RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (Full Version)

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AStudyInScarlet -> RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (12/1/2008 6:45:35 PM)

so much arguing!

i suppose it could have a lot to do with the specific relationship. my last boyfriend and i were nowhere near in love and it was just screwing. afterwards, i didn't want to touch or be touched, i just wanted to be left alone. he wanted to cuddle but it made my skin crawl.
now i'm in a relationship with the love of my life and there's nothing better than being held by the person i love after a wonderful night. he almost always needs it when he's on the bottom because he can't move or speak for a while so i wouldn't leave him alone any more than i would if he were tied up. i move him into a comfortable position, give him water and hold him until he either becomes coherent or falls asleep.



moonvine -> RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (12/1/2008 7:58:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Or as I like to say "No one ever died from lack of aftercare"


I wonder if that's true. If a sub doesn't get what they need to come back to normal, but instead is told to drive home when they obviously can't focus, it is possible that a fatal accident could then occur.




I think this is definitely the case.  I was so deeply in subspace I wasn't allowed to drive home from a party once (I went by myself so there was no one to drive me home) and I'm glad they didn't let me drive home.   Probably nothing would happen, just like lots of people drive after drinking or taking drugs and nothing happens, but that doesn't make it safe.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (12/1/2008 8:06:58 PM)

There's a difference between not getting aftercare and not giving it time.  You don't need to be given aftercare, you just have to wait until you "sober up."  And if a sub can't trust herself to make those choices after playing, then perhaps its best that they not play.  It's not the lack of aftercare which caused the issue, it's the subs bad judgement.



KnightofMists -> RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (12/1/2008 8:45:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

It's not the lack of aftercare which caused the issue, it's the subs bad judgement.


so very true... as they say "drink responsibly"... I guess the same can be said about play.



NuevaVida -> RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (12/1/2008 9:07:01 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

There's a difference between not getting aftercare and not giving it time.  You don't need to be given aftercare, you just have to wait until you "sober up."  And if a sub can't trust herself to make those choices after playing, then perhaps its best that they not play.  It's not the lack of aftercare which caused the issue, it's the subs bad judgement.


There were a few times with my last owner when I was still in la la land and had to check out of the hotel and drive the 2 hours home. I would typically drive to a park and park my car and take a nap, then go to Starbucks for some espresso shots and then hit the road. Not an ideal situation but I wouldn't have traded it in for NOT playing. Most other times I would call a friend on the drive home and she would engage me in enough conversation to keep me focused and awake. In other words, if he wasn't providing aftercare, I would do what I needed to to take care of myself.



SweetNika -> RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (12/1/2008 9:14:20 PM)

I think aftercare comes in all shapes and sizes. I used to need alot of snuggles and cuddle time after scenes now I need a stiff hug, a soft kiss and to be left alone. -laughs- I think what is important isn't what you do but to know what you NEED and how to get that.



mozartsfuneral -> RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (12/8/2008 5:33:42 PM)

i had the most intense scene i've had in awhile...afterwards, i was an incoherent heap of a drooling mess. Master just leaves me alone until i can *collect myself* then we just talk...



boytoyinatlanta -> RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (12/8/2008 5:44:35 PM)

aftercare if very important...if there isn't any, then the scene has no meaning....hell if you want a beating without any aftercare then get into brawl in a bar



MMMMudd -> RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (12/8/2008 5:49:19 PM)


What a wonderful topic!
It's been a running joke with me for years that I'm just into S&M for the cuddles. There's just no better sense of bonding with a person then when you provide the link between a deep, out-of-body sub space and the here-and-now. I really love the protective elements of dominance, and after care, or "re-entry" to me, is the the purest expression of it.
Mudd



MissDaisy67 -> RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (12/8/2008 5:56:19 PM)

There is something incredibly bonding about the aftercare portion of a good scene. I miss providing that. It made Me feel even more connected, I was able to give the care I needed to give, to make the person feel safe, warm and secure.



mozartsfuneral -> RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (12/8/2008 6:01:06 PM)

it was a great session and even better after care...He's a great man. i hope everyone gets that kind of treatment...



persephonee -> RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (12/8/2008 10:03:32 PM)

Welp...i have to eat my own words today...i dont have to but i sorta wanna brag a bit. Recently i actually turned into one of those "fireblanket and lollypop" girls that i had been secretly mocking and quietly feeling superior to for a year now...id feel bad about it...but fact remains that the aftercare i got while i was shivering to the point of teeth chattering and confused speech was phenomenal...i was embarrassed even at the time at my sudden and very physical response to a relatively light scene...and kept apologising but now that im clear headed and thinking about it....twas pretty kewl.

perse



Decadentpleasure -> RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (12/29/2008 5:18:48 PM)

The very first time Master and i were together, after coming down from some particularly heavy play in which i was completely lost in space..i experienced what 'true' aftercare was. 
 
He didn't just point to the bathroom and tell me to get cleaned up or leave me to take care of myself while He cleaned up..instead He gently lead me into the bathroom, placed me in the shower and proceeded to bathe me from head to toe.  After drying me off and combing out my hair, He bundled me under the blankets and just held me.   Throughout the entire time, all i could focus on was the sound of Him crooning softly, telling me that He was so very proud of me.  i cried even harder during that time than i did during the play as i'd never experienced the dedication to aftercare before and truly didn't know how to handle it. 



DesFIP -> RE: Aftercare is my favorite part of a scene!!! (12/29/2008 6:24:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

There's a difference between not getting aftercare and not giving it time.  You don't need to be given aftercare, you just have to wait until you "sober up."  And if a sub can't trust herself to make those choices after playing, then perhaps its best that they not play.  It's not the lack of aftercare which caused the issue, it's the subs bad judgement.


But sometimes there isn't time to sober up, so to speak. As I said aftercare for me means time to sleep. If there isn't time for that, then I won't sober up, I won't be able to drive safely. So for me, if there isn't time enough afterwards I don't play.



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