KnightofMists
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Joined: 7/29/2005
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ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
High Monogamy??!! This type of term Disgust me.... it's no better that the references, those universal claims that Slave is better than Sub... Bi is better than straight.... that Poly is better than Monogamy, Men are better than women. Fact is we have our individual preferences that are best for us as an individual... But when we use terms and label that imply valuations better and beyond those of others...... These type of self-serving one-up-man-ships terminologies reflect an intense defensiveness and even prejudicial view upon others.
I know a few people that will not be involving them self in this discussion, a thread that is fundamental flawed before it even begins.
I have had some time to review this thread before my Christmas celebrations start and because of many issues, I am going to make a follow up response.
I will first start on the term "HIGH"
I indeed as my original post stated... find the usage of the term "HIGHLY" prejudicial. Like John, I found the usage from a person to be a lawyer to be less than an accident and more by design. However, if the term was used innocently, then I am even more inclined to have a "Lower" regard for the OP than this Post caused.
There are many definitions with the term High... the only definitions that are applicable are
7 : exalted in character : NOBLE <high purposes>
8 : of greater degree, amount, cost, value, or content than average, usual, or expected <high prices> <food high in iron> <the high bid>
9 : of relatively great importance: as a : foremost in rank, dignity, or standing <high officials> b : SERIOUS, GRAVE <high crimes> c : observed with the utmost solemnity <high religious observances> d : CRITICAL, CLIMACTIC <the high point of the novel> e : intellectually or artistically of the first order <high culture> f : marked by sublime, heroic, or stirring events or subject matter <high tragedy> <high adventure.
All these particular definitions only reflect that the OP's particular brand of Monogamy is of a greater degree, amount, cost, value than anyone else that has a view that is different than her own. For the OP to attempt distance herself and claim anything less would be nothing less than closing the barn door after the animals have left. Attempts to further justify poor usage have only just alienated the OP and even make those that agree with her ideas of monogamy to distance themselves for possible friendship. What is worse for the OP in question, is possible Dominants that share these beliefs of the OP will see other negative demonstrations of character that far out weigh the shared beliefs. She is in fact, fishing a smaller pond with the wrong lure!
Open-Mindedness is continually an particular character strength demonstrated that is valued and admired in this lifestyle. I quote from Character Strengths and Virtues written by Peterson & Seligman
"Open-mindedness is the willingness to search actively for evidence against one's favored beliefs, plans or goals, and to weight such evidence fairly when it is available. Its opposite has been called the myside bias, which refers to the pervasive tendency to think in ways that favor one's current views...."
The continued demonstration of the OP is a continued demonstration of a lack of Open-Mindedness. It is an unfortunate aspect to consider that when one has closed them self off from other ideas views except that will support there own specific views is that other admirable strengths can only tend to extend ones weakness in that particular strength. The OP in my opinion shows consistently her strength of Persistence and Perseverance. However, when one’s strengths such as Open-mindedness and possibly other strengths such as Humility, Prudence and Hope are so poorly considered and utilized... all that persistence will get you is the wrong direction faster! I am actually saddened to see the reoccurring behaviors time and again from the OP. It would be my hope that the OP would seriously consider the behaviors she demonstrated. No apology will hold much creditability if the very behaviors that caused the issue in the first place continue to persist.
Now for my opinion on Monogamy in general.
I am in a poly relationship and I have been actively poly for about 6 + years. Naturally, speaking from a perspective of one that is poly... I would not agree to have a monogamist relationship at this period in my life. This is not to say that I find monogamy abhorrent or anything less or more than it is. I lived a monogamist life and didn't find my life less full filling, but these do change... and the needs/desires changed enough to allow me to consider a poly lifestyle and live such a lifestyle.
As I have stated to on this board before, I first began the relationship with alandra back in 1987. Not so commonly known, is that I had very few relationships of any significant nature. The number of relationship before alandra was very simply 2 that lasted less then 4 months combined. From 1983 to 1987, I was not interested or desiring any type of relationship. I would add that I was not involved in any amorphous relationships at all. I had made a decision very early in my life that I was going to enjoy myself all myself for the first time with one person. Yes I was a Virgin when I meet and fell deeply in love with alandra. I very much remember that first time... and well it was not nearly as beautiful or planned as my first time with kyra.... it was and will always be a hugely significant memory that I will savor. alandra and I built our relationship for three years, sexually passionate, High D/s dynamics occurring right from the beginning. It wasn't until summer of 1990 that I choose to marry alandra and have her move into my house. Yes, she didn't live with me until we were married. It was a few months before our wedding that alandra shared with me that had significant and lasting impact upon our life. I still remember those words... I still remember exactly where we where "I Will Share you” The significance at the time was apparent to me, but yet in hindsight, I can honestly say I didn't have a clue what it all would mean. I would also add that there was no one involved in our sexual lives. We didn't swing or cheat or share our sexual/emotional life with anyone. We had a very strict monogamist life, a strict life that was of my choosing, not alandra's. it was almost 10 years later when the thoughts and ideas became a reality. It took along time for me to consider if this was truly what I was willing to do.
My kyra shared in another thread that we can get in relationships that submissives will desire to be anything for the Dominant. However, this is wishful thinking.... we truly can only be what we can be and nothing more. We can't be a pretzel or anything else and this goes for Dominants and submissives alike. Believing that we can be everything for another is a setup failure.... as my kyra so wisely stated... there is a big difference of giving ones all and being ones all.
It was slow steps, the first women I was with after alandra was indeed special. I fell in-love with this woman. Donna was indeed an incredible woman. However, thou our relationship developed significantly, Donna was unable to exist within a poly lifestyle. Even at that time, I am not sure i was ready before. But, I did learn the deep lesson on the depths and unlimited capacity of ones love. Thank you Donna.
Even thru this time and others after Donna, alandra had not considered herself bi-sexual. In fact, she would of simply responded as being a straight-poly woman. It was not until about 4 years ago that alandra actually, tested these waters. She was quick to discover her bi-sexuality and what a surprise it was, Lynn is still a very dear friend even thou the sexual intimacy as longed past. We have come quick to learn that when one states them self as bi-sexual that there is a different degrees to it. Understanding Bi-sexuality is as complex as understanding all the degrees of Poly and monogamy. No one way is better. But it is personal!
I respect that everyone as a different path. I can very much appreciate what it takes to move beyond a very strict monogamy perspective to a Poly lifestyle. I can appreciate why one wishes to stay in any particular path, whether it be monogamy, poly or a thousand and one other choices. Yes there is not only BDSM D/s lifestyle... there is as many lifestyles as there are people in this world. But, I do find certain attitudes and behaviors to be very destructive. I wasn't going to post to this board after the earlier post... but much changed that prompted me to change my mind. I will state that the OP behavior offends me greatly, for not only doesn't she express her self proclaim High-Monogamy as the best for her... she is intent of lacking responsibility of the behaviors and of being "myside bias". I also find that her behavior to be an insult to those likes me that made a change of lifestyle away from "strict" monogamy. After I respond privately to the OP with issues best said privately, I will not interact, nor will my girls, with some one that persist in these types of behaviors until they are changed. No apology is of any weight unless the behaviors change that caused the apology to be needed in the first place.
EDIT with word for my poor spelling... god only how bad the grammar is
< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 12/24/2005 1:29:22 PM >
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Knight of Mists
An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.
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RE: What is Monogamy? - 
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. Maybe you should think of being the Domme yourself, then you could control everything. 
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