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RE: One Night Stands - 11/14/2008 10:15:06 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
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quote:

There's no shame in a good fuck; there's no need to justify it with moral acrobatics.


My point exactly. Americans tend to have more of a construct around the sex act, something that never ceases to amaze me.

(in reply to NorthernGent)
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RE: One Night Stands - 11/14/2008 10:26:53 AM   
justgemmie


Posts: 246
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline 		FR ~~

i must be the weird one here cause i'm wayyyy into casual sex.  there is sex is sex ,,, it's fun, exciting and sometimes its just da bomb and sometimes it's soooo not ~ my ex-husband and Dauntless were both supposed to be one night stands  LOL  just didn't work out that way.  and there is sex with emotional attachment, which is also da bomb.  i can separate and enjoy both kinds, and so can lots of others.

anyway, to the OP, it's very very common for folks to start ignoring someone they don't want to be with for, simply, for whatever-the-hell reason.  they just don't want to do the "i don't wanna see you any more thing."  and whether it's because y'all had sex, or she doesn't like your dog, or you don't make enough money, or whatever, it happens ALOT.  there has to be 500 threads about "why are they avoiding me?"

i think ya both had a hand in this.  if You were to be a one night stand, she wasn't forthcoming with that information.  and if You wanted more than a one night stand, either You weren't very open and forthcoming, or she just didn't care.

in any event, my advice would be to take it as a lesson learned and don't make the same mistake.

gemmie

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RE: One Night Stands - 11/14/2008 10:43:31 AM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


You seem kind of clingy and insecure based on this thread alone and your defensiveness when some people indicated you might not have been "all that" in bed.  If she is the kind of woman to just bed a guy and take it casually, she's possibly a woman that doesn't like clingy or insecure guys.  She's just not that into you.  Don't sleep with women if it makes you needy.  Women don't like that.

Akasha



I'm with Akasha on this one.  Needy is soo not attractive.

If sex is important and sacred then make sure you keep it that way. That means not screwing her on the 3rd or 4th meeting. You obviously did not know her well enough

For me, sex is sex. I don't go to bed with just anyone, but there doesn't have to be some supposed spiritual connection. The right chemistry and the right bottle of wine and lets go hehe ok maybe not that easy.

I believe in having sex just for the sake of having sex with someone I find attractive and compatable. I've had fuck buddies, it's no big deal, but I don't go for the one night stand thing. Did it once and it just wasn't something I wanted to repeat.

By the way OP, just cause she reached orgasm doesn't mean she found the sex all that great. Not dissing you, just saying, it doesn't have to be awesome mind blowing sex to be able to cum. I can make my muscles clench and get all wet just by thinking the right thing.

You have two choices, either keep hounding her for an answer, or shrug it off and move on.

I know what I would choose.

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RE: One Night Stands - 11/14/2008 10:50:59 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aslanemperor

Ok...  I've got a problem.  There is a girl who I have been talking to for a while on this site, and we've met a couple of times.  I was under the impression that she wanted a serious relationship with me, and as a result, I made what I'm now seeing as a serious mistake.
I had sex with her.  Now it's not what your thinking I assure you.  As far as I know she's not pregnant, and I've not gotten any STDs.  Actually, the problem is that she seems to be avoiding me.  I may be going overboard.  It may be that she's just been to busy.  The problem is, this is unlikely.
Now for most men, having a girl who's willing to have sex with you all night and then not want a relationship with you later is a good thing.  For me, this is terrible.  I don't consider sex to be a light thing.  I consider it a HUGE deal.  I consider sex the equivalent of a major expression of positive emotion towards the person you're with.  Usually, sex for me is a profound statement of love and devotion.  Therefore, to be in such a situation makes me feel terrible, and in a way even somewhat dirty.
Now I write all of this to find out, am I the only person that is this way?  For that matter, are there other Doms like me who feel this way?
~Aslanemperor



For me, sex has to be part of something more. For ME.

I've never had any interest in a one night/day fling. It just does not interest me. No moral reason, just not of interest (at least until this point in life, who knows what the future holds)

The difference is that I make that clear. I don't jump right into sex with anyone. I prefer to spend time with them. Until I know there is something more being created, there is no sex. But again, it is my way and not a moral issue to me.

I don't critisize others if they choose to live differently. Hell, there have been times I wish I could get into it.

You've got to first....be clear why you feel the way you do. Second.........be sure you are communicating your feelings to potential partners. Three........not expecting them to be anything other than who they are. And Four and most important.........don't pass judgement on them for being different than you.


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RE: One Night Stands - 11/14/2008 11:01:06 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aslanemperor

Ok...  I've got a problem.  There is a girl who I have been talking to for a while on this site, and we've met a couple of times.  I was under the impression that she wanted a serious relationship with me, and as a result, I made what I'm now seeing as a serious mistake.
I had sex with her.  Now it's not what your thinking I assure you.  As far as I know she's not pregnant, and I've not gotten any STDs.  Actually, the problem is that she seems to be avoiding me.  I may be going overboard.  It may be that she's just been to busy.  The problem is, this is unlikely.
Now for most men, having a girl who's willing to have sex with you all night and then not want a relationship with you later is a good thing.  For me, this is terrible.  I don't consider sex to be a light thing.  I consider it a HUGE deal.  I consider sex the equivalent of a major expression of positive emotion towards the person you're with.  Usually, sex for me is a profound statement of love and devotion.  Therefore, to be in such a situation makes me feel terrible, and in a way even somewhat dirty.
Now I write all of this to find out, am I the only person that is this way?  For that matter, are there other Doms like me who feel this way?
~Aslanemperor



You're unlikely to be the only dom, sub, male, female that's felt that way. People are really complex and what you 'see and understand' is going to be the tip of the ice-berg until you've been with them a fair while.

People can want and not want someone at the same time.

agirl



(in reply to Aslanemperor)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: One Night Stands - 11/14/2008 11:06:22 AM   
sailorfrank


Posts: 127
Joined: 6/18/2008
Status: offline 		    To the OP....first off she might not have been that in to you after all and doesnt want to tell you or her husband wouldn`t undertsand it maybe??

  If you want a serious relationship?  Try getting married but hey its not all fun either.   Good luck tho finding what you want and need!

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: One Night Stands - 11/14/2008 5:31:54 PM   
Aslanemperor


Posts: 108
Joined: 4/17/2005
Status: offline 		Ah please... anyone who's read "Wicked" knows that the wizard was the bad guy!  ;)

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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: One Night Stands - 11/14/2008 6:10:19 PM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent


There's no shame in a good fuck; there's no need to justify it with moral acrobatics.


NG,
 
i like the way you put this

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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: One Night Stands - 11/14/2008 6:35:26 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

you guys really take the cake.


ur welcome lad

(in reply to Aslanemperor)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: One Night Stands - 11/14/2008 7:06:07 PM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		To the Op:
 
I was a hippie chick back in the day, and we experienced the 'Sexual Revolution'.
 
Now that I am a mature woman, I've sorta lost my taste for one-night stands, but there was a time I admit I had them.  We were so freaking bourgeoius, LOL  Every time 'my crowd' slept with someone, we got engaged.  We always gave the ring back, and some 'engagements' lasted only a weekend.  Gawd only knows how many times I've been 'engaged', ROFLMAO.
 
I rather miss the option.  Maybe not for me, but for young women I care about.  All we risked in 'sleeping around' was a case of the crabs or the clap, which could be cured with a pesticide or an antibiotic.
 
I know you're not a U.S. guy...by chance have you ever seen an old movie called Lost Weekend?  I think it's sad that now we have to go get medical tests run before we have sex, or else risk contracting some incurable or terminal disease.
 
I have girlfriends who've never slept wth anyone but their own husbands.  There is a downside to sexual repression and lack of experimentation, especially when in young adulthood.

 
Sorry, not trying to hijack.
 
candystripper 

< Message edited by candystripper -- 11/14/2008 7:10:41 PM >

(in reply to Aslanemperor)
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RE: One Night Stands - 11/14/2008 7:06:57 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		Careful hun you'll end up on his list of bullies in off topic 'cm bullies'
He has really spat his dummy out over there

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RE: One Night Stands - 11/14/2008 7:15:35 PM   
NuevaVida


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Joined: 8/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Careful hun you'll end up on his list of bullies in off topic 'cm bullies'
He has really spat his dummy out over there


LOL I haven't made it over there yet. But perhaps we're seeing a glimpse of why said girl is no longer talking to said boy.

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RE: One Night Stands - 11/14/2008 7:19:08 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		I reckon so

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If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: One Night Stands - 11/14/2008 7:20:49 PM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aslanemperor

Then I guess that shows a major difference in the way we see things.  For me, Sex ALWAYS implies more, and I explained this to her before we ever did anything.  Actually, this is something that I explain to every girl who seems to be coming towards serious consideration.  It's well known that sex for me is a precursor to collaring, and that I don't take the act lightly.


Well, ya, Asianemperor.  As do I.  However, I didn't always have the same feelings about sex.  I've changed, matured, some things don't hold interest for me anymore, the world has changed, yadda yadda yadda.
 
When I was a young chick, I was convinced I was right about everything, sex most of all.  My parents were wrong, my Church was wrong, everyone was wrong but me and my friends.
 
LOL.
 
I guess there is such a thing as Karma, since nowadays I get told I'm wrong by young women I'm friends with, just as I once did to older folks.  What goes around really does come around, LOL.
 
*Winks*
 
candystripper 

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RE: One Night Stands - 11/14/2008 7:25:09 PM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NormalOutside

Sounds like you made a mistake. Even us dominant people make them.  :(



ROFLAO.
 
Man, I am enjoying your posts, NO.
 
I thought the rule was *whatever the Dom said goes*?  LMAO.  Whew..now I can stop dropping to my knees whenever I open my InBox on CM, LOL.
 
*Winks*
 
candystripper 

(in reply to NormalOutside)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: One Night Stands - 11/14/2008 7:30:53 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		Sure, having sex with someone once and her not wanting to see you more can be fucked. Here is the way I look at things. I do take it seriously when I have sex with someone, have gotten to know her well and I usually end up in relationships with the person I have sex with. But that doesn't happen always.

When it goes like what happened to you I change my mindset and philosophy. I'll say to myself wasn't I lucky to get a no strings piece of ass. I must be pretty cool. You can be flexible, yet keep your beliefs. Being able to be intimate with others is a trait that not everyone has. Hang in there. 

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RE: One Night Stands - 11/14/2008 7:32:15 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I didn't see this theory offered, and if it labels me bully, well, cool. 

To the OP, you seem to put a lot of importance in the fact that she climaxed 4 times with you.  Well, that's awesome, I'm envious, but it's possible that's she's just one of the more unusual women who climaxes very easily and to her, orgasms are a dime a dozen.  It's quite possible that she has multiple orgasms with everyone she sleeps with, but she just doesn't form emotional attachments with guys simply for that reason. 

I honestly don't think there is an answer or explanation as to why she spent the night fucking with you and then didn't want to do it anymore.  It's probably a combination of reasons.  For whatever reason(s), it just wasn't right for her and she moved on.  It sucks, but it happens to ALL of us.

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RE: One Night Stands - 11/14/2008 7:33:01 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		For me, if i sleep with someone right away im assuming it will be a one night stand, if i wait a while im hoping for a relationship, weird i know.

I mean there could be any number of reasons for it and im sure others have been in a similar position

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RE: One Night Stands - 11/14/2008 7:49:31 PM   
Aylee


Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline 		To the OP:

Just because you are interested in someone does not mean that they are obligated to be interested in you in return.

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RE: One Night Stands - 11/14/2008 8:27:27 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aslanemperor

Seriously, you can fake some things, but there's some things in an orgasm that aren't that easy to fake.  Part of the most telling part of an orgasm is the feel of the muscles inside of her and the outpouring of fluids.  These things are difficult to fake.  If she did manage to fake them, then I applaud her, for she's the first girl I know who could.


That scene in When Harry Met Sally comes to mind!

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Profile   Post #: 60
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