RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked?

RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (Full Version)

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MzMia -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/22/2008 11:09:30 AM)
I have thought about 24/7 living arrangements for a long time. For me, this is just not something that I would consider unless I had known the person for several years and very, very, well. That would give us time to spend long periods of time together as a couple, decide what our expectations were, and what we both wanted. At this stage of my life, my next live in, will hopefully be my last live-in, so there is no rush.

moonvine -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/22/2008 11:23:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Padriag Must not have any serious health issues, or other health issues that would permanently interfere with my style of life. Just out of curiosity, if they later developed serious health issues would you release them?

Padriag -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/22/2008 11:30:07 AM)
No, that's part of life and taking responsibility for what comes from your choices. You roll the dice and you accept what comes up. But... nothing saying I can't load the dice in my favor to begin with. [image]http://www.collarchat.com/image/s4.gif[/image]

Daes -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/23/2008 4:08:01 AM)
With Sir? wistful sigh In a hearbeat. But we're not there yet.

Phoenixpower -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/23/2008 4:30:48 AM)
quote: I've known people who gave up their furbabies.... NOT GONNA HAPPEN with me..... indeed, where I am living, my 3 little furies will be living. [:)] Habbits from my current contact, where he seems to be pretty serious about, is that I would have to go to bed when he goes (could go earlier,but wouldn't be allowed to stay up later then he does...except sometimes at a weekend; well, if that is true I dont know) which is a bit tough on me as I used to enjoy to be a night owl whereas he seems to go to bed at 9-10pm to ensure he gets enough sleep...also I would have to wake him up at night time if I need to use the toilet as that would annoy him less as if I would sneak out of his bed secretly for that. He just wants to be sure to know where I am and what I am doing with his TPE [&o] another one from him would also be the fuss about finances, that I would not have a bankcard if I would be living with him as this would be stored in his safe, I would only have a weekly allowance and if I am going out on my own I would have to bring receipts with me to justify my spending....personally I am not too happy with those two facts, particular as I would seriously prefer to have a bank card in my wallet, as it should be...but well, still quite a long way to go to see if we get so far or not. At least he wouldnt mind my cats and I would hope that his dog would also find a way to accept them [;)] What I would not put up with in return with a Master would be when he thinks it is great to behave like a pig at home and to fart and burp as more often as better and as louder as better...thats not something I would put up with ever, as basic manners are fairly important to me.

agirl -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/23/2008 4:37:41 AM)
Perhaps, even with all the assurances taken care of, they may carry, to him, the same amount of weight as the ones HE's making regarding Jewel. Perhaps he's judging your assurances through the same viewer that he's making his. ''He spoke of complete surrender, of his longing, his need to be a part of a family, of his desire to serve Jewel.'' Expressing what you want, hope for, desire and consider a need is far easier than taking that step to actually getting it. agirl

MissIsis -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/23/2008 4:51:41 AM)
Must love 4 legged animals, & mine must accept him. Has a steady job, one waiting for him here & history of steady employment Doesn't consider a good time, as one consisting of drinking &/or drugging stable personality Proven loyalty Willing & capable of household chores, & great with his hands Driver's license Doesn't want anymore little ones No trouble with the law Interests outside of mine Doesn't need to be micromanaged Good with finances Possess an ability to take care of himself

KatyLied -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/23/2008 4:57:06 AM)
quote: Every time we discuss his coming for a visit/trial he goes on and on about how bad he wants to and how much it hurts him because he cannot give up his house or job. If he has not yet met anyone in the family perhaps he may think that everyone is projecting and rushing ahead too soon to be talking about relocation. It would freak me out if I was talking to someone I'd not yet met and he talked about relocation and projected all sorts of relationship stuff. I need to get to know someone over a period of time before I would ever consider cohabitation.

MaamJay -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/23/2008 5:14:12 AM)
Twice, what you are all offering is incredibly generous. It's way more than I can offer a prospective sub, here they'd have to be contributing at least enough income to cover their expenses. So unless they are independently wealthy, they would have to be working at least part time and I am happy to wear them being out of the home for that period of time. Plus I would want them to have an outside interest and dealings with other people, even if that only makes them appreciate Us and home even more! What you are offering almost seems too good to be true at a glance ... so he may well have difficulties accepting that you are all for real and that someone won't steal the magic wand so he will be left penniless! Also, even though he professes not to enjoy his job ... a lot of people say that but then don't want to leave it or retire. Reason being, it's familiar, it's what they know, and for men particularly, it's often HOW they are known. Their very identity can be wrapped up within their job and the possibility of taking that away could be quite terrifying. So might the prospect of being 24/7/365 at home with the same 3 other people ... and maybe he just doesn't know how to express that. I KNOW you are not asking him to do this immediately ... and obviously that's the right way to go ... but I do see a conundrum here. For how will you all know this is the right fit if he was to "become Jewel's" and then also keep up his job and/or house? he won't be in your place often enough for you all to know if you can put up with him 24/7/365 ... and for him to know whether that will be sufficient fulfillment for him! Tricky! It's one of the situations where compromises don't really work out. Yet if he were to not work for say 1 or 2 years to give this a really good try ... no guarantee of getting another job at anything like the level he's currently got, workplaces move very quickly these days and it's very easy for knowledge and skills to go stale. I see the job as actually far harder to deal with than the home ... it would be relatively easy to rent that out on initially a short term basis so he can test out living with you all. I'm wondering if he doesn't want to come and visit because he is scared. Scared that he might indeed fall for Jewel and then force himself into making a tough decision with the heart not the head. However, prevaricating as he's doing isn't doing anyone any favours either. I don't envy you all this one, though I am starting to get the feeling of lost cause. Maam Jay aka violet[A] Edited to add: As Katy said, he may well also feel everyone is jumping the gun since you all haven't met yet. That said, I applaud your choice to be upfront in terms of what you ULTIMATELY require, as there's no benefit in everyone thinking he's the one and then hitting this as a major hurdle. In the same way, I make it very clear that what I am ultimately seeking is a 24/7 working live-in. No one can commit to this straight away (or should!), but it's out there as an expressed goal. If they know themselves to be totally anti this ... then don't waste My time and I won't waste theirs. With My current prospect, it's difficult to presently see how it would work as he needs to be near or in a major city to further his flying career ... whereas Master and I have had enough of cities! But W/we're adopting a policy of "where there's a will there's a way" ... if it came to that all 3 of U/us wanted this badly enough, then W/we would work out a way of making it happen. I can't think of a better way round that at the moment.

Twicehappy2x -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/23/2008 7:51:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists quote: ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x So, as near as we can tell, either that is the issue, or it is an excuse. Either way, unless he tells us other wise or agrees to discuss the offered compromises we are at a stand still. Until now... it appears everything has just been talk... Talk alone doesn't build trust! Talk is where it starts. Unfortunately he is so hung up on this one issue we cannot get him to the point of hearing that it is something we are quite willing to compromise on. So he will not even allow himself to get to the visiting point, even though he only lives an hour away.

Twicehappy2x -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/23/2008 7:53:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross What you guys want is a family- in the most real full sense of what family should be. Most people don't understand that. Fewer are right for it. That doesn't make you unreasonable, simply picky :) Grins, well...yes...i guess we are picky. But you are right, we are looking for that fourth who cannot just be Jewel's sub but a mate, a family member, a life mate for all of us.

KnightofMists -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/23/2008 7:55:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x .... So he will not even allow himself to get to the visiting point, even though he only lives an hour away. Well... I think the road goes both ways... Have you guys even met each other... how much time have you spent together as a group or as individuals? It appears you guys are putting the cart before the horse.

Twicehappy2x -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/23/2008 7:59:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss Perhaps maybe set up a bank account for him and let him do odd jobs for money or when he helps out with the business end of things let him put his own money aside in the bank in his name withno way of his bdsm family touching it? If you read all my posts you will see he was told to hold on to his home and rent it for as long as he likes, forever if he wishes. And that if and when he gave up his job he would be required to put all his funs into an IRA for just in case. We are also in a position to offer him a way to make pocket money here one of two ways or he was told he could eventually work part time if he chose. I still own an apartment an have no intention of ever giving it up. Not because i foresee ever needing it, simply because it is very useful for visiting myself or for other family members to use when they are in town to visit the majority of my family. I am retired, i was retired before i came here. I still manage my own investments etc.

kyraofMists -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/23/2008 7:59:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied If he has not yet met anyone in the family perhaps he may think that everyone is projecting and rushing ahead too soon to be talking about relocation. It would freak me out if I was talking to someone I'd not yet met and he talked about relocation and projected all sorts of relationship stuff. I need to get to know someone over a period of time before I would ever consider cohabitation. This was something that I thought as well. It was two and a half years after our relationship started that I moved into the house. The immigration requirements prevented the move any sooner than that. However, it was about a year after we started the relationship before I felt ready to move in and we did not even talk about long term solutions until after we met face to face. Knight's Kyra

Padriag -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/23/2008 8:06:20 AM)
Apparently I misread at some point, I was under the impression you had already met and spent some time together (a reminder to not post late at night when very tired). That said, I'd have to go with KoM's observation that this appears to be putting the cart before the horse. Discussing long term commitments before you have even met can certainly create additional pressure and make the process unnecessarily difficult. For now, my advice would be to focus on the initial meeting without the concerns of any commitment beyond that... just meet and see how it goes. If that goes well, then consider some "dates"... and if that goes well, some sort of limited service... and then finally progressing to a long term relationship. Each step builds on the previous one while progressing toward the final goal of a long term relationship, but at the same time keeps it from becoming overwhelming. By introducing the ideas and conditions of a of long term relationship, you've inadvertantly triggered a mental process in the submissive where he is already trying to decide now if he can commit to a long term relationship (and your conditions for it) or not. Without the trust, comfort and relationship that normally would go with that, its no longer a mystery as to why he feels uncomfortable and is balking. Take a step back and relax things and he may become more responsive. Get his focus back on short term goals.

KnightofMists -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/23/2008 8:08:42 AM)
quote: It would freak me out if I was talking to someone I'd not yet met and he talked about relocation and projected all sorts of relationship stuff. I need to get to know someone over a period of time before I would ever consider cohabitation. I think it also raises alot of other concerns... like a person wisdom. For example. Given the current economic climate... selling the house might not such a good idea at present... to even intially sell the house even though they compromised afterwards doesn't reflect well on their decision making... not to mention that the job goes out the window and he becomes completely financially vulnerable in tough economic times. Is there anything wrong with the offer... NO not on the face of it... but there is such a thing as Timing! This to me smacks of good timing as much as a Male Dominant coming to a female submissive that he has met.. or your knees bitch! I personally don't think there is anything worng with on your knees bitch! but I think there is an appropriate time to do it and then there is a time when not to do it.

Twicehappy2x -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/23/2008 8:10:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied quote: Every time we discuss his coming for a visit/trial he goes on and on about how bad he wants to and how much it hurts him because he cannot give up his house or job. If he has not yet met anyone in the family perhaps he may think that everyone is projecting and rushing ahead too soon to be talking about relocation. It would freak me out if I was talking to someone I'd not yet met and he talked about relocation and projected all sorts of relationship stuff. quote: KOM Well... I think the road goes both ways... Have you guys even met each other... how much time have you spent together as a group or as individuals? It appears you guys are putting the cart before the horse We are always upfront about what we want/need in the long run. While i do understand this might be upsetting to some, for us we decided it would not do to get to the point of wanting to meet unless all the cards were on the table. If they are somebody who cannot relocate because they must care for mum, that is not going to work. If they eventually want kids, not going to happen. If the hate motorcycles, that will not do. f the don't smoke, fine, if they are allergic to smoke, ooppps. True, once we talk enough to decide, ok, maybe we should talk more, there is an info overload. But it is all in writing, with notes as to what is negotiable and what is not, and we spent over a year writing it all out. And since it is in writing, they can take all the time they need to read it, refer to it to ask questions or negotiate, and we allow as much time as they want to process it all. Doing this just makes sense to us as it saves misunderstanding later on. Having spoken to more potentials than we can count and having had at least 12 make it to the front door, we've become very aware of a lot of those "ooppps" in the process. We just like to have the major ones covered before we get to the meeting point.

KnightofMists -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/23/2008 8:16:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x We are always upfront about what we want/need in the long run. While i do understand this might be upsetting to some, for us we decided it would not do to get to the point of wanting to meet unless all the cards were on the table. But your not just putting your cards on the table... you trying to negotiate to come up with a compromise with a stranger... If you a submissive person tried that with me.. I would think they are nuts!! and say good bye fast! quote: Doing this just makes sense to us as it saves misunderstanding later on. Having spoken to more potentials than we can count and having had at least 12 make it to the front door, we've become very aware of a lot of those "ooppps" in the process. It doesn't matter how many get to the door... all that matters is the one that enters!

Twicehappy2x -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/23/2008 8:25:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists Given the current economic climate... selling the house might not such a good idea at present... to even intially sell the house even though they compromised afterwards doesn't reflect well on their decision making... not to mention that the job goes out the window and he becomes completely financially vulnerable in tough economic times. He was most emphatically told NOT to even think of selling his house (Jewel's exact words were, do not even get rid of one book) until he was sure and we were sure this was the right relationship, until after he had lived in for at least a year. Even at that he was told selling the house would be HIS choice, that he could use it as a rental to make money as long as he wanted to. He was also told to transfer his job, not to quit it until then either. The sticking point is that if he and we decided after an appropriate period of time, that this was the right relationship he would eventually have to give up his job.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: 24/7 living arrangements? What would you consider if asked? (11/23/2008 8:26:39 AM)
It's also hard because you guys really do seem to just fit together perfectly and naturally. That would be intimidating to any third, let alone a fourth! Perhaps examine your approaches and soften it up a bit. I don't think it's an issue to know what you want and how you want it, but how you share that with another can send them running for the hills or be seductive. Again, I think you're just very picky and looking for something that's going to take a heck of a lot of luck and good timing to work. Not bad, just tough.

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