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Help Me - 12/3/2008 7:12:37 PM   
freedslave


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/19/2008
Status: offline 		New to this and not sure what to ask but respectfully please help me... my journal spells it out some...where is that line between master/slave and real life too much hurt...any advice?  He wants me back if i expect less for the next year and let Him explore the lifestyle with and without me...does a slave stay and be hurt and left behind so to speak?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Help Me - 12/3/2008 7:21:37 PM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		I am going to tell you what i tell every slave friend who has pretty much asked the should i stay or should i goo goo question.

You will leave when the pain of staying becomes greater than the pain of leaving and you will leave when you are able too because he lets you. 

Many will freak out with the last part but if you take in the concept that exists in M/s it is the concept of mastery and enslavement, you will hopefully understand what that last part means.

Good luck,

angel

_____________________________


What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson


(in reply to freedslave)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Help Me - 12/3/2008 7:23:04 PM   
cjan


Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline 		After reading your journal, and your post, I'm not sure what you are asking, freed. However, I'm just a stranger online and know nothing of you or your situation. Do you have any real friends that you can discuss this with ? I hope so. Good luck and best wishes.

_____________________________

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall ,frozen , dead, from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."- D.H. L

" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti



(in reply to freedslave)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Help Me - 12/3/2008 7:26:53 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		What is going on in your relationship that has you considering leaving?  What is there left in your relationship worth sticking it out?  If you could clarify some, it would be helpful, but in the end only you can really determine what you need and what your limits are.

Best wishes!

lovingpet

(in reply to cjan)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Help Me - 12/3/2008 7:34:01 PM   
freedslave


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/19/2008
Status: offline 		He wants me back...to change the relationship...not be "in love"...the timings off...He wants me to not date, stay home and with children while He explores the lifestyle...He wants me to be patient yet come over once a week and "play"...We built a dungeon together..we talked of a future He my Master and i His slave...floggings to vanilla...church on Sundays...dreams...He wants my service thats all now...how do u unlove ur Master and be a fuckbuddy?

(in reply to cjan)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Help Me - 12/3/2008 7:40:46 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: freedslave

He wants me back...to change the relationship...not be "in love"...the timings off...He wants me to not date, stay home and with children while He explores the lifestyle...He wants me to be patient yet come over once a week and "play"...We built a dungeon together..we talked of a future He my Master and i His slave...floggings to vanilla...church on Sundays...dreams...He wants my service thats all now...how do u unlove ur Master and be a fuckbuddy?


Frankly... at this point what he wants is rather irrelevant!!!

The question you should ask is  "WHAT DO YOU WANT"?  figure that out.. and you will have a better idea of what you should do.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to freedslave)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Help Me - 12/3/2008 7:41:43 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		I don't know that he necessarily means it to be quite that flat.  He may be more attempting to explore new areas.  Perhaps there is a loss of direction or identity he is struggling with.  I have no idea.  If what he is asking is not something you can handle, then you have your answer.  Are you seeking monogamy and he poly?  If your expectations are that vastly different, I have to wonder what you are realistically able to hold on to.  It is truly and ultimately your decision.

lovingpet

(in reply to freedslave)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Help Me - 12/4/2008 1:39:29 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: freedslave

New to this and not sure what to ask but respectfully please help me... my journal spells it out some...where is that line between master/slave and real life too much hurt...any advice?  He wants me back if i expect less for the next year and let Him explore the lifestyle with and without me...does a slave stay and be hurt and left behind so to speak?

You take the "slave" right out of the context and ask yourself what a mature adult would/should do with the options presented.
 
Seems to me he wants the freedom to do as he likes with the security of you waiting around when he's in the mood.  Sounds like most teenager's ideal relationship.  As KnightofMists said, izzat what *you* want?
 
Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to freedslave)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Help Me - 12/4/2008 7:32:20 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: freedslave

He wants me back...to change the relationship...not be "in love"...the timings off...He wants me to not date, stay home and with children while He explores the lifestyle...He wants me to be patient yet come over once a week and "play"...We built a dungeon together..we talked of a future He my Master and i His slave...floggings to vanilla...church on Sundays...dreams...He wants my service thats all now...how do u unlove ur Master and be a fuckbuddy?

Darlin', the relationship hasn't changed a bit.  He's getting exactly what he wanted in the first place--pussy on tap.

That stuff he said about church on Sundays and dreams...the technical term for that is "LIE"--a common tactic for prying a girl's legs open.


_____________________________



(in reply to freedslave)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Help Me - 12/4/2008 7:45:42 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Is a fuckbuddy relationship with someone you don't trust or like much enough for you?

I'm suggesting you just say no. He doesn't feel about you the way you want your man to feel. At the same time he doesn't want to be without someone to beat and fuck. So he's asking you to be his booty call until he finds someone he does love.

Don't you deserve more than that?

Take time off and heal. Then go out to the dungeons, the munches etc by yourself. It he comes sniffing around tell him to go away. You're beautiful and you won't find any shortage of guys to date, play with who do like you and want you to be happy with what they do.  No guesses as to when you'll find someone compatible to love and marry, but you have plenty of time for that.

In the meantime, go do some volunteering for the holidays. It will make you feel good and you need that. Take the kids to hand out Christmas cards at a nursing home. Religion isn't just for Sunday morning.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Help Me - 12/4/2008 7:53:35 AM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline 		FR
 
I second Focus50 and celticlord2112.
 
Natural slaves have powerful magic. Know your desire and be determined that it will happen.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Help Me - 12/4/2008 8:46:38 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: freedslave

He wants me back...to change the relationship...not be "in love"...the timings off...He wants me to not date, stay home and with children while He explores the lifestyle...He wants me to be patient yet come over once a week and "play"...We built a dungeon together..we talked of a future He my Master and i His slave...floggings to vanilla...church on Sundays...dreams...He wants my service thats all now...how do u unlove ur Master and be a fuckbuddy?


He wants.......quite a lot of things.

For you to wait while he moves ahead in his exploration.
He wants to step back from the 'love' thing.
He wants you not to date.
He wants you to be patient.
He wants you to play 'weekly'.
He wants your service.

As others have asked.......What do YOU want?

Your expectations, hopes and desires don't match his. He's trotting down a route and doesn't want you alongside. That's fine.

If YOU desire to wait, to step back, not date, be patient, play weekly and serve......then you'll do it and be content, up to a point. But your post and questions suggest that you will not.

Cost/benefit........Is it worth it? Loving someone doesn't mean their wants and wishes are worthwhile or beneficial for you.

agirl















(in reply to freedslave)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Help Me - 12/4/2008 8:48:17 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

FR
 
I second Focus50 and celticlord2112.
 
Natural slaves have powerful magic. Know your desire and be determined that it will happen.


What about the un-natural ones?.

agirl

(in reply to Rule)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Help Me - 12/4/2008 9:39:29 AM   
SassySarijane


Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline 		Take slave and master out of the equation and sit down and think about what you need and want, what fulfills you and makes you happy. Sounds like you guys don't match. Go find your happiness since he's obviously searching for his without you. Don't you deserve better?

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Help Me - 12/5/2008 3:51:42 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

FR
 
I second Focus50 and celticlord2112.
 
Natural slaves have powerful magic. Know your desire and be determined that it will happen.


What about the un-natural ones?.

agirl



They can fake it!!! *w*

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Help Me - 12/5/2008 4:49:36 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

He wants me to not date, stay home and with children


This part I do not understand. Why would he not want you to date, but to stay home and with children if you aren't anything but playmates/fuck buddies? Is it so in case he doesn't meet someone he has you nicely tucked away to fall back on, or is it because he is just being selfish, both maybe? Tread carefully is my best advice and I would counter his offer with, I will date just like you are and we will see how it goes from there. If he bolts, I don't think you have really lost much.

~Lashra

< Message edited by Lashra -- 12/5/2008 4:50:29 PM >

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to freedslave)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Help Me - 12/5/2008 7:55:30 PM   
scottjk


Posts: 335
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		If this isn't what you agreed to at the beginning, then it's time to bring it to a close. Slaves as property need care, not neglect, or they'll rapidly lose value.

Translation: He's not taking care of your needs, emotionally and you're at risk for more neglect if you continue on this path with him.

I know you love him, but he's gotten lost and doesn't appear to have a sense of purpose or direction.

I'm making a lot of assumptions here, I know, so I'll say this much.

The kids are a priority.



_____________________________

Thou art fertile ground and I will plant a garden in thee.

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Help Me - 12/5/2008 9:41:53 PM   
DomDG


Posts: 63
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline 		My question would be is this a strictly M/s thing or a 'marriage' thing?  Because for me there is a big difference between Master and slave coming to an end and a marriage.  There are moral issues in both, but legal issues in the latter. 

I, like others probably don't know enough to give deep well centered advise.  I can say that if it's a marriage involved, this sounds a lot like a mid life crisis on his part.  Which is hard all around. 

One might ask if he is seeking other or another?  There are differences here. 

One list question I have do you have a BDSM group in your area where you to can go and maybe learn more about all this life has to offer? For us the group is so much a part of our life.

As to what to do, only you can really answer that.  Only you can know what YOU need as others have said. 

I am sorry you find yourself in this position. 

D


(in reply to scottjk)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Help Me - 12/5/2008 11:18:12 PM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

quote:

He wants me to not date, stay home and with children


This part I do not understand. Why would he not want you to date, but to stay home and with children if you aren't anything but playmates/fuck buddies? Is it so in case he doesn't meet someone he has you nicely tucked away to fall back on, or is it because he is just being selfish, both maybe? Tread carefully is my best advice and I would counter his offer with, I will date just like you are and we will see how it goes from there. If he bolts, I don't think you have really lost much.

~Lashra


I'm with Lashra on this one.  He doesn't want a romantic relationship with you, he just wants to fuck you when he feels like it.  So if he's not your bf/partner/whatever, why are you letting him dictate how you live your life?  Either you're a couple and he gets a say, or you're not and he gets what you want to give him. 

There's a fine line between 'slave' and 'doormat', and he thinks you have 'welcome' tattooed on your ass...

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Help Me - 12/6/2008 10:41:47 AM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		With the situation as presented, agreeing to his offer will leave you in an emotionally unreciprocated relationship.

Heck, the reason you are even entertaining being in an emotively barren relationship with him is specifically because of your lingering emotional attachment. If you are not even remotely attracted to the idea of a purely casual sex dynamic with him, then then there isn't even a decision for you to make.


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 20
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