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IMPOTENCE - 11/28/2008 12:51:37 AM   
moutas


Posts: 11
Joined: 8/23/2006
Status: offline 		I am surprised not to find here any thread about impotence...? Most of men are more or less concerned by this problem one day.

As for me I have stayed alone for several years thinking that my 'love life' was finished because I like slave girls and I thought that my age (63 yo) and the beginning of impotence were an insurmountable problem to meet a young woman.

Thanks to internet I am in touch with a slave girl (23 yo.) for several months, and I am wondering if my slave must accept me totally without limits or restrictions, including impotence problems, or if I have to tell her everything about my problems.

But she lives very far at the other end of the earth. We have never met..., our first meeting is planned in about 10 months' time. And I think that a true slave is not allowed to be demanding on that point ! (Of course I can use some little blue pills...)

Thanks for your advices.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: IMPOTENCE - 11/28/2008 1:29:16 AM   
Racquelle


Posts: 600
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline 		Yes, you have to be honest and open with your potential partner.  We choose terms like slave, sub, master, top, dominant, etc. but what we really mean is "consenting adult who is entering into a relationship".  She can be as demanding as she wants about any point.  It is your choice to accept that or not.  It is also her choice to accept your demands or not.  Since she is not actually chattel, and slavery is likely illegal where you live, she is not a "true slave".  She is a woman with desires and expectations.  BDSM is a way of expressing one's desires and expectations, not a method by which to negate them.  If you intend to have an online only fantasy relationship that never comes to fruition in real-life, make-up anything you want, and don't tell her stuff you don't want to.  If you intend to create a relationship you hope might be actualized in the flesh, base it on as solid a foundation as you can.  Remember, to become your slave a person must trust you.  If you already feel like hiding facts which cast you in a less than perfect light, that doesn't make you seem particularly trustworthy.



(in reply to moutas)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: IMPOTENCE - 11/28/2008 1:31:34 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: moutas

I am surprised not to find here any thread about impotence...? Most of men are more or less concerned by this problem one day.


Most men worry too much.  Fucking is fun, but it isn't the be all end all for everyone.  Yes, there are some individuals who won't want a relationship with someone if it doesn't involve a whole lot of the jiggity jiggity (thanks Stella).  However, many will know themselves well enough to know that there are infinite ways to be intimate, and that intimacy - sans the jiggity jiggity - can be very fulfilling. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: moutas
As for me I have stayed alone for several years thinking that my 'love life' was finished because I like slave girls and I thought that my age (63 yo) and the beginning of impotence were an insurmountable problem to meet a young woman.
  I just want to find you and offer great big hugs.  I hate to hear of anyone being alone, unless they actually desire that for themselves.  Loneliness sucks, I know that all too well from my own periods of withdrawal. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: moutas
Thanks to internet I am in touch with a slave girl (23 yo.) for several months, and I am wondering if my slave must accept me totally without limits or restrictions, including impotence problems, or if I have to tell her everything about my problems.

But she lives very far at the other end of the earth. We have never met..., our first meeting is planned in about 10 months' time. And I think that a true slave is not allowed to be demanding on that point ! (Of course I can use some little blue pills...)

Thanks for your advices.


Here is where your situation becomes problematic, in my mind.  Some will argue my view on this, because they come from that no-limits mindset where a slave does not have opinions, desires, or a say in anything.  Yes, some will argue with my opinions on this matter, but here they are.  I think you ae wrong. 

Wrong to assume she has no say, no desires and no expectations, simply because she's a slave. Wrong to set yourself up for a possible bad experience because you didn't give her the opportunity to come to terms with things and come to you with a full understanding of what she was getting herself into.  First impressions and reactions can be hard to surmount and rebuild from if they are negative.  I think you do both of you a diservice.

As I said.  Some of us know ourselves intimately enough to know that we could enter into a fuckless relationship, and still be content, so long as other needs for intimacy was met.  I know some brilliantly in touch with their own sexuality and needs twenty-something individuals, but I know a lot more who probably don't know yet what they need to be satisfied and content. 

In my oh so humble opinion, you are letting your insecurity and fear of this one getting away, that you are making bad decisions and rationalizing those bad decision with unrealistic expectations of another individual. 

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 11/28/2008 1:32:34 AM >

(in reply to moutas)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: IMPOTENCE - 11/28/2008 3:24:34 AM   
MistressChianti


Posts: 14
Joined: 9/6/2006
Status: offline 		You tell her! 

If she decides it is a reason to not move forward with you, then better now - than later, before you or she have wrapped up 10 more months.  This is for your own well-being, as much as hers.

About 6 years ago, I became attracted to a man who disclosed the very same information within probably the first month of our introductions.  Simply because he was impotent - did not make him a dead horse in bed.  He was fun and exciting and we had a wonderful time together.  We were passing ships in the night and only remained in the same port for a brief while - but an enlightening experience!  So impotence is not an end to all means, it simply calls for creativity!

I can't help but wonder - if the tables were turned....  what if the other person was consciously withholding information from you, in hopes you would simply accept?  A double mastectony?  A beautiful chick (with a dick?)  A third ear?  The picture they sent you was taken 10 years ago? etc....

The main playing cards, should be laid out - before investing precious and emotional time! 

_____________________________

"Stars, hide your fires; Let not light see my black and deep desires." - Shakespeare, MacBeth


(in reply to moutas)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: IMPOTENCE - 11/28/2008 4:53:08 AM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		I am surprised not to find here any thread about impotence...? Most of men are more or less concerned by this problem one day.

As for me I have stayed alone for several years thinking that my 'love life' was finished because I like slave girls and I thought that my age (63 yo) and the beginning of impotence were an insurmountable problem to meet a young woman.
Being a dominant is a mindset ..not about your appendages,  the main sex organ is the mind  and it is still possible to sexually fulfill a female without penis penetration
Thanks to internet I am in touch with a slave girl (23 yo.) for several months, and I am wondering if my slave must accept me totally without limits or restrictions, including impotence problems, or if I have to tell her everything about my problems.
she has right to consent to a relationship and the right to withdraw consent, you would be foolish to think just because she identifies that just because she is a slave that she has no rights...the problem here would be if you lead her to believe that you are sexually virile....omission or misleading  can be considered  a breach of honesty and may destroy her trust in you and she potentially could decide to walk out on you for holding back that info because she does have the right to decide if she wants to be in a relationship that will not include sexually penetration if she feels that is a need to be fullfilled..so your omission may end up costing you this relationship if you have been misleading her.  and there is a a good chance that at 23 years old she is not going to want to remain  in a relationship that will not include penetrative sex and you owe it to her to let her know and decide for herself if she wants to remain..think about if the shoe was on the other foot....if you were 23 years old would you want to be tricked into a marriage or relationship that did not include penetrative sex???? and how would that make you feel once you found out the truth??? and please don't let your insecurities make things worse by just walking out and leave her hangng without know why and leaving emotional damaged waste  behind....have a serious talk with her and explain the situation  and any thoughts on how you would help her to feel sexually satisfied as well as explanations as to why this relationship  would offer you satisfaction....and accept that if you hav been misleading her ..that her trust in you may be shattered and that she may not feel like continuing it....but then again she may decide it is not that important and would like to continue with the relationship..but in the end it is going to boil down to if she feels you have been dishonest with her and whether penetrative sex is a need for her in a relationship

But she lives very far at the other end of the earth. We have never met..., our first meeting is planned in about 10 months' time. And I think that a true slave is not allowed to be demanding on that point ! (Of course I can use some little blue pills...)
A M/s relationship is still a partnership based on consent, mutual respect and honesty and communication ...she can withdraw consent to be in a relationship at anytime she wants .. you do not own her  in any kind of legal sense ... with consensual slavery you can only take what she is willing to give.. it is a mindset based on your actions as a master as to whether she wants to give you  total loyality and control over her...she decides ..not you... Where you have went wrong here is by thinking there is something called a "True slave" and that she must accept whatever


_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to MistressChianti)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: IMPOTENCE - 11/28/2008 4:58:17 AM   
MistresseLotus


Posts: 443
Joined: 9/19/2008
From: (aka LotusSong)
Status: offline 		You have nothing to worry about.. your mouth still works, right?

_____________________________

I leave it to the 20-somethings to do the "open-minded, total unconditional acceptance thing" for it's how THEY learn that all the things others older than they have deemed BS, are in fact BS. What a waste of a decade.

(in reply to moutas)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: IMPOTENCE - 11/28/2008 5:00:46 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		You've chosen two extremes - accepting you totally without limits or restrictions or you having to tell her everything about your problems.  There is a whole spectrum in between.

As a slave I would want to know if a potential Master had impotence problems and how that would affect our time together.  It might not affect things at all, especially if you were not planning any sexual play.  It might mean that if you use her sexually it would be in different ways than intercourse or that you might have to take a blue pill before play.   It could be that you need more extensive foreplay in whatever style is exciting to you.  With a woman so young it would be good to let her know that it is a physical condition and not a reflection of her ability to excite you. 

It does not impede your ability to be a wonderful Master, but carrying a secret like that could.




_____________________________



(in reply to MistressChianti)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: IMPOTENCE - 11/28/2008 6:19:02 AM   
opensoul


Posts: 77
Joined: 11/24/2006
Status: offline 		OP , I believe that in starting this relationship, If you do not tell her about the issue of ED, You are starting on the wrong foot! Long distance relationships are so hard, you need to show her that a private issue like this is something you as being honest with her, leads to trust and builds more trust.
My Master did not have this problem but over the months before and after we met honesty above everything wwas key to our relationship growing. We tlaked about hard issues and some I never had brought to the surface with anyone before.

If you want this to work,Tell her up front.

(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: IMPOTENCE - 11/28/2008 6:19:52 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline 		Honesty is the best policy. Be up front and tell her. If it is a problem for her, then she's not the right woman for you.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: IMPOTENCE - 11/28/2008 6:42:02 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		The other place that could use a little honesty is your profile.  You list your age there as 50, but here you say you are 63.  

Your failure to achieve an erection is not your biggest problem.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to BeachMystress)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: IMPOTENCE - 11/28/2008 6:43:48 AM   
FlamingRedhead


Posts: 451
Joined: 3/4/2007
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		In order for your slave to accept you totally, she needs to know what the hell she's accepting.  I dated a man with erectile dysfunction.  I had been willing to work with him, but he was in denial about it.  He made up excuses like "I haven't been in a relationship in a long time, so I'm just nervous" or "I'm under a lot of stress right now" or "I can't have regular sex.  There has to be BDSM."  He refused to try any medications.  To be honest, it wasn't his lack of ability to maintain an erection that upset me but his total denial.  It wasn't an occasional problem.  It was every single time.  In the end, I felt like he wasn't honest with me about anything, so I ended the relationship.

_____________________________

I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
Or the sound you make
With every breath you take
It's unlike anything
When you're loving me

(in reply to moutas)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: IMPOTENCE - 11/28/2008 6:54:45 AM   
MissIsis


Posts: 473
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline 		You should know fairly early on if the submissive or slave you are considering, is interested in a sexual relationship with you, or if she thinks that is what she is getting. If so, you should have told her early on, so she had the option to continue on, or not.  You are doing her & you, as well, as disservice to be anything less than honest.  Later, it will, more than likely come back to bite you in the butt. If she is/was expecting any kind of sexual intimacy with you, & finds she isn't getting it, and is never going to get it, it is likely she will become disappointed, probably feel like it is something lacking in her, & when she finds out the truth, she will be resentful that you weren't honest with her & wasted her time. 

The lack of honesty in the beginning is what concerns me, more than the impotence.  If you tell her right off what to expect, she may have been much more understanding than she is likely to be at this stage of the relationship.  And if she wasn't understanding of your problem at the beginning, why would you want her anyway? 

Just because someone is a slave doesn't mean they don't want a Dominant they can't trust to be honest with them.

(in reply to moutas)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: IMPOTENCE - 11/28/2008 7:12:08 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I hope you muster the strength to fully disclose your situation to her prior to meeting.  Have you had conversations of a sexual nature?  The type where she already thinks that you are not impotent?

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to MissIsis)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: IMPOTENCE - 11/28/2008 7:24:19 AM   
quicksilverdream


Posts: 5
Joined: 11/28/2008
Status: offline 		This is the first time for me posting on a message board. I have read this board for many months, but haven't yet felt ready to post.  But this subject touches me and I felt that since I am in such a relationship, my insight might be helpful.

My partner is much older than I am.  When we first met, he did not tell me about his impotence because it did not figure into our relationship as friends.  However, when we discovered our mutual attraction, he told me.  He had to because he did not want me to feel as if I were the cause of it, or if I were going to expect something he was unable to give me.  No excuses for himself were made. It was just a fact.  No pills will work for him as it is not a medical condition which can be fixed.  He gave me the time to think about what I wanted and he answered all of my questions about it very candidly.  He had a marriage end and several other relationships end badly because those women couldn't see past that part of things.  They all missed the wonderful person, with many other talents, that he is.

We have been together for a long time and never once have I felt anything with him except completely fulfilled, beautiful and loved.  All without the "jiggety-jiggety" (love that!).  I knew going into this relationship what to expect and was accepting of him as he was.   He enjoys me as much as I do him and because he was honest with me at the beginning and gave me the truth, the trust, and the information I needed to decide if that part of a relationship was more important than the others.  We've found that it is not.

If he had not been honest with me about this, and instead left me to think that I was the reason for it, I would have questioned myself-not him.  I would have wondered if it were something I was doing or not, or and maybe would have been so confused, it would have really made things very bad between us.  Because he was honest about his limitations, we've had the opportunity to experience such wonderful things together, I can honestly say that I'm perfectly happy not being fucked.  I never thought I'd be able to have a relationship without that and still feel as wonderful, but I do.  The fact that he was honest and told me the truth about it was the one thing that I still find a turn on. 

Tell her the truth.  She deserves to know and given the opportunity to decide for herself if this is something she needs from you.  Not telling her and then letting her blame herself for your issues would be a significant thing to hide.  There are women out there that will be accepting of you and as long as you're able to fulfill their needs with alternative things, then those women will be as blissfully happy as any 23 year old who may need a good bang to do it.  Many young people haven't found enough or experienced enough to know that there's much more to them than a willing fuck.

(in reply to MissIsis)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: IMPOTENCE - 11/28/2008 7:25:32 AM   
moutas


Posts: 11
Joined: 8/23/2006
Status: offline 		First I thank everybody who has replied to my question. I see a lot of kindness and intelligence in those replies.
I think that I have to complete my previous message because my slave is a special slave. She is 22 (almost 23), she had had only 1 boyfriend in her love life. That relationship lasted 4 years, with only 1 intercourse (sic!). She stopped that relationship because she feeled that "he doesn't know how to take care and handle his girl right". She was not capable of telling me more about it. She was only waiting for a new life. She told me "im willing to learn everything". I told her "I need a girl who is with no limits to me". She replies "that's sound exciting".
Since that day our relationship grows regularly through emails and chats. She obeys totally to everything. Recently she tells me by mail "i am happy and grateful to be your slave because you are making me feel that i can do everything beyond my limitations and my usual. you let me know everything i have to know. you are making me proud of myself and to what am i doing. i feel that i am a good slave whenever you tell that i am. i learn many things from you. the unusual way of thinking and how to deal with it. i love the way i feel everytime you tell me to do something different for myself. i love everything the way you treat me."
We have never met. Our relationship is only throught internet. Until now our relationship is only virtual. We have never spoken of sexuality as if it was not the goal of our relationship though her obedience is total if I ask her to send me naked pics of herself in the pose I command or whatever else in front of the web cam...
You see I feel that the right time to speak of impotence is not now. I feel that the right time will be when we meet. I am frank and I like clear relationship but why to break a beautiful and pure story ? Why don't see that in due time and place ? Do you agree with me ? Or not ? 
Thanks for your advice ! 

(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: IMPOTENCE - 11/28/2008 7:29:33 AM   
CruelDesires


Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: moutas

Thanks to internet I am in touch with a slave girl (23 yo.) for several months, and I am wondering if my slave must accept me totally without limits or restrictions, including impotence problems, or if I have to tell her everything about my problems.

But she lives very far at the other end of the earth. We have never met..., our first meeting is planned in about 10 months' time. And I think that a true slave is not allowed to be demanding on that point ! (Of course I can use some little blue pills...)

Thanks for your advices.


Hide it from her. Thats the behavior of a True Master.

C-D



_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to moutas)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: IMPOTENCE - 11/28/2008 7:30:57 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
How can she become a "true slave" unless she has all the facts from which to make a decision about entering into a relationship with you? If the consent she gives is based on lies or misinformation or even a lack of information how is that consent at all? Without her consent what you cross the line into is NOT BDSM but abuse, kidnapping, illegal slavery, assault and a host of other things that just open up all sort of potential legal problems for you in the future. Why would you want to do that to yourself?

How can she build the trust required for such a dynamic unless you trust her with all the information? Trust beyond the basics required for human beings to function is earned, you have to earn it and you do that by providing accurate and honest information.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to moutas)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: IMPOTENCE - 11/28/2008 7:31:07 AM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: moutas

I am surprised not to find here any thread about impotence...? Most of men are more or less concerned by this problem one day.

As for me I have stayed alone for several years thinking that my 'love life' was finished because I like slave girls and I thought that my age (63 yo) and the beginning of impotence were an insurmountable problem to meet a young woman.

Thanks to internet I am in touch with a slave girl (23 yo.) for several months, and I am wondering if my slave must accept me totally without limits or restrictions, including impotence problems, or if I have to tell her everything about my problems.

But she lives very far at the other end of the earth. We have never met..., our first meeting is planned in about 10 months' time. And I think that a true slave is not allowed to be demanding on that point ! (Of course I can use some little blue pills...)

Thanks for your advices.

Take the blue pill.


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to moutas)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: IMPOTENCE - 11/28/2008 7:32:26 AM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: moutas

First I thank everybody who has replied to my question. I see a lot of kindness and intelligence in those replies.
I think that I have to complete my previous message because my slave is a special slave. She is 22 (almost 23), she had had only 1 boyfriend in her love life. That relationship lasted 4 years, with only 1 intercourse (sic!). She stopped that relationship because she feeled that "he doesn't know how to take care and handle his girl right". She was not capable of telling me more about it. She was only waiting for a new life. She told me "im willing to learn everything". I told her "I need a girl who is with no limits to me". She replies "that's sound exciting".
Since that day our relationship grows regularly through emails and chats. She obeys totally to everything. Recently she tells me by mail "i am happy and grateful to be your slave because you are making me feel that i can do everything beyond my limitations and my usual. you let me know everything i have to know. you are making me proud of myself and to what am i doing. i feel that i am a good slave whenever you tell that i am. i learn many things from you. the unusual way of thinking and how to deal with it. i love the way i feel everytime you tell me to do something different for myself. i love everything the way you treat me."
We have never met. Our relationship is only throught internet. Until now our relationship is only virtual. We have never spoken of sexuality as if it was not the goal of our relationship though her obedience is total if I ask her to send me naked pics of herself in the pose I command or whatever else in front of the web cam...
You see I feel that the right time to speak of impotence is not now. I feel that the right time will be when we meet. I am frank and I like clear relationship but why to break a beautiful and pure story ? Why don't see that in due time and place ? Do you agree with me ? Or not ? 
Thanks for your advice ! 


This is not a 'beautiful and pure story.' When and if you actually meet her, it's going to be a real relationship. You are running around with your head in the clouds if you think that this is not important enough to tell her.

On a side note, does she think you are 50 like your profile says, or did you tell her your real age?

Or, does a true slave just accept that someone happens to be 13 years older than originally stated?


< Message edited by Lynnxz -- 11/28/2008 7:33:52 AM >

_____________________________

HBIC



(in reply to moutas)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: IMPOTENCE - 11/28/2008 7:41:08 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		So, to satisfy idle curiosity, where does this girl live?


Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 20
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