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RE: What Do You Prefer? - 11/19/2008 5:06:30 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		I love high protocol situations.  Since moving up north, we don't tend to be in those situations much now.  High protocol is generally reserved for events.  I love the formality of it all and his energy when he is in the headspace.

I also really enjoy the standard protocol that we follow on a day to day basis.  I love routine and having to follow a certain protocol helps destress me.

What I don't really care for is what we consider casual protocol.  This is the expected behavior when around people who don't know the full extent of our relationship.  It is difficult for me, because it requires extra thought and censoring myself.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to SassySarijane)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: What Do You Prefer? - 11/19/2008 5:48:09 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline 		Protocol every once in a while is fun but in general just being casual is fine. They key is to have fun and enjoy and for me that is casual. :)

_____________________________

Life - Its not about where you are but about the journey to get there - I prefer to choose the road less traveled

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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: What Do You Prefer? - 11/19/2008 6:26:21 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527
Mine obeys me.  I'm good with that.  Neither of us needs or desires the sort of surface control that protocol provides.

I loved that answer, leadership!  That's exactly how it is for us.  Master is - by His own description - an "old hippie."  He doesn't get into lots of rules, structure and protocol in His life period, let alone with me.  He wants to live a casual, laid-back, easy going life where I obey and please Him always.  So He does.  We both love it, it works wonderfully for us both, so that's how we operate.  No lists of specifications, no high protocol - just livin' and lovin' together where He is always "boss."................luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: What Do You Prefer? - 11/19/2008 7:03:08 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SassySarijane
Do you like/need high protocol, casual or somewhere in between in your dynamic? What and why?

Almost always on the casual side.  I'm extremely picky actually, but I own it for myself and keep it on the DL.  You'd have to really know me to notice, but there are many things my partner does for me that are unique and solely to suit me and my preferences.  So while there may be a lot going on, it's all very casual and loose in form.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: What Do You Prefer? - 11/19/2008 7:04:09 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
It was recently brought to My attention that I am a high protocol person, though I never really thought that way.

*chuckle* Pact, anyone who uses capitals (like "My") is high protocol to me.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: What Do You Prefer? - 11/19/2008 7:06:10 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SassySarijane
Do you equate high protocol with micromanagement? Do you feel they are the same or that one always goes with the other? Can you have high protocol without actually micromanaging?

Absolutely you can.  High protocol is just a particular set of standards, a description of a set of behaviors, just like low protocol or no protocol. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SassySarijane)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: What Do You Prefer? - 11/19/2008 7:10:48 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I am not a high protocol person in that I dislike titles.  My primary will never call me "Mistress", or heaven forfend refer to me in the third person that way.  I have a name, he can use it.  "Ma'am" or "Miss"  is fine from others.  (sorry, but it makes me NUTS to see a man suddenly call the woman he has spoken of by her name as "mistress" after he is collared, like she is his mom or something!  I know it is supposed to show respect, but from my perspective it only serves to create distance where there should be intimacy.)

MANNERS are a whole different thing.  I expect proper behavior, and I return it in kind. 

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: What Do You Prefer? - 11/20/2008 3:38:06 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		Protocol is *the accepted code of behaviour in a particular situation*. This pervades my entire relationship. I see it as simply knowing how to behave in any circumstance or situation according to my knowledge of what is expected.

If you know what you can or can't do, and follow that .....you're following a protocol.

agirl

(in reply to SassySarijane)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: What Do You Prefer? - 11/20/2008 7:35:16 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Winsome asked:
For those who prefer low protocol, does this change when in the presence of higher protocol situations? 

Not really, it can't actually.  Since we do not have a high protocol... that is to say, we have never discussed what exactly that might mean or look like, it'd be kind of hard for me to suddenly demand that of her.  There is probably some ebb and flow though of whatever she thinks "high protocol" might mean.  I'm sure that if we found ourselves in some BDSM situation (I'm struggling to even imagine what this situation would be or how we'd have gotten there) wherein I was showing signs of formality, she would in some way adjust her behavior.  I'm confident that that adjustment would be just what I wanted at the time with little to no signalling from me.

quote:

LoM said:
I prefer low protocol but that doesn't mean NO protocol.  Certain ground rules are non-negotiable.  For instance, sarcasm is always a no-no with me.
I expect mine to treat me with the courtesy and respect that ought to be accorded to one's life partner.  It never would've occurred to me to call things like "don't be a sarcastic snot" protocol.

quote:

Sarijane asked:
Do you equate high protocol with micromanagement?
No.  Nor do I even fully understand what the term "micromanagement" means within this context.  To the best of my understanding, people institute protocol for a bunch of reasons... in some cases, a desire for structure, other times, the scratching of a fantasy itch, other times, the need to set basic rules of engagement.  It, apparently, also helps some sub/slaves "remember their place" (another concept which I am more than a bit fuzzy on).  I'm sure there are dozens of other reasons... all of them good and valid for the couple in question.  We just don't happen to have any of those needs/fantasies. 

In the business context, "micro-management" means managing an employee in such a way as their work performance decreases, not increases, because you have bound their hands within your rules and they are no longer able to deliver their full professional best.  How, exactly, would that occur in a context where the person doing the "binding" was also the only one deciding what "best" meant?


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: What Do You Prefer? - 11/20/2008 7:39:17 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Lam, not LoM, but otherwise OK.  And yeah, sarcasm is pretty much always provoking and never acceptable (unless it's in jest), but there are bound to be times when someone instinctively dips into it.  And then it earns an immediate smack.

(I kinda think that one of the reasons why McCain lost was that he was such a sarcastic prick on the campaign trail.  Eventually people get tired of that kind of transparent passive-aggressiveness.)

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

LoM said:
I prefer low protocol but that doesn't mean NO protocol.  Certain ground rules are non-negotiable.  For instance, sarcasm is always a no-no with me.
I expect mine to treat me with the courtesy and respect that ought to be accorded to one's life partner.  It never would've occurred to me to call things like "don't be a sarcastic snot" protocol.

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: What Do You Prefer? - 11/20/2008 8:21:32 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		It seems I missed some good additions to the thread since the last time I saw it yesterday.

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

I have a question for those who have the varying degree of protocols as part of their dynamic:
  • Has having a varying scale of  protocol caused  concerns of inconsistency, where having this brings about a potential for setting an s-type or yes, even the dominant up for potential failure?
  • For those who prefer high protocol, are there times, indicators, or acceptable times when need and circumstance take higher priority to the protocol?
  • For those who prefer low protocol, does this change when in the presence of higher protocol situations? 

My questions aren't meant in an adversarial manner, or in any way judgmental of one type or the other.  I'm just curious how protocol dynamics tick...

WinD



On varying degrees of protocol, no there isn't any setting up for failure.  I have what I call "house protocol" which is how My submissive is to obey in My house.  It doesn't translate everywhere.  If we are somewhere that is a casual event, he is absolutely allowed to have a chair, rather than sitting at My feet, if it is more comfortable and it's more appropriate.  If we're at a high protocol event, or something that's associated with leather, that boy's ass had better not come in contact with a piece of furniture until the event is over or he's been told otherwise. 

Of course, certain circumstances are going to come up.  My protocol is never more important to Me than My submissive himself.  If he's sick, you bet, I'll be having him lay on the couch.  If he's in uniform, somewhere other than home, no, he's not required to kneel the first time he sees Me.  You have to be practical about these kinds of things.

As to the last question, I'm guessing you've already gathered that I'm not a low protocol person.  It doesn't apply.  Thank you for your questions.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SassySarijane

Question to all:

Do you equate high protocol with micromanagement? Do you feel they are the same or that one always goes with the other? Can you have high protocol without actually micromanaging?

No, I don't.  I honestly don't see one as having anything to do with the other.  I don't schedule My boy's day, tell him what to eat, how to complete his tasks, or anything else.  My sub was grown when I got him.  It's not like I have to give him instructions on how to prepare a meal or how to get the dishes done.
quote:

ORIGINAL: ThundersCry
Thats was my experience and it was on the so called *other side of the kneel*...I had never heard that term till I came here...

Ohhh...I am so....teachable...



The term happens to be one of Mine.  Like it?
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
*chuckle* Pact, anyone who uses capitals (like "My") is high protocol to me.


If that's high protocol to you, I think you'd get a kick out of meeting Me in person. 




_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: What Do You Prefer? - 11/20/2008 9:01:03 AM   
SunNMoon


Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline 		I’m casual as can be. The simple reason is I’m naturally very laid back and I’d start laughing if I was in a high protocol relationship. Just wouldn’t work for me.

_____________________________

"We agreed to S&M only, sex and mockery." - Gray’s Anatomy.

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: What Do You Prefer? - 11/20/2008 10:36:04 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance
Has having a varying scale of  protocol caused  concerns of inconsistency, where having this brings about a potential for setting an s-type or yes, even the dominant up for potential failure?


His motto is 'when in doubt, ask'.  Assumptions are highly frowned upon; it is better to ask him than to assume and act on that assumption.  For the most part, it is very clear which protocol is appropriate in certain situations.  About the only time I have to ask is in regards to high protocol.  That is usually reserved for events, but he may change his mind.

In moving to a small town, we have had to use casual protocol more often when shopping or running errands.  In the big city, it was not something people took notice of, but here in a small town where many of my clients live, we have had to be more aware of our surroundings.  It is difficult for me at times, because even referring to him a 'love' may bring unwanted attention to our family, so I have to be extra cautious.

quote:

For those who prefer high protocol, are there times, indicators, or acceptable times when need and circumstance take higher priority to the protocol?


Emergency situations are about all I can think of and by that I mean life and limb threatening.  In an emergency we are allowed to call him by his first name, but those type of situations are pretty rare.


Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: What Do You Prefer? - 11/20/2008 10:44:48 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

Winsome asked:
For those who prefer low protocol, does this change when in the presence of higher protocol situations? 

Not really, it can't actually.  Since we do not have a high protocol...


If you and yours were to go to a formal dinner, would your behavior stay the same as if you were eating at a diner?

From my experience, the behavior between the two different situations can be vastly different.

This reminds me of a funny story.  When we were on vacation last year, we went to a place where the accepted behavior was to throw your peanut shells on the floor.  We were all eating peanuts and Alandra and I were tossing our shells on the floor and he was putting them on the table in a neat pile.  He did not want to throw them on the floor; it went against his view of appropriate dining behavior.  He was perfectly fine with Alandra and I pushing them off into the floor, we are filthy sluts anyway.  *g*

Knight's Kyra



_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: What Do You Prefer? - 11/20/2008 11:29:35 AM   
denika


Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline 		It depends on the situation, lol how ambigious can I get heehee.

At times I like formal protocol, it helps me let go more in my role,or if we are at a lifestyle event. But that is just for some occasions. I would  feel terribly restricted if there was no room for  silliness.  Our relationship isn't just about D/s or SM it's a combination of many things. I love the casualness we have between us, as well as the moments of formality :)

Wolf's denika

(in reply to SassySarijane)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: What Do You Prefer? - 11/20/2008 12:34:47 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

My protocol is never more important to Me than My submissive himself


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: What Do You Prefer? - 11/20/2008 12:42:18 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
If you and yours were to go to a formal dinner, would your behavior stay the same as if you were eating at a diner?
From my experience, the behavior between the two different situations can be vastly different.

Heh, I had to think about this a second.  My wife and I go out regularly to upscale restaurants (1-2 hundred per plate).  We also go, from time to time, to less high brow establishments.  Honestly, I don't think our behavior changes all that much.  In both circumstances, we tend to be quiet and joyful.  We tend to draw the wait staff and anyone else nearby into jokes and conversations.  About the only difference I think is how we dress.  But as I noted, there's no question that if I took on a more formal demeanor, then so would my wife.  But since there has never been any sort of discussion about what "high protocol" (or any protocol for that matter), might look like, she'd wing it.  I have a lot of confidence in her ability to not embarass me in any given situation.

If I was going to some event where I knew there was going to be specific expectations as to behavior, I would certainly conform as would my wife.  I think of that as common courtesy.  But it's almost impossible to imagine myself in a situation where someone else was dictating how I interact with my wife in any significant way.  All of that, I suspect, is consistent with my general viewpoint that other than the M/s relationship, we're not actually BDSM.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: What Do You Prefer? - 11/20/2008 1:22:44 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		~FR~

I'm not so much on "high protocol" per se.... I think it would annoy the heck out of me to be that tightly mananged all the time. I have a little on in the house and well too many rules to follow would just get to be a massive hassle and I'd probably revolt.

I do prefer to have rituals, and set guidelines on things.  It's up to Master if he chooses to impliment them and monitor that it's being done or not.

_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: What Do You Prefer? - 11/20/2008 7:56:11 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

Winsome asked:
For those who prefer low protocol, does this change when in the presence of higher protocol situations? 

Not really, it can't actually.  Since we do not have a high protocol...


If you and yours were to go to a formal dinner, would your behavior stay the same as if you were eating at a diner?

From my experience, the behavior between the two different situations can be vastly different.

This reminds me of a funny story.  When we were on vacation last year, we went to a place where the accepted behavior was to throw your peanut shells on the floor.  We were all eating peanuts and Alandra and I were tossing our shells on the floor and he was putting them on the table in a neat pile.  He did not want to throw them on the floor; it went against his view of appropriate dining behavior.  He was perfectly fine with Alandra and I pushing them off into the floor, we are filthy sluts anyway.  *g*

Knight's Kyra



I had a good laugh at that, thanks.


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: What Do You Prefer? - 11/21/2008 6:56:13 AM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		Sort of medium overall here. Master and violet began at a higher level of protocol than is now maintained, it was a useful tool to get started. He's a pretty laid back kind of guy, and with me being dual in nature, it works for Him to not be very high protocol with me. Not a lot of micromanagement either (too hard work!), though as i've said previously, the requirement to ask permission to go and pee has proved to be incredibly beneficial, in that He has better control of my bladder than i do!

As a Domme, I am inclined to be higher protocol with My sub, at least at the outset. So I do have to explain to potential subs that they should not expect to model their relationship with Me exactly on that which violet has with Master, that He and i are more laid back. My aim is to be transparent about how my relationship with Master works with My sub so they can see how it is the product of considerable time together and also Our personalities, and understand that I am choosing to commence a different kind of relationship with them.

Hope that all made sense, it's getting late!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

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Profile   Post #: 60
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