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Daily Rituals of Submission? - 12/9/2008 6:26:34 PM   
CaraCaeth


Posts: 24
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline 		Master has recently told me He wants to incorporate something into O/our daily routine to help ground me and help to remind me of my place.  A huge problem i have is that in my job i'm in charge and sometimes it's difficult for me to make a smooth transition into submission when i get home.  i realize that having something - almost like a daily ritual - will help me to decompress.  i was wondering if any other subs/slaves could give me some ideas of something similar you might do.

_____________________________

property of Master Brenin
There can be a true grandeur in any degree of submissiveness, because it springs from loyalty to the laws and to an oath, and not from baseness of soul. - Simone Weil (1910-1943, French Philosopher, Mystic)
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RE: Daily Rituals of Submission? - 12/9/2008 6:33:09 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		Meditate and eat a little chocolate. 

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(in reply to CaraCaeth)
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RE: Daily Rituals of Submission? - 12/9/2008 6:39:23 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Do you commute?  That's a great place to go from "I need to be in charge in this way" into "I need to be in charge that way"

Subs are often put in charge of things, just not the ultimate authority.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Aileen1968)
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RE: Daily Rituals of Submission? - 12/10/2008 9:03:53 PM   
saratoga41


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/25/2005
Status: offline 		I've written a number of posts about this on my blog, found at http/ondominance.blogspot.com.

Among those I have found, as a male submissive, most effective, are: stripping naked upon entering my Mistress' home; kissing her boots/feet at each meeting in one of our homes, when others are not present; daily prescribed communications; being prohibited to sit on furniture in her presence, until she allows it.

-saratoga

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Daily Rituals of Submission? - 12/10/2008 9:23:31 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Third person speech, vigilantly enforced.  It's very hard to say something like "This bitch thinks you should go fuck yourself...sir."

(in reply to saratoga41)
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RE: Daily Rituals of Submission? - 12/10/2008 9:34:56 PM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline 		Have you asked for your Dom's input? He should know which specific acts He finds bothersome, and perhaps then, together you could come up with reflective solutions to specific problems. 

One very simple thing i have found helpful are essays...perhaps if he finds something problematic, you should explore possible causes, and  solutions in writing.  Getting feelings out on paper can be helpful to you both. 

Sometimes, Sir reminds me quietly, but firmly that i am repeating a certain act He finds bothersome...after a couple of these "reminders", it's up to me to stop the behavior altogether, or discuss it with Him, and have the problem dealt with.  The desire to avoid having Him fix the problem seems to keep me on my toes.

As far as daily rituals go, i'm ok with rituals....but i think fixing problems is the way to go.  Rituals can't mask something that is truly wrong or harmful to a relationship's dynamic.

< Message edited by lronitulstahp -- 12/10/2008 9:37:18 PM >

_____________________________

Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

(in reply to CaraCaeth)
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RE: Daily Rituals of Submission? - 12/10/2008 11:08:24 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		Fast Reply:

Cara I had the same problem for awhile. You're switched onto being the boss at work, come home and your mind is still there. Best idea I can offer you is to ask your master to deal with it...otherwise you still be in charge

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to lronitulstahp)
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RE: Daily Rituals of Submission? - 12/11/2008 5:26:49 AM   
FlamingRedhead


Posts: 451
Joined: 3/4/2007
From: Georgia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CaraCaeth

Master has recently told me He wants to incorporate something into O/our daily routine to help ground me and help to remind me of my place.  A huge problem i have is that in my job i'm in charge and sometimes it's difficult for me to make a smooth transition into submission when i get home.  i realize that having something - almost like a daily ritual - will help me to decompress.  i was wondering if any other subs/slaves could give me some ideas of something similar you might do.


Umm....maybe I'm missing something here....but isn't it HIS job to put you in your place or teach you a daily ritual he would like you to do for him?  I thought that's why it's called "training."

_____________________________

I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
Or the sound you make
With every breath you take
It's unlike anything
When you're loving me

(in reply to CaraCaeth)
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RE: Daily Rituals of Submission? - 12/11/2008 6:35:27 AM   
suessub


Posts: 71
Joined: 1/18/2008
Status: offline 		We start our day with me applying hand-scented lotion for Domina after her shower. She wakes up early enough to give us ~15 minutes for this. I also think she likes waking me up to do it, given she knows I love to sleep in. I must take my time, waiting for her to let me to move from one part of her body to the next. She sets the pace. She starts my day by asserting her control over me. She also enjoys how the daily body worship continually re-awakes my desire for her, only frustrating this chaste slave.

Then the rest of the house starts to awaken and the vanilla world demands of our live take our attention. But we have all day this connection from the morning. She will msg me during the day letting me know how much she enjoys how she smells. I will let her know how I long to be next to her again. And this helps as we make our separate ways through our oh so professional work days.

Maybe if morning time is not good for you two, you can find a similar service you can perform for your Master when you first arrive home in the evening. A type of body worship he enjoys, something you must slow down to do and something he can command you through. It might be hard at first to create the time for it. It took us a week or so to get this morning routine to work. But it may be what you need.

_____________________________

"Cause people often talk about being scared of change
But for me I'm more afraid of things staying the same
Cause the game is never won by standing in any one place for too long "
- Nick Cave

(in reply to CaraCaeth)
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RE: Daily Rituals of Submission? - 12/11/2008 6:38:44 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Umm....maybe I'm missing something here....but isn't it HIS job to put you in your place or teach you a daily ritual he would like you to do for him?  I thought that's why it's called "training."

Not necessarily. Some would prefer that the submissive know already...it's the concept of 'tell them once; they remember'. Unfortunatly, not everyone is able to switch into this mindset when coming from a demanding job in which they have spent the day giving the orders themselves, instead of vice versa.

In regards to the op....I would have to ask first, what kind of daily life you have with your owner before I could possibly give advice on how to change it.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


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RE: Daily Rituals of Submission? - 12/11/2008 6:53:42 AM   
suessub


Posts: 71
Joined: 1/18/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FlamingRedhead
Umm....maybe I'm missing something here....but isn't it HIS job to put you in your place or teach you a daily ritual he would like you to do for him?  I thought that's why it's called "training."

I think you might be missing something too . Regardless of whether it is vanilla, D/s or M/s, both partners in a relationship have to take active responsibility to setting up and maintaining it. That means when the submissive identifies a problem, as CaraCaeth has done here, she would do her and her Master a disservice not to work at finding a solution.

I sometimes think there is an online misconception that in a M/s relationship, the slave gets to live only in the moment and under complete control of all-knowing and powerful Master. All problems that arise will be seen by the Master and s/he will know the solution. The slave need only worry over the Master's needs and commands. In the world I am in, not so much. Ok, maybe on holidays when family is not around or if we can get away for a weekend (BR08!). But for the long term health of any relationship, both parties must be active in monitoring and maintaining it. Each will bring a different set of skills and experiences and relationships need all of it. Bring all to bare when needed and the problems can be dealt with quickly and correctly. Thus allowing for as much playtime as possible! And that is what it is all about right? (Individual interpretations of playtime may vary...)

</rank>

_____________________________

"Cause people often talk about being scared of change
But for me I'm more afraid of things staying the same
Cause the game is never won by standing in any one place for too long "
- Nick Cave

(in reply to FlamingRedhead)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Daily Rituals of Submission? - 12/11/2008 6:57:07 AM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline 		I have really never gotten this attitude that a D/s relationship is one in wich with one (or both, if you listen to enough of this stupidity) don't have to work on the relationship because there is a power exchange in place to take care of all of that.
There is nothing wrong with a submissive presenting suggested rituals. Rituals are supposed to work for BOTH people. Her Master wants her to have a ritual because of something SHE needs - therefore, the ritual must work for HER. having her suggest some sounds like a good way to encourage the communication that will help foster that.
Turning to other people in the community to ask 'what do you do' is a valid way to get your mind thinking through options. Maybe someone makes the PERFECT suggestion. But, if not, your mind is now traveling the right road, and you find it on your own.
We do many things. I recite the Kijaran creed twice a day. I find sitting at his feet very centering, just being able to be there and be silent. In fact, I find silence helpful. in former relationships, the dog training command 'down' has worked wonderfully for me, becuase it means I must be on the floor, at his feet - or at least at where his feet were when he gave the order - i must be silent and not move. It is very centering. kneeling, undressing when you come in the door and putting on your cuffs, kissing his feet, are all things that I find helpful and meaningful.
GL

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to IrishMist)
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RE: Daily Rituals of Submission? - 12/11/2008 7:23:56 AM   
FlamingRedhead


Posts: 451
Joined: 3/4/2007
From: Georgia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

Not necessarily. Some would prefer that the submissive know already...it's the concept of 'tell them once; they remember'. Unfortunatly, not everyone is able to switch into this mindset when coming from a demanding job in which they have spent the day giving the orders themselves, instead of vice versa.



I suppose it would be nice if everyone was able to change something about themselves simply because they were told to once.  It would make the master's job practically nonexistant.

_____________________________

I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
Or the sound you make
With every breath you take
It's unlike anything
When you're loving me

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Daily Rituals of Submission? - 12/11/2008 7:29:42 AM   
FlamingRedhead


Posts: 451
Joined: 3/4/2007
From: Georgia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: suessub

I think you might be missing something too . Regardless of whether it is vanilla, D/s or M/s, both partners in a relationship have to take active responsibility to setting up and maintaining it. That means when the submissive identifies a problem, as CaraCaeth has done here, she would do her and her Master a disservice not to work at finding a solution.



I'm perfectly aware that it take 2 to tango, but it appears to me that she is on her own with this problem since she's asking a bunch of strangers what to do instead of her "master" trying to find a solution.  He suggested a ritual....why not take it all the way and actually give her one himself?  He supposedly knows her better than anyone.

_____________________________

I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
Or the sound you make
With every breath you take
It's unlike anything
When you're loving me

(in reply to suessub)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Daily Rituals of Submission? - 12/11/2008 7:31:18 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FlamingRedhead

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

Not necessarily. Some would prefer that the submissive know already...it's the concept of 'tell them once; they remember'. Unfortunatly, not everyone is able to switch into this mindset when coming from a demanding job in which they have spent the day giving the orders themselves, instead of vice versa.



I suppose it would be nice if everyone was able to change something about themselves simply because they were told to once.  It would make the master's job practically nonexistant.

Yes, it would be nice. Unfortunatly, you have missed the exact point of what I was trying to say.

She asked a simple question of 'how do I go from being dominant in the workplace to being submissive in the home". For many, it's not something that is easy to do; to switch on and off in that manner. Just because she is submissive does not mean that she can do it in a heart beat...it has nothing to do with training by the owner. Only she can place herself in the mindset that she wants to have when she walks through her door at home.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to FlamingRedhead)
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RE: Daily Rituals of Submission? - 12/11/2008 7:48:57 AM   
FlamingRedhead


Posts: 451
Joined: 3/4/2007
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		Yes, I know not everyone can turn it off and on like a switch.  Many of us need to be INSPIRED by a strong man....a certain look....a sharp word....whatever floats your boat.  Most of us can go from 0 to bitch in 5 seconds, and it's hard to make a U-turn alone.  He needs to help her steer by taking the reins.
 
*wanders off to smoke and meditate on her own snarkiness this morning regarding supposed "masters"*

_____________________________

I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
Or the sound you make
With every breath you take
It's unlike anything
When you're loving me

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Daily Rituals of Submission? - 12/11/2008 7:55:45 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Many of us need to be INSPIRED by a strong man....

and it's very presumptious of you to infer that her owner is weak. I guess not everyone has your winning streak in choosing owners, huh?

Each to their own.



_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to FlamingRedhead)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Daily Rituals of Submission? - 12/11/2008 8:04:30 AM   
manxcat


Posts: 673
Joined: 10/3/2008
Status: offline 		The main problem is mindset.  As someone who occasionally suffers from 'broken record syndrome' where you keep repeating some event or conversation, i can understand the difficulty in changing modes. To transfer from being the boss, to being able to fully submissive can be tricky, especially after a highly charged, productive day.  To try and change ones thinking can seem nearly impossible.  It is akin to getting a song stuck in your head.
There were several excellent ideas given - some form of body worship upon entering his presence, stripping down etc, and using the commute time.  In regard to the last, you can program an ipod to play something - either music-something that always penetrates your conciousness no matter what is happening, or a recording of your dom's voice, something that triggers your submissive response.   Even your own voice, narrating a particularly pleasant memory of your play/submission is a possibility.  Once your attention has been grabbed, you may find it easier to direct your thoughts.  Instead of rehashing the day in your mind or setting up tomorrow work actions, relive something that sends you into submission, and that may be some sort of negative experience, instead of positive, for you.
Sugar, about an hour or two before you would get home can 'crash' you.  If you are not driving on your commute, you can also close your eyes and send messages to each part of your body, relaxing it.  (This also helps when sleep is elusive and is a form of meditation, as was also mentioned.)  It also may take a combination of things, or trying different methods til you find the one(s) that work for you.  Best of luck.


manxy

_______________
I would rather be vilified for doing the right thing than be praised for doing the wrong thing.

(in reply to FlamingRedhead)
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RE: Daily Rituals of Submission? - 12/11/2008 8:05:11 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FlamingRedhead

quote:

ORIGINAL: suessub

I think you might be missing something too . Regardless of whether it is vanilla, D/s or M/s, both partners in a relationship have to take active responsibility to setting up and maintaining it. That means when the submissive identifies a problem, as CaraCaeth has done here, she would do her and her Master a disservice not to work at finding a solution.



I'm perfectly aware that it take 2 to tango, but it appears to me that she is on her own with this problem since she's asking a bunch of strangers what to do instead of her "master" trying to find a solution.  He suggested a ritual....why not take it all the way and actually give her one himself?  He supposedly knows her better than anyone.


She isn't asking us what she or her master should do.  She is asking what other submissives do as rituals.  It's actually an interesting question.  Nor has she said her master is not going to assign her rituals of his own creation to do.  She has simply said he thinks they would be good for her.  We have no idea where they have gone from there.  Perhaps it just opened her mind to the notion of rituals and she was wondering what - if any - others do.

To Cara:  I had a set of rituals with my former owner.  Like you, I had a position at work in which I needed to be in charge and hold my own, amongst a midst of managers and executives.  Every night before bed time, I was to spend at least 10 minutes naked in front of my mirror, and contemplate my life, my position as his slave, and how I could draw from that position and strength to empower me in other areas of my life.  I was also to journal my thoughts and feelings about my life and slavery that day, and I had a set of meditational sentences related to my slavery to him, that I was to focus on. 

It was about a half hour process each night before bed, and it settled me and grounded me from the day's activities. If your master is giving you the autonomy to create rituals that will benefit you, I recommend journaling and meditation.  With meditational sentences, you can repeat them in your head throughout the day when the world is spinning around you, and you can repeat them on your drive home for work to shift your mind back to where you want it.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to FlamingRedhead)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Daily Rituals of Submission? - 12/11/2008 9:33:37 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		I suggest the following depending on who gets home first:

Get out of your work clothes
Get into something sexy that still allows you to make dinner, etc.
Lay out a collar and cuffs / jewelry /or whatever symbolizes your submission in a specified place on a nice cloth on a low table where you can kneel next to
Prepare his favorite drink, place it on a tray next to the collar and cuffs/jewelry, etc.
Kneel and await his pleasure...meditate a little and use the time to calm your mind.

He comes home/in from work or wherever he has been...

Go through a ritual of either submissive speech where you greet him and serve him his drink
He puts you in the collar and cuffs/jewelry, etc.
You retire to the couch where you engage in conversation for a few minutes
Your evening proceeds...

Hope that helps. 



< Message edited by OttersSwim -- 12/11/2008 9:34:36 AM >

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to CaraCaeth)
Profile   Post #: 20
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