Ever try the other side?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Ever try the other side?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Ever try the other side?

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 1:58:14 AM

DannyDemanding

Posts: 34
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline

For true Dom/mes (not switches) - have you ever thought of submitting (or even done so) - just to try to better understand submissives?
For those who have done so, was it a positive experience?

I freely admit that my first inclination, when given a directive I don't care for is to respond, "Are you kidding me?!" (A response that my Commanding Officer found entirely unacceptable during my brief Navy career.) As such, I suspect that, as a sub, I'd be punished severely. And, since I'm not really into pain... (I can tolerate a fair amount of pain, but I can't imagine reaching a point where it somehow becomes enjoyable.)

With all that in mind, I find it virtually impossible to comprehend the submissive mindset. And as someone who's inquisitive and analytical, that's tough to accept. Now I'm thinking that I should give submission a try - at least once. I'm not likely to enjoy it, but won't I be a better Dom for having had the experience?

Post #: 1

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 2:26:31 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

Well of course I haven't because it's a nonsense! The thing about a *complementing* opposite is that they're different for a purpose. I've never dressed in drag to try and "understand" how a woman feels and I'm sure as hell not pondering taking one up the arse anytime soon in order to "understand" what makes a homosexual tick.

Submissives can need (and tolerate) what I can't because that's what they're wired to do. I'd get zilch out of it because I'm simply not wired to appreciate what's happening - beyond an inevitable blood bath if someone took to me with a flogger.

I suspect this is really about Dom guilt issues and I don't have those, either - am at peace with who I am....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to DannyDemanding)

Post #: 2

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 2:41:01 AM

DannyDemanding

Posts: 34
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline

Come on - don't sugar coat it! Tell me how you really feel.

lol. Seriously, though, thanks for delivering that right between the eyes. Your points are well made.

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 3

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 3:02:22 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

Lol, and I like your response, too. A sesnse of humour is one of the better traits for D or s alike....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to DannyDemanding)

Post #: 4

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 3:41:12 AM

SteveAndJaz

Posts: 151
Joined: 11/22/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DannyDemanding

With all that in mind, I find it virtually impossible to comprehend the submissive mindset. And as someone who's inquisitive and analytical, that's tough to accept. Now I'm thinking that I should give submission a try - at least once. I'm not likely to enjoy it, but won't I be a better Dom for having had the experience?

How can you go to a place you have no desire to go to and use that as an experience? If your hearts not in it then you can't possible 'get' what is going on in a submissive mind.

I hate it when dominants say that you have to try both sides to make you a better dominant and my way of thinking tells me that its an absolute nonsense.

S recently asked me to be a slave for the day. I ended up texting him at work and saying I just couldn't do it. I had given it a lot of thought and I had initially agreed but the more I contemplated the head space, the more I understood what a turn off it would be for me and if it turns me off to that degree then he would possibly run the risk of losing my head and me moving on.

(in reply to DannyDemanding)

Post #: 5

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 4:09:59 AM

GabrielleSlave

Posts: 616
Joined: 9/20/2007
From: in servitude
Status: offline

From a different perspective (and i apologise for speaking out of turn here as this is the Ask a Master board), i appreciate the fact that Sir has been on the other side of the whip in His past. It means that He has a perfect insight into how i am feeling and what makes a sub's mind tick. It does not mean that He is any less Domly for having that, or that He is switch, but it means that He appreciates the way subs work in a way that He would not have if He had never done that (obviously lol)

To the OP, i think it is a valuable thing to experience both sides of the equation (i am sometimes made to top male subs for Sir's pleasure), but only if You will get something solid out of it. i don't mean do it just because, but do it if You are open to the experience for the insight it will give You. Enter into it in the spirit of a sub, forget about being a Dom otherwise it will not work. If You don't think You can let go to this degree then don't do it at all, as You will just be a Dom being hurt by another Dom/me and You will resent and hate it. Oh i hope my ramblings make some kind of sense? It will be hard for You as a Dom to go into it this way (the only way i can top another, is to see it as an extension of my submission to Him), but if You can, i think it will be great.

hugs

gabrielle x

_____________________________

Slave to Master Slayer

~ Host of the Rather Marvelous Greenwich Munch ~

"There is no such thing as liberty. You only change one sort of domination for another. All we can do is to choose our master."
D. H. Lawrence

(in reply to SteveAndJaz)

Post #: 6

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 4:53:12 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I have never had the desire to submit, I am just not wired that way. Having said that, I know of plenty of Dom/mes who bottom occasionally. But that is a different topic. I would say unless your wired with a submissive nature, or are a switch, it would be very difficult to learn how the other end of the whip lives.

Speaking for my male sub, he was a Master at one time that recognized his submissive nature and changed his life path. He loves being submissive because it is a freeing experience for him. He can finally be himself and not be fearful of how his partner (Me) might react. That was something he could never do before.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to GabrielleSlave)

Post #: 7

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 5:11:50 AM

ExKat

Posts: 300
Joined: 8/25/2008
Status: offline

I think if you want more insight into how submissive's tick, you should probably just do some reading. Lots of the "Welcome to D/s" books offer, if nothing else, a pretty good explanation of the various things that submissives get out of being submissive. You'll probably never understand masochism, since you're not a masochist, but you probably can get your head around the desire for praise, desire for reward/punishment for a job well-done/badly done, wanting to feel safe and small, needing boundaries in thier lives.

_____________________________

~*~ The amalgam of Exquemelin and Katie978~*~
In the forums, it'll usually be Katie you're speaking to.
testing
"That's the plan/ Rule the world/ You and me/ Anyday ::wink::"

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 8

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 5:37:33 AM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

Do Dominants value submissives who have previously *been* Dominants? Not just Tops, but actual Dominants? After all, it gives them insight into the Dominant mind and might make them better submissives.

Would submissives desire to *be* Dominant in order to acquire that perspective?

The answer to these questions, and your own, is that some people would find value in having that experience and many people would not. It's an individual determination, and impossible to correctly answer for the entirety of power exchange relationships.

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to DannyDemanding)

Post #: 9

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 6:05:59 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

I dont value them 'submitting' as such but i do think that it can help if they have tried the physical sensations just so that they know what they are inflicting.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 10

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 6:07:43 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

Do you want to know what it's like to submit or be submissive (good luck with that), or do you want to know what it's like to bottom? Huge difference to many people.

Just trying to follow someone's orders won't make you understand why I do it, why I feel compelled to do it; the depth of my desires to please him; the feeling that no matter what happens, I will have a (figurative speaking) soft place to land; the feeling of trust that he is flying this plane and not me, etc., etc.

Now if you want to have a girl push you down on the bed, climb on top, tell you shut up and lay there, well, that's the bottoming thang you're looking for.

Cali
(and if that last paragraph does anything fer ya, call me....)

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to DannyDemanding)

Post #: 11

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 6:13:27 AM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DannyDemanding

For true Dom/mes (not switches) - have you ever thought of submitting (or even done so) - just to try to better understand submissives?

No, I've never switched or submitted... its just not in my nature. If I want to understand a submissive better I usually begin by simply listening.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to DannyDemanding)

Post #: 12

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 6:23:30 AM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Do you want to know what it's like to submit or be submissive (good luck with that), or do you want to know what it's like to bottom? Huge difference to many people.

Just trying to follow someone's orders won't make you understand why I do it, why I feel compelled to do it; the depth of my desires to please him; the feeling that no matter what happens, I will have a (figurative speaking) soft place to land; the feeling of trust that he is flying this plane and not me, etc., etc.

Now if you want to have a girl push you down on the bed, climb on top, tell you shut up and lay there, well, that's the bottoming thang you're looking for.

Cali
(and if that last paragraph does anything fer ya, call me....)

the last little thang you said did something for meeee....

OP
i dont see how that would help you understand the mindset of someone that is not you...everyones response to everything to so subjective that you wouldnt get what you wanted to get out of that anyway...

Pad was right...listening and then applying what you have learned from listening is your best bet....MMV...just my experience.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 13

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 6:27:58 AM

sleeper798

Posts: 30
Joined: 9/10/2008
Status: offline

Another sub speaking up, but this is a related question, not a response. Perhaps "being submissive" is not a useful learning experience for many doms, but here's another take on it. If you are learning to use a new tool or technique, especially from another dom, do you put yourself on the receiving end of such as part of the learning process? If you are training, do you expect them to experience it as well as learn to apply it? (I'm not talking about penetration here, just whips and wax and things like that.) Thanks!

sleeper

_____________________________

Hey. Don't be mean. You don't have to be mean. Because, no matter where you go...there you are.
B. Banzai

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 14

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 6:28:23 AM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag
No, I've never switched or submitted... its just not in my nature. If I want to understand a submissive better I usually begin by simply listening.

Now THERE'S a thought! Great answer

................luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 15

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 6:30:01 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DannyDemanding

For true Dom/mes (not switches) - have you ever thought of submitting (or even done so) - just to try to better understand submissives?
For those who have done so, was it a positive experience?

I freely admit that my first inclination, when given a directive I don't care for is to respond, "Are you kidding me?!" (A response that my Commanding Officer found entirely unacceptable during my brief Navy career.) As such, I suspect that, as a sub, I'd be punished severely. And, since I'm not really into pain... (I can tolerate a fair amount of pain, but I can't imagine reaching a point where it somehow becomes enjoyable.)

With all that in mind, I find it virtually impossible to comprehend the submissive mindset. And as someone who's inquisitive and analytical, that's tough to accept. Now I'm thinking that I should give submission a try - at least once. I'm not likely to enjoy it, but won't I be a better Dom for having had the experience?

First off regarding the question, No submission is not my cup of tea and to submit is against my entire being. This does not mean to say that I will not bow my head to authority or to another but I do so out of respect and duty.

Secondly my hackles rise anytime I see a nickname with such words as demanding in it as it gives the impression (as in DannyDemanding) that the person believed they can make demands on me which of course they can't and thus will usually get the short shift from me.

That you admit you failure to accept legal authority ovcer you in nthre armed services to me demonstrates someone who should never be allowed to attempt to rule others. I had a couple of people like you in my Merc crew. I executed them for dissobedience in the field..

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to DannyDemanding)

Post #: 16

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 6:33:53 AM

SirMIkeSD

Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline

I know people that started out on one side and ended up on the other. It was simply a matter of finding themselves and realizing that they were not what they initially figured they were. Could you be searching to find your true self? You could be a switch, sub or slave and have not come to terms with it.

Mike

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 17

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 7:45:06 AM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Just trying to follow someone's orders won't make you understand why I do it, why I feel compelled to do it; the depth of my desires to please him; the feeling that no matter what happens, I will have a (figurative speaking) soft place to land; the feeling of trust that he is flying this plane and not me, etc., etc.

Bingo.

Submission isn't in the act, it's in the mindset. And (despite degrees of empathy) you can't swap mindsets with another individual any more than you can swap programs that use different operating systems between computers.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 18

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 8:04:00 AM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

I had a submissive male for a short time while I was enslaved to my former owner. Our interaction was quite good but it wasn't fulfilling to me at all. I'm not a better submissive for having done so, nor am I of the belief that a dominant is a better dominant for having previously submitted. What makes a dominant effective, in my eyes, is who he is as a person, his strength, character, power, how he uses his authority, etc. And what is effective for me may be completely ineffective for someone else. The natural coming together of minds, hearts and spirits is what floats my boat.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to DannyDemanding)

Post #: 19

RE: Ever try the other side? - 11/24/2008 8:27:39 AM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

(Edited to add disclamer: My response was tailored to the OP, based off what I pulled from his profile, where he expressed his awe of women/females.)

For true Dom/mes (sic) not switches
This one partial statement here, tells me you don't understand how the switch dichotomy might work for some. I know people on this site get caught up in catch phrases like 'true,' but I'm not even referring to that. For some switches, their dominant aspect is as real as the submissive aspect. In fact, I think if there was any creature on the planet that COULD answer your questions for you, it might be a 'true' switch.

Have you ever submitted, just to try to understand submissives
I have heard of those who did submit to work their way up a particular hierarchy of M/s. The internet is rather ripe with tales of this type of Leather heirarchy (as an example). Their motivations and experiences would be better expressed by those individuals. I wouldn't dream of speaking for them. Perhaps they came to understand the desire to submit, a submissive feels - I don't know. I can tell you that from my experience with the motivation of most male submissives, that male submissives typically have a completely different catalyst driving their need to submit, than the place where the mindset and the motivation for a female to submit comes from. In general, the destination is the same, but what drives the desire is very different. All that to say, even if you did - as a male - find satisfaction and contentment in submitting, it still would be unlikely to get YOU to place where you could understand why female submissives submit. It could, anything is possible, but from my experience, it would be rather unlikely.

I find it virtually impossible to comprehend a submissive mindset
These words, scare the hell out of me (and not in the fun tingly oooo I'm scared kinda way.) There is something inherently terrifying about a Dominant who cannot comprehend the mindset of anyon they are taking control over. It is all very 'it puts the lotion on its skin' kind of creepy to me. I know men do not always comprehend the weirdness of women, but that a Dominant cannot comprehend the mindset of a submissive just absolutely befuddles me. In fact, it makes me want to take roll call, just to assure myself that there are dominants out there that DO comprehend the mindset. Because if there werent, I'd be off this ride faster than it could come to a complete stop.

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 11/24/2008 8:46:23 AM >

(in reply to NihilusZero)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Ever try the other side?

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094