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PeonForHer -> RE: When is it ok for a submissive to tell you he's hard? (11/25/2008 4:33:49 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AAkasha
quote:
ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
I suspect that the biggest complaint is of these category B) type mails. The key thing for me is that women don't ever do mails like that. They're never aggressive. It's a huge difference and it's that, I think, that alienates the women who are written to in this way.
I consider myself to be pretty tactful, and I can say I have written some fairly aggressive, downright sexual emails, even to semi-strangers. But I know that men are generally ok with it. Is it a double standard? Probably. Do I care? Not really. If I am going to objectify a man without knowing him, I know I'm taking a risk; I also know that MOST men find it very, very hot to be seen as a sex object. I don't do this very often and when I do, I still make sure I am doing it with a fair degree of tact or class (I am thinking real life examples now, not so much Internet or email, because s I have been guilty of both). If I were fully bi-sexual, though, I would never approach a woman in this way; why? Because I know it's not effective, in most cases. Know your audience!
A carefully placed, "My panties are wet right now. Because of you." or "I just masturbated thinking about you," from a woman to a man, when you at LEAST feel there's a spark, can be good. But maybe I'm talking in circles here, because the thing is, I DO make sure there's a degree of chemistry, even if it's eye contact and a smile, and his body language, mannerisms tell me he's going to be good with that kind of thing. I get a read on a person before manhandling them. I spent a lot of time learning to "read a room" and pick out the guys who I could click with on matters of this kind, and clearly there are some men that would be offended by such talk. Not so many, though. And not in the circles I run in.
Email? ehh. Different. Sure, in a moment of femdom lust, or after a few cocktails in my crazier youth, I might have fired off a very explicit email to a man who did not know me and perhaps it was too forward. I don't usually do that though because *most smart men would assume it's a guy pretending to be a woman if I was so crass and blatant*!
Once I sent a very sexually suggestive email to an escape artist I saw online. It was fairly graphic. He liked it. But I was just being honest. :)
Akasha
Well A, the most sexually-aggressive email I've ever had was from one of the gentlest sorts of dominas of my acquaintance. She was very embarrassed about it afterwards and probably still isn't convinced that I loved that email and for all the reasons to which you're alluding.
Yes, I agree, there's a double standard. Yet I've seen one or two samples of the sorts of very aggressive emails sent to dominas who are friends of mine - and they do take a different tone. A tone that's somewhere between "I want to fuck you!" and "fuck you, bitch!". It's peculiar and I've never really understood it.
BUT - to a certain extent, I think boys will be boys just as pups will be pups. The former will always over-focus on their dicks just as the latter will always bark and poop. I'm afraid I can't ever imagine a day, no matter how far in a more gender-equal future, when they're not going to be . . . shall we say . . . unhampered by style and panache when approaching the targets of their lust.
As a total aside: here, in the UK, there's the institution of the "finishing school". These are for the daughters of rich people who've finished their academic schooling and are designed to teach girls how to be "young ladies". They're all about teaching style, etiquette and manners. Yes, yes, I know, how quaint. But my point is: if such schools need to exist, then I've always thought boys need them way more than do girls. It'd help their future love lives a great deal, I'd say.
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