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Financial Control in D/s - 11/25/2008 2:01:32 AM

berrysurprise

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Just wondering what the thoughts are regarding financial control in D/s?

In your opinion when and how do you think it can work?

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RE: Financial Control in D/s - 11/25/2008 5:31:12 AM

BeIgnited

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Daddy has helped me figure out a budget in the past. When we move in together, it's likely that he'll control all the finances. We'll have a joint account that I can use for groceries, etc, and an allowance for other things.
Quite frankly, I'm relieved. I'm terrible with money.

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RE: Financial Control in D/s - 11/25/2008 5:32:16 AM

Rover

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quote:

ORIGINAL: berrysurprise

Just wondering what the thoughts are regarding financial control in D/s?

I think it's great for those who enjoy it, and structure it sufficiently.

quote:

In your opinion when and how do you think it can work?

I think it works well in situations that are very similar to traditional vanilla relationships in which the head of household had full financial control. First being a level of trust that has been developed over time and with good reason... not trust that has materialized out of thin air because a collar is offered and accepted.

From a legal standpoint, I believe it's important to have property and accounts in both names so as to avoid probate in the event of death, and allow access in the event of medical incapacity. You might also consider a small, personal, emergency account for the unthinkable.

Beyond that, most of the particulars should be negotiated (really thought out and negotiated) and agreed to amongst the partners. Depending upon what is involved (house, car, bank account, retirement fund, etc) this could be a far more important decision than accepting a collar.

John

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RE: Financial Control in D/s - 11/25/2008 6:56:43 PM

littlewonder

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I think it all depends on the dynamics of relationship...

For me it wouldn't work simply because I'm a single mother and to have someone else in control of my finances at this point in our lives would be detrimental to us as a family.

If it was just me though and I didn't have someone else to be concerned about then I would have no problems with it and probably even would welcome it to a point. It would be one less burdern in my life.

But I would hope my Master would want me to still learn to be independent in case anything ever happened where I would have to know how to do things...like balance a checkbook.

In my line of work I see a lot of older women who come to me who don't know how to even write a check, have no idea even how much is in her husband's accounts..or if there are even any accounts at all or how many or even what banks or what bills need to be paid and it really is sad and makes me feel helpless for them since I have no way of really being able to help them except to give them a starting point on how to find the information.

As nice as it sounds to have someone who controls even your finances, in today's world I just don't think it's realistic.

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RE: Financial Control in D/s - 11/26/2008 3:59:58 AM

tweedydaddy

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I've recently been approached by two different male subs who wanted me to control their lives including their finances, this was alarming as I didn't ask anything about them and wouldn't touch them with a barge pole.
I think it was meant to appeal to my maternal side, but then why would I mother an idiot like that?

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RE: Financial Control in D/s - 11/26/2008 4:37:15 AM

Lashra

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I have tried to teach my male sub how to live on a budget and so far it has not worked. His problem is that he grew up in a household whereas money was scarce and when they had some it was immediately spent, and not always on something that was needed. So now as an adult his finances are mess and his credit is ruined.

When he moves in with me I will be taking over his finances. He admits he is horrible with money and it will be a relief to have Me handle things. Until then its up to him to get his bills paid and his credit back on track. Once that happens then he can move in with me. I want him to prove that he can handle some responsibility.

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RE: Financial Control in D/s - 11/26/2008 5:49:35 AM

susie

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In terms of a typical M/s relationship I suppose we have thinks a bit upside down. I control all of the finances both personal and for Master company. It is his choice to have it that way as I am a Finance Director and it makes his life easier which I guess is what it is all about.

I have been told by some here that that means I am not really his slave as I control that area of our lives but as it is something he has told me to do then it works for us.

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RE: Financial Control in D/s - 11/26/2008 2:20:22 PM

akisha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: susie

In terms of a typical M/s relationship I suppose we have thinks a bit upside down. I control all of the finances both personal and for Master company. It is his choice to have it that way as I am a Finance Director and it makes his life easier which I guess is what it is all about.

I have been told by some here that that means I am not really his slave as I control that area of our lives but as it is something he has told me to do then it works for us.

I'm the same, I control all the money in the household. make sure everything is paid etc, and if and when Master starts the company he wants to start in the future I'll be in charge of the finances/bookkeeping for that as well.

What ever works for those involved is there for correct for those involved, imo

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RE: Financial Control in D/s - 11/26/2008 3:04:32 PM

NorthernGent

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quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha

quote:

ORIGINAL: susie

In terms of a typical M/s relationship I suppose we have thinks a bit upside down. I control all of the finances both personal and for Master company. It is his choice to have it that way as I am a Finance Director and it makes his life easier which I guess is what it is all about.

I have been told by some here that that means I am not really his slave as I control that area of our lives but as it is something he has told me to do then it works for us.

I'm the same, I control all the money in the household. make sure everything is paid etc, and if and when Master starts the company he wants to start in the future I'll be in charge of the finances/bookkeeping for that as well.

What ever works for those involved is there for correct for those involved, imo

Seems logical to me. You have a certain skill, which is valuable to him.......

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RE: Financial Control in D/s - 11/26/2008 5:10:34 PM

kyraofMists

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In our house, he has complete authority over all the finances for the three of us. This does not mean that he does all the work in managing the finances.

Alandra does almost all the work in paying the monthly bills and purchasing things that are needed for the house. I just asked her and she cannot remember the last time he did the work to pay the bills for the house. Since they have been married over 18 years, it is probably about that long.

He gives the instructions on how the money will be spent and Alandra and I do the work to see that it is spent the way he wants it. If money is needed outside of the pre-approved expenses, then we are required to get permission from him.

It works very well for us. I have a hard time imagining doing things any differently in our family.

Knight's Kyra

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RE: Financial Control in D/s - 11/26/2008 6:52:10 PM

sexisubi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: berrysurprise

Just wondering what the thoughts are regarding financial control in D/s?

In your opinion when and how do you think it can work?

For me right now i pay for everything even though i am the submissive, right now we are both in school going for our degrees and i am on finacial aid and have saved for my own schooling. On the other side His parents hate me and while He wants to be with me and live here with me with school in the mix it is hard for him to go to school, and do his car thing, (building a car and running it on rocky terrain in a race to the finish,) is all hard to juggle.

However, my life long dream is to be an ivy league house wife, when W/we graduate and W/we're both in a good spot in O/our lives (He has a great job) i will either work from home, do free-lancing work, or do the house stuff while He works full time.

i personally am terrable with dates and always forget when things are due, so it will actually be really nice to have someone else keeping track, not that He doesnt remind me already, i'm such a space case, lol!

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RE: Financial Control in D/s - 11/26/2008 7:29:18 PM

KatyLied

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I think it would great in a carefully negotiated situation. I would never sign over certain things though, regardless of the relationship, and there are certain things I would not expect a partner to sign over to me.

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RE: Financial Control in D/s - 11/26/2008 11:09:19 PM

DavanKael

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I'd be flexible in terms of financial control, however, I will not give up a safety net for myself and the lives in my stewardship. I always need an 'out'. Beyond that, I'd entertain being supported and taking care of things domestic. I am fine with relatively equal financial contributions. I twitch at being the sole source of support (As my ex- took advantage of this and symbolically, to me, being financially taken care of is a powerful thing, though not necessary) but have no problem 'thinking outside of the box'. I was in a non-live-in poly- relationship after my separation where I did things I could to contribute financially/help ease His burdens like buying him tobacco, bringing groceries, etc. When I am invested in a realtionship or if I am dealing with 'my people' generally, I am willling to make what is mine theirs.
Davan

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RE: Financial Control in D/s - 11/27/2008 2:54:06 AM

sexisubi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

I always need an 'out'.

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RE: Financial Control in D/s - 11/27/2008 7:21:01 PM

scottishjason

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In my situation I am usually the provider in the household. I have in the past had subs/slaves that have had part time jobs but it’s normally so little money that I just have them keep it and spend it on themselves. My money I keep control over… that pays for our lifestyle. This takes a lot of the stress off of my sub/slave letting her deal with other issues in our lives. I also find that the less stress a sub/slave has in her life the more committed she becomes to the relationship.

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RE: Financial Control in D/s - 11/27/2008 8:11:52 PM

Aszhrae

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Girl normally spends $$ when unsupervised or undirected, so girl gets an allowance.

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RE: Financial Control in D/s - 11/28/2008 12:54:55 AM

AlexandraLynch

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My husband and co-Dom has ideas on how to spend the money but less of a good handle on budgeting and priorities. So he gets an allowance, but since I am not driving at the moment he is also pretty much there with opinion and all every time I write a check.

When Boy moves in with us, we will discuss how exactly the finances will work in more detail. I do insist he has an emergency account with his name on it only, no matter what other accounts he may share with us, and that it has money in case the unthinkable happens. Similarly, I will want him to keep and maintain a running vehicle, because we are in a town not well served by public transportation. But in terms of actual household budgeting, most of the money he makes will, so to speak, go into the common "pot" for food, bills, and the various things people like or the occasional expenses that come up. But he is a service sub, and recognizes that if his contribution means we can afford some small luxuries around the house, that too is service and pleases his Doms.

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RE: Financial Control in D/s - 11/28/2008 9:42:16 AM

Devi40F

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Financial Control is the FIRST Control...
Controling The Finances is the quickest way to establish the dynamics of a relationship. This is the way it is in the Material World.

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RE: Financial Control in D/s - 11/28/2008 3:59:16 PM

MadRabbit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Devi40F

Financial Control is the FIRST Control...
Controling The Finances is the quickest way to establish the dynamics of a relationship. This is the way it is in the Material World.

Wow, well for me it's one of the last controls, given that it's the quickest way for a potential submissive or slave to end up on the raw end of the stick, being that we live in a Material World and all where money is the foundation for all the most important things like a house, food, water, electricity, new vehicles, a retirement...

If this is the first thing your giving up control of to a potential Dominant instead of something a little bit more trivial like...let's say...whether to wear white or black socks with a certain pair of pants, I would certainly call into question your priorities and boundaries. One would think being able to pass the white vs black socks test prior to the "Can this person successfully manage my finances?" test would be just common sense.

For me, following my own philosophy, I have yet to reach a point with a partner where we were both ready to cross that line. I've put a lot of thought into how I would handle it though, but I prefer to share tried and true methods on these boards rather than my own theories.

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RE: Financial Control in D/s - 11/29/2008 12:26:49 AM

NorthernGent

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quote:

ORIGINAL: berrysurprise

Just wondering what the thoughts are regarding financial control in D/s?

I'd estimate thoughts are fluid depending on relationship type.

As I'm looking for a long term, live-in partner this is how it will be with me......

I have far better things to do with my time than pour over spreadsheets charting spend/income etc. I work in finance, so I have the means to teach someone lacking the basic skills. Once she knows what she's doing, then it's a case of you keep the spreadsheets up to date and I'll cast my eye over them when I see fit. Purchasing decisions? We're not spending money on rubbish we don't need, but she can choose the holiday destination from time to time......

For me, management of the finances reflect the separation of authority in the relationship.........and in the event she's getting a bit uppity, then you have a means of bringing her back down to earth....."right then bitch, how much money, to the penny, did we spend on a bunch of flowers for x's birthday on January 17th 1986?"......you could have her running 'round in circles for a good few minutes.

Edited to add: in my view, a manager manages everything - whether or not you like to micro manage or supervise is an altogether different matter.

< Message edited by NorthernGent -- 11/29/2008 12:30:11 AM >

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