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RE: Judgmental/ Biased? - 12/12/2008 1:21:48 PM   
NextDoorMan


Posts: 15
Joined: 8/3/2008
Status: offline 		Being judgemental is human nature.  Judging people is not.  I think there is a difference.  On the matter of respect, I don't feel that you have to respect someone to treat them with respect.

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RE: Judgmental/ Biased? - 12/12/2008 1:59:39 PM   
trealeon


Posts: 180
Joined: 4/7/2007
Status: offline 		Lockit, I can tell right now this is going to be another one of those questions you ask that is going to go on and on and on and on and on... forever...  You just love doing that don't you!

I can't say that I'm not judgmental, but the beauty of these message boards is that I have time to read, think, and respond carefully whenever I post or reply to a post. I strive not to be judgmental. I have a specific set of values that I personally adhere to but those values include not forcing my values on others! Doesn't mean I don't slip up but that's my goal.

I tend to stay clear of things that I find to not be my taste, as far as commenting on them, because telling the poster who wants to know more about "X" that "I'm not into  X and you're stupid for wanting to do it" isn't really helping them, and is just inviting someone's wrath upon me... and really, I have enough real life wrath to deal with, I'm not inviting any online wrath.

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RE: Judgmental/ Biased? - 12/12/2008 2:07:41 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		The negative portrayal of judgment and bias is from the same crowd that wants to eliminate keeping score in games, or grading papers with red pens.  Wrong answers aren't any more correct because they're marked in fuscia, one team still outscored the other, and humans are still judgmental and biased. 
 
I don't know how a sizeable percentage of the population swallowed the crazy notion that there's something wrong with being judgmental or biased, or that *they* aren't judgmental or biased (wait, give me a moment to stop laughing at them).  It ranks right up there with rainbows, teddybears and unicorns. 
 
Honestly, there are times when I seriously question the mental stability of some people.
 
John

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RE: Judgmental/ Biased? - 12/12/2008 2:41:30 PM   
Lockit


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Status: offline 		I love all the different responses and the many good points!  Thank you!  I knew there would be some good stuff and I thought it might be a decent topic to explore.  Being who I am, the snarly or tough love, say it like I see it person... I do have to keep a watch on myself sometimes.

You all are great!

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RE: Judgmental/ Biased? - 12/12/2008 2:49:33 PM   
OrionTheWolf


Posts: 7803
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		Damn right I am judgemental, it is the only way to determine value. It can be open for discussion, but the person better have a good opening statement, as my judgements are based from my code which I live by. No need for me to justify anything to anyone, but if approached correctly I have no problem explaining it.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

So my questions are:  Are you judgmental and if you are, are you open for discussion with other’s about it?  Do you justify your judgment or bias somehow?  What do you think of it all?  And lastly, my question about accepting any kink or choice people make in the area of bdsm.


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RE: Judgmental/ Biased? - 12/12/2008 3:24:07 PM   
MistressDolly


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quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf

Damn right I am judgemental, it is the only way to determine value. It can be open for discussion, but the person better have a good opening statement, as my judgements are based from my code which I live by. No need for me to justify anything to anyone, but if approached correctly I have no problem explaining it.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

So my questions are:  Are you judgmental and if you are, are you open for discussion with other’s about it?  Do you justify your judgment or bias somehow?  What do you think of it all?  And lastly, my question about accepting any kink or choice people make in the area of bdsm.



Yes. The distinction, I feel, lies in the motivation and intent behind the judging.  We all assess but when one assess people and things without having enough information, or out of hostile condemnation, or to level the other down in an upmanship game, etc, it somehow turns the assessment into something else.

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RE: Judgmental/ Biased? - 12/12/2008 3:26:13 PM   
lally3


Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		ive probably got this completely wrong , but i really try hard not to get judgemental when i give an opinion.  i see someones words infront of me as just that, words - they may or may not be fully reflective of the person behind them, they may or may not be a true depiction of how they meant the words to come out.  it may just be the moment theyre in, the mood that has taken them for that time and it isnt all that easy to convey what youre thinking.  sometimes judgements have completely de-railed a perfectly good discussion, possibly due only to the semantics employed.

having said that, i do get a little judgemental on some topics - largely because i feel that this is an important portal for newbies and misrepresentation of certain topics like the complicated dynamic of punishment and consensual abuse could lead a fantasy fuelled newbie into dangerous waters.

thats not to say i advocate policing what is written ever, not ever, ever ever, please dont think that, im just saying that i will, more often than not take up a judgemental stance over those sort of topics if i feel theyre wrapped up in a way that could be misleading to a newbie.

there was one of those not long ago and in amongst the thread i noticed a newbie enthralled by the whole notion of getting herself beaten into submission - not healthy in my view and so i got judgemental.  fine for fantasy, fine for the people who get off on that topic and indulge, not fine for a newbie still on the fantasy page of her own little epic journey.  so there you go, me being judgemental ... for instance... lol!!!!

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RE: Judgmental/ Biased? - 12/12/2008 3:38:18 PM   
trealeon


Posts: 180
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3
there was one of those not long ago and in amongst the thread i noticed a newbie enthralled by the whole notion of getting herself beaten into submission - not healthy in my view and so i got judgemental.  fine for fantasy, fine for the people who get off on that topic and indulge, not fine for a newbie still on the fantasy page of her own little epic journey.  so there you go, me being judgemental ... for instance... lol!!!!


See I don't see it as "judgmental" to say in that example. "hey, that may not be healthy, here are the reasons why." I remember that post and I also see your point that others read these boards and the questions and could be steered in the wrong direction or think "everyone must be the way person X is" so you want to put out there that "hey, everyone is not the way this person is and you don't have to be or be afraid that you have to accept this particular kink in order to enjoy your own kinks." That all makes complete sense.

You can not agree with a person and not be rude, dismissive, condescending, or in general a "jerk" in your response. You can have a different opinion and express it without making another poster feel like an idiot for writing what they wrote. I see that kind of reaction a lot.

(I'm not saying you do that lally3, just using what you said as a jumping off point for a thought process).

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RE: Judgmental/ Biased? - 12/12/2008 3:46:32 PM   
CatdeMedici


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quote:

ORIGINAL: NextDoorMan

Being judgemental is human nature.  Judging people is not.  I think there is a difference.  On the matter of respect, I don't feel that you have to respect someone to treat them with respect.


How can one be judgemental and not end  up judging people in that?

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RE: Judgmental/ Biased? - 12/12/2008 7:32:45 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I judge people. We all do. It's human nature and it's how we choose anything in life. It's not a bad thing imo. Otherwise if you weren't judgemental you'd have a very difficult time going through life trying to make decisions and you'd pick just anyone to be your friend or partner because really..anyone would do.

I admit I'm not the most open minded person either. Open your mind too much and your brain tends to fall out. There comes a time when you really have to be more selective.

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RE: Judgmental/ Biased? - 12/12/2008 9:11:46 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well I'm late to the party on this one, but I'll throw my hat in-

As long as they stick to these two things:

1)  Do not generalize your judgements- own them for yourself, do not suggest X is gross for everyone just because you judge it wrong for you
2) Always be open to new information and experiences to change your mind.  You may never actually change your mind, but if you're open to the POSSIBILITY, then you're covered

Judge away!

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RE: Judgmental/ Biased? - 12/12/2008 9:29:21 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
So my questions are: Are you judgmental and if you are, are you open for discussion with other’s about it? Do you justify your judgment or bias somehow? What do you think of it all? And lastly, my question about accepting any kink or choice people make in the area of bdsm.


I think eveyone is judgemental to some point. It seem to be the nature of human kind. I try not to be but I do find my self being judgemental with newbies. But as far as BDSM goes and what others do, I really try not too. Take SCAT for instance. I have no desire for it and do not understand why others do it. But that being said there are a group of people who do it. I have no right to judge them. As I hope people will not judge my fetish. And to be honest and open I am into latex encasements/mummifications that last from 24 to 36 hours. Not enough time or space to explain why in this thread but I do have my reasons.

For the filip side. I have read many of your posts Lockit. I have to say you seem to give a honest opinion without passing judgement others. So Kudos for the question

< Message edited by mummyman321 -- 12/12/2008 9:49:42 PM >

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RE: Judgmental/ Biased? - 12/13/2008 2:44:13 AM   
NextDoorMan


Posts: 15
Joined: 8/3/2008
Status: offline 		I see being judgmental as a judgement in you mind, it's something you are thinking, but when you judge someone you are imposing your view/bias on them.

Many times when we judge someone what we are actually doing is recruiting more people to join us in our bias.  I gain no strength in my bias by having others join me, and winning the numbers game.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
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RE: Judgmental/ Biased? - 12/13/2008 3:45:04 AM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		I'm incredibly judgemental. It's actually one of the traits listed in the acronym of the personality profile I score for.

But I'm rarely ever biased. I have this annoying ability to see a situation from every angle which tends to lead me to be sort of a nihilism.

I don't just make one judgement. I usually make several and then go with the one that seems most accurate to me.

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RE: Judgmental/ Biased? - 12/13/2008 4:48:05 AM   
lally3


Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		been thinking about this .... - i think im confusing making a judgement over something, which of course i do, but i attempt not to be judgemental (not always successfully)

if i feel judgemental about something i try to keep quiete (not always successful)

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RE: Judgmental/ Biased? - 12/13/2008 6:03:35 AM   
IrishMist


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This is out of pure curiosity and nothing else. It’s not aimed at anyone in particular, just a collection of my thoughts from all the responses here.

I guess I am having a hard time understanding why some think that being judgmental is a bad thing? I just don’t get it.

Judging a person does not mean condemning them. Nor does it mean that the person who makes the judgment is a bad person. It simply means that you have some pre-conceived ideas about something/someone that have either never been challenged or that have stood the test of time, so to speak.

It’s not a bad thing. Really.

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RE: Judgmental/ Biased? - 12/13/2008 6:08:54 AM   
RedMagic1


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Joined: 5/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
I guess I am having a hard time understanding why some think that being judgmental is a bad thing? I just don’t get it.

Judging a person does not mean condemning them.

I agree with you..... buttttttttt.... there's a good example going on right now of a thread that started out as a simple request for advice and turned into the fat-girls-are-worthless thread from hell.  And the man singlehandedly responsible for this charming metamorphosis would say that he was just stating facts, not condemning anyone.  Making judgements is important.  Informing people of those judgements... it depends.


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RE: Judgmental/ Biased? - 12/13/2008 6:12:40 AM   
IrishMist


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quote:

Informing people of those judgements... it depends.

Ahh..ok, now I know where my own confusion to the answers is coming from.

Most are not referring to the actual 'making of judgments', just to the voicing of them?

That makes all the answers less confuzzling

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RE: Judgmental/ Biased? - 12/13/2008 6:15:25 AM   
Rover


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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

I guess I am having a hard time understanding why some think that being judgmental is a bad thing? I just don’t get it.


I'm with you, Mist.  I want to judge someone honest before I give them money.  I want to judge someone safe before I entrust them with someone or somthing I care for.  I want to judge them pleasant before I commit to spending a week on vacation with them.  I want to judge them credible before I buy a ticket to hear them speak.  I want to judge them talented before attending their concert. 
 
And all those judgments are based upon my own personal biases.
 
The only thing I can figure is that the "politically correct" crowd simply does not want people to be judged on the basis of what they *do*.  Doing so absolves them of any pressure to conform to societal norms in the misguided theory that no one should feel bad for the choices they make in life... that choices are neither right or wrong, or good or bad... or that choices have no consequences.
 
Seems rather unrealistic to me.
 
John

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RE: Judgmental/ Biased? - 12/13/2008 6:20:53 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		Its the closed minded judging and condemning that I am opposed to. Like I should live my life and make my decisions according to what you think is right. If you ask my opinion, I will give it but what I am opposed to is when someone thinks they are superior to me and therefore questions everything I do. But I am the one that will tell that person to bugger off.

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