RE: Femdoms: How important are your orgasms?

RE: Femdoms: How important are your orgasms? (Full Version)

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khem -> RE: Femdoms: How important are your orgasms? (11/23/2008 5:53:28 PM)
Getting off is probably in the top 20 list, but probably not the top five. I'll put "control" "mind games" and "giving pain" up higher on my list of wants.

Usako -> RE: Femdoms: How important are your orgasms? (11/23/2008 5:59:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MISTRESSKUMA It isn't a subbies job to be used for orgasms. Sorry. If I SAY it's the subs job to give an orgasm then damnit they will do it. Their job is whatever I say it is. That's why they're submissive to me. Maybe it's not YOUR sub's job but not all dominants are you. quote: ORIGINAL: MISTRESSKUMA ...though if you were catering to a BOTTOMS needs, I suppose as a TOP you would want an orgasm after YOU slaved over him. Why is it "catering to a bottom's needs" if the the woman in charge decides she wants sex. And why would the "top" be "slaving" over anyway? Unless I'm being paid to whip and flog some dude then the play isn't going on his terms and thus, I am not slaving over anyone. And if by "catering" you mean actually caring and listening to what the other person wants then good golly how dare a person! If both people are sexual attracted to each other and the one in charge of the scene or the whole dynamic in general chooses to get horizontal then that's what happens. As stated earlier, that doesn't mean the sub (bottom, whatever) will be allowed to reach an orgasm...that's just if the one on top is feeling nice. Playing doesn't feel like "slaving over" anyone, it's done out of fun (for me at least) and sex doesn't have to have anything at all to do it with. I have yet to mix sex and BDSM. But would I? Hell yeah. If I found the right person and the right click was there it'd be in the cards. I wouldn't rank it though, but I'd surely enjoy it when I feel like one.

MsStarlett -> RE: Femdoms: How important are your orgasms? (11/23/2008 6:06:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sodsta quote: Haven't you been on the boards long enough to know that being reasonable is a kink we don't tolerate? Eep. :( I'll get my coat, shall I? Nah.... I sent you a rather detailed private C-mail about this subject. Things that I normally wouldn't say in public. But you are such a sweet young thing, I think you just need to be a little more informed about the way things some times happen.

JoyfulMistress -> RE: Femdoms: How important are your orgasms? (11/23/2008 6:11:55 PM)
This may sound odd... but my orgasms are in the ballpark but not on the board ... don't get me wrong if I want to orgasm .. I can and have fun doing it however orgasms do not have to play a part in the relationships and dynamics that I hold with mine. Oh now there are times when sex is there and oh it is wonderful but there are so many other ingrediants that make up this sundae .. the orgasms/sex are but the cherry and well it would still be a grand sundae even without the cherry .

Vendaval -> RE: Femdoms: How important are your orgasms? (11/23/2008 6:35:48 PM)
It depend on the relationship dynamic between the sub/slave and myself and the situation. In a dungeon while flogging, caning and in bondage s/he has a specific purpose. When cleaning the house or yard that is a different purpose. When in a private bedroom or while watching erotica/porn on the futon...let's get it on!

AAkasha -> RE: Femdoms: How important are your orgasms? (11/23/2008 6:50:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: khem Getting off is probably in the top 20 list, but probably not the top five. I'll put "control" "mind games" and "giving pain" up higher on my list of wants. I think the common theme here is that femdoms need a lot more than just orgasms to feel fulfilled, and for some of them, the orgasm isn't the main thing anyway. But some subs like to fantasize that this is what it's about - that oral service, pussy worship and giving orgasms - for hours, all the time - is what would make a man a dream sub. But femdoms want more than that. Someone else pointed out that orgasms can be done on your own. This is true. While I absolutely adore intimacy, lust, good love and sexuality that leads to orgasm as a part of a relationship with a man and/or submissive, there's something that I cannot achieve on my own - the rush that comes from surrender, sacrifice, or a good bottom. So in that sense, it's better than an orgasm - sort of. It is not something I can replicate on my own. All the super-vibrators in the world won't bring me to that place of ecstasy - that requires the suffering and surrender of a man I need/want. Add orgasms to that - well, it's just divine. But that's not to say there are men who can make me feel amazing, intense things that have nothing to do with orgasm. In a pinch, I can self-satisfy and have a wonderful time with fantasy if I want and need an orgasm. In a pinch, I can't feel the tingle all over my skin and the ache in my belly that comes from a man pushing my femdom buttons with his surrender. Akasha

MISTRESSKUMA -> RE: Femdoms: How important are your orgasms? (11/23/2008 6:53:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Venatrix quote: ORIGINAL: MISTRESSKUMA I have vanilla girlfriends who have a lot of sex with their men. Thats cool. None of my domme friends have sex with their submissives, though if you were catering to a BOTTOMS needs, I suppose as a TOP you would want an orgasm after YOU slaved over him. Ah. Thanks for reminding us about the One True Way of Domination. It would appear that some of us have been most remiss in thinking that our d/s relationships were about what we wanted. "One True Way of Domination" YOU said it lady, not Me.[8\|]

DominaSusan -> RE: Femdoms: How important are your orgasms? (11/23/2008 6:53:54 PM)
Funny thing is, my slave seems to thinks that giving me orgasms is my top priority but for me it is actually rather lower on the list. Oh I like the big O-but play, service, domination more important and even sex without release can be just so much more fun. However, my slaves’ total devotion to my pleasure-whatever that might be-is a top priority for me. If he is not totally devoted to me-he’s hardly a slave and not worth my time. On the other hand, I would not even consider sex with a vanilla lover-I simply don’t have any interest in that sort of thing anymore-call me spoiled.

MISTRESSKUMA -> RE: Femdoms: How important are your orgasms? (11/23/2008 6:56:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Usako quote: ORIGINAL: MISTRESSKUMA It isn't a subbies job to be used for orgasms. Sorry. If I SAY it's the subs job to give an orgasm then damnit they will do it. Their job is whatever I say it is. That's why they're submissive to me. Maybe it's not YOUR sub's job but not all dominants are you. quote: ORIGINAL: MISTRESSKUMA ...though if you were catering to a BOTTOMS needs, I suppose as a TOP you would want an orgasm after YOU slaved over him. Why is it "catering to a bottom's needs" if the the woman in charge decides she wants sex. And why would the "top" be "slaving" over anyway? Unless I'm being paid to whip and flog some dude then the play isn't going on his terms and thus, I am not slaving over anyone. And if by "catering" you mean actually caring and listening to what the other person wants then good golly how dare a person! If both people are sexual attracted to each other and the one in charge of the scene or the whole dynamic in general chooses to get horizontal then that's what happens. As stated earlier, that doesn't mean the sub (bottom, whatever) will be allowed to reach an orgasm...that's just if the one on top is feeling nice. Playing doesn't feel like "slaving over" anyone, it's done out of fun (for me at least) and sex doesn't have to have anything at all to do it with. I have yet to mix sex and BDSM. But would I? Hell yeah. If I found the right person and the right click was there it'd be in the cards. I wouldn't rank it though, but I'd surely enjoy it when I feel like one. My bottom line is it's whatever you want. Whatever floats YOUR boat boat.

MISTRESSKUMA -> RE: Femdoms: How important are your orgasms? (11/23/2008 6:58:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Usako quote: ORIGINAL: MISTRESSKUMA It isn't a subbies job to be used for orgasms. Sorry. If I SAY it's the subs job to give an orgasm then damnit they will do it. Their job is whatever I say it is. That's why they're submissive to me. Maybe it's not YOUR sub's job but not all dominants are you. Why is it "catering to a bottom's needs" if the the woman in charge decides she wants sex. And why would the "top" be "slaving" over anyway? Unless I'm being paid to whip and flog some dude then the play isn't going on his terms and thus, I am not slaving over anyone. And if by "catering" you mean actually caring and listening to what the other person wants then good golly how dare a person! If both people are sexual attracted to each other and the one in charge of the scene or the whole dynamic in general chooses to get horizontal then that's what happens. As stated earlier, that doesn't mean the sub (bottom, whatever) will be allowed to reach an orgasm...that's just if the one on top is feeling nice. Playing doesn't feel like "slaving over" anyone, it's done out of fun (for me at least) and sex doesn't have to have anything at all to do it with. I have yet to mix sex and BDSM. But would I? Hell yeah. If I found the right person and the right click was there it'd be in the cards. I wouldn't rank it though, but I'd surely enjoy it when I feel like one. "Maybe it's not YOUR sub's job but not all dominants are you." no shit sherlock. lol, thanks for the big explanation, though. you rock. your a great dominatrix.

LadyPact -> RE: Femdoms: How important are your orgasms? (11/23/2008 6:59:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha I think the common theme here is that femdoms need a lot more than just orgasms to feel fulfilled, and for some of them, the orgasm isn't the main thing anyway. But some subs like to fantasize that this is what it's about - that oral service, pussy worship and giving orgasms - for hours, all the time - is what would make a man a dream sub. But femdoms want more than that. Someone else pointed out that orgasms can be done on your own. This is true. While I absolutely adore intimacy, lust, good love and sexuality that leads to orgasm as a part of a relationship with a man and/or submissive, there's something that I cannot achieve on my own - the rush that comes from surrender, sacrifice, or a good bottom. So in that sense, it's better than an orgasm - sort of. It is not something I can replicate on my own. All the super-vibrators in the world won't bring me to that place of ecstasy - that requires the suffering and surrender of a man I need/want. Add orgasms to that - well, it's just divine. But that's not to say there are men who can make me feel amazing, intense things that have nothing to do with orgasm. In a pinch, I can self-satisfy and have a wonderful time with fantasy if I want and need an orgasm. In a pinch, I can't feel the tingle all over my skin and the ache in my belly that comes from a man pushing my femdom buttons with his surrender. Akasha I couldn't have written this any better Myself. Thank you for saving Me the keystrokes.

MISTRESSKUMA -> RE: Femdoms: How important are your orgasms? (11/23/2008 7:01:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hardbodysub quote: ORIGINAL: MISTRESSKUMA It isn't a subbies job to be used for orgasms. Sorry. Gee, and I was foolish enough to think that a subbie's job depended on what his/her domina wanted. I guess femdoms can't decide for themselves after all. femdoms can do whatever the hell they want. It's not my business. U can stop building straw WOmen now and go about your life. No one cares really what the other thinks, except for you. lol.

MISTRESSKUMA -> RE: Femdoms: How important are your orgasms? (11/23/2008 7:05:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsFlutter quote: ORIGINAL: MISTRESSKUMA .......though if you were catering to a BOTTOMS needs, I suppose as a TOP you would want an orgasm after YOU slaved over him. and to THAT testimony, I say 'amen!'. I did the whole top/bottom thing for awhle - almost made me hang up my crop for good. Oy - never again! high five!

Venatrix -> RE: Femdoms: How important are your orgasms? (11/23/2008 7:07:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MISTRESSKUMA quote: ORIGINAL: Venatrix quote: ORIGINAL: MISTRESSKUMA I have vanilla girlfriends who have a lot of sex with their men. Thats cool. None of my domme friends have sex with their submissives, though if you were catering to a BOTTOMS needs, I suppose as a TOP you would want an orgasm after YOU slaved over him. Ah. Thanks for reminding us about the One True Way of Domination. It would appear that some of us have been most remiss in thinking that our d/s relationships were about what we wanted. "One True Way of Domination" YOU said it lady, not Me.[8\|] Only someone incapable of understanding plain English would have assumed that I was advocating one way of dominance. But I suppose it did at least give you an opportunity to use that really snappy emoticon. I expect my sub to give me orgasms; I even allow him orgasms. I'm secure enough in myself that I don't have to read the Complete Idiot's Guide to Femdom in order to conduct a d/s relationship.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Femdoms: How important are your orgasms? (11/23/2008 7:45:15 PM)
It's pretty rare that I will have sex with a submissive, and even with a primary partner, sex isn't the first thing on my mind all the time. Generally it's only the third thing. [8D] I do expect my primary partner to know how I work, and how to please me. Shoot, I am doing the same for him, he had better!

UmbraDomina -> RE: Femdoms: How important are your orgasms? (11/23/2008 7:55:07 PM)
Yes........ I like orgasms........ yes I am a dominant woman not a service top ( not that there is anything wrong with being a service top if that makes the person happy), yes my beloved slave often is the one who is allowed to give me a orgasm. I would rate orgasms in my top 10 list of pleasures of the flesh. I on the other hand do not often have traditional sexual releations ( ie intercourse) becouse honestly I find I orgasm much better with other means ( oral, or masterbation). Since in this world of kink we are so varied and different, and enjoy so many varied and different things, I doubt seriously we will see a Dominant Woman's guide and handbook, with rules on how we should live our lives. Anyone making blanket statments about what one should or should not do are really well rather silly sounding.

ShaktiSama -> RE: Femdoms: How important are your orgasms? (11/23/2008 9:00:50 PM)
I enjoy playing and I enjoy having orgasms; the one leads to the other, normally, although sometimes it's not perfectly one-to-one. There are times that I want the pleasure of playing with my partner and the orgasm doesn't feel necessary. Other times it is urgently necessary. When I was younger I was more sexually voracious. I've mellowed a bit with age. So far as the fantasy of the mega-orgasmic woman goes--oddly enough, most of the mega-orgasmic people I've ever met in my life were submissive. Which I think is further proof of my theory that Submissives Have All the Fun. [:D]

MJandboi -> RE: Femdoms: How important are your orgasms? (11/23/2008 9:04:43 PM)
I am fairly new to this lifestyle, (1st yr) but I am finding it extremely different sexually, orgasms are way at the bottom of my needs, If I wish to have one I will get it. I WILL be far more satisfied with boi meeting all my desires and needs far before sex.

dreamerdreaming -> RE: Femdoms: How important are your orgasms? (11/23/2008 11:59:22 PM)
My slave's willing obedience is priority one, with me. That he behaves in an overtly, shamelessly submissive manner toward me and is happy to cede complete authority over all aspects of his life to me. There is a great deal of trust involved in that level of submission. There is great dignity, nobility and so much beauty in his complete submission to me... His loyalty and love, in that order, would round out my top three. Orgasms are lovely and when I want them I make sure I get them, but they're not the be-all and end-all. Far from it... I don't need an orgasm to enjoy my slaveboy's service to me. Just being with him is ecstacy. The emotional support and closeness we share are far more important to me than physical gratification.

MlleVolanges -> RE: Femdoms: How important are your orgasms? (11/24/2008 12:12:34 AM)
They're important, but probably not the most important thing. I'm one of those women who doesn't always get there no matter how awesome my partner is, so I wouldn't kick anyone out of bed for not providing the big finish, but the effort is important. I want her (or him) to be eager to make me feel good.

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