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Dealing with a sub's minor bad habits - 11/19/2008 9:01:16 AM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Being the ever so curious type of person/bear, I had got to thinking and would like some input please on a question I've been pondering over.

When you are in the early stages of relationship with a sub, say within the first year, and by this time you've probably gotten to know much about the subs quirks and idiosyncrasies we all have. When it comes to the sub's bad habits, are these something which you determine right off the bat to change or wait and see before you take any action?  Which leads to the question of, whether you feel a bad habit is "must be changed" or if they are "not an important issue" to deal with?




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RE: Dealing with a sub's minor bad habits - 11/19/2008 10:30:54 AM   
AlexandraLynch


Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline 		It really depends on the "bad habit". Some will become troubling to the smooth flow of matters sooner rather than later; chronic lateness and inability to schedule properly, for example. If I've arranged to meet you at a restaurant for a face to face get to know each other date, and you stand me up, that's going to sabotage the flow of the developing relationship. If you arrange to arrive at my house for work and play at a certain time and are late because you stayed up late last night gaming and couldn't get your ass in gear that morning, that says something about how you prioritize, and is going to be a problem. If you spent your gas money to come see me next weekend on beer, that's going to be a problem.

Most other things can be worked out... I find that firm consequences often are marvelously concentrating to the mind.

(in reply to beargonewild)
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RE: Dealing with a sub's minor bad habits - 11/19/2008 10:45:17 AM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline 		I agree, that it depends on the habbit. One guy I am involved with since June knew that I am faaar too much addicted to chocolate and coke. When I am stressed or annoyed I went off and had my chocolate and coke (which, of course, had an impact on my weight). During our involvement at some point I agreed to cut it down to one chocolate bar a week, and one 500ml coke per week...normally I dont do anything online but I thought, well, why not, at the end of the day I know it would be wiser to cut down...Well, I started off ok and lost some pounds but felt back into my old habbit, found more and more justifications for having it again more often then we had agreed on and at some point he was fed up and turned silent....a few weeks later we went back into touch and cleared the air a bit between our views about things like that and I agreed now to follow it more seriously. By now I lost 18lbs which I am glad about and when I meet him in 4 weeks time, then there will be next to no chocolate over this period of time...which....I suppose....will be quite a challenge for me. Coke I don't drink often anymore and by now it even doesn't taste for me anymore really as I found a healthy supplier of different juices with very little sugar which is a good supplement for me (as I can't drink only water all day long) instead of coke and also don't snack too much on sweets. So with us being far apart he just did cut it down for now to give me some time to get used to it to eat it more responsibly again but once (if!!!) we would be able to move on seriously then he is bloody serious about it from right the start and I will already experience that when we will meet for 4 weeks next month...

I think it's good to cut down or reduce bad habbits slowly (depending on the habbit of course) before getting drastic about it and I appreciate that

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RE: Dealing with a sub's minor bad habits - 11/19/2008 11:06:23 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		It depends upon the habit, I will NOT tolerate smoking, drug usage or alcoholism. I have some other habits that I find disgusting such as blowing ones nose at the dinner table, I will not tolerate that either. There are some lesser habits which I would try to train a sub out of and if I could not I would have to weigh whether their service warranted putting up with it or if not, dismissing them.

~Lashra


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RE: Dealing with a sub's minor bad habits - 11/19/2008 11:45:13 AM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		I've only had a couple of subs who were around enough for their habits to really bother me.  Some smoked, but it was easy enough for them not to do that around me.  The only one who had to be 'broken' was my sub who liked to bite me during sex play.  You have to realize that I bruise if you look at me hard.  Having bruises on my neck and upper arms was totally unexceptable.  The only way to break him of it was to STOP all contact and end play for the day as soon as I felt his teeth brush my skin.   It only took three times for him to get the idea that I totally was NOT joking about it.

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

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RE: Dealing with a sub's minor bad habits - 11/19/2008 1:09:24 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Bear, you couldn't *possibly* have any bad habits!

Truly, what everyone else said.  For me, smoking is an issue.  My lungs can't handle it, and I hate the smell of it, though decades later I still wish for a yummy clove!  So, while I wouldn't insist that a person quit (I know how hard that is for most folks, me and my dad must be freaks!) I would curtail his or her smoking around me so much that quitting would be desirable. 

I have issues with being on time myself, these days, but being late WITHOUT checking in and letting me know would get nailed in a hurry.  Untidiness, can't stand it.  Clutter, fine, but the laundry basket is there for a REASON.  As long as the habits are minor, I wouldn't have a cow, small stuff is easy to adjust.  We all have our stuff, right?  And heaven knows *I* would never change my ways for a mere submissive! 

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RE: Dealing with a sub's minor bad habits - 11/19/2008 1:47:35 PM   
BlakkReignn


Posts: 10
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline 		as stated above: it depends on the "bad habit" and what it is and how it effects the relationship or dynamic therein...so please if comfortable tell us what the main issue is and that will make it easier to distinguish and answer the initial question...thanks

Blakk


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RE: Dealing with a sub's minor bad habits - 11/19/2008 1:58:06 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlakkReignn

as stated above: it depends on the "bad habit" and what it is and how it effects the relationship or dynamic therein...so please if comfortable tell us what the main issue is and that will make it easier to distinguish and answer the initial question...thanks

Blakk



When I said minor bad habits, I was referring to: biting finger nails, waiting to do dishes when there's a significant amount instead of after each meal, not picking up clothes all the time, having a newspaper lying on an end table instead of keeping it neatly placed in a rack or other appropriate spot, or even not changing the toilet paper roll when there's 3-4 sheets left. Things like this which to some are minor bad habits (annoying quirks) and to some they aren't so minor bad habits.

ETA: I didn't mention smoking because I feel that is it's own separate hot issue and don't consider that a minor habit, just a bad habit.

< Message edited by beargonewild -- 11/19/2008 2:00:27 PM >

_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to BlakkReignn)
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RE: Dealing with a sub's minor bad habits - 11/19/2008 3:02:23 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		It depends on how often the habit happens.  One of my slaves is a caffeine feind.  He drinks 3-4 pots of coffee a day and then gets so wound up that he has to go for long walks.  Since he does not live with me I just ignore the behavior.  I would rather not try to manage his caffeine addiction.
 
However, he did smoke in the downstairs bathroom at my previous apartment which caused conflict with the other roommates of course. 
He would sneak in there at night during the winter because he did not want to go outside in the cold to smoke.  That behavior was immediately confronted and put to an end. 



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So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
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RE: Dealing with a sub's minor bad habits - 11/19/2008 3:51:45 PM   
VampiresLair


Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline 		For me, the habit has to be something that actually disturbs me, or that causes the dynamic of the house to be offset to be bothered correcting it. Something minor I can deal with as long as it s understood that if I say it stops, for a day, it stops. Like leaving clothes all over the apartment, or ignoring dishes, things like that. Changing the toilet paper isnt a problem, I tend to do that, and leaving bottles of soda in the fridge with sips left is ok, its his soda anyhow.

The one habit he has that I am breaking is leaving unfinished glasses of drink around the house. If it were just the inconvenience of finding them that would be one thing. They get bumped into and spilled and I have light colored carpets, so that habit is changing quickly.
There could not be a minor habit bad enough for me to consider a deal breaker.

DV


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RE: Dealing with a sub's minor bad habits - 11/19/2008 4:01:48 PM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		Ah heck!  If minor things were deal breakers, I would have divorced my husband decades ago!  He always puts ice in his drinks even when they are already cold... then leaves the glasses of ice everywhere!  He can't seem to learn that the kitchen sink is NOT a trash can and always throws paper and food boxes/containers in there.  His big ugly shoes are everywhere... and I never know which pair he actually still wants to wear and which ones can be tossed in the trash.  Same with his jeans and T-shirts... if I toss them in the wash he complains that he was going to wear those again.  I don't think he has EVER replaced a toilet tissue roll.  The list goes on and on.

Damn.  I need a boy to beat.  Any volunteers to pay for his digressions?


_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to VampiresLair)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Dealing with a sub's minor bad habits - 11/19/2008 5:18:33 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		Woah, woah, hold your horses, Ms S.

His big ugly shoes are everywhere

And how many pairs of shoes has he got, pray, compared to the number of pairs you've got?

I'm beginning to wonder if dominas might not have the odd, teensy, bad habit as well . . .

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RE: Dealing with a sub's minor bad habits - 11/19/2008 5:19:09 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Yes, Ms S must learn to buy her husband nicer shoes! 

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RE: Dealing with a sub's minor bad habits - 11/19/2008 5:26:07 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		True - or maybe more stylish pairs of small canoes, if what she says about the size of her hub's feet is true.

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RE: Dealing with a sub's minor bad habits - 11/19/2008 5:29:09 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Big feet = large shoes. It's inevitable.  My first big love had size 13 (US) shoes.  My dad is a mere size 11.

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RE: Dealing with a sub's minor bad habits - 11/19/2008 5:34:35 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Big feet = large shoes. It's inevitable.  My first big love had size 13 (US) shoes.  My dad is a mere size 11.


All old men's feet seem to be small to me.  I'm convinced men's feet, at least, are getting bigger with each new generation.  Weird.

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RE: Dealing with a sub's minor bad habits - 11/19/2008 5:35:50 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Are you calling my dad an old man? He's not even 70!  I think that feet are generally getting larger, though---I am an 8 (uk5) and all my friends and especially their daughters have much larger feet than I do.  Makes it rough to pillage their closets for shoes!

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RE: Dealing with a sub's minor bad habits - 11/19/2008 6:41:19 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Big feet = large shoes. It's inevitable.  My first big love had size 13 (US) shoes.  My dad is a mere size 11.


~looks at own shoe size~
Nope, wasn't me 


_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Dealing with a sub's minor bad habits - 11/19/2008 6:52:13 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: beargonewild

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Big feet = large shoes. It's inevitable.  My first big love had size 13 (US) shoes.  My dad is a mere size 11.


~looks at own shoe size~
Nope, wasn't me 



I said my FIRST love, Bearalicious!  I mean, I might be a virgin and all, but this heart has gotten stomped on by *experts*.

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RE: Dealing with a sub's minor bad habits - 11/19/2008 6:54:20 PM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		Hubby has at least three pairs of what I consider to be worn out sneakers... mostly lying about in the computer room (once upon a time, a dinning room), the living room and sometimes the kitchen, frequently the bed room floor where I trip over them in the dark.  I have just over a dozen pairs of beautiful shoes and 7 pairs of boots that have rarely been worn more than an hour at a time, all in their boxes, stacked in the bedroom... except for 2 pairs of boots from Spirit which came in bags and are still on the back of the sofa.  My other 1/2 dozen or so pairs of 'regular' shoes are under the bed or the night stand where they belong.

So there! 


_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to beargonewild)
Profile   Post #: 20
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