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RE: Do you ever have doubts about your submissiveness? - 12/10/2008 1:39:11 PM

tightropes

Posts: 17
Joined: 7/31/2004
Status: offline

Yes, I have had doubts about my submissiveness over the years. Part of the issue goes back to defining terms — submissive, slave, bottom, masochist — but I have no interest in going there.

I have a very strong personality and in everyday affairs I'm hardly submissive at all. And, as has been said of many male submissives or those men who believe they are submissive, après orgasm I often do not feel submissive at all (which is why I am very receptive to chastity controls). But otherwise, particularly when the erotic mood or frame of mind comes knocking (and I don't mean 'sexual' here), I yearn to be captured, controlled, dominated and induced to surrender, which I readily do, and I find myself quite submissive, compliant, obedient and ready to serve.

Go figure.

(in reply to belovedfairy)

Post #: 21

RE: Do you ever have doubts about your submissiveness? - 12/10/2008 5:15:14 PM

opposingtwilight

Posts: 684
Joined: 6/13/2008
Status: offline

I don't know if I would say that I doubt my submissiveness though I will confess to being in a period of my life where I do not feel particularly submissive at all.

The last five years were spent in a pretty heavy relationship. Total power exchange. No sex. It was intense and it was all encompassing and then it was over. Just like that.

The first 6 weeks or so I felt totally lost. I had all these submissive feelings and no outlet for them. It was extremely difficult and confusing. Then it hit me; I really -like- having choices and making decisions and doing things my own way. Some people now claim that I have an attitude. Maybe I do. Or maybe I am just learning how to assert myself.

I feel pretty strongly that given the right set of circumstances and the right relationship, I could find all those submissive feelings again and even if I don't, I'm still a pretty cool person to know so I am not terribly worried about it.

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(in reply to tightropes)

Post #: 22

RE: Do you ever have doubts about your submissiveness? - 12/10/2008 5:45:05 PM

oceanwynds

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

Yes, I have had doubts basically in the beginning. There are still times when I will say to myself, what the blankety, blank are you doing? Thank goodness that isn't as frequent anymore. I not like some here that knew I was submissive. I am not like some that don't question it. In the beginning there were a few subs/slaves that i envy and wished i could be more like, example beth of Mercnbeth,and the dark, and a few others, but it isn't me. I learned to be me and by being true to myself, i finding an awesome submissive within.

There is so much to learn here as well as other places. Be willing to explore but not compare yourself to anyone else.

Oh, one thing when I do have doubts, or had in the past, I have noticed it was usually due to a growing spell within me. I learned to now cherish those times.

blessings
oceanwynds

(in reply to opposingtwilight)

Post #: 23

RE: Do you ever have doubts about your submissiveness? - 12/10/2008 6:47:12 PM

califsue

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline

I have over the years had doubts about it and why I have experiemented on/off for the
past 10 yrs or more.
However, finding a partner, taking it 24/7 and such is a different ball of wax.

(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 24

RE: Do you ever have doubts about your submissiveness? - 12/10/2008 6:48:47 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

No. I never have doubts about my submission. I know it takes a very strong and determined and disiplined man to bring it out in me, and if you're not he, then you're not getting it. Plain and simple.

quote:

ORIGINAL: belovedfairy

I was just wondering...esp if new and have never been owned; but I would also like to hear from those who ARE owned and long in the lifestyle...

(in reply to belovedfairy)

Post #: 25

RE: Do you ever have doubts about your submissiveness? - 12/10/2008 8:29:27 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

< big grin > Knowing it and seeing it are 2 different things; I think I may have to proclaim that you are my hero! :> Yup, I do: Leadership is my hero!

Anyway, to the OP's question: I've noticed that the more abandoned or threatened I feel, the more I sacrifice my submission and my more dominant traits come to the fore. It seems like a very survival-oriented trait and as I have noticed it more and more of late it displeases me but I see it for what it is and it has great purpose. Does that make me doubt my submission one bit: no, not at all. If anything, it makes me more certain of it and more sure that there is a visceral knowing about its manifestation.
Davan

< Message edited by DavanKael -- 12/10/2008 8:33:22 PM >

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(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 26

RE: Do you ever have doubts about your submissiveness? - 12/15/2008 8:57:42 PM

boytoyinatlanta

Posts: 75
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline

i don't doubt my ability to bottom but i do doubt my ability to behave like a submissive all the time

(in reply to VampiresLair)

Post #: 27

RE: Do you ever have doubts about your submissiveness? - 12/15/2008 10:32:45 PM

porcelain26

Posts: 181
Joined: 11/16/2007
Status: offline

I don't doubt that I am submissive, nor do I doubt my ability to be a good submissive. However, I have on several occassions doubted my participation in this lifestyle.
I've doubted the kind of relationship I wanted and I've doubted my relationship with my Owner (have ran from Him on several occassions), but I've never questioned my submission. I've known since I was little (we're talking 3 or 4 years old), that I wanted to be in a 'traditional' relationship in terms of gender roles. When I got older and learned some nifty new terms, I realized that I wanted to be in a relationship with a man who was dominant. But the ways I've wanted that relationship expressed have definately changed over time - grown, developed, evolved, and been rethought more times than I can count.

There are still times when I question what I want and how I want to get it, how I want to express it, etc....but the one constant in regards to all of this is that I know I will never be happy in any relationship that doesn't involve me being submissive to Him (whoever He is).

(in reply to boytoyinatlanta)

Post #: 28

RE: Do you ever have doubts about your submissiveness? - 12/15/2008 10:42:55 PM

NormalOutside

Posts: 622
Joined: 1/8/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: belovedfairy
I was just wondering...esp if new and have never been owned; but I would also like to hear from those who ARE owned and long in the lifestyle...

I have doubts about my "dominance" sometimes, but then I just think.... what am I doubting? Am I doubting my ability to fit into some description of what a dominant person is? Is that description accurate? Who is the ideal dominant person? Am I trying to put myself into a mold I don't fit in?

Just be yourself. It's a cliche, but think about it, and do it. You're already fine, however you are. Don't worry about the submissive label - you could ask 100 people and get 90 or more different definitions. You're you, the end. When looking for a relationship, tell and show the other person who you are, rather than trying to label it. Labelling yourself in two or three words is impossible, and only useful for forms, like when filling out your profile here on CM. I put "male" and "dominant" and "heterosexual" because they're the closest to describing me that the form allowed. But there are thousands of profiles with those exact labels attached, and none of them are me.

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(in reply to belovedfairy)

Post #: 29

RE: Do you ever have doubts about your submissiveness? - 12/16/2008 5:17:52 AM

redsorebum

Posts: 7
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline

Yep I definitely doubt that I am genuinely submissive. I fantasize about being a sub, but I not sure about the reality of it. That's why I just here to perve the profiles and generally get my rocks off. I not looking for a relationship.

(in reply to belovedfairy)

Post #: 30

RE: Do you ever have doubts about your submissiveness? - 12/16/2008 6:33:44 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: belovedfairy

I was just wondering...esp if new and have never been owned; but I would also like to hear from those who ARE owned and long in the lifestyle...

I have done before i realised that it doesnt actually matter 'what' i am. I dont have to be submissive I just have to be whatever makes me happy. Once i realised that I stopped stressing so much.

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(in reply to belovedfairy)

Post #: 31

RE: Do you ever have doubts about your submissiveness? - 12/16/2008 6:55:26 AM

greeneyedreamer

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline

Well, being submissive explained a lot of things in my own life and why I would follow when maybe I shouldn't have. Now that I know, I am more aware of it and can take a deep breath and do what is sane. lol And question it? Sure, but when you are at peace with yourself, the questioning starts to go away.

Dreamer

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Post #: 32

RE: Do you ever have doubts about your submissiveness? - 12/16/2008 10:28:34 AM

MissEnchanted

Posts: 510
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WalterRego

Sometimes I question whether the things I have done or ways I have acted are consistent with being submissive. I know I am happiest in a submissive position, that I like someone else in charge, that I like rules and being held to them. I know that I get satisfaction pleasing others and am a happier and "better" person in that state. But then I act in ways which make me think my lack of humility, or sense of self importance and ego are in conflict with those needs. At those times I have doubts about my submissiveness.

It is normal to have some doubts in life. We are human after all...

Doubts are just opportunities for growth, or for change which is basically the same thing. imo.

(in reply to WalterRego)

Post #: 33

RE: Do you ever have doubts about your submissiveness? - 12/16/2008 12:01:57 PM

Chgolostnlooking

Posts: 46
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline

Yes, I doubt my submissiveness all the time. My day job requires me to be aggressive and sometimes very aggressive - when I was with my Ex it was hard sometimes to switch gears. When I had a long weekend or a vacation, relaxing into submissiveness was much, much easier.

However, if I walked away from it I know there'll be a part of me that will never, ever be satisfied.

(in reply to MissEnchanted)

Post #: 34

RE: Do you ever have doubts about your submissiveness? - 12/16/2008 12:20:29 PM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

I'm not sure I ever doubted that I was submissive, my doubts and misgivings when I was say between 16 - 24 were whether or not I should accept them and act on them. I knew I wanted to be in a relationship where I was dominated, but I felt those urges and desires were somehow wrong and my mind was wired backwards.

Took me a while of flipping back and forth to finally accept myself and fully persue the relationship i wanted and needed

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Post #: 35

RE: Do you ever have doubts about your submissiveness? - 12/16/2008 12:47:15 PM

sexisubi

Posts: 373
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline

i was with a dom once that said i was not submissive, because i didn't always do what was asked... or do it correctly when it was my first time doing it... i didnt know what to do... eventually it got to the point i told him it wasnt working and met my current Master.

what i learned from that relationship is it takes two, i dont doubt my submissiveness, i do thing there are good Dom/mes for me and there are Dom/mes who are better for others. i also would not consider myself hard to handle lol, but i would concider compadablity to be importent!

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(in reply to belovedfairy)

Post #: 36

RE: Do you ever have doubts about your submissiveness? - 12/16/2008 12:51:11 PM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexisubi

i was with a dom once that said i was not submissive, because i didn't always do what was asked... or do it correctly when it was my first time doing it... i didnt know what to do... eventually it got to the point i told him it wasnt working and met my current Master.

what i learned from that relationship is it takes two, i dont doubt my submissiveness, i do thing there are good Dom/mes for me and there are Dom/mes who are better for others. i also would not consider myself hard to handle lol, but i would concider compadablity to be importent!

Thats so true, often we seem to forget the importance of compatability and when in a relationship feel bad or get negative feelings towards our partner rather than just accepting that they arent right for us. I dunno why stuff like that just walks out the door, its baffling.

_____________________________

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There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to sexisubi)

Post #: 37

RE: Do you ever have doubts about your submissiveness? - 12/16/2008 1:23:40 PM

firiskyone

Posts: 1
Joined: 12/5/2008
Status: offline

Ask yourself:

Do I feel the need to control?
Do I feel the need to lose control to another?

For me, I never feel anything by being in control of another, To make them do, feel see things as I allow and what order.

Now to be controlled does it for me, I like to do know another is in control.

When I thought things as this is was because I was trying to bend my likes and iggy my needs to fit another, = not the right dom for me, nothing wrong with him just not what I could grow with.

For me I needed to find that dom that fit me, as in anything if you meat eater and mate is veggie the two will never dine well together.

Maybe as I found out, it's not a question of am I submissive but ask what it is you need in the D/s Dynamic to make you feel content in the relationship you have within yourself.

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 38

RE: Do you ever have doubts about your submissiveness? - 12/16/2008 2:07:59 PM

hejira92

Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline

As I over analyze everything, I have thought about this. After all, I've been in high-stress sales, I now run a classroom full of teens, I will often take over organizational meetings just by force of personality. And I'm a pretty good top, if I do say so myself. When I bring up my thoughts on this to Master, His response is to laugh aloud. He says I'm a "natural"- and I know people here could debate what that means forever..

I've found that how I relate to the rest of the world isn't the same as where I am comfortable in a relationship dynamic. Sometimes I think I could be vanilla in the bedroom, as long as there was power exchange in the overall dynamic. (But I sure would miss the hot sex.....lol.)

Being in a long-term BDSM relationship has actually made me LESS submissive in the outside world. I submit only to Him. That may be why I sometimes ask this question..... I don't FEEL submissive when we are not together.

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(in reply to firiskyone)

Post #: 39

RE: Do you ever have doubts about your submissiveness? - 12/16/2008 2:09:27 PM

BRNaughtyAngel

Posts: 1821
Status: offline

Once I finally realized, accepted and nurtured who and what I am, I never have doubts.

I sometimes wish I had been hit by the "get a clue" bus a long time ago, but better late than never.

(in reply to firiskyone)

Post #: 40

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