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RE: Mold me? - 12/4/2008 11:48:31 AM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeptha

One minor thing I do wonder (and I may have missed it in the now many pages of this thread); Nueva Vida, did you seek to be "molded" or guided at the outset of the relationship, or did it just happen?

Hi Jeptha,

Actually I wasn't seeking anything at all when we met. But he was seeking someone he could fine tune, mold, use, and form into what he wanted. We spoke of it at the beginning of my submission to him - he wanted to mold me and form me into the slave he wanted, given who I was and what I was presenting to him at the time. He wanted to work with what he saw in me, not change me altogether.

That said, he did develop traits in me that I didn't have before. He turned me into quite the slut for him, which I had not envisioned for myself. I let him. Had I been resistant to it, it wouldn't have happened, and likely, we would have parted ways much sooner. I wanted to give him what he wanted, and in doing so, I compromised a lot, yet I gained a lot, too.

Some of the concerns people have stated here are quite valid. There were some basic emotional needs that I did not have met, and learned to live without, to please him. It was ok with me, although quite difficult at times. He and I had a conversation about that last night, and he admitted to not feeding me emotionally as I needed because he liked the effect of my hunger. In other words, he sacrificed some of my happiness for his own pleasure. That was part of his molding process.

I don't regret any of it, but it is very doubtful I would do it again. I gained a great deal from that experience, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. In going through the experience, I became stronger than ever, and more self assured than ever. Even now, no longer owned by him, when dealing with difficulty, I reflect on the difficulties he put me through and realize if I could do that, then surely I can do this. Two examples come to mind - one was when my father was terminally ill in the hospital and vomited blood all over me, overwhelming me to the point of temporary paralysis (I was still owned during this time). The other was a recent fall down the stairs which blew out both my ankles, and I was alone, without my cell phone, and had to crawl back up the stairs and into my apartment to call for help. During both of those incidents, I reflected on the strength he taught me and required me to have, in order to please him. Those reflections caused me to hold my head up, take a deep breath, and move forward. While such a molding process was difficult, it made me a better me, and I am grateful.

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RE: Mold me? - 12/10/2008 8:35:22 PM

AllThingsGo42

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Um, Ok
I can see molding in a sence, I do need support for things, but the drive and the want to change those things is already there (mainly weight loss, and orginizatioal skills)

I dont want my master to "mold me" I want him to take my hand, say hey, this is what u want, I am going to help you get it.

weather its though disipline, or whatever, molding and helping to change bad habbits that the slave/subimssive realizes and already has the drive but mabye not that first push to change, is different.

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Post #: 242

RE: Mold me? - 12/10/2008 10:17:43 PM

ShaktiSama

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I am an Auntie, I am a nuturing, caring, lovey old bird, but I am not anyone's mommy. I am not interested in teaching anyone the manners that they should have learned at home, how to behave in public, which one is the salad fork, and how to put away laundry.

In contrast, I do not confine myself to any one role and I am willing to at least try to teach my submissive anything that I know and he does not, especially if knowing it will make him a more successful and happier person.

quote:

I do NOT want to have to be a role model for my life partner! I am good at many things, but I have my own set of faults, and I need some encouragement myself! In my world, a relationship is a give and take thing, where the people involved complement each other, not one where One is in Authority Over All and is PERFECT All the Time!

This whole sequence of sentences above is gobble-de-gook for me. It sounds as if you want power but not authority or responsibility? This might be based on a desire to just top rather than domme in a relationship, so please forgive me if it's an orientation issue. I'm a domme, myself--to me you might as well be talking Swahili. You're making no sense.

From my point of view, being a role model to others is not about being a perfect paragon--regardless of whether you are a parent, a boss or a femme domme. It is about being the best human being you are able to be. Doing your genuine best--and I mean really doing it, not just whining that you are while you're not.

Quite honestly, I find it a little easier to do my best when the bar isn't set too low. I do not feel that someone looking up to me or thinking I am wonderful is a "burden" or some kind of horrible pressure being placed on me. Having other people see the best in me helps to bring out the best in me, gives me the chance to live up to my potential. It doesn't deprive me of encouragement--it is encouragement.

quote:

I have approached the people (okay, MEN!) who seem to espouse this theory of dominance, and I ask them straight out, are they working with humans or dogs? I have yet to get an answer that makes anything like sense.

Well, I'm not a man, and I don't think this "theory of dominance" is worthless. It just requires more confidence and responsibility from the dominant than some other dynamics. You bring up parental and bestial images as if they categorically negative, but they aren't. Some submissives really enjoy a master-pet dynamic, or a parent-child dynamic, or a goddess-worshipper dynamic, or a mentor-acolyte dynamic. D/S is not always confined to a narrow band of roles that basically = Torturer/Victim and Peer/Peer.

Also, the fact that you're working with humans does not mean that it doesn't help to know something about animal behavior. Humans are animals too, even the ones who DON'T like pet-play, and a savvy dominant can use very simple techniques to reinforce desirable behavior and eliminate negative behavior in just about anyone. It doesn't have to be aggressive "molding" based on obvious punishment, instruction, passive-aggression and other high-energy methods. You can teach people to stop doing a lot of negative things simply by ceasing to reinforce them, positive or negative--this is especially true of negative behaviors that are verbal or psychological.

I will admit, I have never had someone who threw himself/herself at my feet and said "Mold me," and I can see how it would be off-putting or a red flag if someone did. Essentially someone who says "Mold me" is saying "take responsibility for my faults", and no one can do that for you (no, even parents cannot take sole responsibility for who their children choose to be). To me, the people who are really saying "mold me" and meaning it are the ones who say "I wish I knew how to do that" or "I'm sorry--please show me the right way" or "I really want to please you".

Quite honestly, I love a submissive who is genuinely flexible, able and willing to learn, change and grow. I am not a static individual myself, and someone too set into stone would quickly bore me and weigh me down.

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RE: Mold me? - 12/10/2008 10:38:14 PM

Aszhrae

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When the words 'mold me' are used. Not sure it means to treat them as malleable putty. Girl believes that is very similar to what 'ShaktiSama' stated:

Quite honestly, I love a submissive who is genuinely flexible, able and willing to learn, change and grow.

Sub/slave need time to learn about their dom/me too.
The D/s dynamic is not just one sided. Sub/slave need to do their part also and that doesn't mean being a block of stone and taking the discipline.
The dom/me has their fun and the sub/slave has their fun, both improve together, sparks ignite and before long the D/s dynamic is a bonfire.

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Post #: 244

RE: Mold me? - 12/10/2008 11:21:47 PM

slavejali

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Fast Reply

Been thinking about this topic for awhile

Master is a martial arts teacher, he takes a student, shows them down a path towards a destination that the student cannot see at the time but he can fully see. So in effect, he is molding them.

Ive experienced him doing the same with me. I didnt particular asked him to mold me but i did ask for him to enslave me and maybe they are one and the same realistically.

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RE: Mold me? - 12/11/2008 7:22:35 AM

bdaile

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While i personally wouldn't use the word "mold", i do understand the idea. i fully expect for my person, my thoughts and feelings and ideas, to change somewhat because of Sir. i don't believe He is molding me, simply helping me to be a better person.

*edited to correct my grammar*

< Message edited by bdaile -- 12/11/2008 7:26:22 AM >

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RE: Mold me? - 12/11/2008 7:28:24 AM

JackStar

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It is a way of saying train me. It is just another vernacular. It is like I am a canvas for you to paint on. you are just being an old cranky girl. (you said it not me.)

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RE: Mold me? - 12/11/2008 11:34:54 AM

Lockit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JackStar

It is a way of saying train me. It is just another vernacular. It is like I am a canvas for you to paint on. you are just being an old cranky girl. (you said it not me.)

LOL... that I am. Maybe I need someone to mould and have monitor my email! Then I won't be so cranky anymore!

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RE: Mold me? - 12/11/2008 12:18:07 PM

lally3

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

Hi Jeptha,

That said, he did develop traits in me that I didn't have before. He turned me into quite the slut for him, which I had not envisioned for myself. I let him. Had I been resistant to it, it wouldn't have happened, and likely, we would have parted ways much sooner. I wanted to give him what he wanted, and in doing so, I compromised a lot, yet I gained a lot, too.

i think its a fine balancing thing - im happy to try most things, ive been turned into a slutty ho and loved it - ive had my pain thresholds pushed way beyond i ever thought theyd go - ive even learnt to accept nipple clamps and ive always hated those things. i have been moulded in these ways and had my personality changed as a result - im way more confident, way happier, way stronger. these things are acceptable to me. i see these things as honing my skills, widening my options, broadening my horizons.

i will always attempt to absorb a D's prefferances, tastes, ideals - but i will only ever choose a D who is as close to my prefferances, tastes and ideals as possible. no point me going out with someone so different to me i would find it a constant struggle. and no point being moulded by someone elses preffereances, tastes and ideals if i happen to think they stink.

being moulded into something to suit someone else is bonkers - if im so not what they want then they should look for someone else.

Two examples come to mind - one was when my father was terminally ill in the hospital and vomited blood all over me, overwhelming me to the point of temporary paralysis (I was still owned during this time). The other was a recent fall down the stairs which blew out both my ankles, and I was alone, without my cell phone, and had to crawl back up the stairs and into my apartment to call for help. During both of those incidents, I reflected on the strength he taught me and required me to have, in order to please him. Those reflections caused me to hold my head up, take a deep breath, and move forward.

just wanted to send you a hug

.xxx

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Post #: 249

RE: Mold me? - 12/11/2008 12:35:19 PM

NuevaVida

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Aww, thanks lally!

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RE: Mold me? - 12/11/2008 2:01:07 PM

lally3

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- i think you deserve lots of hugs for what you went through there, i really hope you get lots of big bear squeezy hugs that make youre eyes go pop xx

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RE: Mold me? - 12/11/2008 2:16:01 PM

SlaveIndigochild

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Fast reply.....
i like the term mold in the context of ceramics. Taking a lump of clay, which in itself has no aesthetic or functional qualities and molding it via certain processes....slab work, coiling, throwing, glazes, firing etc.....and turning clay into something both functional and beautiful yet also unique.
So why do i stay in this relationship which many others would see as controlling? Mainly and qquite simply because Master meakes me feel both useful and beautiful. Now i have had feeling 'used' before. That's useful as a series of discrete (meaning finite) experiences. But now i feel useful...as a process, as a continual function of my role. And i also feel beautiful, without cause for constant reglection and anxiety. i often reflect that it is these qualities of Our relationship that are first and foremost the way in which He shapes me. the process makes me feel more useful and indeed more beautiful to others also.
Now i know there will be critics who say i 'should' feel beautiful and useful within myself, for myself and by myself. And yes, i agree. But for me real life is all about relationships and my days, are thank God, embedded, immersed and constantly in the flow of relationship to others. So yes, i have and continue to shape my own experiences yet when i fail to know what next, or i falter, or experience anxiety or loneliness then i know my Master is there to shape and yes mold me.

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RE: Mold me? - 12/11/2008 2:19:36 PM

silkenfire

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Studying for finals has me way behind on threads like this! I didn't read all the posts but:

Physically, I wish to have my Master mold me. For example, he wants my hair longer, I'm growing it out instead of a shorter cut I was thinking of before I became his. He has specific tastes in clothing, I try to accomodate. He is interested in my weight loss -- something I tried to do on my own for 3 years but it wasn't until this relationship that I had the drive to do it. Things like that, I am molded in -- but at the same time I would do that for any relationship, when I know there is a preference I attempt to follow it, that's in me.

quote:

I am an Auntie, I am a nuturing, caring, lovey old bird, but I am not anyone's mommy. I am not interested in teaching anyone the manners that they should have learned at home, how to behave in public, which one is the salad fork, and how to put away laundry.

When I saw this I had to respond -- one of the first things I did the 2nd week or so into spending significant time with my Master was seek laundry instructions.

Personally, I worked in clothing retail and fold like for display, a lot. Also, I always separated by colors when washing, washed with cold water.

Master prefers a different style of clothing and the clothing to be separated by weight rather than color, and washed in warm to hot water.

I believe laundry is EXTREMELY important for instruction, anytime a new person is doing your laundry, just because you never know what they think of doing laundry. Even if, like me, they had already done their own laundry for more than a decade at the time, that doesn't mean they'd do your laundry the way you wanted it. Little things like that, I think need teaching.

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RE: Mold me? - 12/11/2008 3:41:37 PM

Aszhrae

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When a sub/slave is perhaps younger than their dom/me, that like me, they can no longer afford to keep. Girl was trained to best serve their needs. Now its time to serve someone else, another domme and she will train me to better serve her needs.
Being moldable or trainable, that is the key to being a success as a sub/slave.
As a sub/slave there already exists the willingness to please your dom/me. Girl just looks at it as being an uncut gemstone.
First mistress wanted a cabochon, current couple wanted a tear cut, next wants a heart cut.

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