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RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? - 11/22/2008 11:27:05 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae

Some have said that, which girl did say that they have mentioned, but others that have replied to this thread have not really answered the thread. It really does make girl consider that where some are concerned what they have replied is genuine. With others, girl is not so sure. Simply put there are those here that girl would trust, as for others, girl has better individuals to serve.

Honey you have asked questions and people will answer as they will. It does seem that you are assuming a lot and while I don't know where your assumptions come from and would hope not pain, I do think that some pain is involved. I have seen some really beat up on these boards for assuming and judging and would like to caution you in this area because if you will just watch the boards, you will find that even those who didn't answer your questions the way you expected them to, care very much for their submissive's and some have relationships to envy for sure! lol

Although one wouldn't be expected to serve just anyone... and some would not wish for you to serve them, to say some of the things you say the way you do, is rather offensive. I find no insult personally... but the assumptions and all... and the simple fact that the world doesn't revolve around you... or how you see it, I found worthy of comment. You can take what I say and shit can it... or you can see how I might be offering a bit of advice that might be helpful somehow. This can be a great place to make friends, learn and share.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to Aszhrae)

Post #: 41

RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? - 11/22/2008 11:57:35 PM

moonvine

Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

What Lockit said:)

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 42

RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? - 11/23/2008 12:40:58 AM

Aszhrae

Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline

Very well, girl will measure the words typed more carefully when next girl posts, of that you can be sure.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 43

RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? - 11/23/2008 5:20:44 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae

It's quite simple really, it's about fulfillment.
The dominant completes the sub/slave, just as the sub/slave completes the dominant.
Girl is wanting to know if others have found that with their dominants. Or, if dominants have found that with their sub/slave.
That perhaps girl might also find it, as others seem so far to have done.
It's hope and a little optimism of a future possibility for girl.
It has offered girl some insight into some of those here in CM.
Does the dominant find themselves made whole by their sub/slave? (getting to know those here in CM that are dominant)
Does the sub/slave feel that serving their dominant that their dedication has made them whole?(getting to know what the majority of those in CM that currently serve a dominant)
Certainly the purpose of the thread requires a certain measure of reveal, but without getting to deep into the philosophy, psychology and theology of being sub/slave and dominant. (of course reference being made to doctrine, psyche and spirit)
Do you feel whole?

I am going to stop right here and give an answer, though I may want to add more as I read more of the thread.

First, oddly enough my answers to your initial questions, and those up to this post would very closely echo what Padriag has said. The only exception would be that I am a spiritual, but not religious, person. Being spiritual colours everything in my life, not just my relationship style.

As for being whole. Being dominant, having a slave or submissive, has not one iota to do with feeling or being whole. Nothing. Being whole has everything to do with being totally satisfied with the woman I am. I do not need anyone submitting to me to make me a better, or more whole, woman. I had to do that all on my own. I also do not want a slave that feels she needs to submit to be whole. I want her coming to me as a whole woman, confident in her slavery and what she has to offer me. I also want her confident that she is giving herself to a woman that is already "whole".

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Aszhrae)

Post #: 44

RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? - 11/23/2008 5:24:14 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae

Is girl to believe that the majority of dominants that replied to the thread do not feel completed by the presence of their sub/slave?
Girl does not believe that for a moment
Girl believes the dominant can not exist without feeling some sort attachment. It can not be all about gratification. There has to be more. Why else would a dominant make such requests as LTR, TPE or request that their sub/slave consider RACK?
You can not have girl believe that dominants have no iota of attachment to their sub/slave? Feeling no benefit from have their sub/slave kneel before them with head bowed in submission without getting something from that empowerment beyond the physical.

Here you are complicating things by asking two different questions. You are switching from completion to attachment. Those are two entirely different issues. Of course most of us feel an attachment. That has nothing at all to do with feeling "whole" or "completed".

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Aszhrae)

Post #: 45

RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? - 11/23/2008 5:30:45 AM

VampiresLair

Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae

Does the dominant find themselves made whole by their sub/slave? (getting to know those here in CM that are dominant)
Do you feel whole?

I had to be whole before I would take a slave. Otherwise, I would have done both of us an injustice.
Fox is my other half, so to speak. I love him as he loves me, and what we do and how we feel together is not limited by the titles of our roles. I am very content while holding him while he sleeps. I am excited during play, and excited when we play video games. He is a huge part of my everyday life, and soon to be my husband. While I am sure I could manage without him, I choose not to think about that possibility.

Not everyone in a fulfilling relationship sees or functions that way. This is ours, whether it works for tohers I couldnt say.

DV

_____________________________

Separately we are DiurnalVampire and DVsFox

10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

10/13/10 3 year anniversary of his becoming my Fox

Talk impolitely to me, baby - Thanks sunshinemiss

(in reply to Aszhrae)

Post #: 46

RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? - 11/23/2008 5:34:38 AM

oceanwynds

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

There is something that I want to comment on here Aszhra, and please keep in mind it is my own belief. From reading your other posts on this thread, I am getting a feeling that you believe that we must find another to be complete. This to me sounds very new age and the words soul mate and twndsin soul keep popping up in my head. Though I am a witch and very spiritual, those two concepts are not of my belief. I know a lot of people believe in finding their other half, but this is a search many have because they feel within them a lack. In my heart and mind, if i connect with someone I want to be able to give them the whole of me, not an half empty shell for them to fuel me. Sir and i compliment each other, but from my own experiences, if Sir and i were not together, i would not become a half empty shell again. I would still be who I am; a complete human being who is experiencing life on earth.
blessings
oceanwynds

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 47

RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? - 11/23/2008 5:38:41 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae

It's quite simple really, it's about fulfillment.
The dominant completes the sub/slave, just as the sub/slave completes the dominant.
Girl is wanting to know if others have found that with their dominants. Or, if dominants have found that with their sub/slave.
That perhaps girl might also find it, as others seem so far to have done.
It's hope and a little optimism of a future possibility for girl.
It has offered girl some insight into some of those here in CM.
Does the dominant find themselves made whole by their sub/slave? (getting to know those here in CM that are dominant)
Does the sub/slave feel that serving their dominant that their dedication has made them whole?(getting to know what the majority of those in CM that currently serve a dominant)
Certainly the purpose of the thread requires a certain measure of reveal, but without getting to deep into the philosophy, psychology and theology of being sub/slave and dominant. (of course reference being made to doctrine, psyche and spirit)
Do you feel whole?

I'm a whole me, yes.

As many folk ahead of me have said regarding themselves, I don't need completing. To me that suggests that I would have to be looking for a missing part. I possibly have all sorts of bits missing that would be beneficial to obtain but I don't look for them in someone else.

I get a certain amount of fulfilment from being in a D/s relationship but not BECAUSE it's a D/s relationship..but because of the person I'm in it with.

agirl

(in reply to Aszhrae)

Post #: 48

RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? - 11/23/2008 6:33:49 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

One point about people not answering your posts fully is that your writing style is extremely difficult. Third person speech can be done clearly, see MercnBeth for an example. Unfortunately your style is not clear.

Beyond that, you ask a different question with each post. Figure out what it is you do want to know about and ask that as an OP. Many people don't read on in hopes the poster will change their questions on each page.

Now, if you ask me if serving him completes me, the answer is no because I'm not service oriented. However loving him and being loved by him in return does.

Does he feel better having me in his life? He says so. I don't know if I complete him or not, I do know that we are happier together than apart, that both of us prefer to be in a loving relationship and not to live alone. Are we complete people alone? Yes, but not as happy. And he doesn't consider himself a spiritual person. Moral, loving, protective, caring etc but not spiritual.

As far as there being a lot of people here who you can't relate to, that's a good thing. The more diversity, the more different viewpoints, the more we can learn. You aren't supposed to view people from such an egocentric pov, judging them solely on whether you could submit to them. You'll miss a lot of chances to make friends, to learn and grow if that's your only criteria.

Oh, and about growth? I'm pretty much set in stone at this point in life. I already know who I am, I don't need him to give me grand revelations about myself. But I'm older and that makes the difference.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 49

RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? - 11/23/2008 6:36:38 AM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

As for being whole. Being dominant, having a slave or submissive, has not one iota to do with feeling or being whole. Nothing. Being whole has everything to do with being totally satisfied with the woman I am. I do not need anyone submitting to me to make me a better, or more whole, woman. I had to do that all on my own. I also do not want a slave that feels she needs to submit to be whole. I want her coming to me as a whole woman, confident in her slavery and what she has to offer me. I also want her confident that she is giving herself to a woman that is already "whole".

Precisely my point. My goal in having a slave or slaves in my life is to improve the quality of my life, to provide companionship and to allow me to indulge some of my desires. I do not consider these things unimportant or trivial, certainly not improving the quality of my life! But, though these goals are important to me, goals I very much intend to achieve, they are not necessary to my happiness or my being. Though having a slave or slaves as part of my life can improve my life, bring me additional happiness and comfort, provide me with a particular kind of companionship I desire... I can be, and am, happy without slaves.

Neither should anyone assume that a slave is unimportant to me, or uncared for, simply because I do not "need them to be whole." Not needing a slave to be happy or whole is far, far removed from considering them unimportant or having no affection for them, such is not the case. Whatever affection I feel springs from whatever personal connection exists, which for myself, I would not have a slave I did not feel affection for. Such affection is part of the companionship I seek and expect of a slave.

Being "whole" as a person is a personal matter... something to be resolved within myself. No one else makes me whole. If a slave wishes to be of value to me, they should do so by making themselves useful to me, by finding ways to improve the quality of my life. A slave that desires my affection must gain it by giving affection, and by being someone for whom I can feel affection. However, a slave who thinks their place will be secured because I "need them to be whole" will instead find themselves meeting the fate all things useless come to... discarded.

How others may live is their choice, but these are the realities in my House.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 50

RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? - 11/23/2008 7:11:49 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae

Girl has been thinking, inspired by the mistresses that girl has met so far in CM and figuring on starting such a thread about philosophy and spiritualism of being a submissive or dominant.
Speaking as a submissive, girl feels a connection to master, well beyond the physical at times when master disciplines, or when mistress pets girl while girl is sitting at mistress' feet.
Do others feel such things when dominant and sub/slave are together or is it just physical and stayed at distance?

Speaking from a Dominant's view, albeit my personal one, WEhat I get is either a bundle of trouble or a gem woth more than the Crown of England. Admittedly it woild be hoped that the bundle of trouble will turn out to be a gem and not a long term pain in the arse.

What does she get from me? besides what we have agreed upon and what I have promised her (protection, caring and training etc) she will get stripped nakid, laid over a bench and her pubic area shaved by me then she will get bonked followed by ten strokes with a Gorean slave whip to let her underdstand the essence of pain and pleasure / reward and punishment.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Aszhrae)

Post #: 51

RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? - 11/23/2008 7:54:58 AM

MarsBonfire

Posts: 1034
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline

I'm a male sub. I get a great sense of belonging... of being wanted and desired. Also, on occasion, of being the devoted protector.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 52

RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? - 11/23/2008 9:01:56 AM

Aszhrae

Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline

Mars, would you feel empty inside if your dominant was not there to have you serve?

(in reply to MarsBonfire)

Post #: 53

RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? - 11/23/2008 9:13:30 AM

Aszhrae

Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline

Girl doesn't use the singular or in reference to the 'ego' in sentence structure. Girl leaves that right to the dominants. Some dominants have little trouble understanding what girl is saying, others do.
It wasn't here but in other forums, girl has been told that when girl is saying something, that sometimes in can be non-linear. Just the way girl's mind works.
Girl will do girl's best to add some clarity.

(in reply to Aszhrae)

Post #: 54

RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? - 11/23/2008 10:36:12 AM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

Speaking as one returning home from a blissful weekend, I have to say it is just deliciously awesome. Too absolutely amazing for words to do it justice.

Being yourself rocks. Being guarded and reserved, not so much.

Yep, the whole thing is just fucking awesome (forgive the expletives, but that about sums it up.)

(in reply to krikket)

Post #: 55

RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? - 11/23/2008 10:49:10 AM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

Speaking from a spiritual enlightenment aspect. Pretty much all things enlighten me, in some manner or another. My successes, my screw-ups. Those things that work and those that don't. Spiritual lessons don't begin or end when sitting blissfully at the feet of someone, and gazing lovingly up at them. It may be as close to euphoric nirvana as it is possible to get, while bouncing around in this corporeal form, but being the hedonist that I am - that's pretty freaking close. If it got any better, I'd have to give up the ghost and sit at the right hand of all things holy.

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Post #: 56

RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? - 11/23/2008 1:57:05 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

"Smick, smack paddiwack give the slave a bone(r). Her arse is mine to spank at home."

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Post #: 57

RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? - 11/23/2008 2:30:59 PM

BKSir

Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline

A feeling of control, absolute control if I wish it.

A feeling of adoration when I look at him looking up at me from sitting at my feet. A feeling of accomplishment that I've helped him and walked aside him over time to better himself emotionally and mentally.

A feeling of pride whenever I ask him to do something, and he does so, with a smile, and does whatever it is perfectly. Even more pride in him when he just does something that I'm thinking about, without me asking.

Great joy whenever I walk into the room and instantly start laughing because he's doing something completely silly (chair dancing to his music, talking to himself nonsensically, etc).

A feeling of wonder whenever I sit in bed watching him sleep, or look into his gorgeous eyes and think "How on earth did I ever get so lucky to deserve someone like this?"

That's what I get out of it.

_____________________________

We'll begin with a spin, traveling in a world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanation.

I am the voices in your head.

BiggKatt Studios

(in reply to krikket)

Post #: 58

RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? - 11/23/2008 2:46:50 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BKSir

A feeling of control, absolute control if I wish it.

A feeling of adoration when I look at him looking up at me from sitting at my feet. A feeling of accomplishment that I've helped him and walked aside him over time to better himself emotionally and mentally.

A feeling of pride whenever I ask him to do something, and he does so, with a smile, and does whatever it is perfectly. Even more pride in him when he just does something that I'm thinking about, without me asking.

Great joy whenever I walk into the room and instantly start laughing because he's doing something completely silly (chair dancing to his music, talking to himself nonsensically, etc).

A feeling of wonder whenever I sit in bed watching him sleep, or look into his gorgeous eyes and think "How on earth did I ever get so lucky to deserve someone like this?"

That's what I get out of it.

By gad Sir, have you been reading my thoughts when I watch my male malamute sleeping or sitting hith his head on my knee??? Damn it sir, for god's sake don't let my malamute/husky cross female know about such thoughts ...........

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to BKSir)

Post #: 59

RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? - 11/23/2008 2:52:49 PM

BKSir

Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline

Hahaha, well, my sub is my pet, so, it kind of makes sense.

Thankfully, there are perks I have with him that I don't have with my other pets.

_____________________________

We'll begin with a spin, traveling in a world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanation.

I am the voices in your head.

BiggKatt Studios

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 60

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