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RE: friends - 11/18/2008 6:17:56 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
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when CM first started this "friends" thing, my inbox was flooded with requests from strangers i've (a) never met and/or (b) chatted via messages or boards before. some, after perving their profile, were using the friends thing as a photo harem to wank to. i personally don't want my photos associated with that.

so yes, i have strict requirements about the friends/chat requests. it saves on weeding out hngs who are looking for wank material.

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RE: friends - 11/18/2008 6:28:40 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
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Another thing about when the feature first started... There was drama on the boards here (much instigated by a mentally unstable poster who is no longer around) about how the "in crowd" was "picking on me," and I got the strong sense that some people were using Friends Lists to see who rated, or how well they rated. So I decided to accept no friend requests, and turned down people I know in real. That was a year ago.

I've been considering changing my policy recently. Hell, I'm going to spend Thanksgiving with the family of someone I met from CM. I should probably add her, doncha think? She's a Friend on my FetLife profile. She told me just yesterday she might be closing her CM profile, though, so I'm not in a hurry.

Bottom line: real life is real. Even on these message boards, I always assume I could actually meet the person whose post I'm reading, or whose thread I am writing to. For example, I have been tempted to fly to London to see a certain person's brand-new play. That would kick ass... but it will have to wait.

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Post #: 42

RE: friends - 11/18/2008 7:24:33 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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The whole concept of listing, or collecting, online friends rather escapes me. I have no idea if I have anyone on a list or if I am on a list. It's not one of the features of Collarme that I really utilize.

I use the forums and the email. That's about it.

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Post #: 43

RE: friends - 11/18/2008 7:38:59 AM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
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I'm not into the friends list either. I suspect those with many names have fewer real friends than those with none listed.

< Message edited by ExSteelAgain -- 11/18/2008 7:39:36 AM >

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Post #: 44

RE: friends - 11/18/2008 7:52:05 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

I add people I've actually met, spoken with on the phone, or exchange regular correspondence with.

Same here, I find it quite odd if people you've never even exchanged a word with try to add you.

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Post #: 45

RE: friends - 11/18/2008 8:34:38 AM

theobserver

Posts: 456
Joined: 8/18/2008
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*sings*

"Friends ... how many of us have them? Friends ... ones we can depend on ... lets be friends"

Sorry but that song just popped in my head as soon as I saw the title of this thread. Hmm ... to answer the OP question, I state on my profile, why I would invite someone to my friend's list.

I don't mind one way or the other. The people I have there now, I cmail or IM. They seem to be cool people, although I should message you more Rainy! "Girl, let's chat!" *lol*

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Post #: 46

RE: friends - 11/18/2008 9:18:46 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

I add people I've actually met, spoken with on the phone, or exchange regular correspondence with.

Ditto

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Post #: 47

RE: friends - 11/18/2008 2:33:08 PM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
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I personally do not send out friend requests.. but do accept them ...though the majority of those on my list I have had email exchanges with....and sometimes it is after they have been added...for myself I don't get bent out of shape when I see a friend request in my inbox and have never experienced any rudeness after accepting ... I guess the way I look at is that there are far bigger things in life to worry ..people asking to add me to their friends list in not one of them

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Post #: 48

RE: friends - 11/18/2008 2:52:02 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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I wanted to say, since I seemingly hate myspace, that I don't hate myspace, I just feel that CM and myspace are far different and my focus here is different than it is there. I have a myspace account and have had one for two years. What I don't like about myspace is that the majority of people seem to be far younger than I... okay not myspace's fault! lol But people generally don't care to really know you, but seem to have contest in how many friends they can add or spam. It is that element that I didn't find appealing and didn't want to experience here at CM. I guess I just take CM more seriously than I do myspace. lol

I want a friend to be a real friend of some sort, whether it is a lifelong or just a few things in common and some connection.

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Post #: 49

RE: friends - 11/18/2008 2:54:18 PM

VampiresLair

Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
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I will only add someone I know. I need to actually consider them a friend to add them to those ranks. I have a very small list becasue of it. I often refuse requests and tell the person that after we have actually chatted a few times and i consider them a friend that might change. Very few make the effort.

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RE: friends - 11/18/2008 3:06:09 PM

MissIsis

Posts: 473
Joined: 1/1/2005
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If it isn't a big deal to add someone as a friend, it certainly shouldn't be a big deal not to add someone as a friend.

I won't add anyone unless I really do know them as a friend, which means time spent together, learning about each other's lives & a real connection.

I have had people who wanted me to add them out of the blue, with no previous contact who got offended when I turned down their request. I may be paranoid, but I wonder if, when some of these people, who are seeking friends, are looking for a playmate or more, will they say to the person, "Look at me. All these people are my friends. See, I must be safe & sane." If I allow just anyone to add me as a friend, my integrity is at risk. That is my reasoning for turning down friend requests. I am sure there are many more reasons.

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Post #: 51

RE: friends - 11/18/2008 6:52:24 PM

sobayblackmaster

Posts: 108
Joined: 11/16/2008
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Lock-I 100% agree that the desire to actually get comfortable with someone is pretty basic. It is funny how the question about friends seems to have pricked some peoples trust issues-trust is obviously at the core of a functional d/s relationship. That's human nature I suppose.

Truthfully the adding friends thing is the old "chicken & egg" syndrome-especially when you're new to the site, but I get the idea-if there's some basis for contact email is the preferred mode of introduction or initiation. I appreciate the enlightenment.

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Post #: 52