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RE: Potential long distant BDSM partner/first meet - 11/22/2008 8:44:45 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PsyVamp

Mz Mia! I am very happy for you!
That said, I usually stay in a hotel when I travel, and I plan on staying there alone.
Now... it matters not if I actually do stay alone, what matters is that I plan it that way.

With things being "normal" I do not let them stay in the same room with Me the first time, but there is always that little rat bastard "chemistry" that bites Me in the ass as soon as I use the word "never".

I have played with two people the first time I met them. One is My collared pet and the other is still a good play friend.
Guess I just got lucky that way.

Good luck to You too, whatever you decide!

Lady Jag

Thank you Lady Jag, and all the other posters.

I just found a nice 2 bedroom suite for about $107 a night.
I can have my only little room with a lock on the door.
We can have the best of both worlds.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 11/22/2008 8:45:53 PM >

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To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

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Post #: 61

RE: Potential long distant BDSM partner/first meet - 11/23/2008 2:12:47 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
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I've flown to different cities and stayed (and played) with people at our first face to face, I have also stayed in hotels...paying my own way and meeting with them for a meal or two and get to know each other. I think that I now prefer the latter but that could change.

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Post #: 62

RE: Potential long distant BDSM partner/first meet - 11/23/2008 2:41:16 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
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I met a Mistress in Memphis. She lived there and I had a hotel room. I had gone down there for a convention so I had the hotel before I arranged to meet her and had no plans on playing. But I did and it was wonderful. For your trip I would recommend seperate rooms. You might find yourself wanting to get away and have your own space. I know I would. I might not stay in that room, but I would like to know it was there if I wanted to. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

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Post #: 63

RE: Potential long distant BDSM partner/first meet - 11/23/2008 2:58:11 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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Have a great time MzMia!

I have never been a slut... I have never played on a first date... nope... never... never I tell you! (It doesn't count when HE is the slut and it isn't a date and happens within the first ten minutes... right?)

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Post #: 64

RE: Potential long distant BDSM partner/first meet - 11/23/2008 5:54:11 AM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
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Congrats MzMia and I hope it all goes well. Lovely to see You so excited

.

I think the 2 bedroom suite is a brilliant idea, gives you both the prospect of some personal space ... with the option to condense together if it seems right! Given that there are a few hours together before the whole bedroom time arises makes it easier to work out what to do.

With My current prospect, when plans were originally made for him to fly up here for about a week's visit as a first meet (it was far enough and expensive enough to make a day or 2 not worthwhile), the plan was to book the local pub for at least the first night while the whole vanilla meet thing was going on, then he could decide whether to stay there or move to Our guest room. However, those plans fell through, and the vanilla meet thing has been accomplished with 2 dinner dates in a city where he was in a work-supplied apartment and We were in a hotel. Now he's able to fly up this week for a 24-hour visit (YAY!), he is perfectly comfortable about occupying Our guest room and We feel right about having him in Our home too. I want to exert a bit of self-control as far as sexual activity is concerned though as I have committed to taking things slow and steady. But oh, I haven't had Dominant sex for AGES!

It's entirely different from submissive sex though i'm not sure how well Master understands that!

Have to admit that the first meeting for Master and myself (though I was Domming his slut side at the time!) was in a hotel room, about 5 hours flight from home for both of us! It was My room though so I felt I could have kicked him out (or got security to do so) if I felt he posed any risk to Me. The biggest risk turned out to be the flu ... he had it ... I got it! And yes, we still managed to play in spite of it ... and fuck ... and it was wonderful! That's when we fell in love ... and stayed that way when the roles reversed about 2 months later! What sluts we both were

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Post #: 65

RE: Potential long distant BDSM partner/first meet - 11/23/2008 8:39:28 AM

Evility

Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
It all depends on what you are comfortable with. We were comfortable with the choices we made, but not everyone would be.

I agree with this. I personally don't have any sort of set timetable or routine that I would follow. If it feels wrong is usually is wrong but if it feels right it usually is right. My distance limit is about a three hour drive (unless it's just a one off meeting) but that's also just a personal thing.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 66

RE: Potential long distant BDSM partner/first meet - 11/24/2008 9:26:47 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
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Congratulations MzMia...Being prepared for any eventuality is a good thing, however, I am sure you will know within the hour after your meet as to what direction you will go for the rest of the visit..Usually your instincts will serve you well in most situations...But as CD said I tend ot try to get a feel for a person and develop a certain comfort level, seems thus far your comfort level is staying intact...best/Tempting

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Post #: 67

RE: Potential long distant BDSM partner/first meet - 11/24/2008 9:41:18 PM

sexisubi

Posts: 373
Joined: 11/23/2008
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Personally, it depends, if you two meet and connect stay there, but have a back up plan incase you meet and it is everything you thought it would -not- be!

And hook ups i have met about 5-6 Doms and have only hooked up with one, i have known Him for 3 years now and W/we have been together in a D/s relationship for almost 2 years. :) i am no ones slut but His. :)

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 68

RE: Potential long distant BDSM partner/first meet - 11/25/2008 2:57:05 AM

variation30

Posts: 1190
Joined: 12/1/2007
From: Alabama
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

I would like to get some comments from the BDSM population
here at CM, so here goes.
I am meeting someone from CollarMe, soon!

A potential submissive if all goes right.
We have exchanged photo's, been chatting basically everyday online,
telephone, and emails for almost 3 months.
He lives about a 13 hour drive from me.
We are planning to meet over the Christmas holidays.
I am planning to fly to meet him on a fairly inexpensive flight, since he lives
near a major city, so that is not a problem.
I don't want to stay at his place, so I am planning on staying in a hotel.
He has been joking about sleeping on the floor and I was talking about separate beds.
After giving this more thought, I am now thinking we need separate rooms.
This is after all, our very first face to face meet.
It is going to cost both of us more than I would like, but deep down I think it is the right thing.
Both of us have our own place, but again I feel more comfortable about it going this way.

Question.
When you meet someone for the first time, and you live a considerable distance from each other,where do you stay?
I know all about "safe calls" and that could be an option, but I am talking about getting to know someone in person well, prior to playing, when distance IS an issue, and you won't be in a position to see each other every weekend.

Being 12-13 hours away, I doubt we will ever see each other every weekend, unless one of us moves.
That would be something to think about a LONG time from now.
We are hoping if all works out, in the future seeing each other at least once a month.
And the NEXT visit would be in the same room.

Deep down, part of me wants to know how many of you sluts meet and play on the first meet!!!

I'm in a very similar situation. I'm going to be spending ten days with my woman in Las Vegas (granted, a very tacky city, but it's also cheap and as she's a barbarian from the far north, it's equidistant for both of us). This will be our first face to face meeting, though we've talked with one another for months and months and talked seriously for around three months (via text, phone, and webcam). We're staying in the same hotel room and sleeping in the same bed. I'll be raping her throat within minutes of closing the door.

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all the good ones are collared or lesbians.

or old.

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 69

RE: Potential long distant BDSM partner/first meet - 11/25/2008 5:25:20 PM

cinmin

Posts: 31
Joined: 7/24/2004
Status: offline

i made a couple of rules for myself a long time ago about first meetings...mostly to keep myself from doing stupid things LOL. i rarely play on a first meeting. That being said if the chemistry is overwhelming i have been known to play a little. Second rule...no bondage! Once you are bound you are completely out of control...which is a wonderful thing, but not on a first meeting. As far as staying in the same room...i think if i was going to be out of town meeting someone i would at least want to start out with seperate rooms...you can always cancel it if everything seems perfect. Still no bondage though!!! *smiles*

just my two cents worth

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Post #: 70

RE: Potential long distant BDSM partner/first meet - 11/29/2008 8:39:41 AM

aFineLine2tread

Posts: 15
Joined: 10/26/2008
Status: offline

A few questions you need to consider...how will your bdsm/sexual needs be met regularly long-distance, and how would the dominant be able to verify that the sub is minding him.....

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 71

RE: Potential long distant BDSM partner/first meet - 5/8/2009 8:44:51 AM

wideeyedgirl

Posts: 56
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

fast reply - little late,but I liked this topic and it was good to see what others do.

Ive had two LD meetings. Both involved months of talking, safe call into, and a criminal background check run (not trying to open that bag of worms by the way...) Both situations...involved booking a hotel room for myself, in my name...so if there was a concern - could stay there. But then can cancel and not have the charge if all goes well. I like the comfort it provides, and the safety barrier. Plus just...if i stay there...my own space to get freshened up, keep my stuff, whatever. One occasion, i used the room for the first night and then checked out and stayed with him. The other time....we stayed at the hotel, and he would come by every morning and spend the day and evening together. The only reason..didnt stay at His house was..he had a young daughter who was there alot.

Im not a huge one for *meet/beat* but Ido like some beginning levels of play/intimacy. Im seeking a TPE full time..long term relatioship, so those I meet are seeking the same thing. Most are okay to wait a bit. Half the fun is the exploration....so play may be kinky, but mostly is light comparison. Bondage may not happen. Trust is key. The comfort factor plays a huge role in that. If it..just feels right....then I trust that. Try not to limit to odd rules/restrictions. I prefer alot of talking, getting to know the person more, doing fun things around town.things that a *mainsteam* couple may do on dates in the beginning, only compresed into a few days for how long the visit is.

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(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 72

RE: Potential long distant BDSM partner/first meet - 5/15/2009 5:47:05 PM

vampchick88

Posts: 346
Joined: 4/10/2007
Status: offline

pet is over 800 miles from where I currently live. When we mert for the first time I had it set for a 5 day vaction...incase things didn't go so well or we didn't click. I was worried and had plans just in case they didn't work. However I went onto the airplane with the thought of "he'd better like me damn it!" we talked for 9 months before our first visit due to school and work schedules. I knew we got along great on the phone and good chemistry. All that was left was to meet. When I got off the plane and saw him for the first time in person I knew he was mine. I could tell by the look in his eyes he thought the same way about me. We had a six week stay during the summer which let us know we could tolerate one another for long periods of time. lol. Crash course before moving.

I would advise to keep a safety plan, and to plan to have a good time. I know its hard to keep the "what ifs" out of your mind but try to think positively. pet and I are still together and its almost two years later. I plan on moving in a few months this year after completing school. Taking the leap of faith is the best thing I've ever done. Trust me if there was someone out there for me, there is someone for everyone.~Lorelei

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Proud owner of rubberpet, the best investment of my time, trust, and heart that any Domme could ever dream of.

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Post #: 73

RE: Potential long distant BDSM partner/first meet - 5/15/2009 6:33:40 PM

tiinkerbell

Posts: 96
Status: offline

quote:

When you meet someone for the first time, and you live a considerable distance from each other,where do you stay?

After much discussion between us and thinking on both our parts; I made the decision that I would stay at Sir's house when I go up there this coming week. As for whether or not we will play; that really depends on him and on how much we both want to take it further faster

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Allison

- Some People walk in the rain; others just get wet -
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Post #: 74

RE: Potential long distant BDSM partner/first meet - 5/16/2009 3:07:46 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
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I was surprised to see this thread, a real blast from the past.

I wanted to give my own update, here.
I did NOT travel to meet the gentleman in question, for a variety of reasons.

For the right person, I would certainly be willing to travel to meet him/her so my feelings
about the long distance meet, remain the same.
The thing is, the last person I traveled long distance to meet I ended up marrying 1 year later.
We had exchanged pictures, and were in constant communication for 3 months before I went to visit.
So though, I am WILLING to travel, it takes someone exceptional for me to even consider taking the time, energy and expense of traveling to meet them.
I also do not want someone traveling to meet me, unless I feel comfortable with it.
I enjoyed this thread thanks for bringing it back.
This has to be a situation that many of us will be faced with, and I enjoyed the wide variety of answers.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 5/16/2009 3:15:01 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to tiinkerbell)

Post #: 75

RE: Potential long distant BDSM partner/first meet - 5/16/2009 4:12:27 PM

Delphinus

Posts: 146
Joined: 11/26/2008
Status: offline

"On first meet, I have had a kneeling slave kiss my feet in the airport terminal and I have fucked in the airport parking garage. "

Me too! Oh my God, was that you?

Truly, though - upon first meeting he had me on the hood of the car in the airport parking garage within minutes. The trick was that I knew him well enough in advance that I would have felt comfortable no matter what.

< Message edited by Delphinus -- 5/16/2009 4:13:19 PM >

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Post #: 76

RE: Potential long distant BDSM partner/first meet - 5/17/2009 2:35:07 AM

lobodomslavery

Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
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as a sub i would be very uncomfortable getting too intimate with a Woman i did not know except on internet. i would definitley suggest separate beds
kevin

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Post #: 77

RE: Potential long distant BDSM partner/first meet - 5/17/2009 2:56:48 AM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
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I think I need to learn to read posting dates!

TM

< Message edited by TexasMaam -- 5/17/2009 2:58:23 AM >

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