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RE: Submissive not getting turned on? - 11/17/2008 4:11:22 PM

PeonForHer

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Fox is a good match for me. I wouldn't say he was a fabulous slave or even a slave in general

Fox sounds like an excellent man, TTJ, but were you to bring him to the UK, I think you might need to think of a new nickname for him. The word "fox", said in a US accent, tends to make the monocles of elderly British gentlemen fall out of their eyes.

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RE: Submissive not getting turned on? - 11/17/2008 9:50:31 PM

AlexandraLynch

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My husband has, over the years, proved to me that hydraulic function is often rather independent of the mind. And I frequently tell men I am considering taking to bed who are worried about their hydraulics or the size of their cock that the single best lover I have ever enjoyed the attentions of....became impotent from diabetes in his early twenties, and I met him ten years later. It's not about the cock.

In kinky terms, given that I fuck my submissives, if there isn't a hard cock going on somewhere in things, it's unlikely to be nearly as fun as I intend it to be. But I also don't worry if he isn't hard when I'm paddling him. Part of being a domme is knowing where his personal "erection buttons" are, and pushing them at my whim.

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RE: Submissive not getting turned on? - 11/18/2008 8:25:40 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Yes, Tammyjo DOES have a fabulous slave!

Fox is a good match for me. I wouldn't say he was a fabulous slave or even a slave in general.

I think though that part of why we work well is that we have realistic expectations of ourselves, each other, and this relationship.

All perfectly true, but your relationship is unusual in its long term success---which is due not ony to your compatibility, but to how much all of you work toward maintaining your household's connection.

Thank you, LadyHibiscus.

It is work, most often it doesn't feel like work in any negative sense, but it is work. I think all long-term relationships are though. This is partly why I almost preach the "be realistic" stuff on Collarme that I do. The other part is that I like the idea of people being happy and fulfilled. If sharing what worked and works for me can help someone, I'm glad.

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RE: Submissive not getting turned on? - 11/18/2008 8:27:15 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AlexandraLynch

My husband has, over the years, proved to me that hydraulic function is often rather independent of the mind. And I frequently tell men I am considering taking to bed who are worried about their hydraulics or the size of their cock that the single best lover I have ever enjoyed the attentions of....became impotent from diabetes in his early twenties, and I met him ten years later. It's not about the cock.

In kinky terms, given that I fuck my submissives, if there isn't a hard cock going on somewhere in things, it's unlikely to be nearly as fun as I intend it to be. But I also don't worry if he isn't hard when I'm paddling him. Part of being a domme is knowing where his personal "erection buttons" are, and pushing them at my whim.

Plus that's part of the fun and the power in the relationship. Figuring out what works and when then using it.

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Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Submissive not getting turned on? - 11/18/2008 5:05:34 PM

TexasMaam

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lolololololololololololololololololololol

I just love this post, darchChylde, it's grand!
Made Me smile! And I've had a horrible day and I really needed that.

I've sometimes found that whipping and pain shuts off an erection temporarily, but not the libido, it's still there just waiting for the burn to ease up a bit.

A session with a whip will make a man flaccid - a bondage session rarely does so.

In My experience, a little cool down time with some soothing, encouraging carresses usually gets his motor running immediately.

If I've been particularly pleased with his grit, after the cool down I give permission for him to suck My tits telling him that he's been a verrry good boy. Or, I might rub his body with My tits and not give him permission to touch, all depends. Either way, tits never fail to get results.

Then I have My way with him in whatever position I crave at the moment.

All the best and thanks again for a great post and fun read.

TexasMaam

< Message edited by TexasMaam -- 11/18/2008 5:07:16 PM >

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RE: Submissive not getting turned on? - 11/18/2008 6:48:37 PM

SthrnCom4t

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quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde
In a situation where you know your submissive or bottom is physically or sexually attracted to you and that he/she enjoys getting beaten/tied up/etc... what do you think when he/she is never actually physically aroused by your ministrations.

First, I don't get turned off if a male sub doesn't get hard. This doesn't mean he isn't turned on. It does suggest to me that there is a disconnect somewhere. (mind/body disconnect usually) This is especially true in the beginning because its very easy for 'head talk' to get in the way, and when there is 'submission' involved it gets even more complex.

I've had experiences where intense sensation blocked the arousal receptors. (both giving and receiving)

For a man who is sometimes hard and sometimes not...I take it as a challenge. What turns him on?...I ask a ton of questions about his fantasies when he masturbates. I try different methods....sweet sensual touch, rough, chastity, lots of verbal, bondage of his parts to 'keep' him hard.

I've found that getting a man out of his head, and into 'reactionary' space to be very successful. Especially if he's had a time or two previously when he didn't get hard, or it seemed to have 'left the building'. From then on there is fear/anxiety which even when you instruct him not to be concerned, he is. Soooooooooo, I make him connect with me. I don't give him a choice. I demand verbal and physical responses. Physical meaning exaggerated hip thrusts, using a dildo/anal plug, etc. Verbal...extensive responses, issued loudly. I enforce chastity. It's really quite amazing what a week or a month (depending on the man) of not having a cookie can do for a submissive. I've also instructed him to masturbate (without cumming) daily for a week or two prior to a play date. Again...very nice results.

Finally - does he have to get hard enough for penetration to please me. Not hardly! I enjoy it from a physical level/emotional level, but I can get this met in other ways.

Overall, I do care about a partner's sexual health and well-being, but during scene, I'm perfectly fine with being sexually selfish. He doesn't need a cookie all the time and, in fact, should always be wondering if he's earned it!

Sthrn
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RE: Submissive not getting turned on? - 11/19/2008 6:29:01 AM

MsFlutter

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett

I've never experienced a man who didn't get aroused. ED... yes... lack of arousal, No.

I just spent three days wondering who ED was - then realized it was a reference to erectile dysfunction LOLOL <duh>

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RE: Submissive not getting turned on? - 11/19/2008 6:48:03 AM

MsStarlett

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LOL! That's ok Ms.Flutter. I think I was on CM for over a month before I figured out that "OP=Original Poster".

No one is born knowing everything.

(How come that little red faced "Doh!" emoticon never seems to work?)

< Message edited by MsStarlett -- 11/19/2008 6:49:00 AM >

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RE: Submissive not getting turned on? - 11/19/2008 8:20:03 AM

LadyConstanze

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Maybe the red faced emoticon is worn out from overuse?

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RE: Submissive not getting turned on? - 11/19/2008 10:05:45 AM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsFlutter

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett

I've never experienced a man who didn't get aroused. ED... yes... lack of arousal, No.

I just spent three days wondering who ED was - then realized it was a reference to erectile dysfunction LOLOL <duh>

Don't worry, Ms F, you weren't on your own there. I thought it meant 'eating disorder'.

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RE: Submissive not getting turned on? - 12/21/2008 3:18:07 AM

boytoyinatlanta

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bdsm rarely if ever sexually turns me on....if i want sex then the Mistress has to equalize the power exchange

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