RE: Mold me?

RE: Mold me? (Full Version)

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LadyHibiscus -> RE: Mold me? (11/30/2008 7:01:05 PM)
Dang, this thread is still going! So glad that it hasn't degenerated into ick. I haven't gotten any of the mold-me spam... I am sad. [:o]

persephonee -> RE: Mold me? (11/30/2008 7:02:08 PM)
but you did get cmail from me...did you get it? perse

Lockit -> RE: Mold me? (11/30/2008 7:04:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Dang, this thread is still going! So glad that it hasn't degenerated into ick. I haven't gotten any of the mold-me spam... I am sad. [:o] I could be ever so helpful and send them all to you! hehe

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Mold me? (11/30/2008 7:09:43 PM)
GOT mail from Perse!! Since I rewrote my profile, most of my mail is from my friends, not so much from those pesky passers-by. The spam factor HAS gone up, though.

MidMichCowboy -> RE: Mold me? (11/30/2008 10:37:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear if you continuing to attempt to mould me into your idea of a perfect aristocratis officer and gentleman, you do not love me but wish to clone me for your social uses. If however you love me, you will allow me to make my mistakes and learn by them. You will allow me to grow and try to reach my potential and take pride in my achievments both great and small... Helping someone to reach THEIR potential versus molding someone in what we want them to be, disregarding what makes them ... them, that is the difference. Nicely put and I applaud you. One must always follow one's own path.

AquaticSub -> RE: Mold me? (12/1/2008 2:01:17 AM)
~Fast Reply~ I have yet to be impressed by any pro-molding sentiments and I've read a lot of theories of why subs/slaves must be broken down and rebuilt. Quite frankly I view it as a waste of energy and simply find one who suits you as she is. The closest anyone has come to presenting a persuasive point of view was talking about the positive growth that happens in any stable relationship. One does not need a "molding" relationship to help someone quit smoking - it happens in vanilla relationships. Nor does one have to "mold" someone to help them learn to balence their checkbook. It also ignores the fact that, in a healthy relationship, the one in control will change as well. Unless they view themselves as already perfect, then they will change, grow and learn from being in this relationship - though the using the phrase "My pet changed me" probably loses you uber-dom points. Change and growth in and from relationships doesn't need a special term and it's not something we invented. It isn't unique to us in any way - we just put a special label on it to increase the moisture factor in our panties.

DogGoneBad -> RE: Mold me? (12/1/2008 2:22:25 AM)
I view molding as training or teaching a submissive what pleases and displeases me. The type of clothing to wear, respectful behaviors, rules to obey, following instruction and protocol. What I expect out of her in given situations. Nearly anything, including how to give the most pleasing blow job. We are talking about BDSM D/s relationships here, right?

gypsygrl -> RE: Mold me? (12/1/2008 2:23:12 AM)
quote: we just put a special label on it to increase the moisture factor in our panties. Yup. And, isn't that the point? To take things that aren't 'supposed' to be sexy and make them sexy? To mold someone is to excercise power over them and, for some, at least, that's hot. Even if the molding is in name only, the rhetoric can be sexy. Its not much different from people who get off on using the language of rape in a consensual situation that only looks like rape in order to get off.

AquaticSub -> RE: Mold me? (12/1/2008 4:16:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gypsygrl quote: we just put a special label on it to increase the moisture factor in our panties. Yup. And, isn't that the point? To take things that aren't 'supposed' to be sexy and make them sexy? To mold someone is to excercise power over them and, for some, at least, that's hot. Even if the molding is in name only, the rhetoric can be sexy. Its not much different from people who get off on using the language of rape in a consensual situation that only looks like rape in order to get off. Of course. But you'll never find me claiming that what Valyraen does to me is really rape. There is a difference between using particular terms ("slave heart", "rape", "punishment" when it's really a jolly time, and "molding" for examples) because they increase your arousal and taking them as deadly serious. Val doesn't rape me - we just like to pretend he does nor do we have any problem saying such.

leadership527 -> RE: Mold me? (12/1/2008 7:04:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit What do you all think? Do you want to mold someone who is an adult? Do we send the message that, that is what we want to do? I most definitely do. In fact, it's one of my biggest payoffs for all the effort I put in. I am shaping and reshaping my wife in some fairly deep and non-trivial ways starting right out with turning her into my slave. At least for me, I couldn't really understand the point of leading someone who has no need of any leadership... why not simply be a vanilla couple then? quote: Is it crazy to expect an adult to have some adult skills and be somewhat able to change thier own bad habits? My wife has a great many adult skills. But, like all of us, myself included, she also has some parts of her personality that have proven intractible for her to deal with. I, with the advantage of being a 3rd party and not direclty involved in the problem, find it much easier to understand and pick apart at these undesirable parts of her personality. She brings a wealth of "adult skills" to the party to aid and abet me. In short, I don't see it as anywhere near as black and white as your question suggests. My wife is a strong and capable adult who is also less than perfect. I'm working on the "less than perfect" part leveraging the "strong and capable" part.

SimplyMichael -> RE: Mold me? (12/1/2008 7:18:44 AM)
One of my kinks is very much "molding" someone. Often in molding someone else, I am able to reshape myself as well. In addition, I wouldn't want a partner who wasn't capable of molding me as well. My goal it to create a greater whole WITH someone and to do that requires a partner who brings things I lack, who has perspectives I don't, and who enriches my life as I do hers. The problems occur when people come at this from a negative co-dependence sort of place and look for wounded people to "fix". Or even more destructive, when they look for someone they can tear down in order for themselves to feel better.

camille65 -> RE: Mold me? (12/1/2008 7:36:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida I never did understand the hostility felt by so many toward those who are not as strong. We all have our place in this world and we are all ever-changing. Why not just be grateful for our own strengths rather than resentful toward the weak? We seem to only accept each other's differences that are on some sort of approval list or something. If you don't have time and energy in your world to spend on weaker people, then don't, but the animosity I often see represents to me a vested emotional interest that I just don't understand. To each their own, including the damsels and knights. He took me and has shaped me. Every day I am thankful for his efforts. This is one of those threads that makes me feel a bit sad and once would have made me feel ashamed for being who I am. Yup I am one of those detested and maligned needy subs. I actually need a certain amount of oh that dreaded and horrific word MICROMANAGEMENT and he is more than willing to supply that for me. Ironic that we are a group of people fully accepting the idea of physically brutalizing others because it is consensual yet not at all accepting of what I tend to call emotional kinks. Some actually need to be beaten to feel right inside and be balanced, some need to be stripped down and built back up.

trealeon -> RE: Mold me? (12/1/2008 8:44:46 AM)
I think the term "emotional kink" kind of sums it up. That's what it is. Some people get off on being spanked, whipped, chained up, suspended, choked, etc. Some people get off on being mentally and emotionally manipulated, molded, shaped, micromanaged etc. All it means is that people need to find the partner (Dom or sub) that matches their particular kinks and preferences. Same as in any type of relationship. I think the key is that we want to try and keep an open mind even if we don't understand it or it isn't our "kink." I always like these types of threads that question other's tastes so that we can learn what makes others tick.

NuevaVida -> RE: Mold me? (12/1/2008 9:26:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: camille65 He took me and has shaped me. Every day I am thankful for his efforts. This is one of those threads that makes me feel a bit sad and once would have made me feel ashamed for being who I am. Yup I am one of those detested and maligned needy subs. I actually need a certain amount of oh that dreaded and horrific word MICROMANAGEMENT and he is more than willing to supply that for me. Ironic that we are a group of people fully accepting the idea of physically brutalizing others because it is consensual yet not at all accepting of what I tend to call emotional kinks. Some actually need to be beaten to feel right inside and be balanced, some need to be stripped down and built back up. Camille, I'm really glad you no longer feel ashamed from other people's words. I love what you write here, and I'm so glad you are receiving everything you want in your relationship. I love some elements of micromanagement, too, and I enjoyed being molded/shaped/trained (oh my). You are right - physical brutality is much more accepted than emotional. I think that's because emotional can cut so deep and can be very frightening (and damaging if done poorly). People tend to be protective and guarded in that area, and perhaps view those who aren't as "needy, weak, insecure..." or whatever condescending label du jur. :) But remember, people respond to circumstances based on their own experiences and frames of mind. I'll never comprehend "rape play" for myself, for example, because of my past experiences, and it would be easy for me to respond to others with a rather aghast reaction. That's because I would be projecting my own emotional fears onto their situation, rather than understanding their experiences, needs and desires are different than mine and perfectly OK. I suspect those who react strongly to micromanagement, molding, and weaknesses are likely doing the same. Rather than get upset now, I try to explain where I'm coming from, in the hopes others can see it and be less critical about it. But the reality is that people are going to think and feel what they do, and it usually has nothing to do with who we are, on the receiving end. In any case, I'm glad you are writing more about where you are coming from, because it adds perspective and balance to the diversity that we all share.

MidMichCowboy -> RE: Mold me? (12/1/2008 9:41:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: camille65 He took me and has shaped me. Every day I am thankful for his efforts. This is one of those threads that makes me feel a bit sad and once would have made me feel ashamed for being who I am. Yup I am one of those detested and maligned needy subs. I actually need a certain amount of oh that dreaded and horrific word MICROMANAGEMENT and he is more than willing to supply that for me. Ironic that we are a group of people fully accepting the idea of physically brutalizing others because it is consensual yet not at all accepting of what I tend to call emotional kinks. Some actually need to be beaten to feel right inside and be balanced, some need to be stripped down and built back up. You are right. I should try to be more open minded. But here is my question for you. You said he shaped you and helped you. But did he elimiate the spark of who you are inside of you? I see and talk to Dom's who think it would be so "cool" to eliminate all trace of what a person was and completely make them over into their "doll". That, I can't accept.

sexisubi -> RE: Mold me? (12/1/2008 9:49:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MidMichCowboy I see and talk to Dom's who think it would be so "cool" to eliminate all trace of what a person was and completely make them over into their "doll". That, I can't accept. i think it would be impossible to truly mold someone... then all they need do is find the perfect body... nothing to deal with the woman being themselves... that doesn't sound fair so i would agree. i think it's hot when they spark past feelings i had before i built my little wall around my castle. When they can go into my 'castle' and see behinds the green eyes and the smile then they win my heart. However, no one can truly change unless they want to change... thats why i think molding is a crock. Growing i can buy, molding i just can't.

NihilusZero -> RE: Mold me? (12/1/2008 9:53:15 AM)
Okay...I've only casually glanced at some of the initial and final posts. Are many people really this discomforted by the concept of "molding"? What do you think the entirety of D/s relationships are based on? A contented sub wishing to learn how to change things to better serve her Dom. A conscientious Domme guiding her sub along to a path of better self-image. Compatibility is only a foyer doorway. It's the good first step to ensure that both people want to be in the same 'building', but molding is (it would seem to me) an integral bonding process in D/s relationships. Of course there will be folks who identify themselves as D-types who don't actually have the wherewithal to properly guide someone...but how is that any more a realistic epiphany than the fact that there are fake accounts on an online community? Perhaps I'm projecting some of my own thoughts, but I can't imagine a D/s relationship where the sub didn't choose her Dom based on the fact that she saw him as being worthy/competent to play the role of mentor, teacher and objective partner.

NihilusZero -> RE: Mold me? (12/1/2008 9:56:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexisubi i think it would be impossible to truly mold someone... then all they need do is find the perfect body... nothing to deal with the woman being themselves... that doesn't sound fair so i would agree. There seems to be this subtle fear among many people that molding somehow erases the subs personality (even if the sub is content and desiring of molding) and, therefore, a thing of some evil nature. It isn't about "fair". It's about matching desires. Of course it must start with the sub...but that's true of any life-changing process. Certainly we do not all live in imaginary stagnant, forever-stuck self-images. We all have ideals and end-goals we strive for concerning ourselves...and many times we fashion these after 'role models' (whoever those may be). Why there should be some worrisome aspect if a person decides to make that source their partner, I don't know...

NihilusZero -> RE: Mold me? (12/1/2008 9:58:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MidMichCowboy But did he elimiate the spark of who you are inside of you? Again...the notion that molding somehow directly leads to an erasure of personal idiosyncrasies. Really...if that were the case, I'd be opening up a clinic to remove addictions posthaste... quote: ORIGINAL: MidMichCowboy I see and talk to Dom's who think it would be so "cool" to eliminate all trace of what a person was and completely make them over into their "doll". That, I can't accept. Even if the subs/slaves are perfectly comfortable with it?

NihilusZero -> RE: Mold me? (12/1/2008 9:59:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida quote: ORIGINAL: camille65 He took me and has shaped me. Every day I am thankful for his efforts. This is one of those threads that makes me feel a bit sad and once would have made me feel ashamed for being who I am. Yup I am one of those detested and maligned needy subs. I actually need a certain amount of oh that dreaded and horrific word MICROMANAGEMENT and he is more than willing to supply that for me. Ironic that we are a group of people fully accepting the idea of physically brutalizing others because it is consensual yet not at all accepting of what I tend to call emotional kinks. Some actually need to be beaten to feel right inside and be balanced, some need to be stripped down and built back up. Camille, I'm really glad you no longer feel ashamed from other people's words. I love what you write here, and I'm so glad you are receiving everything you want in your relationship. I love some elements of micromanagement, too, and I enjoyed being molded/shaped/trained (oh my). You are right - physical brutality is much more accepted than emotional. I think that's because emotional can cut so deep and can be very frightening (and damaging if done poorly). People tend to be protective and guarded in that area, and perhaps view those who aren't as "needy, weak, insecure..." or whatever condescending label du jur. :) But remember, people respond to circumstances based on their own experiences and frames of mind. I'll never comprehend "rape play" for myself, for example, because of my past experiences, and it would be easy for me to respond to others with a rather aghast reaction. That's because I would be projecting my own emotional fears onto their situation, rather than understanding their experiences, needs and desires are different than mine and perfectly OK. I suspect those who react strongly to micromanagement, molding, and weaknesses are likely doing the same. Rather than get upset now, I try to explain where I'm coming from, in the hopes others can see it and be less critical about it. But the reality is that people are going to think and feel what they do, and it usually has nothing to do with who we are, on the receiving end. In any case, I'm glad you are writing more about where you are coming from, because it adds perspective and balance to the diversity that we all share. Beautiful additions, you two.

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