RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!!

RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (Full Version)

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veryniel -> RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (11/29/2008 1:00:09 PM)
I love cuddles afterwards. Nothing else is truly necessary, I just like holding Him and being held by Him. I always feel fortunate to have a loving Owner who enjoys said cuddles as much as I do. I once asked what He wanted, and He pretty much summed up everything with "I want you fucked numb beneath Me and then your arms holding Me in the night." [sm=hearts.gif]I love that man.

moonvine -> RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (11/29/2008 1:10:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida quote: ORIGINAL: moonvine But what if they just don't know? Aftercare isn't really covered in BDSM porn, which I think is where most people get their start (maybe not, as I've not performed a survey of "most people.") I'm not the most help at telling them as all I really know for sure is that if I'm in an altered state I'm not going to do a great job of cock sucking. Talk about it beforehand. And after play cock sucking really can be a soothing experience. With my former owner, it was a nice connection afterward. He relaxed and I pacified myself. Oh I have no doubt for some people it can be, but it just isn't for me:)

moonvine -> RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (11/29/2008 1:12:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss Well then pick Dominants who match your needs better and will give you the aftercare you want. It isn't a dealbreaker. Just a preference.

NuevaVida -> RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (11/29/2008 1:13:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: moonvine quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida quote: ORIGINAL: moonvine But what if they just don't know? Aftercare isn't really covered in BDSM porn, which I think is where most people get their start (maybe not, as I've not performed a survey of "most people.") I'm not the most help at telling them as all I really know for sure is that if I'm in an altered state I'm not going to do a great job of cock sucking. Talk about it beforehand. And after play cock sucking really can be a soothing experience. With my former owner, it was a nice connection afterward. He relaxed and I pacified myself. Oh I have no doubt for some people it can be, but it just isn't for me:) It isn't for you to talk about it beforehand? Or it isn't for you to experience mutual aftercare (sometimes they like it, too)? Not being facetious, seriously asking.

moonvine -> RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (11/29/2008 1:16:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida It isn't for you to talk about it beforehand? Or it isn't for you to experience mutual aftercare (sometimes they like it, too)? Not being facetious, seriously asking. Sorry for being unclear. Trying to focus enough to give someone a proper blowjob when I'm in an altered state isn't for me.

persephonee -> RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (11/29/2008 1:25:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists quote: ORIGINAL: moonvine Not to get into the tired discussion of wants vs. needs, but yes I would prefer aftercare. It seems many dominants do not think about it, at least not in my experience. My first dominant did, but he was trained by someone very very experienced. to me this is not a training issue... this is a character issue. A person that is appreciative, respectful, considerate etc etc etc will consider what another person needs/wants in their experiences and/or relationship with another. When a person lacks these positive aspects.... not amount of "training" is going to make a difference to a person that lacks those characteristics. i agree with this statement. i dont require all that much in regards to aftercare, publicly or privately, but whatever my needs are in that regard, they have always been addressed whether im with someone i play with routinely or someone i am playing with for the first time. It comes up in negociations and it matters, even if not at the time. i dont know that i could play with someone again who didnt address that issue the first time. It doesnt require training, it requires common sense and....'character'. Also, just to say, if i were not receiving what i needed in any respect, regardless of the nature of my relationship with....really anyone, its my responsibility to at least let that person know what it is that i do need...if for no other reason, so that later, it can never be said that i expected them to know something that they couldnt have possibly figured out on their own.

NuevaVida -> RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (11/29/2008 1:27:05 PM)
Definitely talk about it, then. So neither of you are doing something that isn't for you (both) and both of you can do something that is mutually satisfying. Surely a creative solution can be found.

moonvine -> RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (11/29/2008 1:35:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida Definitely talk about it, then. So neither of you are doing something that isn't for you (both) and both of you can do something that is mutually satisfying. Surely a creative solution can be found. That relationship is over (though it certainly hasn't been the first one where that was the expectation) but I will keep it in mind for my next one.

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (11/29/2008 1:41:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: moonvine quote: ORIGINAL: aravain Hmmm, maybe she doesn't (or provides her own)? I'll withhold judgement till she responds, but I don't want aftercare after someone's hit me! I will provide any stimulation to promote more blood flow and other things myself. I'll cuddle and do the lovey-dovey stuff after I've done that. I would prefer aftercare, what I generally get is "now give me a blowjob." Wait! Sucking cock is NOT aftecare? Next you'll be telling me that this <--------------> isn't 8 inches... After care is great, I crave all the attention I can get - no matter what its called, but I have to agree with MissT. A couple days later, when the euphoria wears off, and the subdrop hits, is when the need for aftercare really hits home.

khalya -> RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (11/29/2008 1:53:04 PM)
As a switch, I have experienced aftercare, or lack thereof. It is important to me, to receive and give aftercare. I believe that when I am a domme is is my responsibility to communicate with my submissive as to what their needs are. Sadly, I find that most submissives have never experienced aftercare, and after they have, they love it. Aftercare doesn't necessarily mean cuddling, sex, or anything of that nature. It can be as simple as having a favorite snack, or juice available. Or helping them into some loose fitting clothes, and tennis shoes, so they can have a smoke. Most people I know, like to be held and reassured, and I don't think there is anything wrong with doing that. I do think that there is a problem when they are told that their needs are "bullshit". My question to you, would be have you ever asked your submissives what they wanted or needed? Do they feel comfortable enough to request the aftercare they would like? Do they know what aftercare is, and have you given them that option? I care about my submissives, and I want to make sure they get the best out of their experience. I don't think that this makes me a bad domme, or a bullshitter.

mistoferin -> RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (11/29/2008 2:04:58 PM)
KoM wasn't saying that your needs are bullshit.....just your blanket statement that everyone needs aftercare.

YourhandMyAss -> RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (11/29/2008 2:16:58 PM)
No, he didn't say the subs needs are bullshit, Nor did he say you're a bullshitter for careing. he said for one person to try to say every one needs aftercare, is bullshit. You stated every one needs lots of aftercare expesially after a hard sceen and he called bullshit on you attempting to define what every one needs after they play. Quite simple really. What makes you think that just because He lays them down and leaves them alone, is because they gt what he gives not what he wants. He clearly stated that;s what his girls want. to be layed down and left alone. quote: ORIGINAL: khalya I do think that there is a problem when they are told that their needs are "bullshit". My question to you, would be have you ever asked your submissives what they wanted or needed? Do they feel comfortable enough to request the aftercare they would like? Do they know what aftercare is, and have you given them that option? I care about my submissives, and I want to make sure they get the best out of their experience. I don't think that this makes me a bad domme, or a bullshitter.

KnightofMists -> RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (11/29/2008 3:16:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: khalya I do think that there is a problem when they are told that their needs are "bullshit". My question to you, would be have you ever asked your submissives what they wanted or needed? Do they feel comfortable enough to request the aftercare they would like? Do they know what aftercare is, and have you given them that option? chuckles for anyone that has been on the boards for awhile and/or have met my girls... your questions would more than likely get a chuckle or two. Not because they are not good questions that a person should know about the partners they play with... but because they already know these answers without me or my girls needing to answer these specific questions. I think you need to reread my comments and reconsider what you want to say. But.. .I think mistoferin summed up my post to you rather succinctly when she stated quote: KoM wasn't saying that your needs are bullshit.....just your blanket statement that everyone needs aftercare.

KnightofMists -> RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (11/29/2008 3:20:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida Definitely talk about it, then. So neither of you are doing something that isn't for you (both) and both of you can do something that is mutually satisfying. Surely a creative solution can be found. When people care about the relationship... they not only communicate but they will also find these solutions! It might not happen immediately... it might take alot of effort... but.. it's all worth it when you value the relationship

KnightofMists -> RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (11/29/2008 3:35:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: khalya As a switch, I have experienced aftercare, or lack thereof. I just realized the implication of this statement. It seems to imply that because you bottomed you have had the opportunity to be in a position to have aftercare or lack of it. Well.. being a Switch... Top.... Bottom etc etc etc is irrelevant when discussing aftercare... what is required is to understand what each individual needs or wants in order for everyone to have the best chance for an enjoyable experience.. their particular role in the scene is irrelevant.

khalya -> RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (11/29/2008 3:35:37 PM)
...it appears to me, from the comment you made, that your girls prefer to be left alone after a scene. Laying them on their side, leaving them alone, and letting them be, is a form of aftercare. You are respecting the boundaries they have after a scene. I will stand by my previous statement. Everyone needs some form of aftercare. You can agree or disagree. You can also be crass and say its bullshit.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (11/29/2008 3:50:59 PM)
Well how do you differentiate between "aftercare" and "lack of aftercare" then if ANYTHING the top does after a scene is "aftercare"?

KnightofMists -> RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (11/29/2008 4:22:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: khalya I will stand by my previous statement. Everyone needs some form of aftercare. You can agree or disagree. You can also be crass and say its bullshit. chuckles I am confused why you orginally responded to moonvine in the manner you did quote: quote: ORIGINAL: moonvine I rarely get much in the way of aftercare. O hun, you have got to change that. You need aftercare, especially after a hard scene Just because moonvine stated she rarely gets much in the way of aftercare doesn't mean she didn't get aftercare. It's obvious from your response that you immediately understood she didn't receive aftercare or at the least what she needed. Which is strange.. because her comment doesn't communicate a lack of need. It could of easily of meant that she gets a blank thrown on her and that is her aftercare. It doesn't communicate quality of the aftercare but you immediately make judgement towards the quality of aftercare. It was an assumption and a poor one at that. One of my girls or many others could of just as easily said the same thing with equal truth and what they get would be completely satisfying for them in their dynamic. I think the appropriate response to moonvine wasn't to change what was occuring.. it was to ask her.. "is it effective?"

laura2161 -> RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (11/29/2008 4:30:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: khalya ...it appears to me, from the comment you made, that your girls prefer to be left alone after a scene. Laying them on their side, leaving them alone, and letting them be, is a form of aftercare. You are respecting the boundaries they have after a scene. I will stand by my previous statement. Everyone needs some form of aftercare. You can agree or disagree. You can also be crass and say its bullshit. I'll say it though its not directed at me. That is bullshit. You are now trying to backtrack and say that anything, or nothing that the top does is aftercare. Simply not true and you know it. How do I know you know it? Because of your statement to moonvine telling her she needs aftercare. Woman up and admit you made a mistake. It really isnt that difficult. :-)

KnightofMists -> RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (11/29/2008 4:32:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: khalya ...it appears to me, from the comment you made, that your girls prefer to be left alone after a scene. Laying them on their side, leaving them alone, and letting them be, is a form of aftercare. You are respecting the boundaries they have after a scene. a preference is not a need. Because that is what they prefer or what they want doesn't reflect what they actually need. What they need... is the knowledge that I am happy with them..... I need to know they are not harmed (this can all occur in seconds).... anything after that is just comforts.

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