. It has not been since the pill was introduced. And if you are ready for a full life commitment after meeting someone a couple of times, you are a bit out of tune with the rest of us. At the very best, you're not reading her signals well.

(in reply to Aslanemperor)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: One Night Stands - 11/13/2008 9:00:48 PM   
Jeptha


Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

Greetings Dana,

Not all of us that have "one night stands" take sex "lightly". For me, there is a relationship with that person, even if it is only for several hours. And yes, i do see sex as sacred...but for me it is sacredness in the bonding of two energies expressing passion - i attach no societal or religous trappings/emotional expectations to it.

To the OP; Sometimes it just happens that a person gets to that stage and suddenly realizes that it isn't quite right for them, for whatever reason.
Maybe she was kind of swept along initially and only had a chance to get more perspective after the fact.
And/or maybe you began coming on a little too strongly too quickly for her with the commitment stuff and 'bonds of love' and so forth and she bolted.

(in reply to dawntreader)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: One Night Stands - 11/13/2008 9:45:55 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		I have nothing against people having one night stands, if they're being up front about their motives; they just aren't my cup of tea.  I have no doubt that short-lived ventures can be quite sacred and to some, they are nothing more than the physical acts involved.  All good as long as everyone's up front. 
The OP seemed under the impression that a relationship was in the works with the person that he slept with, however.  He cites communication with the person as relationship building.  Regardless of her motives, I personally think it's tacky to just vanish if there's been rudimentary communication in advance unless you each agree that you're just going to vanish.  If there's been more than just rudimentary communication, I think it's downright dishonorable.  And, even if he was a bad lay (OP, not calling you a bad lay, just going on the premise of some), showing some basic human care: I had sex with a friend and he was not a good lay, I didn't vanish just because he screwed like a spastic puppy dog. 
Granted, all of the information isn't available, but from what is presented, I have to say that unless she's dead, had some sort of emergency, or someof the implausibles that others suggested, some sort of follow up isn't unreasonable, imo. 
  Davan 


_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to Jeptha)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: One Night Stands - 11/13/2008 10:38:57 PM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aslanemperor

Ok...  I've got a problem.  There is a girl who I have been talking to for a while on this site, and we've met a couple of times.  I was under the impression that she wanted a serious relationship with me, and as a result, I made what I'm now seeing as a serious mistake.
I had sex with her.  Now it's not what your thinking I assure you.  As far as I know she's not pregnant, and I've not gotten any STDs.  Actually, the problem is that she seems to be avoiding me.  I may be going overboard.  It may be that she's just been to busy.  The problem is, this is unlikely.
Now for most men, having a girl who's willing to have sex with you all night and then not want a relationship with you later is a good thing.  For me, this is terrible.  I don't consider sex to be a light thing.  I consider it a HUGE deal.  I consider sex the equivalent of a major expression of positive emotion towards the person you're with.  Usually, sex for me is a profound statement of love and devotion.  Therefore, to be in such a situation makes me feel terrible, and in a way even somewhat dirty.
Now I write all of this to find out, am I the only person that is this way?  For that matter, are there other Doms like me who feel this way?
~Aslanemperor



Yes, I do.  It would take a great deal to persuade me to go to bed with a man. Like you, it has come to mean a great deal to me.  I'd be very hurt and sad if I had invested that much in a man and he walked away.
 
But it does happen, Asianemperor.  Folks do reject us or abandon us, and some even lie through their teeth to get what they want. 
 
It's her loss.  She had entre to a deep and loving relationship, and she walked away.  All you can take away from it is the 'information' she may have given you about some new way to detect soeone who is not sincere.
 
*Hugs*
 
candystripper 

(in reply to Aslanemperor)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: One Night Stands - 11/13/2008 11:02:06 PM   
WhiplashSmile2


Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline 		Well you asked if there are DOMs out there that feel the same way, and the answer is YES.  I'm not into casual sex either.

The only way you are going to find out what the real issue or problem is is to simply ask her.   You may or may not like the answer.  This is if she gives you an answer.

As you said "she seems to be avoiding", wise way of thinking about it.  She may have a lot going on.   Perhaps she is doing some serious thinking and is taking a little space to herself.   Again, the only way to find out what the real issue is, is to simply ask her.


(in reply to Aslanemperor)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: One Night Stands - 11/13/2008 11:19:47 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Okay, now after reading your last couple of journal entries, I'm more confused than ever. 

9 days ago you were still looking for that "special one".

Just over a month ago was your "in person interview" with a chick that was still in love with her dom and was still with him. 

The day before that, you had 3 different women in mind.

I'm having a hard time meshing the idea of meeting someone as an "interview"... and your view that sex is just this side of a lifetime commitment.


Perhaps your selection method needs some tweaking.

Cali


OUCH

Perhaps if sex is so special to you, you might want to A. pick your partners more carefully, B. spend more time getting to know them before popping one off in them, C. "It's well known that sex for me is a precursor to collaring, and that I don't take the act lightly. "?

So lets see if I have this right.  You nail them on the first date, but sex is sacred and special, and having had sex on the first dates that leads to their being collared?

I think you need to sit down with a dictionary and look up the definitions of a few words, perhaps the problem is you don't actually know what love, special, lightly, profound, and stalking actually mean.

< Message edited by SimplyMichael -- 11/13/2008 11:24:02 PM >

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: One Night Stands - 11/13/2008 11:27:32 PM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aslanemperor

Now for most men, having a girl who's willing to have sex with you all night and then not want a relationship with you later is a good thing. 



I think that's an ill-conceived statement. You would certainly have a point were I between the ages of 16 and 27, but perceptions and ambitions change in accordance with experience. Would I? Do I? Yes, in certain circumstances, but there has to be something out of the ordinary on offer. Is it the ideal? Absolutely not.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aslanemperor

Usually, sex for me is a profound statement of love and devotion.  Therefore, to be in such a situation makes me feel terrible, and in a way even somewhat dirty.



There's no shame in a good fuck; there's no need to justify it with moral acrobatics.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to Aslanemperor)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: One Night Stands - 11/13/2008 11:29:28 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		so, NG...does this mean I won't be able to have a quick shag with you? *grin*

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to NorthernGent)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: One Night Stands - 11/14/2008 8:54:13 AM   
theobserver


Posts: 456
Joined: 8/18/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aslanemperor

Ok...  I've got a problem.  There is a girl who I have been talking to for a while on this site, and we've met a couple of times.  I was under the impression that she wanted a serious relationship with me, and as a result, I made what I'm now seeing as a serious mistake.
I had sex with her.  Now it's not what your thinking I assure you.  As far as I know she's not pregnant, and I've not gotten any STDs.  Actually, the problem is that she seems to be avoiding me.  I may be going overboard.  It may be that she's just been to busy.  The problem is, this is unlikely.
Now for most men, having a girl who's willing to have sex with you all night and then not want a relationship with you later is a good thing.  For me, this is terrible.  I don't consider sex to be a light thing.  I consider it a HUGE deal.  I consider sex the equivalent of a major expression of positive emotion towards the person you're with.  Usually, sex for me is a profound statement of love and devotion.  Therefore, to be in such a situation makes me feel terrible, and in a way even somewhat dirty.
Now I write all of this to find out, am I the only person that is this way?  For that matter, are there other Doms like me who feel this way?
~Aslanemperor



I'm not a Dom, but I can pass along some thoughts from a female perspective albeit vanilla. Here's a scenario, a woman really likes a man, they hit it off in most ways, mentally, emotionally and find some sort of mutual physical attractive. However, when they sleep together the woman feels no sexual chemistry with the man.

This turns her off and basically is a deal breaker. I know that sounds harsh, but it happens. It happens with some men and it happens with some women. Having chemistry, is not just about what we can see or what we can say.

If the sexual chemistry is not there, for some, it can indeed be the end of the road.

I've seen it happen before. I hope, for your situation, that is not the case. Best of luck to you.

_____________________________

It is left up to the reader to decipher & determine this post's validity.


(in reply to Aslanemperor)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: One Night Stands - 11/14/2008 9:28:58 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aslanemperor

Then I guess that shows a major difference in the way we see things.  For me, Sex ALWAYS implies more, and I explained this to her before we ever did anything.  Actually, this is something that I explain to every girl who seems to be coming towards serious consideration.  It's well known that sex for me is a precursor to collaring, and that I don't take the act lightly.


I am not trying to offend you, but that WOULD scare me, no I am not into casual sex at all, but if somebody would have sex with the condition that it MUST lead to a relationship, I would run, my personal view is that I only would like to have sex with a person I also want to have a relationship with, it's just how I am wired, but I can remember my teenage days rather well, I might have had sex once or twice thinking it would be a relationship but the sex was just well, not good. Doesn't mean the guy had to be a bad lover, if there was no chemistry then I rather opted out.

Might have happened in your case? I hope not but it is a possibility and if it is true, think about it this way - isn't it better to not get in too deep? Last thing you want is a partner who endures sex with you rather than enjoying it.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to Aslanemperor)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: One Night Stands - 11/14/2008 9:34:27 AM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aslanemperor

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

She's just not that into you- either she lied to you in order to have sex, or after the sex realized it wasn't going to work out and decided to just avoid you rather than ending it directly.

Stop applying false stereotypes to males and females.  You made a choice, this was one of the possible consequences of that choice.  It sucks, but now you know.  If you can't handle the fall out of casual sex, don't have it. 

The whole point of this post was that this wasn't SUPPOSED to be casual sex...



The reality of life is 'supposed' many of times doesn't exist.  I have seen so many people build up a reality of 'supposed' and get let down because of it. This happens to people, and it happen to you. What will you learn from it and how will you move on? There are choices even for you, in this situation.

oceanwynds

(in reply to Aslanemperor)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: One Night Stands - 11/14/2008 9:41:59 AM   
mztresn0w


Posts: 174
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline 		Sorry it didn't work out. But seriously. So you had sex and she is avoiding you. She doesn't have to explain why she doesn't want to see you anymore. It just didn't work out. Time to move on.

_____________________________

Becareful what you ask for you may get it and then realize it wasn't what you wanted.
Wicked Evil Grin

(in reply to slavegirljoy)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: One Night Stands - 11/14/2008 9:42:18 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aslanemperor

Now I write all of this to find out, am I the only person that is this way?  For that matter, are there other Doms like me who feel this way?
~Aslanemperor



You aren't the only one, and I'm sure you aren't the only dom who feels this way. However, as I'm sure others have suggested, since this is something you feel so strongly about you may want to write it off as a life lesson and make sure that the other person feels this way too before you have sex with them.

While you say you explained your views to her, unless she said she agreed that doesn't mean much. If a guy explains his views on sex to me and then has causal sex with me, I still regard it as causal - just for some reason he has decided to have causal sex and I may or may not question him depending on the specific circumstances. Maybe you should consider waiting until they are collared or at least until she has flat out said "I would like to be collared by you"?

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 11/14/2008 9:43:24 AM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Aslanemperor)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: One Night Stands - 11/14/2008 9:52:15 AM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		"Everybody makes mistakes," muttered the hedgehog as it climbed back off the hairbrush.

_____________________________

CM's Resident Lyricist
also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
50NZpoints
Q2
Simply Q

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: One Night Stands - 11/14/2008 10:12:16 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I'm not into casual sex either.


Ah, yes. I've been here too long.. the cultural difference. I think Europeans tend to think of sex more as a recreational activity, I recall being totally amazed, moving here, at the amount of stuff Americans weave around this purely biological function. That is not a value assessment, please don't get me wrong, it is just something that is fairly alien to my native culture. It does not, by the way, mean that we think everybody should have one night stands, but we tend to bop first, and if that is satisfactory, one can proceed to relationship and/or friendship.

(in reply to WhiplashSmile2)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: One Night Stands Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109