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friends - 11/17/2008 4:41:15 PM

sobayblackmaster

Posts: 108
Joined: 11/16/2008
Status: offline

What's all the hoopla about adding "friends?" I see several subs insisting that they have strict reservations about adding new friends, but I fail to see the reason for the drama/trauma. Does adding someone as a friend in here give them some special power? I'm curious because I know that on other sites having someone on your friend list doesn't mean that you're close or that you have any contact whatsoever for that matter.

Post #: 1

RE: friends - 11/17/2008 4:59:07 PM

StrictnSaucy

Posts: 363
Joined: 1/6/2005
Status: offline

Personally I only add people that I have actually met and I am friends with. Reason being, I am a member of another site and am asked for references frequently. I would not like some of my personal community to look at my friends list here and think - grand, friend of SnS - must be ok.

(in reply to sobayblackmaster)

Post #: 2

RE: friends - 11/17/2008 5:01:46 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I don't ever add anyone to my friends list because friends denotes someone I know in person and someone I enjoy spending time with and we have a friendship relationship going on.

I have no desire to be a part of the whole "Myspace" community stuff.

(in reply to StrictnSaucy)

Post #: 3

RE: friends - 11/17/2008 5:05:30 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

I have no one on my friends list, but I am on other people's lists. When they first added that feature, I decided I'd also rather skip the whole "myspace" feel of it.

Apparently the next best thing is the "Admirers" or "Favorite Users" list. You have no control over who adds you to their favorites. Interesting sometimes to see who adds you.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 4

RE: friends - 11/17/2008 5:08:17 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

I add people I've actually met, spoken with on the phone, or exchange regular correspondence with.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 5

RE: friends - 11/17/2008 5:27:34 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I made the mistake of adding someone to my friend's list and immediately after I got rude email disrespecting the fact that I am collared. So now I won't add anyone. Apparently for too many people, adding them means you want to have sex with them.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 6

RE: friends - 11/17/2008 5:32:34 PM

IAMChristine

Posts: 588
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Salt Lake City
Status: offline

i add those i like and have talked with. shoot me! (is your gun cute and pink like mine is?)

_____________________________

formerly christine1. now i'm better, stronger, faster.

yes i'm pro gun...i'm not going to sit around with a fucking rolling pin and hope for the best.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 7

RE: friends - 11/17/2008 5:47:57 PM

sobayblackmaster

Posts: 108
Joined: 11/16/2008
Status: offline

Reply to message from ...:

"You made a post about friends. I have chosen to show my Master, and after a while I added two female subs that I talk with several times a week, one of them several times a day. I have allowed many to add me their lists but have chosen to keep my own small. I have had people ask to add me to their friend list that have never written to me before or since. I think that some just like to have a big list. My guess at why someone would turn you down is because they don't want it to be a popularity game. I'm sure it's nothing personal."

Black Master:First of all respect your master and your relationship. I sense that there is a delicate bond that holds a sub (or slave) to her master and I completely respect that as I would want the same for my situation. I am not yet familiar with the life yet it holds a growing fascination with me. I created a profile in here yesterday because I believe I'm in a place where if the right woman is available to me I an prepared to be her master.

My hesitation is mostly due to the fact that there seems to be a lot of protocols for communication. This causes me to pause because (and I was in one of the chatrooms last night-cool reception, but again they're familiar with each other and I'm new) what's the point of having an online community if it merely consists of a few cliques? People have a right to stay within their comfort zone but again isn't reaching out the reason for creating and maintaining a profile?

If my question inspired you to add new friends then I guess that's part of my purpose on the site cause I do things my way and breaching protocol is a definite possibility-lol. I'm not looking to emasse a list of names of people I really have little or no contact with but if I start a dialogue with someone and she gives me the sense that we have something to share then having her on my friends list makes sense. In any case my thanks to you and the others who responded.

This journey's just beginning for me and I'm prepared for the adventure. Btw-because I see this as a forum issue I'm taking the liberty of posting this email on the discussion group-maybe others will see that a healthy dialogue can be fun and non threatening, perhaps it portends to other things yet to be revealed.

(in reply to IAMChristine)

Post #: 8

RE: friends - 11/17/2008 5:54:21 PM

sobayblackmaster

Posts: 108
Joined: 11/16/2008
Status: offline

that's totally reasonable.

(in reply to StrictnSaucy)

Post #: 9

RE: friends - 11/17/2008 6:53:13 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

I am of mixed opinion on the whole "friends" list thing.
When I got back onto CM a little while ago, I asked a person I'd been close with if they'd wish to be the first on my friends list (I was considering starting one and thought that person a dandy first addition). That person is having chosen communication issues.
I am rather torn on creating such a list.
The pro- portion of the thought process is that I speak with some pretty cool people via c-mail and/or other modes of contact and it'd be cool to acknowledge those of which I think highly. Those of whom I speak, you know who you are and You Rock!!! :>
The con- portion of this is that I don't always speak diplomatically and I would not wish to have someone on my 'friends' list potentially subjected to someone who was irked with me spouting off at them because of association (Stranger things have happened on cm, like someone I don't even know and to whom I'd not spoken about my life circumstances presuming to give me important life advice based on their own obvious transferrence and unresolved life issues).
Soooooo, to date, I've not started a friends list on cm.
If someone who is within the 'You Rock' category noted above invites me to be a part of their friends list, I gladly accept.
If someone of whose rocking I am uncertain invites me to be on their friends list, I attempt to understand the request and get to know them and if they do indeed rock, I'm glad to accept.
If someone I don't know asks me to join their friends list, I ask why and they generally go away.
Davan

< Message edited by DavanKael -- 11/17/2008 7:04:16 PM >

_____________________________

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-Robert A Heinlein

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-Me

Waiting is

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(in reply to sobayblackmaster)

Post #: 10

RE: friends - 11/17/2008 6:55:47 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Most of the people who have asked to be friends that were strangers to me, seemed to have huge numbers of women on their profile as friends. I don't like being one of many in a collection, nor do I like calling a stranger, friend. To me it suggests that I might agree with the person or consider them worthy of my friendship. I do look at people and their friends to determine a couple of things, although I always decide on my own who is what to me. I want to know people a bit before I align myself with them in anyway. I don't want the myspace feel of things and somehow think it belittles things and doesn't at all line up with my concept or use for this site.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to sobayblackmaster)

Post #: 11

RE: friends - 11/17/2008 6:59:32 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

Not everyone I consider a friend is on my list. Another thing is that when someone invites me to their friends list and I have never spoke to them and dont know them from the forums, I reject the offer. The people I have on my list are people I have e-mailed with or developed a relationship with from this side. If I like and respect them, then I invite them. I like having them on my page because it makes it easier to see if they are online and I can e-mail them from their photo post so it makes it easier to maintain our friendship through those e-mails.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 12

RE: friends - 11/17/2008 7:09:44 PM

monywildcat

Posts: 452
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline

Okay, so I got curious to see who was on my friends list, and I had a total of two friends on my list. Neither had active profiles any longer. I deleted both. Whenever I get a request, I peek at their profile, if they appear to be a friend collector, I ignore the request. Or reject it, whatever it is that makes it go away.

_____________________________

Major Life Change Necessitates Personal Reinvention...

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 13

RE: friends - 11/17/2008 7:15:52 PM

RainydayNE

Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Most of the people who have asked to be friends that were strangers to me, seemed to have huge numbers of women on their profile as friends. I don't like being one of many in a collection, nor do I like calling a stranger, friend.

agreeing with this

my Dom gave me instructions on adding friends because he believes that "friend collecting," which goes on ALOT online, just cheapens what the word "friend" actually means. and i agree with that

if i add someone as a friend, i'd like to ACTUALLY be friends with them. otherwise what's the point?

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 14

RE: friends - 11/17/2008 7:40:03 PM

sobayblackmaster

Posts: 108
Joined: 11/16/2008
Status: offline

Well, I certainly do find the degree of response and the associated emotions to be fascinating. Obviously the subject does resonate and each sub has her own perspective. While I generally agree that the term friend has classic definitions I continue to wonder about some of the specifics with regard to on online community, but at least the subject can be discussed in a reasonable way. I can relate to rejecting what could be referred to as the "myspace" tendency to collect long lists of meaningless names, but I ask:who really knows in what clothing opportunity will arrive at their doorstep? Again thank you for contributing.

(in reply to RainydayNE)

Post #: 15

RE: friends - 11/17/2008 8:03:15 PM

MarksFantasyGirl

Posts: 3660
Joined: 10/13/2005
Status: offline

Fast reply:

I just want to say, first of all, I LIKE myspace... lol

And second, I will probably add anyone to my list... I don't think that it means anything... I think I have like maybe 3 people on there, if that... I Don't care who wants to add me... just because they add me, doesn't mean that I have to talk to them... Same with the whole Myspace thing.... ::shrug:: I don't care... But, if Sweets were to see my friends list, and see someone that he doesn't want me talking to, Then I will remove them.. it's that simple...

_____________________________

--Fannie
AKA Savage's Fantasy
AKA Girl Dave
AKA Resident Flirt
AKA Sexy Hawt Woman

~*~Happily and proudly collared by my best friend~*~

Quitcher bitchen, and get out of the kitchen! ~Harry {3rdRock}

(in reply to sobayblackmaster)

Post #: 16

RE: friends - 11/17/2008 8:09:38 PM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

From my POV, I see friendship as being multi layered and thus my friendship list could be construed as being a collection. Yet each of the people I have are there because in some way we made a connection, whether through getting to know we are not complete assholes or we admire who they are as a person. The people who I consider friends have made some sort of an impact in how I see things in this realm of BDSM and many have taught me things which I didn't have a clue about and garnered my respect. Many people hold the thought that because we haven't met, I am just words typed upon a computer screen: yet I see past that and see that behind these words is a person who is a living breathing entity with thoughts and emotions.

_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to sobayblackmaster)

Post #: 17

RE: friends - 11/17/2008 8:11:10 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

beautifully said, Bearilicious!!

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to beargonewild)

Post #: 18

RE: friends - 11/17/2008 8:16:44 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

I add people I've actually met, spoken with on the phone, or exchange regular correspondence with.

and sweet lil redheads.
Don't forget the sweet lil redheads!

'k?

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 19

RE: friends - 11/17/2008 8:32:39 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

*adores Blushy* silly girl.. you're among those I consider regularly corresponding with (I'm counting the forums in that, too)

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 20

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