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Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! - 11/25/2008 8:31:12 AM   
Jupiterfalling


Posts: 42
Joined: 6/22/2008
Status: offline 		Madness:

Over the past 8 months, I have come into knowing my submissive side emerging. I was lucky enough to have a hot male, experienced Dom friend whom I addmitted it to. He farwarned me about not wanting a relationship, which I was fine with. He was pursueing me, and we had many experiences. During this time, I also suffered many health problems, burn-out from work, family issues, and a whole lot of darkness. I couldn't handle much and I isolated myself from him for a while. I let him know what was going on and he was understanding. As I started to feel a bit better, we talked again. I was just expecting him to be a friend and figured he gave up on me sexually. Then a conversation started with flirting when he let me know he wanted to tie me up and fuck me like his slave. I tried to cool it off, but I was told that I was caught between pleasure and pain, he wanted to block out my ability to think, and that I should stop this madness. Then i go to his house and he decides that he wants to fuck me this time, which doesn't quite work out because I haven't had sex in over a year. The anal doesn't work either becuase he just fed me dinner. I left feeling like I had the inability to please him. He keeps telling me I'm "fragile" which sames to make me, indeed fragile instead of training me and breaking me in. In any event, I was really "ticked" after the experience and ready (finally ready) to handle more. He usually asks to see me again, and this time I got blown off for an entire week until I contacted him last night. I voiced my urges and flirtations, but he didn't seem at all interested. I told him how I crave to be subjugated and his response was " I am afraid of hurting you. I have a bad track record of hurting girls and causing them emotional problems". I can't blame him for not wanting me if I can't fufill his needs, but he wont encourage me. Now I wonder why he even bothered to fuck me, if only to drop me right away. My guess is that he's feeling that vanilla notion of "oh no, i fucked her, now she wan'ts a relationship" recoil. I'm terribly confused because half of me knows this is sabotage of good thing, and the other half of me is angry because I opened only to be shutdown. I feel like a disowned pet and failure. Please help..
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! - 11/25/2008 8:36:23 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jupiterfalling

Madness:

The anal doesn't work either becuase he just fed me dinner.


Perhaps he was feeding the wrong end?
 
The rest of this OP is equally nonsensical.
 
John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to Jupiterfalling)
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RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! - 11/25/2008 8:40:00 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		I'm completely missing the connection between the title and your actual post.  Maybe it's one of those deep things that needs more coffee on my end.

In any case, you've described a series of events that brings to mind the word "clusterfuck".  Slow down, examine what YOU want, and don't fuck a guy if you don't want to fuck a guy, or if you want more than is agreed upon.  The song and dance "I don't want to hurt you" is, in my opinion, a load of crap. 

I don't see that he is sabotaging "a good thing" as you called it, because I can't see that "good thing" anywhere in your post.

Why you would feel like a disowned pet and failure is beyond me... you aren't his pet, you never WERE his pet, I'm not seeing what you failed at.... 


Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to Jupiterfalling)
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RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! - 11/25/2008 8:51:28 AM   
Jupiterfalling


Posts: 42
Joined: 6/22/2008
Status: offline 		I do want to fuck him, I just didn't expect it, which is fine. I'm hurt because I feel inept after it (not being able to go long becuase of abdominal pain). I explained it (very normal for me and easily fixed after a few rounds). I'm also hurt because he's not interested in anymore, after clicked the sub switch back on. I was his pet, more of a subbie on the side thing. Why was it a good thing? Becuase I knew him well, trusted him, and he provokes serious desires. He was the one I chose to sub for, for the first time. In fact, I considered it a blessing.

(in reply to CalifChick)
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RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! - 11/25/2008 9:11:28 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Okay, well, let me say it this way, "he's just not that into you."

Time to move on.


Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to Jupiterfalling)
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RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! - 11/25/2008 9:17:16 AM   
Whispurrr


Posts: 1
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline 		wow? After 8 months, he's just not that into her...

(in reply to CalifChick)
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RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! - 11/25/2008 9:20:29 AM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jupiterfalling

I do want to fuck him, I just didn't expect it, which is fine. I'm hurt because I feel inept after it (not being able to go long becuase of abdominal pain). I explained it (very normal for me and easily fixed after a few rounds). I'm also hurt because he's not interested in anymore, after clicked the sub switch back on. I was his pet, more of a subbie on the side thing. Why was it a good thing? Becuase I knew him well, trusted him, and he provokes serious desires. He was the one I chose to sub for, for the first time. In fact, I considered it a blessing.


Okay, you didnt "choose to sub for" him...you came over and fucked him. And PLEASE dont take offense to that, no one here is judging that.

So many times i see girls who think that a session=a contract of service or a commitment of some sort. If you session with someone or scene them or whatever little term you want to assign to your actions...then by all means, have a great time...be safe, but have a great time.

i think from your post and your response that you feel like you failed because the sex didnt go well. And now your bummed because its not looking like youll get a chance to improve on it...

For your own peace of mind, try not to assign more to the encounter than was there. It will drive you up a wall and if you express that kind of thought process to him, youll only cement in his mind that having sex with you will result in you feeling that more than that just happened...and if he doesnt want to take you as his own, hed be better off not having sex with you again.

If he didnt specifically and out loud tell you that he considers you to be his pet...or his anything....then you can count on the notion that you are not any of those things.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to Jupiterfalling)
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RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! - 11/25/2008 9:23:11 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		He wanted to fuck you and he got what he wanted from you. You never were his GF, pet or submissive. Yep he saw that you were vulnerable and it could be he took advantage of that. Lots of people will if they think they can.

You need to work on getting yourself together and out of this "fragile" state. A strong submissive (person) has a better chance of finding a healthy relationship than one who is feeling fragile. Once you have yourself feeling better then go out and try to find someone who will want and appreciate you.

Good luck,
~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to Jupiterfalling)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! - 11/25/2008 9:24:55 AM   
mystickoolaid


Posts: 519
Joined: 11/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jupiterfalling

I do want to fuck him, I just didn't expect it, which is fine. I'm hurt because I feel inept after it (not being able to go long becuase of abdominal pain). I explained it (very normal for me and easily fixed after a few rounds). I'm also hurt because he's not interested in anymore, after clicked the sub switch back on. I was his pet, more of a subbie on the side thing. Why was it a good thing? Becuase I knew him well, trusted him, and he provokes serious desires. He was the one I chose to sub for, for the first time. In fact, I considered it a blessing.


Why would you be hurt when you clearly stated yourself that he told you from the beginning he wasn't looking?

I'm also confused by most of what you have posted.

I get the toy dolls thing... she feels like a toy that can be used and tossed away when it is not longer 'fun'... but you put yourself in that position.

(in reply to Jupiterfalling)
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RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! - 11/25/2008 9:28:15 AM   
mystickoolaid


Posts: 519
Joined: 11/15/2008
Status: offline 		I also agree with both of the advice posts above me. It's solid.

Fix yourself before you go any further with... anything in this lifestyle, including this guy if you want to/he is willing to continue anything with you. Otherwise you are setting yourself up for a fall.

It takes a strong person to be a good submissive. I have a lot of respect for the good ones out there.

(in reply to mystickoolaid)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! - 11/25/2008 9:34:13 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
~ Fast Reply ~
 
Based upon the vulnerability you describe and the emotional trauma you were, and are, experiencing; it sounds like you allowed him to talk you into giving him permission to rape you. The 'morning after' remorse that you seem to be getting from him leads me to believe, on some level, he thinks so too and has a bit of guilt about taking advantage of you. Don't excuse his actions by blaming yourself or your life distractions from what occurred. You may seek closure, but what you really need is distance; unless/until you are coming from a fundamentally strong, self-confident, position.
 
It a lesson in being careful about who to trust with exposing yourself as vulnerable. There are people who will take advantage of that situation regardless if it entails 'lifestyle' or 'vanilla' activity.  

(in reply to Lashra)
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RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! - 11/25/2008 11:11:26 AM   
Jupiterfalling


Posts: 42
Joined: 6/22/2008
Status: offline 		"For your own peace of mind, try not to assign more to the encounter than was there. It will drive you up a wall and if you express that kind of thought process to him, youll only cement in his mind that having sex with you will result in you feeling that more than that just happened...and if he doesnt want to take you as his own, hed be better off not having sex with you again."

thank you, good point. he's tested me out as a sub before and called me back. maybe the sex was the final test and HE has assigned more to it. i didn't assign more to it, until i got the unusal lack of interest from him. I seriously trusted this person and i've known him for a long time. I knew better than to be clouded or confused before him. His fear of hurting me is hurting me now. Maybe that's a crock of shit for him getting ass (which probably wasn't very good for him) and being done with it. Now I'm sexually frustrated and annoyed. I was into the kinks and didn't even care about the sex. I don't think anyone - fragile or not would appreciate this. Male, female, dom, sub, whatever.

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! - 11/25/2008 11:50:13 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Whispurrr

wow? After 8 months, he's just not that into her...


They weren't together for 8 months.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to Whispurrr)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! - 11/25/2008 11:53:47 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jupiterfalling
His fear of hurting me is hurting me now. Maybe that's a crock of shit for him getting ass (which probably wasn't very good for him) and being done with it.



Seriously... a functioning adult who says "I'm afraid of hurting you because I tend to do that"???  Okay, no, I cannot take that at face value.  They either need to man up and fix themselves and stop the stupid games they play (emotionally hurting women), or man up and be honest with you about what the real issue is.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to Jupiterfalling)
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RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! - 11/25/2008 11:58:05 AM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jupiterfalling

"For your own peace of mind, try not to assign more to the encounter than was there. It will drive you up a wall and if you express that kind of thought process to him, youll only cement in his mind that having sex with you will result in you feeling that more than that just happened...and if he doesnt want to take you as his own, hed be better off not having sex with you again."

thank you, good point. he's tested me out as a sub before and called me back. maybe the sex was the final test and HE has assigned more to it. i didn't assign more to it, until i got the unusal lack of interest from him. I seriously trusted this person and i've known him for a long time. I knew better than to be clouded or confused before him. His fear of hurting me is hurting me now. Maybe that's a crock of shit for him getting ass (which probably wasn't very good for him) and being done with it. Now I'm sexually frustrated and annoyed. I was into the kinks and didn't even care about the sex. I don't think anyone - fragile or not would appreciate this. Male, female, dom, sub, whatever.



i know this was in response to Lashra...and i dont mean to interrupt, but i wanted to interject that your lack of defensiveness in your response to the posted opinions is a good sign that you might be open to some introspection and i wanted to let you know that this is a good thing!

If you, like very many others in the world, can not compartmentalize sex from love, then i would strongly suggest not allowing anyone to "test you out". There are better ways in this instance to test your level of commitment etc...

i personally can be sexual with someone and not automatically assign emotional context to it...i appreciate the activity and find it a good way to communicate, but not as the only way to communicate....just more fun than a dissertation, as an example.

If things arent completely shut down between the two of you at this point, i would suggest getting together to discuss things and clear the air...otherwise the encounter is going to stick out like a sore thumb and bug you longer than if you get it settled...who knows, maybe youll have a chance to erase the last encounter all together.

Either way, just be careful out there...tis a cold hard world, yannow.

peace
perse

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to Jupiterfalling)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! - 11/25/2008 12:06:06 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		You've received so much good advice here, that I can only say to reread what has been said, and to realize that you basically told this guy that casual is ok with you, and then turned around and tried to turn it into something else.
Sometimes that even works.
But not usually.
I have to say that I do disagree about the rape thing. I believe the OP was ok with everything that was going on when she believed she was going to be the chosen one. Now that she realizes he really meant that he does not want a relationship, she is second-guessing it.

Also, what is up with eating and not being able to have anal sex? Do you have IBS? I do, but it doesn't attack me every single time I eat, (thank God)

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! - 11/25/2008 12:12:41 PM   
Jupiterfalling


Posts: 42
Joined: 6/22/2008
Status: offline 		No, I didn't believe I was going to be the chosen one or anything, but I didn't expect the act to result in me being pushed away when I haven't indicated that I wanted anything more than to keep playing.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! - 11/25/2008 12:16:29 PM   
littlemissmira


Posts: 16
Joined: 11/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jupiterfalling
He was the one I chose to sub for, for the first time. In fact, I considered it a blessing.


he broke your subbie cherry - don't let him break your heart too....

move on to someone who can further ignite these desires you have in a happy and healthy way...

chocolate may help!

_____________________________

may the sun shine on your soul... and when it does be sure to smile!

(in reply to Jupiterfalling)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! - 11/25/2008 1:11:33 PM   
mystickoolaid


Posts: 519
Joined: 11/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlemissmira

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jupiterfalling
He was the one I chose to sub for, for the first time. In fact, I considered it a blessing.


he broke your subbie cherry - don't let him break your heart too....

move on to someone who can further ignite these desires you have in a happy and healthy way...

chocolate may help!


Is there anything chocolate CAN'T make easier to deal with?

(in reply to littlemissmira)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Thrown into the pile of toy dolls? Help! - 11/25/2008 3:20:59 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jupiterfalling
Why was it a good thing? Becuase I knew him well, trusted him, and he provokes serious desires. He was the one I chose to sub for, for the first time. In fact, I considered it a blessing.


Sometimes those we hold in high esteem disappoint, on any number of levels. 
My sympathies and empathy, 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to Jupiterfalling)
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