What do you get when you submit or dominate? (Full Version)

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Aszhrae -> What do you get when you submit or dominate? (11/22/2008 10:04:39 AM)

Girl has been thinking, inspired by the mistresses that girl has met so far in CM and figuring on starting such a thread about philosophy and spiritualism of being a submissive or dominant.
Speaking as a submissive, girl feels a connection to master, well beyond the physical at times when master disciplines, or when mistress pets girl while girl is sitting at mistress' feet.
Do others feel such things when dominant and sub/slave are together or is it just physical and stayed at distance?



pinkwind -> RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? (11/22/2008 10:13:21 AM)

i get to feel whole, all the emotional loose ends disappear and calm descends.

A wonderful feeling.




NihilusZero -> RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? (11/22/2008 10:14:36 AM)

Serenity.



MadRabbit -> RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? (11/22/2008 10:17:55 AM)

I get to be with a girl who by being herself allows me to be myself or the least, my favorite part of my self.

I've always been a natural leader to an extent and I get large amounts of energy from being in charge, making the decisions and directing the course of things. I feed off it immensely.

I also feed off the raw aspect of power and the intense eroticism that is attached to it.



DesFIP -> RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? (11/22/2008 10:18:51 AM)

The physical leads the mental. Without the occasional forcefulness of being unable not to submit, I lose my headspace. So we try to pencil in play frequently. Makes us both feel good.

But if a couple of months go by without any physicality I'm not in good shape and I'll have trouble relating to him as submissive rather than just life partner. I submit in response to dominance, not in a vacuum.

Now with that said, I will posit the fact that you are told to sit on the floor is a physical act and that the physical position of being lower, of being forbidden the furniture, is also effective in making you feel submissive.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? (11/22/2008 10:27:54 AM)

Depends on the relationship- and it's not really an Ms thing, most couples in love with eachother would say they experience the same thing.



myotherself -> RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? (11/22/2008 10:28:13 AM)

I feel safe, needed, wanted, beautiful, loved....

Submitting to someone who wants my submission is the most wonderful and natural thing in the world.



Padriag -> RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? (11/22/2008 10:35:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae

Girl has been thinking, inspired by the mistresses that girl has met so far in CM and figuring on starting such a thread about philosophy and spiritualism of being a submissive or dominant.
Speaking as a submissive, girl feels a connection to master, well beyond the physical at times when master disciplines, or when mistress pets girl while girl is sitting at mistress' feet.
Do others feel such things when dominant and sub/slave are together or is it just physical and stayed at distance?

After reading all of your post, I had to consider my answer.  To my mind, what you have asked is actually about three seperate questions which each deal with different aspects of the relationship.

The first question came from the subject line.  What do I get when I dominate someone?
I get my way... which is pretty damn cool [8D]  I like getting my way, and I like getting it as often as possible.  I like it so much I'm trying to run an entire town.  Yup... getting my way makes me smile.

The second question was about being with a slave... what do I get from that?  To me that's an entirely different question, it deals with the personal relationship and connection that exists... and that is there whether anyone is actively submitting, dominating, doing yoga or whatever.  There is an emotional payoff for me in having a close relationship that is unique to itself and not quite like anything else... well... when its a good relationship anyway.

Then you asked something about the spiritual or philosophical side of things.  I'm not spiritual so there's nothing of that for me in this.  For the philosophical aspect... read Nietzsche.



mummyman321 -> RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? (11/22/2008 10:58:44 AM)

I get to see the excitement in her eyes, hear the giddiness in here voice, feel the electricity in her touch, experience the power exchange as she plays. Letting go of everything and enjoying the moment.



sobayblackmaster -> RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? (11/22/2008 11:13:11 AM)

for me dominating is that space between the mental and the physical. it's the tangible manifestation of the erotic cookbook in my psyche. I believe that in a way both dom & sub must submit, she taking ownership of her need to be dominated, he to his desire to step into that world where he embraces his need to take possession of his sub's body and mind.



Aszhrae -> RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? (11/22/2008 11:14:47 AM)

So you feel no sense of enlightenment, the exhilaration that come from being dominant, that sense of personal oneness that comes from being the center of your submissive or slaves world?
No sense of inward discipline that comes with controlling your self so that you do not succumb to the temptation of the moment? Discipline coming from personal philosophy, not from another author, philosophy based upon life experience.
No spiritual connection to your submissive or slave for what they have done to empower you as their dominant.
Are you sharing that you are detached and dismissive of the needs of submissive or slave?

There has to be some spirit in their some where? Girl finds it difficult to believe that master is just a shell.



WestBaySlave -> RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? (11/22/2008 11:31:23 AM)

   Honestly, my feelings in this kind of relationship are complex and I'm not sure I can fully explain them. I can only compare my feelings as a submissive to what I do and don't find in a vanilla relationship.

  In vanilla situations I aways found an emotional barrier between me and my partner. I always felt that no matter how warmly they acted towards me, I couldn't reciprocate the affection. Sexually there was always a kind of uncomfortable tension; like I was half-acting.

  In D/s situations it's like that mental block is totally removed. Everything most people get out of vanilla I can suddenly acheive - warmth, closeness, intimacy, eroticism - but it's also so much more than that for me. I can acheive a unique sense of calm, safety, hope, purpose, direction and well-being that I simply don't find elsewhere.

  The kink activities themselves don't matter much to me. Vanilla sex is as fine as kinky sex if the premise of the relationship is dominance and submission ( the more total, the happier I am ).

  Recently I spoke to a dominant who is only dominant in the bedroom and I realized that I'm actually quite uncomfortable with egalitarian relationships on a romantic level. The idea that the one I love would want me to be independent on almost every level seems leaves me feeling cold and strangely unwanted; even unloved, though I know that's not at all true for people in egalitarian relationships.

 



WestBaySlave -> RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? (11/22/2008 11:39:18 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae
There has to be some spirit in their some where? Girl finds it difficult to believe that master is just a shell.


  I'll leave the religious debate to others, but there are many of us on either side of the D/s coin that either don't see a religious side to D/s or who aren't religious at all ( I personally fall into the latter category ). This doesn't mean we value our personal experiences any less, or feel them to be any less intense or meaningful than self-identified religious or spiritual people do.



DesFIP -> RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? (11/22/2008 11:50:25 AM)

Seconding WestBay, just because someone doesn't identify as religious of New Agey spiritual doesn't mean they're an empty shell, and it's pretty rude to say that.



Padriag -> RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? (11/22/2008 12:04:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae

So you feel no sense of enlightenment, the exhilaration that come from being dominant, that sense of personal oneness that comes from being the center of your submissive or slaves world?

Hmmm... I'm not sure what you mean by enlightenment in this context.  If you mean some sort of feeling such as the "universe" suddenly clicking into place... nope, not a bit.  Exhilaration, yeah, there's a bit of a thrill... like I said, it makes me smile.  Personal oneness... nope... if anything I'm more aware of the difference between us.

quote:

No sense of inward discipline that comes with controlling your self so that you do not succumb to the temptation of the moment?

Not succumbing to what temptation?  I'm getting my way... what's left to be tempted with... I mean... I'm getting MY way... what's cooler than that?  Yeah, I'm a selfish bastard... took years of practice. [image]http://www.collarchat.com/image/s4.gif[/image]

quote:

Discipline coming from personal philosophy, not from another author, philosophy based upon life experience.

My self discipline comes from years of being tough on myself, not from spanking some girl.  Dominating some submissive doesn't cause me to feel anything about myself that I don't already.  I'm already self disciplined, I already know my place in the "universe", etc.  The act of dominating someone doesn't express any of these things, if anything it is the result and expression of who I already am.  I dominate others because I want what I want and I want it my way and I want it now... pretty much that simple folks.  Nietzsche is a good starting point for anyone who wants to understand my own philosophy, as he and I share many perspectives... course its more interesting to find out where we diverge... but ya gotta take all the steps to get there. 

quote:

No spiritual connection to your submissive or slave for what they have done to empower you as their dominant.

Nope... that's not the well spring of my connection to a slave.  Neither did they empower me as anything, my dominance comes from within me and its there whether they are or not.

quote:

Are you sharing that you are detached and dismissive of the needs of submissive or slave?

Where'd you get that from?  Your question was what I got out of this... when did the needs of a slave come into this?  How about we stick to one topic per thread.  Now if you want to start a thread and ask us D types our view on the needs of a submissive or slave... that's a whole other conversation I'd be happy to have.

quote:

There has to be some spirit in their some where?

Nope... there's a twisted sense of humor, the odd bit of sentimentality, loads of creativity, a very pragmatic view of the world, a ruthless business mind, some generosity, some poetry, a Will to Power, an ancient heritage that sometimes feel like a heavy stone, a collection of ideas and plans for the future, and a tenacity that just never seems to give up no matter how bad things seem (though sometimes I suspect it might be because I'm too stupid to know whent to quit...) ...

... that's what this dominant is made of.  Soul not included.  No assembly required.

quote:

Girl finds it difficult to believe that master is just a shell.

Probably because you know almost nothing about me.  You might want to be careful about reading more into an answer than the question asked.



ThundersCry -> RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? (11/22/2008 12:39:20 PM)

It depends...
 
Sometimes...nothing...
 
Comes a time....I am gonna get and take what I want...sometimes quickly...sometimes slowly



CreativeDominant -> RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? (11/22/2008 1:01:15 PM)

In answering your question, I am going to separate the areas that you noted...physical, mental, spiritual...and then pull them together.

When I dominate someone in a physical manner by playing them in a BDSM/sexual manner while acting as their dominant...either for the scene or always... or correcting them with physicality thrown in, then I feel a surge of some sort of power within.  That power is the darker side of me...the beast that sits leashed and whose "length of walkabout" is controlled by me...that enjoys creating pain/pleasure/fear/anticipation/excitement/anxiety/ecstasy/understanding within the one submitting to me.

When I dominate someone in a mental manner, there is a happiness and a satisfaction that stirs within me...not because I have "bested" them at something but because it is immensely satisfying and pleasurable to see someone submit to a well-thought out command without being forced physically nor coerced in a deceptive or guilt-ridden manipulation.  It is satisfying to see someone take a question that you have posed to them...even one they don't like...and begin to wrestle with it, even when they don't want to, because they know the answer, whether they like it or not, will most likely lead them to a deeper understanding of themselves or of our dynamic or of me. 

When I dominate someone overall, it is satisfying to the person I know as "me".  There is no great enlightenment that comes from it nor is it always a spiritual uplift...sometimes, it is sad:  not every question you pose to a submissive ends with an answer you like nor the response from her that you'd hoped for.  Sometimes, it is just frustrating...trying to be the dominant you are, while restraining your dominant impulses--- still trying to be a dominant man and not a wimp while you are beginning to know someone who gives off some indications that she could be/already is in some ways/thinks she might like to be more submissive to you and yet, when you run up into something difficult chooses an easier path.  Frustrating even when dominating someone who is already your submissive...those days when not everything in her world has gone right and she wants to just "let down" and you are stuck trying to figure whether this is one of those times when it would be best to just let her do so OR it would be the worst thing for the dynamic.  Sometimes, it is just work...the work you agreed to take on but which you...being human...might like to step back from once in awhile but right now, at this particular moment in time, cannot afford to.

While all of the above make up a dominant's life...have made up my life the last 10 years...none of it has necessarily been spiritually uplifting.  What WAS spiritually uplifting was the discovery that this world is where I belong and that, even on its darkest days, it still outshines the world I came from.



Aszhrae -> RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? (11/22/2008 2:04:55 PM)

Perhaps the last statement was not called for and perhaps should be retracted with a sincere apology for such.
Then again, such as this thread was started, is more a question of insight to those of CM that choose to answer. Girl has certainly become more aware of certain possibilities if not the eventuality of finding someone to serve once girl is freed in 10 months time.
Is girl disillusioned? never.
There are however some here that have provided food for thought. If not to kneel quietly in the center of the room and contemplate the answers in total darkness and silence.
Girl is forever optimistic that there are still more here within CM with further insight.
Girl's own philosophy and spirituality when it comes submitting of self, is always growing. The mind and spirit are both without boundaries with room to expand constantly. It's only the body that has limits, but even those limits can be expanded upon by the mind and strength of spirit.
Is it possible that a dominant is aware of such?
Is it possible that the dominant is also expanding their limits, boundaries of mind, body and spirit?
Possibly.
Girl certainly hopes that there are dominants that share such an insight into ongoing growth both of them selves and of their sub/slave.
Girl really does hope also, if not optimistic that such presences are not fixed, but remain forever static.



Fizzgig168 -> RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? (11/22/2008 2:27:20 PM)

Aszhrae - I feel like maybe you're looking for a very specific sort of answer, like you're looking to find out if anyone on here shares the same views as you.  To that end I'd ask you to expand on the answer to your own question. Explain to us, if you would.  You might be able to get some more well-defined and specific answers that way.



krikket -> RE: What do you get when you submit or dominate? (11/22/2008 2:46:45 PM)

When i was blessed to be in a D/s relationship i felt connected, focused, loved, cared for and protected.  It also fed my need to care for, connect with, focus on, and to love and nurture my partner.  Those were the best days of my life.

regards,
jiminie



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