RE: open relationships (Full Version)

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persephonee -> RE: open relationships (12/9/2008 7:34:19 PM)

Well, LOL on old perse....i just read the rest of the thread....going to sleep safe in the knowledge that everyone is going to be alright afterall....

perse



slavegirljoy -> RE: open relationships (12/9/2008 7:38:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

open bdsm relationships

Do they really work or is it some excuse not to commit to anything is it a form of being selfish or to open.


They work for some people and don't work for others.  i have been involved in swinging for 30 years and have never had an issue with a lack of commitment or selfishness in my relationships.  In fact, i've found it to be just the opposite.  As opposed to "keeping" your partner all to yourself, the shared experience of having sex with others is very unselfish.  And, if you have a strong bond between you, having sex with other people isn't likely to break or even weaken that bond.  Swinging, as opposed to having a secretive affair in a monogamous relationship, is something that is shared by the couple and is out in the open.
 
But, if a relationship already has problems and the swinging is an attempt to make the relationship better, that's not likely to happen.  Or, if one person in the relationship is just going along with the idea of swinging to make the other person happy but, they really don't like the idea, then that's not likely to work too well, either.
 
If you don't like the idea of a non-monogamous relationship then find someone who feels the same way and don't worry about the other people who are having the sort of relationship that they like.
 
joy
Master David's erotic-domestic slave



YourhandMyAss -> RE: open relationships (12/9/2008 7:43:32 PM)

If you remember when it was could ya maybe point me to it, I could use another good sniicker this evening.
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

Has he really pulled that card before ? [:'(]


It's one of the things he's made threads about before, yes.



kidwithknife -> RE: open relationships (12/9/2008 7:56:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64
I think open relationships are where people just give up and are tired of being treaded on by bad people so they just give in kinda like the sheep to wolves t hing
whats your take
I  think that monogamous relationships are for people who are stupid and need a set of easy to follow rules in order to understand the world.

No, of course I don't.  I'm being deliberately silly.  But it makes about as much sense as your theory.

So I guess I'll just have to go through life knowing that you don't approve of my chosen relationship structures.  It's a hard burden for a mere mortal to carry, but I'm sure I'll muddle through somehow.



YourhandMyAss -> RE: open relationships (12/9/2008 8:20:48 PM)

we'll muddle through it together, I'll help ya:)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kidwithknife

[So I guess I'll just have to go through life knowing that you don't approve of my chosen relationship structures.  It's a hard burden for a mere mortal to carry, but I'm sure I'll muddle through somehow.




Evility -> RE: open relationships (12/9/2008 8:31:03 PM)

I was in an open relationship for about 4 years and overall it was a good experience. I think the open relationship model has its pros and cons like any other relationship model and it is not for everyone, also like any other relationship model. It's not even a good call for most people. My experience was that there was a higher level or degree of trust in that open relationship that in most of my monogamous relationships. It's a more complex scenario but if you apply yourself the dividends can be equally as great. If you have a strong and stable relationship going in it can be a very satisfying experience. My opinion is that the average person (read: just about anybody) can navigate a monogamous relationship adequately but it takes a person with a very special skill set to succeed at the open relationship.



oceanwynds -> RE: open relationships (12/9/2008 8:47:51 PM)

We are commited to do our best in this relationship. We are commited to be good to each other. We are commited in enjoying each other. I am commited to serving Sir. Sir is commited to letting me serve him. I am commited to being myself. Sir is commited to being himself. I wear no ring, no collar, nor do i live with him.

In the beginning of our relationship and even to this day, there is no commitment to each other. He and I are free to be with others. This though is something i wont do, because there is no desire. He hasn't either. Our relationship works for us.

People tend to want to judge something that is not for them. There are parts of BDSM that does not appeal to me at all. As long as these couples are happy with it, so be it. I find it rude for people to make blantant remarks towards ideals that they disagree with. Though in reality this type of rudeness is found in all  parts of life, be it real time or cyber ville.

oceanwynds



angaothsi -> RE: open relationships (12/9/2008 9:30:02 PM)

OK, let me wade through this and see if I can make sense of the OP and add my own two cents.

Right off the bat you ask if open BDSM relationships work, short answer is yes. Long answer is way to long to write here. Donaldnola and I have been together for over 22 years, married for 17 and we are and have been for a very long time a poly house as well as sexually open with each other and with other people. So your question about the inability to commit is rather moot to me. Commitment is not tied only to sexuality but rather encompasses many other things.
Though I will admit that in some cases there may be a bit of selfishness involved this is not always true, nor is it a matter of being too open, it depends on many factors. Poly or open does NOT mean one does everyone and the kitchen sink that statement is an uninformed assumption.
And how dare you ever presume to judge the values, morality or world view of other people? For someone who claims to desire to always continue growing you come across as someone who has a very narrow outlook.

Direct Quote from OP
" I think open relationships are where people just give up and are tired of being treaded on by bad people so they just give in kinda like the sheep to wolves t hing
whats your take "

My question is...WHAT? First off none of that makes one iota of sense.
What is it that I an other "open" people have given up? Who are these "bad people" who have treaded on us? And what the hell do sheep and wolves have to do with it at all?
My take on open relationships are that it takes a bases of TRUST to be able to live this way, just as it takes TRUST to live a BDSM lifestyle so for the right people the two things actually support each other.
My take on the OP, you really dont want to hear.



Lordandmaster -> RE: open relationships (12/9/2008 9:34:45 PM)

You're back!

quote:

ORIGINAL: ghitaPVH



stella41b -> RE: open relationships (12/9/2008 10:40:38 PM)

*waves to ghitaPVH and angaothsi*

welcome back?

A relationship in which people share a similar level of commitment, feelings, fulfillment and happiness is a successful relationship, irrespective of whether it's a monogamous one or a polyamorous one.

I refuse to make value judgments about any relationship I'm not involved in, whether directly or indirectly.

Edited for one typo.



DomDG -> RE: open relationships (12/9/2008 11:20:15 PM)

I always love when any one person is so judgemental of the lifestyle of other kinksters.  It's worse than being judged by the 'nilla world.  It's stupid!

We are in an open relationship.  We have been together for 10 years, married 8 and 1/2 now.  We have been poly for 3 and open for 2.  It is something we grew to.  It takes strength and trust to be in this kind of relationship.  We both have to be strong enough to allow the other be free.  We both have to trust the other enough to not hurt us.  Don't tell me we've 'given up'.  Damn that one pissed me off.  We have not given up on anything, rather we opened ourselves to more, more love, more fun, more to enjoy!



utopicus -> RE: open relationships (12/9/2008 11:35:55 PM)

I really don't appreciate the "open relationship" thing; it's possible that you are right in saying that some are terrified to commit, whilst others are just sick and tired to be let down... I believe that the stronger the bond get between partners the further they grow in their practice (if BDSM is a practice...).
To have intimate encounters with somebody you don't share any emotion with is a bit...promiscuous... Call me an old fashioned boy, that's what I believe. 



AquaticSub -> RE: open relationships (12/10/2008 12:30:20 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: utopicus


To have intimate encounters with somebody you don't share any emotion with is a bit...promiscuous... Call me an old fashioned boy, that's what I believe. 


The flaws in that statement are that 1) Everyone assumes promiscuousity is a bad thing and that 2) In all open relationships, all sexual partners besides the "primary" lack an emotional connection.

While I have been promiscuous (and oh how I loved it) it was really in my single days. Now that I'm poly, when I have sex with others it's because I have a connection to them. Granted I play without deep and meaningful connections but I don't regard scenes as intimate encounters in the slightest.



IronBear -> RE: open relationships (12/10/2008 2:07:32 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

open bdsm relationships

Do they really work or is it some excuse not to commit to anything is it a form of being selfish or to open. after all ds suppose to be a higher form of trust. if your other is doing everything and kitchen sing and your ok with it what does it say about your values or take on things. do you not like to commit kinda of like congress lol

I think open relationships are where people just give up and are tired of being treaded on by bad people so they just give in kinda like the sheep to wolves t hing
whats your take


I really hope that you are not serious about your opening statement and the ones following making definitive sweeping statements indicating that the only people who are right are ones who agree with you and that unless everything has your stamp of approval, it is automatically wrong, It would be a great pity if this were the case for I gave you credit for far more intelligence that that. Added to that of course, anyone posting from such a blinkered point of view to any public forum is actually wasting everyone’s time because bigoted and biased people can not teach any one anything except what not to do.  

Open relationships do work! The workability is wholly dependent of those involved. On a broader arena, Swinging fits into open relationships as a part pf the swinging dynamic. At times there may not be suitable couple to swing with but each partner may be able to find singles that they can enjoy sexually. This works well for my Wife and I especially until we are able to snaffle a boy and a girl into collars. The reason Open Relationships can and do work is because of trust and excellent communications as well as both people knowing what the other is doing as well as who and where.



LadyPact -> RE: open relationships (12/10/2008 2:55:13 AM)

Here's what's really confusing Me, Latex......

You're no newcomer to these boards.  There are quite a few of us who you recognize our pictures and our names.  You've read our posts where we've talked about ourselves and our relationships.  I'd be willing to bet that you might even know the names of the other people we reference when we talk about them.  You might even remember some of the stories we've told.

Now, knowing all of this, tell Me where you see the absence of commitment?  I realize that an open or poly arrangement will probably never be your choice, but what do you see lacking for those of us who have these relationships? 

I can't speak for you and I won't.  I'll only speak for Me.  There are some poly and/or open relationship folks that I highly respect on these boards.  They have what they want in their relationship and they are making it work.  They are happy in what they are doing and the way they live.  They have the love of others in their lives and it shows through in what they post here.  I see no lack of commitment.  All this post has done has made Me even more aware of it.



IronBear -> RE: open relationships (12/10/2008 3:34:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Here's what's really confusing Me, Latex......

You're no newcomer to these boards.  There are quite a few of us who you recognize our pictures and our names.  You've read our posts where we've talked about ourselves and our relationships.  I'd be willing to bet that you might even know the names of the other people we reference when we talk about them.  You might even remember some of the stories we've told.

Now, knowing all of this, tell Me where you see the absence of commitment?  I realize that an open or poly arrangement will probably never be your choice, but what do you see lacking for those of us who have these relationships? 

I can't speak for you and I won't.  I'll only speak for Me.  There are some poly and/or open relationship folks that I highly respect on these boards.  They have what they want in their relationship and they are making it work.  They are happy in what they are doing and the way they live.  They have the love of others in their lives and it shows through in what they post here.  I see no lack of commitment.  All this post has done has made Me even more aware of it.



BRAVO M'Lady! Bravo!!!

Takes off my fedora and bows slightly to her in a courtly manner.



kyraofMists -> RE: open relationships (12/10/2008 6:22:04 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: utopicus

I really don't appreciate the "open relationship" thing; it's possible that you are right in saying that some are terrified to commit, whilst others are just sick and tired to be let down... I believe that the stronger the bond get between partners the further they grow in their practice (if BDSM is a practice...).
To have intimate encounters with somebody you don't share any emotion with is a bit...promiscuous... Call me an old fashioned boy, that's what I believe. 


But it is entirely possible to be highly committed to each other and in an open relationship.  The two are not mutually exclusive.  I know from personal experience.

Knight's Kyra



IrishMist -> RE: open relationships (12/10/2008 6:25:51 AM)

quote:

Do they really work

Yes, they really do work.
quote:

  after all ds suppose to be a higher form of trust.

That's a load of BS
quote:

if your other is doing everything and kitchen sing and your ok with it what does it say about your values or take on things. 

My values are not your values. Please refrain from trying to put the two into the same box.
quote:

  I think open relationships are where people just give up and are tired of being treaded on by bad people so they just give in kinda like the sheep to wolves t hing

Even though I disagree, you are of course, entitled to your own opinions and thoughts.



MarsBonfire -> RE: open relationships (12/10/2008 6:54:13 AM)

My wife and I have been married for 23 years. We've been "open" now for the last 15 of those years. So far, aside from a few miscommunications when we first started, things have been going well for us. Lot's of variety, and some wonderful new friends...

But I agree with the earlier poster who noted that being open isn't the same thing as not having rules. With us, our partner knows who we are with, and when we can be expected home. We know that if any mistakes take place... (a condom slips off, or breaks, or some other high risk activity happens) sex is on hold until STD panels can be run. If our third patners aren't comfortable enough with us to be invited 'round for dinner on occasion, then something's wrong, and that person should be no longer played with. (but we can certainly remain friends with them.) These are a few examples.



kyraofMists -> RE: open relationships (12/10/2008 7:11:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
I really hope that you are not serious about your opening statement and the ones following making definitive sweeping statements indicating that the only people who are right are ones who agree with you and that unless everything has your stamp of approval, it is automatically wrong, It would be a great pity if this were the case for I gave you credit for far more intelligence that that. Added to that of course, anyone posting from such a blinkered point of view to any public forum is actually wasting everyone’s time because bigoted and biased people can not teach any one anything except what not to do.  


Unfortunately, IB, he is serious.  This is a topic that is often discussed by him/with him and his negative attitude towards those who prefer poly, open or any relationship that does not resemble strict monogamy seems pretty much set in stone.  The numerous examples of people and relationship who are very happy and healthy in poly or open relationships does not dissuade him at all.

Knight's Kyra



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