RE: open relationships (Full Version)

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IronBear -> RE: open relationships (12/10/2008 7:12:23 AM)

It's already been noted that having an open relationship DOES NOT medan in any way, shape or form Not Having Rules. With my secong wife, we moved to an open relationship because the swinging scene just disintegrated as far as our etite group wan conserned as people moved away for work or family reasons. We sat down and worked simple and applicable rules which were set up to give each of us a sence of security especialy if we were attending a party where "grope and grovel" was acceptable. (Sort of swingers mixed with non swingers and all sex was behind closed bedroom doors). We alkso had hand signs so we could let the other one know if we had our sexual sights on some one, if some one was a no no etc. It worked well for 13 years. The point being, either one of us could and would "pull the plug" if we believed that the third person was starting to rock the marital boat. We always discussed who, where, when and how we were playing with which also helped to keep things on an even keel. Both of us had sufficient trust that neither of us would tell pork pies about anything..  Neets and I have an identical system now. It works and works well.... As far as BDSM goes in your OP, that has nothing to do with open relationships and in fact I'll bet that on a comparative population basis and leaving out poly relationships, there are more open relationships in the non  BDSM or Kink (ie vanilla) world than there are in the BDSM or kink one. 



SultryMomma -> RE: open relationships (12/10/2008 7:34:00 AM)

All I can say is wow. I have never seen anyone so jaded in an opinion. Let me just say, my husband and I have been together since 1989, married since 1994. We have two great kids, a house, pets (furry kinds, LOL). We have had a BDSM relationship now for about 12 years. In those 12 years, only about 5 of them have been open. Since having an open relationship, we have a more loving, caring, nurturing, happy relationship. We are so much more in love now because communication is wide open and we share everything thats going on with each other, whether it's physical or emotional.

Kris



RainydayNE -> RE: open relationships (12/10/2008 7:38:06 AM)

eh, poly/open people say that mono people are selfish all the time and nobody busts a gut over it =p

everyone does what's best for them and the world keeps on spinnin', blah blah blah etc etc etc

(regardless of what the board says, this is not in reply to anyone accept the "mood" =p)



MadRabbit -> RE: open relationships (12/10/2008 7:42:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

My take is that we have been around this merry-go-round with you many times before and it would be pointless to get back on it.

I disagree with you and I will leave it at that.

Knight's Kyra


Latex is a lot like Rush Limbaugh to me.

Whenever I encounter either, I just reach over and turn them off.



CatdeMedici -> RE: open relationships (12/10/2008 9:14:49 AM)

I for one am not mature enough to handle an open relationship--I've known it most of My life and I don't even try--I don't have multiple play partners, I don't even interview and engage more than one sub at a time---but that's ME. I also do not cast stones at those who can make it work--I admire them----when it seems to work for the reasons that all parties feel they need ( they are obviously in many ways more secure and more emotionally balanced than I am---I guess.) However, what I don't cotton to is when it is used for all the wrong reasons--as IB mentioned, everyone has to be onboard, in agreement, happy and peaceful with it--otherwise it is damn detrimental to people, kids, etc-( and yes the same can be said of monag too)---the net is, we cannot say what's right for someone else--all we can do is find peace in the path WE choose to follow and make sure when we choose, we choose wisely.



MistressDolly -> RE: open relationships (12/10/2008 9:22:09 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

open bdsm relationships

Do they really work or is it some excuse not to commit to anything is it a form of being selfish or to open. after all ds suppose to be a higher form of trust. if your other is doing everything and kitchen sing and your ok with it what does it say about your values or take on things. do you not like to commit kinda of like congress lol

I think open relationships are where people just give up and are tired of being treaded on by bad people so they just give in kinda like the sheep to wolves t hing
whats your take



If I had a male lover I was sexually bored with or somewhat indifferent to, or a male whom I was just not that into, I could see myself wanting
more, someone else to fill the hole...the hole of my not-so-satisfied heart and soul that is, you perverts. ;)

I have never found myself wanting another male sexually when I already had one pleasing me in this way, as I wait until I find a male who I am very much engaged with mentally and physically. If the chemistry isn't in all the right places (sexually, emotionally, intellectually, etc.,) I just don't bother at all. Given this, it is easy to see why I also tend to stay satisfied with one (1).




RainydayNE -> RE: open relationships (12/10/2008 9:29:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDolly


I have never found myself wanting another male sexually when I already had one pleasing me in this way, as I wait until I find a male who I am very much engaged with mentally and physically. If the chemistry isn't in all the right places (sexually, emotionally, intellectually, etc.,) I just don't bother at all. Given this, it is easy to see why I also tend to stay satisfied with one (1).




i can agree with this. i just don't feel like i need more than 1 person.
i dont think being mono has anything to do with some perceived "insecurity," or "immaturity," or "selfishness" or "fear."
alot of people are ticked off with latex for his opinion, but people make equally negative assements of why some people prefer monogamy.



beargonewild -> RE: open relationships (12/10/2008 10:04:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: utopicus

I really don't appreciate the "open relationship" thing; it's possible that you are right in saying that some are terrified to commit, whilst others are just sick and tired to be let down... I believe that the stronger the bond get between partners the further they grow in their practice (if BDSM is a practice...).
To have intimate encounters with somebody you don't share any emotion with is a bit...promiscuous... Call me an old fashioned boy, that's what I believe. 


Bullshit.



KnightofMists -> RE: open relationships (12/10/2008 10:09:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: utopicus
To have intimate encounters with somebody you don't share any emotion with is a bit...promiscuous... Call me an old fashioned boy, that's what I believe. 


you say that like promiscuous is a bad thing!  tell me it isn't so sam!



Lashra -> RE: open relationships (12/10/2008 10:31:50 AM)

I think whatever works for the relationship. Needs, wants and desires change over the years and if people still have a good foundation and do not want to loose that then why not be open as long as everyone is in agreement. Personally I see nothing wrong with it at all and I think it is a shame that open relationships have become some demonized by some people. I guess it is just lack of understanding.

~Lashra



bdaile -> RE: open relationships (12/10/2008 10:36:36 AM)

I don't think there's anything wrong with an open relationship so long as everyone involved wants it. Personally, I would never do it. I know that I'm a jealous kind of person, and no way would I be okay with my Man playing on the side. That's just me though...for some people it works, for some it doesn't. Everyone is entitled to live their own life without being judged.

Brittany



WinsomeDefiance -> RE: open relationships (12/10/2008 10:45:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

open bdsm relationships

Do they really work or is it some excuse not to commit to anything is it a form of being selfish or to open. after all ds suppose to be a higher form of trust. if your other is doing everything and kitchen sing and your ok with it what does it say about your values or take on things. do you not like to commit kinda of like congress lol

I think open relationships are where people just give up and are tired of being treaded on by bad people so they just give in kinda like the sheep to wolves t hing
whats your take


Hi Latexbaby,

Yes, open relationships can work.  Here's the thing.  Insecurity and fear of commitment/betrayal can be the motivating definer in any relationship, no matter how it is structured. 

I have a monogomous nature, in that I am quite content with one person.  I have no drive to actively go out and seek anyone else to compliment my contentment.  However, I thrive in an open relationship, because it simply isn't an issue for me either way.  I'm happy with one person, but that doesn't limit my capacity to love others, or to open my heart or my home or my relationship to them.  I'm not settling, nor have I 'given up' and resigned myself to the horrors of bringing home sexy little sluts as christmas presents for the one I care about - just to see their face light up as they unwrap their gift.  

Your mileage may vary, but in my opinion, you need a tune up.

WinD



oceanwynds -> RE: open relationships (12/10/2008 10:56:19 AM)

My brain is thinking, so bare with me.

Wonder when a person, like the OP, posts something that he has posted before, or so it seems from what the thread indicates, if he is just doing it to see a reaction out of people? Sometimes I wonder if this is done in regards to other threads, as if they just sit back and watch people get ticked off.  Could this be known as another form of sadist behavior? Writing a post and sitting back and watch the reactions?
Anyways just my brain trying to understand reactions to posts at times. Oh, and yes i too have reacted before too, in different posts.
oceanwynds



techbondage -> RE: open relationships (12/10/2008 11:00:32 AM)

I think the Key to an open or any relationship at that is making sure all needs are met. If this does not happen it will not work. Sometimes this is how open relationships start is the need to open to get other needs fulfilled. As long as there in no neglect for the others needs it should work out.



AquaticSub -> RE: open relationships (12/10/2008 11:04:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RainydayNE

alot of people are ticked off with latex for his opinion, but people make equally negative assements of why some people prefer monogamy.


And if they make a post, I (for one) will be happy to correct them as well. While I do feel that such a harsh view regarding open relationships often comes from a place of insecurity or inabililty to trust one's partners, an equally harsh view of monogamy is no better. Though I would guess that a person looking down on monogamy is attempting to give themselves false airs.

It's about what works for the people involved.



IronBear -> RE: open relationships (12/10/2008 1:43:04 PM)

I suspect that it isn't so mujch that Latexbaby was comme nting against open relationships, but rather the manner in which he do so using sweeping statements which he has a long reputation of doing as well as taking the stance that those who disagree with him are automatically wrong... There is a bad way to make a comment and there is a more acceptable way to do so like saying you believe in xyz but that is your opinion and thus respecting the factg that others may disagree with you.  Anywauy that's my take on the OP which is why I bothered to make any reply at all.. 



denika -> RE: open relationships (12/10/2008 3:07:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

open bdsm relationships

Do they really work or is it some excuse not to commit to anything is it a form of being selfish or to open. after all ds suppose to be a higher form of trust. if your other is doing everything and kitchen sing and your ok with it what does it say about your values or take on things. do you not like to commit kinda of like congress lol

I think open relationships are where people just give up and are tired of being treaded on by bad people so they just give in kinda like the sheep to wolves t hing
whats your take



You sound like you've had a bad experience here. I was in an open marriage for 18 years, yes we are seperated but not for any reason to do with being open but with distance and he is still one of my dearest and treasured friends.   If the open relationship you were in failed you might want to look at why you were in one to begin with, it really isn't for everyone.  At this point in my life I am in a closed poly relationship,Wolf's wife has her own partner as well so she and him are in an open/poly arrangment  but not swingers ;) yes there is a diffrence :).
Rob and I chose to be open from the moment we started living together, our choices were mainly from the fact we are both bisexual and that is definatly a need and desire each one of us could not fulfill for the other and his sex drive was much higher than mind, we set up paramaters that worked for us and it did just that it worked. but again that was  what worked for that specific relationship. The relationship I am in now I am fulfilled with my family, I have no needs or desires that aren't being met, pretty much beyond my own wildest expectations[:D] that would  have me needing or wanting to look any further than my own home.

I hope somewhere along the line you get to see the positive side of things.

Wolf's denika



smilezz -> RE: open relationships (12/10/2008 3:18:41 PM)

quote:

you say that like promiscuous is a bad thing!  tell me it isn't so sam!


Of course you know that made me quivah! *grinz*

-smilezz-



KnightofMists -> RE: open relationships (12/10/2008 4:19:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: smilezz
Of course you know that made me quivah! *grinz*


oh how I love to make a lovely woman quivah... again.... and again.... and again.... oh yeah... and again!!!



LadyPact -> RE: open relationships (12/10/2008 5:43:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

BRAVO M'Lady! Bravo!!!

Takes off my fedora and bows slightly to her in a courtly manner.


Thank you very much, IronBear.  I appreciate that.

I'm a little lost in this "lack of rules" concept that seems to have started.  I know for us, before we even involved other people, we came up with what we've always called the "house rules."  That was our way of defining what each of us was comfortable with in regards to the other's outside relationships.  When we did involve other people, we re-examined them, kept what worked and changed what didn't.  When circumstances changed, we did it again.   I highly doubt we have the last revision, but what we have works pretty well.




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