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AAkasha -> RE: Dom/s "Do this", "Do that", then.. You got it !!! (12/20/2005 12:31:21 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: afmvdp
quote:
ORIGINAL: AAkasha
People don't *need* mentors if they have a built-in, natural, instinctive desire to dominate. No one taught me how to get into a man's head and seduce him and balance my need for submission with his fears and desires. People with dominant tendencies are perfectly capable of making their desires/fantasies a reality with a willing partner and a grasp of safety and common sense. It doesn't have to be rocket science. Even without the Internet, without books, and without BDSM groups or 'mentors' there are people all over the world engaging in consensual power exchange in their relationships.
Mentors are fantastic for the kinds of people that like that sort of relationship and like to learn that way. But it isn't a necessity.
This has nothing to do with asking for advice on technique, communication problems, finding partners, etc. -- but some people are drawn into BDSM without any "instinct" desire (natural desire) for dominance or submission combined with no real experience -- and those are the ones that get impatient and demanding and frustrated.
My desire to dominate men is what shaped my style and technique -- there was never any question of "how do I dominate my man?" it was "how do I NOT dominate my man - it's my natural way of relating on a physical, sexual level."
People can teach you technique and processes 'til the cows come home. They can't teach you to have a fire in your belly for dominance and submission that guides you and feeds your inspiration.
Akasha
While I very much agree that much of what we are comes from a very natural inherent place within us, I also know that no matter how much of a natural you may be it is only arrogance and ignorance that would make you think that you know more out of the box than someone with a lifetime of experience. It is not a hard task for a woman to know how to seduce but that makes you a seductress not a Domina.
As I have stated before, we must first Master ourselves before we can ever hope of properly mastering another.
Also while some of the emotional and conditional aspects may be workable right out of the box, in the hands of the inexperienced and untrained things like whipping, flogging, restraints, suspension, fireplay, knifeplay, body control, hypnosis, etc can not only be sub-par they could also potentially be life threatening and permanently damaging.
And taking those types of risks with anothers life shows an absolute lack of respect for the arts and for your partner.
By the time someone is ready to start whipping, cutting, doing breath control and other dangerous activities I'd assume they've had plenty of time to learn the basics of bdsm -- understanding their own desires, understanding how to read a partner and understanding how to communicate.
It boils down to common sense when picking up an implement you've never had in your hand before and using it on another human body. Can it be done without a mentor? Sure - if it's done carefully and with a lot of communication, reading, first aid and safety precautions (again, common sense). I learned all my physical (body on body) approach, body language, mindset, attitude, style, sexuality and communication/empathy without anyone telling me what to do. I also started when I was very young, and sexual intercourse was not thrown into the mix to complicate matters. I think this "foundation" helps build better communication skills, partner reading and understanding *our* emotions than anything a mentor or a book can teach.
I learned flogging and caning from a professional dominatrix. I would think people coming online and doing their research and jumping into bdsm for the first time are not going straight into using heavy implements or dangerous toys.
Akasha
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