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RE: Sent to a trainer - 11/19/2008 1:59:36 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		oh i dont think sex or kink for money is bad, but i do think you should cal a spade a spade, to OP what do you actually think your sub will learn from this? what have you asked for her to be trained in that you cannot do yourself? or is it more a case of getting the horn over knowing other people are going to be watching her?

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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Sent to a trainer - 11/19/2008 2:08:14 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eri

Out of 20 odd replies, only one dominant saw fit to actually answer the question without requiring "more information". Why does it matter that it would not work for -you- and yours? Are either of you in the relationship with Mamandslave? No ... Hmm, ok. Why does it matter what the training pertained to? What does any of that have to do with the question asked? Sheesh.


quote:

  From the OP: Have any other masters had this sort of experience and what was your reaction to it.


I have had tons of experience with training - 99% of which consisted of pisspoor incompetent dominants taking advantage of other naive submissives and their even more incompetent and naive "owners"!  In this case we have what appears to be someone confusing a photo shoot with reality.  Anyone who has ever done anything for movies or cameras knows that there is very little reality when you are on the set.

In addition, there isn't anyone who can compare training skills to mine for training my women for me.  Its like buying someone else's custom whatever, it was only custom to them, to you, it is just a thrift store find.  Some of us prefer custom to thrift store.

(note, I actually love thrift stores but the analogy worked)

(in reply to eri)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Sent to a trainer - 11/19/2008 2:34:17 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MAMandSlave

In response to if this is an add campaign thinly disguised, I initially specifically did not discuss the circumstances of the training as the question was directed at the responses that dominants would have to being in a similar situation. Yes it is kink.com, and it is designed as a training video set up. They do tend to use models who are very much into bdsm. In the case of my girl she is lifestyle, which allows them to push harder than a model who might be a porn actress doing a bdsm shoot. So in response to your post, it was not an advertising campaign, but meant for my benefit as her master. the subject quickly swerved to how could a dominant send his girl away to be trained, with accompanying comments. there have been several people who have responded to the original post, and I appreciate that.


Well disguised thinly or not - the cat's out of the bag now; however it is a big 'so what'! Is this seller's remorse now that you've handed her, or allowed her to be part of this commercial enterprise? Whatever your motivations, unlike CM, Kink.com is a for profit organization and costs money to join. Like any enterprise where you are not the owner/operator, your slave is generating a return on their invested fee they paid her. 

Again, not a bad thing. The people we talked to who participated, said that they got many contacts and future commercial gigs set up through the experience. It worked out very well for them. The one thing they said it didn't involve was furthering her training as a personal slave within the relationship.

Learning how to shoot BDSM scenes has it own merit and reward. To that end based upon what we've seen the Kink.com experience is great. However, I don't think it compares to the original question regarding whether a Master benefits by sending their slave to a trainer. Although the trainers involved with Kink.com may be actual lifestyle participants and 'Masters' in their own right, the agenda and focus on the shoot would preclude the expectation of learning anything meaningfully applied to a personal relationship. IMO of course!

The question I'd ask, regardless of your personal or relationship goal, is if you would have put her though this training process without the cash and or other incentives?

Anyway - no insult was intended. As stated our good friends are involved and we support them and you. My apologies if you took it as an attack or insult.

(in reply to MAMandSlave)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Sent to a trainer - 11/19/2008 2:52:53 PM   
MAMandSlave


Posts: 110
Joined: 8/15/2008
Status: offline 		In anwer to you question would I have allowed her to do this if no cash was involved, yes I would. There have been times where she has been sent to play with others who have skills in area's I don't so that she can have the experience. In addition, I have the opportunity to learn from those situations, both about her expereience, and my repsonse to not having direct control of her. Each time I have learned and grown from those situations. She enjoys her work, and it is up to her to schedule and find it if she chooses. I support her in doing the things she loves and the moment she stops ejoying it she stops doing it.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Sent to a trainer - 11/19/2008 2:56:04 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

If a dominant sent me a "trainer" I would seriously lack confidence in him as my dominant.  Actually in my world that wouldn't happen.


Haha...I think most of us feel that way...submissives and Doms. That sounds like one of those fantasies like at Kink.com. The training of so and so. 4 days of intensive slave training. Yeah, buddy. 


Well, dang, did I get this right or what? Heh.

Hey, I have no problems with someone doing that if they want to. I damn sure look at enough of the Kink.com stuff. Not quite the same thing as the way the OP started out though.

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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Sent to a trainer - 11/19/2008 2:59:30 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		By the way, there is another poster on here who has sent his slave to Kink.com. I forget his name, though. PornStarOwner? Something like that.

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Sent to a trainer - 11/19/2008 3:01:35 PM   
eri


Posts: 77
Joined: 11/3/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

ORIGINAL: eri

Out of 20 odd replies, only one dominant saw fit to actually answer the question without requiring "more information". Why does it matter that it would not work for -you- and yours? Are either of you in the relationship with Mamandslave? No ... Hmm, ok. Why does it matter what the training pertained to? What does any of that have to do with the question asked? Sheesh.


quote:

  From the OP: Have any other masters had this sort of experience and what was your reaction to it.


I have had tons of experience with training - 99% of which consisted of pisspoor incompetent dominants taking advantage of other naive submissives and their even more incompetent and naive "owners"!  In this case we have what appears to be someone confusing a photo shoot with reality.  Anyone who has ever done anything for movies or cameras knows that there is very little reality when you are on the set.

In addition, there isn't anyone who can compare training skills to mine for training my women for me.  Its like buying someone else's custom whatever, it was only custom to them, to you, it is just a thrift store find.  Some of us prefer custom to thrift store.

(note, I actually love thrift stores but the analogy worked)


I don't think the OP was confused at all. They worded the question the way they did because they did not want everyone to sit here and go ... OH so she's doing porn. Wow, you're a real jerk for pimping your girl out for porn. Sheesh, what kind of master are you anyway?

Unfortunately, since people can't just answer the question or keep their mouths shut, the OP ended up spilling the beans and here we are now. I do agree that there are many predators who "offer training" to newbies and all it really means is they want to get some kinky sex. Its sad and its crummy and boo on them.

Training isn't just about aquiring skills. The training I experienced taught me some skills but the biggest benefit I got from it was how I saw myself and others. I got knocked off my high horse and I bumped my bottom on the way down but it was really good for me.

edited because I sounded more hateful than I intended :)


< Message edited by eri -- 11/19/2008 3:10:56 PM >

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(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Sent to a trainer - 11/19/2008 3:23:16 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

By the way, there is another poster on here who has sent his slave to Kink.com. I forget his name, though. PornStarOwner? Something like that.


Yes.... his girl is freaking hawt.

OP, my experiences with bdsm porn shoots is that it's a lot fluffier than it seems. They seemed shocked that I could handle a cane that was what... maybe two feet long and thinner than a pencil. It did nothing. No welts, anything.

The bigger kink sites have so many mainstream porn stars come in that their techniques, while they may seem harsh in the videos, are well watered down from what you might play around with at home.

The most "extreme" part I experienced was the males shitty, whiney attitude that killed whatever arousal the camera didn't kill off first.

My dominant at the time did not "Pimp me out" as other posters are saying, but I had his full support.


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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Sent to a trainer - 11/19/2008 6:27:54 PM   
justgemmie


Posts: 246
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MAMandSlave

It is a 4 days of training meeting the goals set forth in the beginning. The obeject is of course to document a training process on video. But for it to be realalistic, it is best if it is real.


written before i finished all the posts ~~ "this sounds very very much like the "O" training that is a commercial on collarme all the time.  i've seen a bunch of their "training" vids.  very hawt, great bdsm wanking material, but hardly what i would consider real training."

written at the same time but emphasized here ~~  You started this thread over missing a slave for 4 days???   jesus, who's in control here?

gemmie

< Message edited by justgemmie -- 11/19/2008 6:36:38 PM >

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(in reply to MAMandSlave)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Sent to a trainer - 11/19/2008 6:49:43 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		Hey there MAM,

Sorry I haven't been around much; I've been killing myself on 18 hour work days lately.

When charlotte did TTOO, I went through the same thing.  Kink called us on a Sunday night while we were in Kmart, and said "can she fly out Tuesday?  A girl canceled the shoot, and we need a replacement."  We didn't get much of a chance to gear up for it, though we'd talked about how it 'might' be if she were offered the chance.  We agreed, and I drove her down to the airport. 

It was easier on me, I think, because while she was shooting, I spent those four days in LA with friends.  Being busy, around others, and being able to talk to her on the phone during the shoots made things much easier.  By keeping myself occupied and out of the house as well, it felt more like she was off visiting her sister than being 'trained.'  Additionally, beiong aware that the 'training' really is a video shoot - a shoot with a purpose perhaps, but it's a porn-with-BDSM shoot, not a slave training documentary.  It was tough for us both at times, but in the end it was a rewarding experience for her without being particularly relationship changing.

My advice is to keep busy, have company, and maybe go fishing or some other demanding activity that'll keep out out of the apartment.

Warm wishes,

Stephan


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Men: Find a Woman here

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Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Sent to a trainer - 11/19/2008 7:17:10 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Mostly you recognize that you're never really in direct control to start with.  It's about authority. Once you let go of the illusion of control, it helps make it a lot better.

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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Sent to a trainer - 11/19/2008 7:54:38 PM   
mystickoolaid


Posts: 519
Joined: 11/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MAMandSlave

In anwer to you question would I have allowed her to do this if no cash was involved, yes I would. There have been times where she has been sent to play with others who have skills in area's I don't so that she can have the experience. In addition, I have the opportunity to learn from those situations, both about her expereience, and my repsonse to not having direct control of her. Each time I have learned and grown from those situations. She enjoys her work, and it is up to her to schedule and find it if she chooses. I support her in doing the things she loves and the moment she stops ejoying it she stops doing it.


First of all, I don't think this thread is very relevant anymore, now that we know that his subbie is not going to another 'trainer' but just being used as a bdsm prop/slut in some porn.

I don't know about ya'll but I don't like being lied to.

There were a lot of people doing some minor soul-searching to give their opinions about a question that was so much a half-truth that it barely resembled the truth anymore.

I don't see shooting porn as any kind of 'training' except maybe performing practice with other Doms, or people in general.

Thirdly, 'her work' as you call it, is stated, by you, to be totally up to her to find and schedule, so that makes it even MORE of a lie in you saying that you 'sent' her anywhere. Whoever posted that you need to give up the illusion of control was dead-on.

The weather is wreaking havoc with my body tonight, so excuse me if I am overly opinionated and bitchy.

(in reply to MAMandSlave)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Sent to a trainer - 11/19/2008 9:57:17 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: justgemmie

quote:

ORIGINAL: MAMandSlave

It is a 4 days of training meeting the goals set forth in the beginning. The obeject is of course to document a training process on video. But for it to be realalistic, it is best if it is real.


written before i finished all the posts ~~ "this sounds very very much like the "O" training that is a commercial on collarme all the time.  i've seen a bunch of their "training" vids.  very hawt, great bdsm wanking material, but hardly what i would consider real training."

written at the same time but emphasized here ~~  You started this thread over missing a slave for 4 days???   jesus, who's in control here?

gemmie


Well that's not nice... you are allowed to miss people you are in a deep relationship with, yes?

To mystic, if it's her first video shoot, the sub is bound to be nervous in the first place, and it's probably going to make her owner nervous as well. I know C was nervous for me, just because I was so worked up for my shoot.

The just a "BDSM prop/slut" was a little harsh. O.o I'm not a fricking prop, I'm a fetish model, even though I stay away from video for the most part now.


< Message edited by Lynnxz -- 11/19/2008 10:00:12 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Sent to a trainer - 11/19/2008 10:06:16 PM   
BKSir


Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

quote:

ORIGINAL: justgemmie

quote:

ORIGINAL: MAMandSlave

It is a 4 days of training meeting the goals set forth in the beginning. The obeject is of course to document a training process on video. But for it to be realalistic, it is best if it is real.


written before i finished all the posts ~~ "this sounds very very much like the "O" training that is a commercial on collarme all the time.  i've seen a bunch of their "training" vids.  very hawt, great bdsm wanking material, but hardly what i would consider real training."

written at the same time but emphasized here ~~  You started this thread over missing a slave for 4 days???   jesus, who's in control here?

gemmie


Well that's not nice... you are allowed to miss people you are in a deep relationship with, yes?

To mystic, if it's her first video shoot, the sub is bound to be nervous in the first place, and it's probably going to make her owner nervous as well. I know C was nervous for me, just because I was so worked up for my shoot.

The just a "BDSM prop/slut" was a little harsh. O.o I'm not a fricking prop, I'm a fetish model, even though I stay away from video for the most part now.



No doubt!  God, I miss my Dear One if he's gone for a couple hours.  Why wouldn't I miss my pet?  I mean, yes, there should be a bit of detachment between Master and Pet, I think, but damn...  not missing someone?  I'd be pissed if I went away for four days and nobody missed me.  Hell, I'd probably end up telling all of them to go f*** themselves and precisely HOW to do so.


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(in reply to Lynnxz)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Sent to a trainer - 11/19/2008 10:07:56 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		mystickoolaid,

Thank you kindly for your contribution.  Your vast knowledge of relationship dynamics and the adult entertainment industry was truly dazzling to absorb, and have left me rueful of the decision I made to permit and encourage my slave's choice to abandon her accounting job. 

Truth be told, I was a little confused as to why there was such a resounding chorus of focus on why she was gone.

quote:

I understand that by placing her in the care of the trainer I in a way in control, and that I had the final say in allowing this training,  none the less, dealing with the lack of direct control is difficult. Have any other masters had this sort of experience and what was your reaction to it.


The original post didn't ask anyone's opinion on if he should have sent his slave to be trained; rather it was the frustration associated with a dominant who chooses to permit his/her slave to serve another for a few days.  That it was for a kink.com shoot might give context, but like MAM, I'm open to having my slave serve others on occasion.  I understand there's an extremely vocal group here on CM who proudly proclaim that they're submissive to only one person and/or never allow others to assert authority over their partner; more power to em; why bother chiming in yet again to remind the world how special you are?

Stephan


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Men: Find a Woman here

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Sent to a trainer - 11/19/2008 10:23:26 PM   
charlotteS


Posts: 203
Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline 		Hi MAM,

I can't offer advice as a Master but I thought it might help to mention that even while I was there I never felt that Master's control over me had lessened.  I still felt that I was behaving as his slave and the fact that I was there because he had led me down this path remained constant in my mind.  Being under the control of someone I have been given to by Master still feels like direct control to me, especially since I was working on goals he had assigned.  If it is acceptable for me offer a suggestion, perhaps you can spend some of your time when you are missing her planning ways in which you will be testing her accomplishment of the goals when she returns.  When I am missing Master's control over me it helps to plan for the time we will be together again.  Not sure if that kind of advice crosses over for you but I offer it in case it is of help.

On a brief note about the training I would just like to say that while it is in fact a porn, the "trainer" is a highly experienced Dominant man who does everything he can to make the experience as real as possible.  While not a huge relationship changing event for Master and I, the goals I worked towards were real goals decided by Master and I did in fact take some new skills with me.  


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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Sent to a trainer - 11/19/2008 10:24:31 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		Honestly, I demanded more info because I am a nosy ho, and now I am happy.

I can admit it! ^_^


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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Sent to a trainer - 11/19/2008 11:14:42 PM   
babygirlkitten


Posts: 66
Joined: 10/25/2008
From: Manhattan
Status: offline
quote:

So you are basically pimping your slave out as a porn star. As a former (somewhat bad at it) sub, I would be offended and hurt if my Master did this to me. Sex for money, or kink for money shouldn't be part of the agreement, IMHO.


Actually, it sounded like her submissive was doing BDSM modeling on her own accord, so she's not actually pimping anyone out, it was the submissive's choice to enter the field.

(in reply to mystickoolaid)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Sent to a trainer - 11/20/2008 2:36:34 AM   
MAMandSlave


Posts: 110
Joined: 8/15/2008
Status: offline 		thank you charlotte and Stephan for commenting. That is the situation that we are in at this time. she was also solicited 3 days before the shoot, so part of the situation is that I did not have the time I would have liked to prepare for the time apart. We had been under the impression that she might get the shoot in a two months or so.

(in reply to babygirlkitten)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Sent to a trainer - 11/20/2008 5:22:24 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		I haven't really been in your situation very much.  Years ago I did send a slave away for training, but this was to a college to take some classes to help her improve in a skill set I wanted, we talked every day on the phone and she came home on weekends (the college was some distance away).  Little rituals at night, at bedtime, helped keep the connection and maintain some of my "presence" for her.  That situation worked out quite well.  The only other case was a slave I sent away for a summer to get a summer job, it was an experience I felt she needed.  The job she took was out of state.  Neither of us handled it particularly well and it did not end well either.  If I were to offer any advice, based on my limited experience... little things can make a big difference, little rituals, protocols and small gestures can mean a lot and help maintain both the dynamic and the relationship.

As for all the other "observations" that have been made... just keep in mind this "community" can be very judgemental (which I think a blind man could see at this point) and its supposed tolerance and acceptance is largely a myth.  The nice thing about being online is you can always just block those who annoy you when it becomes too much to deal with.  In other words, don't let other peoples attitudes or narrowmindedness bring you down.  Focus on your life, your situation... that's what's real... everything else on here is all just 1's and 0's in the end.  We do not matter.

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A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to MAMandSlave)
Profile   Post #: 60
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